A/N: Here it is at last! This chapter is probably my proudest achievement so far! I certainly hope I did good and that you'll like it. Ever since I started writing Unbound, I was eagerly awaiting to write this one (I had this chapter in my head since the start) and oh boy, was it so fun to write it.
Brace yourselves for the darkest chapter yet!
Chapter 24 – Annabel
The cell seemed warmer than it should have been. Ben wondered if it was because of the pain he felt in his hands. It was dark, yes. The warm orange light of the torch embedded in the wall came through the old iron bars, but the other half of the cell was still in the dark. It was also humid, which could be expected due to the rain that was constantly falling. And there were rats, more than usual for one dungeon.
When he was brought there a few days ago, Ben noticed that his fingers were wrapped in bandages, in the place where his nails used to be before Annabel tore them off. Any touch with his fingers caused agony that he could barely bear. Remembering what he survived, he tried not to cry. At least I didn't speak. I will never tell them! Never!
He constantly remembered the angelic appearance of Annabel, seemingly only a girl dressed in white, pale as milk. Every angel could become a demon. He tried hard to remember that. Ben vaguely remembered her gentle touch and tender eyes, which totally contrasted her deeds, the sadistic torture he would remember for the rest of his life. When will it end?, he wondered more often than he liked to admit to himself.
Ben was guarded by two jailers. One was broad and stocky, with broad shoulders and huge strong fists. He wore a leather jacket and once a day brought Ben oatmeal. Sometimes he would sweeten it with honey or pour some milk into it. The other jailer was older, hunched over and yellowish, with unwashed hair and a disheveled face. He wore a similar jacket as his comrade. It suited him badly, because the jacket was too short and too wide. He brought Ben plates of meat and potatoes, and sometimes fish soup.
The man in the dungeon was tormented by loneliness, but Ben did not suffer from a lack of human voices. The prisoner in the cell next to his did not speak often, that Ben thought he was not there most of the time, since he showed no signs of his presence.
Is he with Annabel?, he found himself wondering. What did she do to him when he talked about her like that? "Ain't she magnificent" he said.
One night, as he was finishing dinner, Ben felt a strange shiver run through him. He looked through the bars and saw her standing in bright white clothes, eyes dim and gray like the autumn sun.
"Annabel." he said with peace he did not feel.
"Bennie." she replied, just as calmly, as if they had met on the steps or in the yard, so they exchanged polite greetings. As if nothing had happened. "Are you okay, Bennie?"
A shiver ran through him, and for a moment he forgot about the pain in his fingers. "Better than before."
"Did you miss me?" she giggled.
He pushed back the bowl and stood up. "You came to torture me again?"
Her strange gray eyes studied him through the bars. She seemed surprisingly calm, which was the complete opposite of her hyperactive behavior in the room of black and white.
"This is a terrible place. Dark and pagan." she raised her hand to the torch that hung from the wall. "This torch is all that stands between you and the darkness, my dear Ben. This fire. Should I put it out?"
"No." he headed for the bars. "Don't do that." He knew that he couldn't take it, to be in complete darkness on a moonless night, where rats would be his only company. Not after everything.
Her lips curled into a smile. "When we play again, you won't be in the dark. I'm your friend, Bennie."
Maybe he should have went along with it, but he couldn't resist the urge. "You're a psychopath, a lunatic!"
"Is brave Ben afraid of an ordinary girl half his height?" Annabel approached, grabbing the hem of his shirt through the bars, her eyes widening. "Whenever you're scared, count from one to ten."
"Stay away from me!" Ben backed away from her. "I never want to see you again, leave me alone." But he knew that she would not leave him alone, that his time with her had just begun. Unless he somehow escaped this damn place, there was no salvation for him.
Annabel sighed, "As you wish, Bennie. You hurt me with your cruel words, and I'm really starting to think you're very special."
Special? Why me?
She disappeared with a smile, in the whirlwind of her white dress. Only her scent remained, and so did the torch. Ben dropped to the floor of the cell and hugged his knees. The flickering light of the torch shone on him. When Annabel's footsteps fell silent, all that was left was the sound of rats running. That and the voice from the next cell.
