Liv sits at her kitchen table, nursing a cup of tea with a splash of lemon and honey. It's her favorite beverage of choice in the morning. She's gotta be pushed to the edge to have that cup of coffee. She's been replaying her and Jake's conversation in her head now over and over again. She was consumed by the conversation for a week. She loved her husband….she loves her husband but the cheating hurt. They got married at 27 and have been blissful for 5 years and in misery for one year. She looks down at her phone, it's another text from Jake.
"Good morning my angel," the text reads. She knows he's persistent. He's not going to give up. He was the same way pursuing her when they started dating.
She decides it's better to call him instead, "Good morning," she answers.
"I'm sorry about the other night. I ruined it with my mouth," he answers. "Can we try again, dinner I mean?"
"I don't think I'm ready Jake. I need time. You need to give me that."
"I'm scared to give you time," he answers.
"Why? I don't think you are in the position to make demands of me. You know that right."
"I know but I am afraid to lose you."
"Jake," she sighs.
"You know what I keep thinking about?" He says.
"No, what?"
"Our honeymoon..clothes were optional. We made love all day, drank wine and made love at night."
There's a small smile that flashes her face, "We were in love," she answers.
Jake notices the past tense, that seems to be used quickly. To his dismay, "We are in love. That hasn't changed."
"Jake I need to go. I have clients today. I need to get to work," she answers.
"We are in love," Jake repeats again. "Say it with me Liv."
"Jake, I have to go."
"What about dinner tonight. We can try again. You pick the place. I'll pay and I'll keep my foot out of my mouth."
Olivia contemplates his request. She wants to say no. She wants to not be sucked in to those pretenses and fantasies of what once was. After all she sees those couples every day. They are trying to come back from infidelity. Some do and some don't. What statistic will she fall into. She knows it's entirely up to her. "You pick the place," she concedes.
He holds the phone to his forehead, then speaks into it, "How about Italian?"
"Sounds good," she answers nonchalantly.
"I'll text you the place," he types with excitement that she can feel through the phone and it's almost too much to bear.
"Okay! I gotta go," she says quickly as she hangs up. She blows out a frustrated breath and leaves to get dressed.
Mellie and Fitz have been tiptoeing around each other all week since their last session. They've gone to their separate offices for work and often time so they can work on their homework Olivia gave them. Mellie has been anxious to see what Fitz wrote and Fitz had to think long and hard about Olivia's last words to him, You are only lying to her if you don't love her anymore. That's a question he's been asking himself for a while. There's a knock at his office door.
"Fitz, it's me," Mellie says.
"Come in," he answers.
"Are you ready to go?" Mellie asks.
"I think so. Just give me a minute," he answers.
She closes the door. He grabs his jacket and looks down at his homework. He scans the words again.
Abby and Liv are on the phone between both their breaks. Liv is having a quick lunch before her session with the Grants. Abby is eating and looking over a patient's chart. Whoever would have thought Abby would be a neonatal doctor and that she'd love it as much as she does.
"Is he fucking insane? He can't really expect you to take him back."
"I don't know," Liv shakes her head.
"Of course you know," Abby answers.
"He wants to try again at dinner tonight."
"Why?"
"Because he wants us to talk and I…"
"Listen, I know you blame yourself for some of this, but this is not all your fault. Him putting his dick in someone else's hole is definitely not your fault."
"Do you have to be so graphic?"
Abby laughs, "Well, I just want to make sure I got my point across."
"Trust me, you succeeded."
"But you know what our last fight was about."
"Yeah, I do."
"I am hiding something from my husband. No, I'm not sleeping with someone else. But I have been lying to him. And to some degree that's part of our problem."
"Listen, you are my best friend and you know I support you, no matter what. I am not going to tell you that you are right or wrong."
"Because we both know on this I am wrong Abby."
Abby resolves, "Before he did what he did, I would have told you that you needed to tell him but.."
"Two wrongs don't make a right Abby."
