A/N: Some of y'all were asking me when I'm going to update, so here it is! Sorry for the wait, I was busy with exams, but since I passed the vast majority of them, I'm pretty much free to write much more in the upcoming weeks.
I have few things to say about this chapter. First of all, I want to add more depth to some characters, such as Julia, Cat and newcomers such as Miles, Noah and his pals. So you can expect them to have much more "screen-time" let's call it that. Some of you expressed the worry about slow-pace of Ben and Ellie's relationship. I won't spoil anything, but I have something planned which I'm going to do about that too. Also, about Ben, the idea is that it "has to get worse to get better". So, it may not be so dark as it seems... but who knows. :D
If you have any complaints, be sure to let me know. I'll just have to remind you again that English is not my native language, so please tell me if you notice any grammar mistakes so I can correct them.
Anyways, enjoy it!
Chapter 31 – Blizzard
The wind whistled in the larger gusts between the trees, carrying snow falling horizontally, blinding anyone it blew directly in the face. The horses roared nervously whenever the wind blew eerily and clapped their hooves in place.
Ellie curled up in her saddle, squeezing her jacket even tighter, her fingers hurting and cold even though she wore gloves. She was very annoyed that the hood kept falling off her head, forcing her to constantly put it on again. The wind was simply too strong, and the bite of cold was creeping into her flesh. She turned and looked over her shoulder at Jesse as he shouted something behind her. She couldn't understand a word because of the wind. "What did you say?"
She slowed down the Scout, now riding side by side with Jesse. He leaned toward her and repeated his question, frowning at the icy weather. "We can't ride in this blizzard for much longer! We have to find a place to stay until it calms down!"
"Ben's not back yet!" with each word, her throat tightened with cold and icy air. Jackson's winters were always merciless. One could freeze to death in a matter of hours without enough warmth.
"We can't risk everything for him!" Jesse was adamant, Ellie could barely comprehend his words in the storm. "Think of others! We'll freeze our balls off in this weather!"
She looked around her shoulder once more and looked at the line behind her. Nine riders rode out with her that morning, with the intention of solving the problem posed by the infected. With rifles, pistols, machetes, axes and knives, it was a fairly armed group, even with consideration that some of them didn't exactly carry a lot of spare ammo. Daniel could not give them too much from the armory, since ammunition certainly became a problem in recent times. All of her companions were young, eager to prove themselves. Most of them were old enough to have killed a decent number of infected in their time. However, many have lived in safety for too long, unaware of the real danger posed by the outside world. If nothing else, this would come as a good exercise, one that should remind them of how dangerous the world really was and harden them.
One rider was missing. Even though she knew he was very capable of taking care of himself, Ellie was still worried. When they set off, he took the initiative and hurried ahead of the others. Ben told her that he wanted to find out what was waiting for them ahead, so that they would be warned in time. She snapped at him and told him that everyone should stick together, just as they agreed. He made me a fool in front of everyone. Stupid idiot. It's not like she considered herself a leader or anything like that, but they agreed to a plan that she proposed. A plan that Ben violated right in the beginning. That stubborn dumbass. There was one thing that never changed about him, the stubbornness. But yes, he was a different man indeed. That thought made her think. Ben and the blizzard. They had one thing in common. The cold.
"Ellie!" Julia approached her horse to the Scout. She leaned forward in the saddle, just like Ellie, using her horse's head as some weak form of shield from the blizzard. "I don't know how long we'll be able to go on like this."
Ellie nodded to her, having to shout so the girl could hear her, " I know where we're going to find shelter. We're close."
I hope we are. Don't know how much longer can we last outside? Fuck, it's even harder to see… The relentless blizzard was blinding. Add to that blinding the whiteness of everything around them. It was a deadly combination if one lost the point of orientation.
Ellie could not fully discern the path in front of her, but she used her memory. She rode first, and the others followed in her tracks. A couple of meanders between the trees led north as far as she could remember. She knew they were on the right track when they rode through an old truck trailer that was open on both sides. Then seemingly huge piles of snow appeared, but Ellie knew that underneath all that snow were cars, old and rusty. And completely unusable.
If it weren't for the snow and blizzards, one-story houses would now appear around them, and they would be in the middle of a crossroads. She looked to her left, knowing that there were two benches and a children's playground. When she saw that after a few moments, she smirked. They almost arrived. Her companions kept close to each other, knowing that it would be a fatal mistake for any of them to separate.