"She never leaves the room of black and white. Never!" his neighbor cellmate hissed. "What does she see in you when she comes all the way here? Tell me what!"
This place is full of lunatics, it went through his mind when he looked up and stared at the torch. He looked at it for a long time, without blinking, watching the flames change and flicker. Blinded by fire and fatigue, he curled up in the corner of the cell and fell asleep. Three days later, Oatmeal came twice, and Fish Soup three times - Ben heard voices in front of the cell. He immediately rose to a sitting position, his back against the wall. A female figure appeared in front of the bars, darker and taller, which meant it wasn't Annabel. When he recognized Abby, Ben felt a hint of relief. The older girl watched him with a dark face, but there was no evil on it.
"Annabel." Abby whispered. "Did she...?"
Ben nodded absently and lifted his bandaged fingers, which had already turned yellow after a few days. "Yes, she did what you think."
"My God. Just so you know, I have never agreed with this. I talked to Isaac, but he's determined. No one agrees with this except a few."
"Let me guess, Connor and his pals?"
She nodded. "Annabel is crazy. No one understands Isaac, why he's keeping her alive. She's one of the Seraphites."
"Seraphites? Fancy name for Scars." he smiled sarcastically.
"Yeah, well... it doesn't matter. Can you tell me... what did she do to you?"
Ben looked down at his bandaged fingers. One hurt him more than the others, the one he broke when he was tied to a horse while Connor dragged him through the dust. He didn't like to remember the hell he survived with Annabel, but he was afraid it was just the beginning.
"She tore off my nails, one by one. She was looking for a location, she wanted me to tell her where the refugees were hiding."
"Did you tell her?"
"No."
She sighed wearily, "Tell her."
"I won't."
"Why? She will torture you until you die, are you aware of that?"
"I don't care. I'll never tell her."
She watched him in silence for a while. He couldn't see her face well, but she was frowning.
"I'm tired of all this. Exhausted. I tried so hard to atone for my sins. I saved people's lives, I didn't kill unless I really had to. I wanted to give refugees hope for a normal life. They're just ordinary people, Abby. You have to understand why I won't betray them."
She was just silently looking at him.
"I've never been their leader, or at least, I've never seen myself that way. But without me, they're not organized, they don't have anyone to guide them. None of them are strong enough to make difficult decisions. They need someone to lead them."
"What do you mean?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
He raised his head and looked her straight in the eye. "I still remember seeing you with that Scar boy. Lev, right?"
She nodded, approaching the bars to hear him better, his whispers.
"Is he alive?"
"Yes."
"Where is he?"
"In a safe place, with his sister."
Short silence.
"You're not a bad person, Abby."
"What do you want to say?"
"Leave this place. Go somewhere where you will live a normal life. Everyone knows the rumors about Santa Barbara. Maybe they're not just rumors."
"Why do you care about me and my friends? We are your enemies."
He sighed sadly, remembering his father, and the way he lived his life. "I don't like having enemies. I don't like violence, I don't like death. If I tell you where the refugees are, will you take them to safety?"
Her eyes wide, she stepped back, jaw dropped in shock. "What-what are you talking about?" she whispered to him, looking left and right to see if any guard was there. "Why me?"
"I've been thinking about it for a while… I saw you with that Scar kid, you're different from other Wolves." he whispered back to her.
She approached the bars again, "Is this because of the girl who killed my friends? You want me to leave her alone?"
"Yes… and no." he gasped as he leaned against the wall in a more comfortable position. "She means a lot to me, and the refugees deserve a new life."
Abby sighed and turned her back to him, leaning against the bars. "I have to admit, I want to leave Seattle, and I am not the only one, even among WLF." Slight pause. "Perhaps… I don't know. I have to think about it."
"Okay."
"Okay." She replied and glanced over her shoulder at him before walking away, disappearing in the distance as her footsteps echoed through the corridors.
x
The room of black and white was the same. He was in the same position, seated and chained in the lone chair the same way. After he woke up, Ben realized he had been drugged yet again. Heartbeats intensified when his vision cleared, and he noticed Annabel crouching in front of him, hugging her knees, looking straight into his face from below.