"No it doesn't but cheating on your wife makes you public enemy number 1," she answers.
Liv looks over at her clock. It's almost 3pm. "Listen I have to go, my 3 o'clock is here."
"The Grants…..gawd he's so sexy."
"He's married," Liv says.
"His marriage is on the rocks. That's why they are talking to you. Soon, that fine specimen of a man could be open to the highest bidder."
Liv is caught between her head and her heart at this moment. She can't disagree with Abby and she can't agree with her either. She can't talk about this man this way. She decides to be conservative in her answer, "He is very good looking."
"And don't forget rich, which makes him even sexier."
Liv smiles, saying under her breath, "I wouldn't want him for the money."
"What?" Abby says as she speaks to someone in her office door, "I'll be right there."
"Nothing. I didn't say anything, I have to go." She buzzes in to April, "My 3 o'clock."
"They are here," April answers.
Liv gets up to open the door and she gets a text, La Scarola at 8. She takes a breath, answering, See you at 8.
She opens the door to let the Grants in. "Good afternoon," she says as they come in and take their seats.
"Hello," Mellie says.
"Hello Ms. Pope," Fitz says searingly. She nods in exchange.
"So, let's break the ice. Every time I give a couple this exercise," she says, looking directly at Fitz, "not homework..they get all clammy and nervous because I've asked that you do this away from each other so you don't know what the other will say. I think a genuine reaction from what is said is important to the process."
"What if we say something that the other doesn't want to hear or didn't expect to hear?" Fitz asks.
"That is how I get to study you both. I don't just study what you say or how you say it. I study how you present it and how you react to it."
"So, it is homework."
"Of sorts…," Liv agrees as she taps her pen against her lips. "Who wants to start?"
They both look at each other, not knowing who should initiate. That has been their problem as of late. Who should initiate? "I'll go," Fitz says.
"Okay go ahead," Liv says.
"I was waiting for my lawyer to come out and this young brunette with a great set of legs and a very bubbly laugh walked by me. She smelled of…. I don't remember, it smelled like flowers.."
"It was called Floral Street," Mellie interjects with almost hearts in her eyes.
Fitz momentarily glares at her, "She caught my eye," He shrugs.
"And what were the things that came to mind..the description," Liv asks.
"That she was attractive, bubbly, flirtatious, and a contender."
Both Liv and Mellie look at him curiously. Contender was not the word that Olivia was looking for. Mellie answers, "Were you playing some kind of game?"
"I had dreams. I had goals and I wanted a picture perfect family."
"And you saw that in her right then."
"I saw the potential."
"Did she make you feel something?" Liv asks.
"I don't know what you mean."
"So, you had a mental reaction. Not a physical one."
Fitz contemplates her answer, deciding to give her an answer she's not looking for because his answer is not about Mellie. "No, not a physical one at first. I've pursued women, in the past, because they were hot and my goal was sex. Some men see a woman and want not only the sex but the mind and body that goes along with it. Their mystique is just that intoxicating. The way she may sway her hips or cross her legs or the way an article of clothing hugs every curve of her body. And then she opens her mouth and you realize she's the whole package. Smart, sexy, alluring and challenging."
"So Mellie carried that mystique for you," She asks as the weight of his words make her uncomfortable but yet warm at the same time.
Fitz shakes his head, knowing his answer can hurt her, "No," he closes his eyes because he knows he won't be able to describe it in a way that Mellie won't be upset.
"So, I'm not attractive to you," Mellie says defensively.
"No, that's not what I mean. You were different and different is good."
Liv knows Mellie is the type to stay stuck on words and will get lost in the vernacular of it all, "Mellie, it's important you remember this is about initial can't judge Fitz for that. Why don't you tell me what you thought about Fitz at first?"
"I didn't notice him until he was leaving the office and he stopped right in front of me to ask for a men's bathroom from the receptionist. I just remember thinking, who is this beautiful man? His looks were striking. His height was like a force of nature. And I could imagine running my fingers through his perfectly curly hair. And I remember he smelled of Cool Water..and I just had to know his name." Liv absorbs all of Mellie's words because she can relate. Those were the things that struck her about him upon first sight.