"Are we close?" she heard someone ask from behind, but instead of answering, she just waved her hand to signal others to follow her. The group continued riding through the old forest road, where the wind started whistling louder again than in the clearing. One turn to the left, two to the right, then again to the left, and in front of them, a two-story building appeared, too long and too wide to be an average house.
Waving the others to follow her once more, Ellie was the first to ride up to the building and jump off the Scout. The metal double doors were only slightly open, also icy, its surface slippery. It wasn't until Jesse approached to help her that the door finally opened, but only when they both pulled with all their might.
When the double doors opened enough for the horses and riders to pass unhindered, everyone found themselves inside the old library and memories immediately began to flood in. The memories Ellie tried to get out of her head. The dark interior was soon lit up by flashlights which revealed rows of shelves and cupboards. Finding themselves between four walls, the group from Jackson collectively sighed out of relief when they were finally sheltered from the biting frost and blizzard of the outside.
"Finally." Dina said with a sigh and took her hat off, before Jesse approached her and helped her off her horse. Ellie just watched and turned her attention to the Scout, stroking his mane.
"Good job, buddy." she whispered to him with a smile, "You never panicked. Good job."
"What is this place, man?" Miles, a tall dark-skinned guy, asked, looking around. "I've never been here."
"Library, stupid." Cat answered, rolling her eyes. "Books. Shelves. Does it ring a bell?"
Miles just laughed and waved it off. "I was just playin'."
Ellie took the opportunity to observe them all and sighed with relief when she confirmed that everyone was there, alive and well. Jesse and Dina threw themselves into examining the books on one of the shelves. They both laughed at some jokes Jesse had told that only she could hear. They spent a lot of time together. Not that it bothered Ellie nor that she was jealous. So what if they were together again? Are they dating again? Dina was no longer girlfriend. True, but there was still a bitter feeling in her stomach every time she looked at them.
Miles was a tall guy, about as tall as Jesse and just a couple of years older than Ellie. He came to Jackson sometimes after Ellie returned from Seattle for the first time, as a part of the Gypsy convoy. Just like every year, Gypsies, a group of very specific and peaceful survivors, would come to Jackson in spring to hold festivities. This had been going on long since Ellie and Joel got to Jackson for the first time, and it was her favorite part of the year. As for Miles, he was the cheerful guy, with a happy yet insecure smile that always flickered on his face, a guy that everyone loved, even the frowning Cat who was constantly teasing him. What was even more striking about him was his pessimistic personality which more often than not conflicted with his cheerfulness.
Julia, as always, stood with her chin up, and her attitude said that she was not a girl who was easy to mess with. Although Ellie never witnessed her fighting abilities, something told her that Julia was not an easy opponent. She would probably pass for many as the most beautiful girl in the group, plus she put on make-up again, albeit minimally. As long as Ellie could remember, Julia had been eyeing Ben, especially last night. But Ben didn't seem to notice it for some reason, or even if he did, he never mentioned it. It was weird in a way, because they never talked about his romantic interests. While, on one hand, Ellie used to bore him to death talking about Cat before their break-up, she couldn't remember talking about other girls with Ben. What if he likes boys? What if he likes Jesse? Two of them are close. She shook her head sharply at that thought. It just seemed… impossible. Ben and Jesse? No way. I wonder if there's a girl he likes. Cat, Julia's best friend, was standing next to her. Ellie managed to see part of the tattoo on her neck, but she tried not to stare so obviously. The two Asians were a complete contrast to each other in terms of their personalities, but they have always been inseparable.
Last to enter were Noah Oliver and his two best friends, Mark Jones and Victor Garcia. If the situation was any different, Ellie would not bring them along. But she didn't exactly have the luxury of choice. Noah, the tallest of the three, was a broad-shouldered and menacing-looking guy with his short cropped hair, cropped chin, and scar under his left eye. Although Ellie considered him a fool and a complete idiot, Noah was a nice guy (when he was not drunk), and she could understand why Julia was with him, even though she broke up later when he slapped her in one of his jealousy outbursts when he was drunk. Noah never did anything similar again, and even though Julia broke up with him, he remained over-protective and never stopped chasing after her, even though she continuously rejected him, time and time again. There was no excuse for his outburst, but Ellie could comprehend to some extend why he was like that, since she had recently her own fair share of self-destructive behavior, obsession and inner demons. Victor and Mark, on the other hand, looked pretty average, young guys whose beards were still sparse. All three walked past her with their noses up, and Ellie was just waiting for the opportunity when Noah would try to take the lead. Only he was too dumb to truly take the lead.