"Morning, Bennie!" she exclaimed. "How are you? Did you sleep well?"
Ben gritted his teeth. No, not again. Not again!
"Oh, did you have nightmares? Don't make that face, you make me all sad." she said kindly and rose back to her feet to hug him. Annabel grabbed his chin and turned his head upwards, and the two stared right into each other's eyes. Her gray eyes radiated with unknown cold and horror that crept inside him.
"Oh boy, you need a shave!" She said after a slight pause, razor flashing in her right hand. Shaving kit as well as the bowl with water was placed on the small cart next to the chair. Ben couldn't move his head to see it clearly, but he managed to notice with his peripheral vision. "Don't worry, it won't hurt, I promise."
Ben could feel the sweat drenching his skin, the throbbing of his own eyes, the ringing screams vibrating in his ears, and the thumping of his heart against his chest. Ben's fingers, which had just recently began to heal, curled into a fist, tips digging into his palm, painful once again. He couldn't hear his rapid breathing, but he could feel the oxygen flooding in and out of his lungs. Hesitantly, his eyes looked down, noticing the razor that approached his neck. Fear tortured his guts, churning his stomach in tense cramps. Is she going to kill me? Fear engulfed his conscience, knocking all other thoughts aside. Fear overwhelmed his body, making it drastically exhausted.
He twitched when she began shaving his beard, and she cut him on the upper lip, cutting an inch above the lip.
"No, Bennie!" she shouted at him. "Look at what you've done! Your face… you bad, bad boy."
Annabel took the rag from the cart and placed it on his lip until bleeding stopped, soaking cloth in red. Ben didn't even feel the burn because of the adrenaline pumping through his veins. He couldn't mask his fear. Not this time.
When she was done, she clapped her hands happily and giggled, "We're done, Bennie! You look so beautiful now."
Everything about Annabel was odd. Her milky look, body language and, most of all, the frequent change of her mood. From calm to excited, happy to sad, angry, confused and so on. She was unpredictable, and Ben feared he'd say something which would force her to inflict even greater suffering upon him.
"Let's see now." she said, absent-minded as she began unwrapping the bandages. The skin was smooth once again when she took the yellow bandages off, and fresh nails grew out, though a half inch shorter. "Yay, Bennie! Your nails! Look!"
He didn't want to look. He didn't want to do anything she said. Just let me go. JUST LET ME GO!
She leaned towards him and kissed him on the forehead. "Okay now, how about you tell me about the refugees, hmm?"
Ben looked away, gritting his teeth, preparing himself for the hours of suffering.
"Please, Bennie?"
"No!" he screamed, but didn't dare to look at her.
Annabel hugged him once again. Evil, madness, it all radiated out of her and Ben soaked in all of it. He shivered at her touch, felt the cold in him. It was as if she had no soul, as if she was not alive. His head was leaning against her tiny chest, and he couldn't even hear her heartbeats. What is she?!
"Okay, you don't have to tell me." she said as if she was going to cry, but then, her face cheered up and grin appeared on her face. "On the bright side, we're going to play!"
With pliers in her right hand, Annabel started the game.
The game seemed to last forever. Each time she'd ask him a question, Ben would remain quiet or say anything except for an answer to her question. After each of her questions, she'd rip one of the nails on his hand once again. Ben hoped he'd get used to the pain, but oh boy, he was so wrong. The pain was even worse. He squirmed. He screamed. He cried.
"Where are they, Bennie?"
"I'll never tell you!"
Ripping. Scream.
"I will be veeeery angry, Bennie!"
"I don't care!"
Tearing. Scream.
"I know it hurts, but just stay strong, my dear."
"One, two, three, four, five…"
She was done with both of his hands when he got to ten. Then she moved onto his feet. The way she ripped off the toenails, it was done with such grace and ease as if she was tearing apart a piece of paper.
"One, two, three.. Four, five, six.."