"Did you ask him?" Liv says.
"No, I asked Richard once he left, all his info and hoped he would come again soon."
"So, what words came to mind when you saw him?"
Mellie looks at him like a teenger in love, "Gorgeous, Sexy, Tall, Dateable and…," she stops herself.
"And," Olivia responds.
"I'm embarrassed to say it," Mellie answers. Fitz is very interested in what she has to say.
"You can be completely unabashed here. This is only between the two of you," Liv says.
"And you….."
"No, I want you to be honest. That's what this is all about."
Mellie takes the deepest breath, "I wondered if he was beddable," Mellie finishes.
Liv almost chokes on her own saliva. She clears her throat, "Beddable."
"Yes," Mellie answers, embarrassed by her own revelation. Liv slowly rolls her eyes to Fitz who is ego risen by the words and Liv's reaction. Liv feels like the worst kind of voyeur listening to Mellie confess while she feels like the woman who should confess that thought has briefly crossed her mind. Fitz can tell that Liv is uncomfortable and he believes he knows why.
"Go on," she encourages.
"I wondered what it would be like to be beneath him. To feel the weight of him on me. To feel his skin against mine. I'm a very conservative woman but at the time my hormones were raging."
"And you instantly had a physical attraction," Olivia answers.
"Could you stop smiling?" Mellie says to Fitz.
"I never would have thought that was the first thing to cross your mind."
"Mr. Grant you said yourself that sometimes the physical measurement of a person can be attractive first," Liv reminds him. This is like a 3 way meeting of the mind where only 2 people know what's really happening.
"But I fell in love with all of him," Mellie clarifies.
Liv studies her and studies Fitz's shift in his seat when Mellie says that. "This is is very good. Your next exercise is to talk about the first time you told each other, I love you."
Fitz has a look of instant fear as Mellie says, "I could talk about that now."
"No, I want to go milestone by milestone. You need to get in touch with those feelings to see if it meets what you are feeling now or what you may not feel now."
Mellie looks like she can jump out of her skin and Fitz looks like he wants to crawl in his skin and hide there. Olivia finishes her notes as she crosses her legs in the other direction. Fitz studies every stretch of her smooth brown skin as she motions.
The Grants lift from their seats and start to leave her office. Fitz turns around to Liv. He extends his hand as he waits for her to shake his. She doesn't want to do it. She doesn't want to have a fraction of that curious feeling that his wife felt those years ago, the feel of his skin on hers. Not even the gentle touch of a handshake. He waits patiently as she takes his hand, "Thank you Ms. Pope!"
She doesn't respond. They both have a look in their eye that can't be explained. It's the first time they have shaken hands in the 4 months she's been seeing them. There's a current there that they both feel. She decides to short circuit it. "See you at our next appointment Mr. Grant," as she lets go of his hand.
Mellie has been doing what she always does, planning their next meeting, "Are you ready?"
Fitz looks at Liv, "Yes, I am," he answers and then turns back to Mellie. They begin to walk out as Liv watches. Mellie grabs for his hand as they leave.
Liv looks at April and says, "Don't even say it," as she goes back into her office.
Mellie and Fitz have the longest drive home. Now they are sitting in the garage, both not moving. Mellie is flaring and Fitz can see it and feel it. All of her answers since she left Olivia's office have been short and pointed. He knows why she is angry but he doesn't know how to explain it to her or try to clarify. He knows they need to address before they go inside to the kids.
"Mellie, what I was trying to say back there did not come out the way I wanted it to. I am sorry," Fitz says genuinely.
"I mean what about me wasn't attractive to you. Is anything about me attractive besides my legs. I guess I can see why you like my legs, it's not attached to my face," she says.
"Don't be ridiculous. You are a beautiful woman," he answers.
