Here
I stand head in hand
Turn my face to the wall…
The pain was blinding. Later I'll chalk it up to food poisoning, but at that moment I knew it was be because I was making the biggest mistake of my life. Letting Jack drive away, watching his taillights fade into the distance. I should have called out to him, screamed for him to wait, take me with him. But my voice refused to work. As usual.
When's he's gone I can't go on…
Feeling two feet small…
I watched him until he became only a speck in my side view mirror. I wanted to turn back to the mountain where there was no Alma in November or the pressing need for money. Just the two of us, it's all we needed. But I restrained myself; I let him believe that it was just a summer thing. He'd be back next year and we could have our mountain again.
Everywhere people stare
Each and everyday…
I can feel them laugh at me
And I hear them say…
Paranoia was closing in fast. Everyone in Riverton knew-- they had to. They saw it in the way we looked at each other, the way we spoke. They watched us, waited for us to slip up so they could prosecute us.
"Do you ever feel like everyone knows? Like they look at you and they know?"
"Maybe you jus need to get outta Riverton." Jack said matter-of-factly.
"And go where Jack?"
"Texas."
Hey! You've got to hide your love away!
Hey! You've got to hide your love away!
I could hear hope in Ennis' voice, even if his words were bitter and cruel. Even as he blustered on about his family and job, I knew that wasn't his true fear. Ennis would forever be scarred by those two ranchers, the one's his father showed him as an example.
How can I even try
I can ever win
Hearing them, seeing them
In the state I'm in…
The faces, that's all I can remember after hanging up the phone. They knew, they all knew and were happy. The sinners were punished and all could go back to normal. It didn't mater that my heart was shattered and irreparable. I thought we'd been careful. We met in the wilderness, away from the disapproving glare of society. But they still got us; they still hurt us for something they could never understand.
Gather 'round all you clowns let me hear you say…
The pain was blinding. The tire iron was bought down over and over, blood flying everywhere. Even over my screams I could hear the words.
"Fucking faggot, this is what happens to your kind…" As the metal cracked my skull like an egg.
Maybe Ennis was right about men together. It had to be wrong to carry this type of punishment. But in my last moments, while my windpipe filled with blood I realized my pain wasn't my wounds. It was because my last words to Ennis were in anger.
As darkness overtook me, I tried to tell him. Tried to say I loved him.
Hey! You've got to hide your love away!