Pain became the only thing that reminded him that he was still alive. He became one with pain.
"Don't stop counting, Bennie! Out loud!"
Though the purpose of those instructions confused him at first, Ben realized the task was meant to force him to retain consciousness as much as possible. And he clung to those numbers.
Annabel seemed to enjoy herself, exclaiming and singing, laughing happily. She enjoyed it the next time he was brought to her, and the time after that. Ben lost count on how many nights he spent with her. Annabel would always greet him with "Good morning." but he could swear it was night outside when the Wolves would take him. Isaac would escort Ben himself. After the usual "good morning" she'd proceed to shave his beard before starting the game. Others seemed to avoid the place, as they seemed to avoid talking about Annabel altogether. Everyone knew the atrocities that happened in the room of black and white. And they didn't do anything about it, since Annabel was Isaac's best inquisitor. She'd break anyone. It was just a matter of time. Just a matter of time before her toys would singing. It was just a matter of time before Ben would break down.
After each "session" with her, he'd be put in the cell for about a week until his wounds healed as much as possible, after which they'd take him to her again. Each time, Ben would cling to a string of hope. After a while, he stopped hoping altogether. Hope only brought disappointment.
First signs of winter appeared outside. The white blanket had already covered the tops of the taller hills, and it was just a matter of time until the whiteness covered the rest of Earth as well. Abby visited him several times, but he was almost never in the mood for company. He fought the inner demons that plagued his mind, his sanity. But now, she stood in front of his cell once again. She couldn't see him, as he hid himself in the shadows of the cell.
Ben sat leaned on the wall, his fingers and toes wrapped in bandages, as was his shoulder, his hip, and thighs. Annabel played with him as if he was a toy, whose purpose was only to satisfy her lunacy.
"Oh my god." Abby sighed when she lit the cell with the flashlight, covering her mouth.
Ben raised his head, glancing at her. He couldn't find a comfortable position. His body hurt, hurt so much. But not his face. She never touched his face. He had to remain beautiful. Both on the inside and the outside. The rest of the body… he didn't even want to look at or think about it.
"I'm so sorry." she said, gripping the bars. "What has she done to you?"
"She used me… for her twisted pleasures." he whispered, memories coming back. Memories that haunted him. Memories that would haunt him till the rest of his life.
"Can I do something to help you?"
"No." he whispered, feeling empty inside. Feeling like it, but he wasn't. "Refugees…"
"Where are they?" she asked.
"Aquarium. They're at aquarium." You stupid idiot! She didn't agree yet! What if she tells the others now…? Oh Ben, you stupid fool!
Long silence followed. Abby looked away. He could only hope for the best now. "Aquarium… Owen took me there. It feels like an eternity ago."
"Did you love him?"
"Yes."
Ben felt the sting of guilt once again, but then realized that the feeling of guilt never really left him.
"That sucks." He said.
"Yeah, it does."
Another moment of silence.
"She must be really special to you." Abby said, though with a small dose of spite in her voice. Ben didn't have to ask to know who she was talking about. "You came all this way for her. You're her lover?"
"No."
"Do you love her?"
"You have no idea. Fun fact, she's a lesbian."
Abby laughed, "Oh, man. You're unlucky."
"Tell me about it."
Look at that, two former enemies joking with each other, and at what circumstances. How strange is that?
"Aquarium…" Abby said absently, "I haven't been there since you… since you killed Owen."
I killed him. I ended human life. Many lives. There is no forgiveness for that, no matter what I do. I can't repent for my sins.
"I don't know if I can forgive you for that." she continued, her voice trembling. "But… you're a good guy, Ben."
Ben looked up, through the window into the night of the full moon. Bright disk was visible on the cloudless sky.
"I'll take them to Santa Barbara." Abby declared.
He smiled, for the first time in weeks. Long ago had he accepted the fact that it was his end. Escape, it was impossible. He'd remain there until the day he dies. But at least something came out of it.
"Thank you."
"What should I say to them?" Abby said.
Ben still glanced at the moon. "Tell them the night of the white wolf had come. They'll understand what it means."