"Don't say it because you feel like you need to say it."
"I said at the moment I thought you were attractive. I didn't know you. You walked by me in a blink...it was a split second," he says.
"And you thought...the face of a contender," She says with sarcasm.
"And maybe I shouldn't have used those particular words. But you were what I thought the picture of my family should look like. Show my dad I could make a sound decision about my love life on my own. He paraded many women around me that he deemed perfect to wear the Grant last name. I picked on my own."
"And you picked a candidate, not a lifemate."
"We have built a life together Mellie and I don't take that lightly. It's just.."
"Do you want this life Fitz? I thought we had a good life up until a year ago and you started to withdraw. I could feel it, that's why I suggested seeing someone to help us."
He figures it's time to be more honest with her, "My wants and needs have changed. I won't deny that. I am trying to figure that out."
"Is there someone else?"
Fitz looks at her, he's sad about hurting her because of his honesty but he knows being truthful is important, "No, there is no one else. There hasn't been anyone else."
"We are in counseling, we can be honest about it. You don't have to spare me at this point," Mellie says.
"There has been non one else. Do women throw themselves at me? Yes, they have. But there is no one."
"I almost wish there was. Then I wouldn't feel like you didn't want to lay beside me at night because.." She stops as she twiddles her thumbs. "For what it's worth, I've never cheated on you."
"Mellie it's not about that. It's just about evolution and how things change and people change."
"And you've changed?"
"I think we both have. It is not negative, it's just what happens."
Mellie stares at him. There's a look in her eyes he hasn't seen before. She takes off her slingback shoes and gets up on her knees. He's confused by what she is doing. "Maybe I know what's wrong. I know what's missing," she says as she crosses over the armrest, bringing her leg across him and straddling as she presses the button to bring his driver seat back.
"Mellie what are you doing?"
"Maybe you miss how we could be spontaneous sometimes," she says as she hikes up her skirt and starts to unbuckle his pants.
"We can't have sex," he says quickly.
"Why? No one is here. The kids will be home after dinner. We can have sex whereeve we want," she says as she unbuttons her shirt to reveal her white lace bra.
"Mellie, this is not right. You don't have to do this. We don't have to do this."
"I think we need this, I need it," she says, bringing one of his hands up to her breast. She relishes in the feel of the pull of his hand.
She is fumbling with his zipper, he brings his hand down to stop her. "You are doing this because you are upset. That's not a reason for us to have sex."
"I want to make love to my husband because I want to," she says as he grabs his member, making him gulp. "Please Fitz," she says softly.
"Mellie," he says, trying to get her attention and then he sighs. She guides him inside her and begins to thrust up and down.
"Let me make you feel good...so you can remember," she whispers in his ear.
He knows it's wrong. He knows she's hurt. He knows he made her feel this way and he feels guilty about it. He lets his body relax as she rides him. There's no kissing and intimacy but its sex. She's frantic and hot for him and he knows the feeling isn't mutual. His dick is getting treatment but his heart is not in it. It's another thing that confirms his truth that he knows his wife won't understand.
Liv is on her way inside the restaurant. She's on the phone with her brother, Harrison, who still lives back in DC where he owns two mechanic shops. He got his degree in Mechanical Engineering and then decided not to pursue it. But he's still living out his dream. Her parents chalked it up to Harrison having always been his own person. They've accepted it to be so.
"Just call mama," Harrison said.
"I called Mama. What are you talking about? Dad doesn't want a surprise birthday party. I don't know about you but I don't want to be on the bad side of daddy."
"He's turning 60, the old guy can't stop us from throwing him a party."
"But you know how he is, he's going to talk from now until then. He's going to tell us how we better not be planning him a party. You know he will."
"Mama wants to do it. You know after she was so sick and daddy was stubborn as a mule, not wanting to leave her side."
"I know, she wants to celebrate with him. I'll call her, we will plan it."
"There's only one person you can't invite," Harrison says.
"And who is that? Larry Wilkes, I know they are still beefing," Liv says with a laugh.