It was the code they used for the moment of departure from Seattle. He never told anyone why he exactly chose the white wolf for the code. Only he knew why. Abby nodded and turned to walk off, but stopped and glanced at him over her shoulder. "I'm sorry I couldn't help you." After that, she was gone at last.
"Just go. Give them peaceful life in this wicked world." he whispered and closed his eyes. I hope I didn't make a mistake. I haven't, I know it. Abby will help them. She's a good person. He never blamed her for not helping him. She must have had her reasons. Ben killed her lover, for start. Perhaps the security was too tight. I guess I'll never know. He remembered all the faces of people he saved, their gratitude when he offered them a chance for a new life. Ben smiled, his father would be proud of him. I hope you're watching. Father, Tom. We'll see each other soon.
x
The game never stopped. Annabel enjoyed it, each time even more. The clatter of the chains distracted his thoughts when he sought to escape into them, to shield himself from the pain that hurt him so much already. To save himself from the inbounding insanity.
"One… two… three… four…" he counted as Annabel enjoyed herself, indulging in her twisted games and pleasures. He had learned to expect pain each time she'd widen her eyes. It was some weird habit of hers. She'd tear off his nails over and over again, draw shapes in his skin with her knife, and skin tiny slits of flesh. His memory was blurry, and there were even worse things.
"Bennie, how do you think I came to enjoy hurting others?" Annabel asked, wiping the blood off her pliers, finishing the nail business once again. "Do you want to know? Hey! Wake up."
She slapped him and Ben came back to his senses, into the physical realm of pain and suffering. "Yeah, I want to know." He uttered, his voice becoming a barely audible whisper.
"Back before I became Annabel you know and love, before I was cast out by my dead mother and all that, I was just a simple child. But I still loved playing games, so I guess I am actually not that different from before." She giggled at her own insane humor. "Well then, I had a friend. His name I can't tell you, sorry, personal reasons, sue me. He had a white cat. A really cute cat, the cutest! One day I was playing with it and the cat scratched me! Can you imagine, it scratched me on my arm! So, while he wasn't looking, I snatched the cat and took it to the beach. And then we played for sooo long. It was a really messy game. Cat died really quick, sadly, but I continued to play with it. Each time after that, I'd try to improve myself. The point of this game, my beloved Bennie, is to stay alive as long as possible. Sane, too! You've learned two things now! How I became the way I am and the rules of this game. We learn something new every day, how incredible, wouldn't you say?"
He just looked at her, dazed, his eyes half closed.
"And to imagine that my mother said I had a few loose screws in my head. Horrible mother, she was. Horrible! She never loved me, but you do? Right, Bennie?"
She knelt next to him, grabbing his face with her both hands. "You love me?"
He blinked, but she obviously took that as yes and kissed him. Kissed him! Eyes widened, Ben didn't have any strength to resist. In some odd way, he didn't want to. First kiss… am I losing my mind?
Then she kissed him again and backed away to pick something up from the cart. When she turned to face him once again, she held the large pincers in her hand, and a crazy grin adorned her face. "Let's play, my love!"
Ben looked down when she grabbed the ring finger of his right with the pincers. Dull tool was cold to touch.
"This is my favorite part." She said and played. His throat was throbbing with pain, he felt it tightening a long time ago. Yet he screamed, the loudest he could when Annabel snapped the finger in half.
The game continued on and on. After so long, Ben began thinking he couldn't feel pain anymore. Annabel stopped asking questions. She was just playing, and Ben couldn't remember why she stopped asking. Did I answer her questions? Or does she do all of this just because of a whim?
Yet, he was reminded of pain each time he'd spend a night with her in the room of black and white that seemingly changed shapes. What felt like pain was the human part of him that still remembered that he was a human. Faced head on, the agony was enough to drive him insane.
Humans are this weak.
They stopped bringing him to his cell, and he always remained in the room of black and white. She shaved him regularly, to keep his face beautiful. She would feed him and wait for the injured areas to recover. Then, when everything was healed, she'd start over again in a constant cycle.
"One…"
"Two…"
"Three…"
"Four…"
"Five…"
As his fingers and toes, limbs and the other parts of his body healed over and over and over and over again, every single time, Ben got the feeling that he truly, truly, truly was a monster.
"Beenniiiiieeee! Oh, I want to have you so much! I want to kill you, to kill you, kill you, kill you, kill you, kill you! Why can't I just kill you already? No, no, I mustn't. It's so much fun, and the old man Isaac wants me to… AAARGH… I can't. But I want you inside me soooo much! I want to eat you, to devour you! You're so perfect!"
She'd go on, never stopping, each time enjoying it even and even more.
"Please! Have mercy!" he tried, he really tried. "Please stop! I don't wan't… Please, I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't!"
From far away came the sound of someone's laughter.
It was him.
If I just went mad like this, how beautiful would it be?
"Kill me… Please kill me…"
Everyone's face floated through Ben's mind. Everyone's at St. Louis. His family and friends that he left. Everyone's in Jackson. Jesse and Dina. Ellie.
I wonder if Ellie is all right… I hope so… If she weren't… I'd be worried.
"Is it raining, Ben?"
Tom, I haven't seen him in a while… I wonder if he's doing okay.
"Cowards are cruel, but the brave show mercy." His father told him once. "Let your mercy embrace everything. Only then you'll be above this wicked world."
Father… I wonder if… I grew up into the person you hoped I'd become. I saved people. I let my mercy prevail.
"God, that's boring!"
Wha… who…?
He looked around himself. It wasn't Annabel. She wasn't there. The voice wasn't female, but neither was it male.
Who could it be other than Annabel?
He tried to move, but Ben was still chained in that chair. When he looked around, he wasn't in the room of black in white. Instead, around him was a grass field, so green and bright, like Heaven. Am I dead? Am I finally dead? The place was peaceful, and the harmony ruled inside. It was a sunlit day of late spring, and the sky held a soft blue glow. Trees stood tall and green, and the golden fields of wheat spread downhill. Mountains of various heights span in the horizon. It felt like the world Ben always imagined to live in. The world so different from the world that was real. It felt like home.
"Go! Don't look back! RUN!" father said in that factory, on that day, as he held the door for the three of them to escape. He was bitten on the arm. "Just go already!"
Father? No…
Ben never saw his father rest. He was a doctor in St. Louis. A hard-working man who saved many lives. He did his job with a smile.
"I'm fine." He'd say every time they asked him. His children. Tom was too young to understand. He was crying often because father wasn't home much. He'd say it every time he came home, smiling at his kids in his white doctor's coat as a stethoscope hung around his neck. His beard, a shade darker than his blonde hair, was always trimmed short and neat.
And then what? He died!
Why did he die?
He was bitten.
Oh right, he was.
Father, why did you leave us?
Three siblings then came to Jackson. Man named Joel, saved them, gave them food and shelter when they had none. Ben had few friends there, he met a girl named Ellie. They usually talked about trifling things, but…
"Ellie, what's your biggest fear?" he asked her once.
The girl looked at him from her side of the couch, unused to serious topics. Auburn hair was tied into a ponytail behind her head. Freckles covered half of her face and the scar that stretched across her eyebrow couldn't be missed. But her eyes, those bright green eyes, were mesmerized Ben the most.
"I'm scared of ending up alone."
Her fear seemed genuine because of the way she said it. But she wasn't alone, she had Joel, Tommy, his wife, her friends... She had me.
"What about you?" she then asked him.
Ben looked aside, through the window, listening to the drops of rain hitting against the glass.
"I'm scared it'll change me. This world."
"How would it change you?"
He looked at her, and their eyes met. "I don't know. Turn me into something I'm not."
After father died, and then Tom, Ellie really saved him. Ellie was there for him when Tom died, and that lone fact cemented her importance to him. But for some reason, two of them simply grew apart in the days after Tom died. And Ben would never stop regretting those days that were lost. Those of the past and those of the future. Ellie was the girl he loved, the one he'd gladly give his life for. And in a way, he kind of did.