"No, that pale asshole husband of yours. He's not invited. I told him not to step his pale ass back in DC or I will kick it up and down the street."
"When did you tell him that?" Liv asks looking through the window to see Jake sitting there waiting with another bunch of flowers and hope in his eyes.
"Don't worry about it. If I didn't tell him, Pops would. I just told him he's on borrowed time with the Popes."
"Harrison, do not threaten my….. Husband," she says slowly and awkwardly. "I am about to have dinner with him right now."
"Why Liv? You aren't thinking of taking his cheating ass back are you."
"We are just talking Harrison, okay!"
"I don't like it, but okay. I'll call you later sis, I love you."
"I love you too baby brother. Btw, when am I going to meet pale Quinn Perkins?"
"We are not walking down the aisle yet."
"But you have been on 6 dates...I'd say…"
"Bye Trixie," Harrison says jokingly and hangs up before she can scold him.
She walks into the restaurant. Jake gets up from his seat as he sees her come toward him. He kisses her on the cheek and then pulls out her chair. She barely has a minute to catch her breath. "Hey Babe," he says as she settles into her chair.
"Hi Jake," she answers, putting her purse on the chair and removing her jacket.
"I am glad you came," he says. "I ordered one of your favorite red wines. Is that okay?"
"That's fine! Thank you!" she answers.
"How are you? How's work going?"
"Well," she takes in a breath, "I'm getting more and more referrals every day. For now, I had to turn a few away. My days are packed. But, this is what I wanted."
"I am proud of you," he says as he tries to intertwine their hands. At first she draws her hand back and then she lets him take it.
"You weren't so proud when I first got started."
"I know! I was a little intimidated. You were starting to do better than me and I got a little chauvinistic. You were bringing in a lot more dough there for a while."
"And so what Jake. We married each other for richer or for poorer."
"But I felt like I wasn't going to be the man of the house. I wanted to give you everything."
"You gave me a lot Jake. I never married you for material things."
"I promised you the world," he answers.
"You promised you'd never hurt me and that's exactly what you did. And you hurt me in the worst way."
He grabs her hand and kisses it. She looks away. "I'm sorry."
"Me too," she answers. "Let's order something," she says. There is a moment of silence. He knows he needs to take it slow. So he agrees for them to order and that's what they do.
Fitz is sitting in his man cave. He's showered after their romp in the car. He's now dressed in sweats and a tee-shirt. He's in his office going over some autocad drawings. He's thinking about everything that happened today. He thinks about that mystique that Olivia spoke of. He wonders just how much Olivia can see through his words. He pulls out his cellphone and dials a number.
"Charlie, can you do me a favor?"
"What's up boss?"
"A little game of cat and mouse," Fitz says.
"You got it," Charlie answers.
Jake and Olivia are done with dinner. They have had cordial yet cautious conversation. He hadn't noticed it before, but he does now.
"You took off your wedding band," He says.
She looks down at her finger and looks at the engagement ring, "I just couldn't wear it. Not right now."
"Come on," he says.
"You wore yours when you were with her," she reminds him.
He drops his head, having no comeback for what she says. "What can I do to fix this. Erase that image from your head."
"I don't know what you can do. I told you I needed time."
"We've been separated for 6 months. You expect me to be over it. Some of my clients take longer to work through their marriages when neither one of them have cheated."
"Okay, you need more time I get it. Can I at least come home?"
She looks at him surprisingly, "Back into my bed," she says.
"I would love it but I'm not asking for that. I just think if I'm back home and we are talking more, it would help. We have 3 guest rooms and the basement. I can stay there."
"And how are we supposed to act?"
"What do you mean?"
"We will be a separated couple, living under the same room. I know people do it all the time but that was never how I pictured my married life."
"I don't want to give up on you. I don't. If it doesn't work out, I'll let you go," he sits back in his chair, realizing what he is saying, "I'll let you go."
"I can't answer you tonight," she responds.