"You must have been really lonely." said that strange voice again. He was back in the place that resembled Heaven.
"I wonder…" he replied, "…I was."
"But you might lose your precious Ellie. And it'll be your fault."
The room of black and white appeared around him once again, and Ben realized he was not dead. Not yet.
"Look at how much fun I'm getting!" Annabel exclaimed and danced, then suddenly stopped, her face taking on a serious expression. "Should I rephrase the questions? Where are the refugees, Bennie?"
Her eyes widened, and he prepared himself for another rush of pain, another voyage through hell. She grabbed his pinky toe with the large pincers, giggling, her eyes ever seeming wider and wider. The white floor around him was stained with blood. The cart was full of dirty, bloody tools, rags and other objects. The two of them were all alone in the room of black and white. In her twisted way, as she said it, Annabel was making love with him. Through torture.
"You're my favorite!" she said countless times. "You're so fun! I love you!"
Why me?
…
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineten.
Onehreesevten.
"Where are the refugees?" she asked after the pinky toe was broken. "Answer me! Answer me! Answer me! Answer me!"
"In the aquarium!" he broke at last "They're in the aquarium!"
Time stopped. Everything froze. There was silence, interrupted by a giggle. Annabel stared at him, her face blank. Ben looked up, his mouth curled upwards into a grin. He was giggling. He couldn't take it anymore. She broke him. She breaks everyone.
I betrayed them. They'll kill them all. She will torture everyone! It's all my fault! Tom!
Blackness. When he opened his eyes, the field of grass illuminated by spring sun was not the room of black and white. It was a different dimension. In his head.
So peaceful. So beautiful.
"Every time." A voice whispered into his ear. "Someone dies because of their lack of ability."
How true.
"In fact, this all happened because you're an ignorant idiot. You got tricked by your father's beliefs, tampered with by the cruel world, and turned into a monster! This is all your fault."
My fault.
"Shut up…"
The voice giggled. Not Annabel's voice, but a strange one, unknown one. "Your daddy's death is your fault too. If you weren't so weak, he wouldn't have to die for you."
"Stop it, leave him out of this."
"If your father loved you, he'd still be with you. Tom as well."
"I..I..I… father…Tom?"
Silence.
"Father! Tom! Why did you leave me?! I'm lonely, I don't want to be alone. I wanted you to live for me! Emily… Ellie… save me! I want you to save me! I hate you all! Help me, Ellie! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"
"Good boy. You see, there is the cost of protecting someone by taking someone else's life. Your daddy didn't have that. That's why he died. Because he was WEAK."
His father. The man who shaped him. The man whose beliefs turned Ben into the man he became, and he lived truly believing in those beliefs. Mercy. Let the mercy embrace everything.
How boring.
First snowflake fell from the sky, landing on his nose.
"Can you forgive people like Annabel?"
"I can't. I can't forgive them."
The air became a frozen laze on his skin, delicate and cold. The sky was washed with gray, watery light. Snow danced in light, a choreographed ballet conducted by the gentle wind. As Ben watched, his eyes grew a bit wider, the green grass became white.
Never forgive them. Never forgive anyone.
"If Washington Liberation Front finds the refugees, they'll kill everyone. Your work will eventually be undone. WLF will gain power and your precious Ellie, your sister Emily and all others will be enslaved or dead too. You know what Isaac's like. You know his ambition."
"I won't let that happen." He was persistent. The snow became so thick that the trees in the distance appeared as lumps in the ground. It was a swirling storm of screaming silver. "Not just WLF. Anyone who takes my place to be, I won't forgive. Everyone who threatens my place in this world."
The voice giggled once again, quoting what Joel Miller said long time ago. "For the sake of good cup of coffee, we pluck out the beans that are trash."
Ben grinned, "To belong means to destroy others."
"You've got it. To have a place of belonging, you have to take it from others." The voice confirmed everything.
From others… I'll take it. I'll make my own world!
The blizzard swallowed his paradise, and all that was warm and bright fell silent.
x