"Okay, that's fair."
"I need to go. I am seeing 7 couples tomorrow. I need to prepare some notes." She starts to get up. He runs and pulls her seat out. She gets up and puts her coat on.
"Can I walk you to your car?"
"I valet parked," she answers.
"Okay I will stand with you."
'Okay," she answers
They go outside and wait for the car after he pays. Her car arrives as Jake hurriedly pulls out money to pay the valet for her. She gets in and he runs around to the window, "I'll wait for your call." She shakes her head and drives away.
"First date," the valet asks.
"No, my wife," he answers.
"Man, she's hot. I almost asked her for her number. I'd follow her everywhere."
"I chose well," he answers as he walks away. Then he speaks under his breath. "Then I messed it up."
Liv has jotted down some notes in her office. She is lying in bed watching an old movie. She does that sometimes when her mind is racing and she needs everything to slow down around her. She is watching Love Story. It's classic. It's sad. It's beautiful. It's thought provoking and it will make her cry. And she needs to cry because she stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. Her home phone rings. It's 11pm and she wonders who could be calling her home phone, which she hardly ever uses. She decides to let the answering machine get it.
The answering machine says, with her voice only, "You've reached the Ballard resident. Leave a message."
The voice responds, "Mmmm, Olivia Pope Ballard. I figured you were engaged. I never noticed a wedding band on your finger. I know this is a bad idea," he starts. She can tell it's Fitzgerald Grant. How in the hell did he get her home number? He continues, "I know this is a bad idea but I decided to not make a good choice and call you anyway." She's sure it is him. He goes on, "You are probably listening to this, wanting to chew that pesky thumbnail you pick with in our sessions. I just needed to talk to you, just you. There's alot going on in my head and this evening something happened that made me feel like a real bastard with Mellie and…"
Before he can finish, she picks up the phone, making a bad choice she knows she shouldn't make, "What happened?" She asks.
He's happy to hear her voice and then they both sit in silence listening to the other breathe.
"You decided talking to me was a better choice than the thumbnail," he jokes.
"You are very observant Mr. Grant."
"And you are mysterious Mrs. Ballard," he answers.
"Not that mysterious," she answers.
"Who is the lucky bastard? He's a bastard because he has you and he's lucky for the same reason."
"You didn't call me to talk about my husband. How did you get my number?"
"Why don't you wear your wedding band?"
"What happened between you and your wife?" She stops, "I shouldn't be asking you this question. You shouldn't be telling me this, not outside our sessions."
He doesn't answer her. "Things that married people do."
Liv stops as she takes in his words, "And you initiated it."
"No," he answers with regret of a different kind in his voice.
"And you felt guilty, so you did it."
"Yes," he answers.
"So…."
"So, I have an answer to your question."
"You should be talking to your wife, not your marriage counselor."
He takes a deep breath, "But you will hear it eventually."
"In the proper setting….I should go," she answers.
"What are you doing right now Mrs. Ballard. I am going to assume you are alone. You answered, this late. If I were your husband that wouldn't happen. So, what are you doing alone tonight?"
"I'm watching a movie."
"What movie is that?"
"You should go ," she utters.
"What movie?" he asks again.
"Love Story," she answers.
He waits, "Ahh, Love means never having to say you're sorry.
"You know the movie," she says surprised by his instant replay of quotes.
"Yes, do you believe that? Do you believe in love and marriage, you never have to say you're sorry?"
"I believe in love you have to know how to say I love you and I'm sorry," she sighs.
"Olivia," he breathes.
"Have a good night Mr. Grant," she says quickly hanging up.
She holds the phone as she hears the silence. She can't get sucked into whatever is happening before something does happen. In that moment, she makes a decision she knows she shouldn't make as she hangs up the phone.
Oh my…..I hope everyone enjoys it! I had to write Chapter 2 while it was fresh. Chapter 53 of Blurred Lines is almost finished. I should have it up tomorrow or Tuesday.