Everyone is here, she thought with relief once more, and then frowned. Everyone but him. Although she didn't want to show it, she was worried for Ben. The blizzard was deadly, and the horde was somewhere outside. A horde that can very easily run over the nine of them, let alone himself who was on his own somewhere outside. You stupid idiot. Rushing in front of us like that… Ben was never a reckless guy. Ellie had always known him as a dude who'd think before doing something. He was always calm and collected, making decisions based on overthinking every single possibility and outcome. For him to do something like this… it wasn't the way he did things.
"This place safe?" Miles asked, peeking around the shelves. "Any infected 'round here, Ellie?"
Ellie raised an eyebrow, "I think I saw a bloater or two last time I was here. We should deal with it."
"A bloater? Oh, hell no." Miles complained in a resigned tone. "What we gon' do about them? Shiet, we don't even have enough ammo. Someone brought molotovs?"
"Now that we're all here." Noah said officially as he took a stand where everyone could see him. "We should take a break and decide what to do next."
Ellie smiled wryly. Now that we're all here, she thought bitterly. Of course he's glad Ben isn't here. Ben and Noah pretty much hated each other. It all started last summer when Ben beat the crap out of him when he slapped Julia. There had been this enmity between them ever since. Ben, a guy who wouldn't hurt a fly, beating someone up like that… it was a real shocker. Maybe Julia likes him because of that? He doesn't seem as her type, though.
"No shit, Sherlock." said Jesse which made others grin and smirk. Except for Noah Oliver, whose face was turning red. "Water is wet, everyone." This line made them all laugh, even Victor and Mark. Noah's face was as red as a tomato by now, and Ellie noticed a murderous intent in his eyes, but was laughing too much to take it seriously. Knowing that they have nothing smarter to do until the blizzard calms down, they all set about exploring the library.
"Make sure the place is clear, everyone." Noah exclaimed, resting his fist on the hilt of a military knife sheathed under his belt, trying to make his voice sound deeper hoping to reclaim some of his dignity that Jesse stole by force. Ellie even felt sorry for a bit. Jesse was ruthless when he got onto someone.
"Remember, guys." Jesse added not a second after, "You see infected, you're supposed to kill them, not make friends with them."
This caused everyone to laugh again. Jesse managed to literally turn Noah into Mr. Obvious, and it was too good. Uninterested since she had already explored this place a long time ago, Ellie randomly walked by the shelves. Memories were still fresh. The old library had a dozen tall walls of ancient volumes, various genres ranging from fiction to scientific works. Ellie had dozens of books at her house, but the library was on a whole another level. Volumes were put on the shelves in a way that they became a sort of decoration to set the scene. One would simply be able to pick up and read one of thousands of titles, including scientific research papers. Ellie felt the pull. In a library as big as this, she can surely find something about the exploration of space.
Ellie ended up cruising around the building, looking for the science section. The bookcase looked strong, she knew the wood was good before her fingers made contact. It was dark with the grain quite pronounced beneath the varnish, smooth but with marks on the edges that gave it a homely feel. She browsed the shelves, not able to find anything she hadn't read already, sighing with disappointment.
"Kamasutra." Ellie heard and leaned over the shelf, seeing Victor who triumphantly walked towards his two friends, holding a book high in his left hand. She just rolled her eyes in annoyance and whispered, more to herself, "What a fucking brat."
"Nice find." said Noah while Ellie could still hear. She wished she was deaf for a moment. "I bet Julia will…" his voice went quiet behind her once she walked into the children section which was in the separate room. The walls were decorated and painted according to children's books with various quotes about hard work and silly dreams. Through the children section and to the left, Ellie found herself walking into the office. It was a casual office, with several shelves and a desk at the other end of the room, nothing out of ordinary. It was filled with old stuff. Old boxes, bottles, lunch packages, papers, books, tools could be seen all around the place. It was basically a small workshop.
"Eugene surely kept to this place." Ellie whispered, talking to herself and reminiscing on when she first found this place with Dina last winter. It was almost the identical situation. The two of them went on a patrol, a blizzard caught up with them and cornered them in this building. So similar, yet so different. Back then, they were together. There was a certain shelf behind the desk, for which Ellie knew was different from others, and not just in the way it looked. On the first gaze, it was just a wooden shelf filled with books and some other clutter.
The shelf was not too big, maybe a little bigger than the average door, which was quite enough to hide it. It was hinged to the wall so that it could move to the side much like a sliding door. Before she knew it, Ellie was pushing a shelf that was moving hard due to rust and cold. She coughed because of the dust that had probably settled on the shelf for almost a year, but she still managed to push them away enough so that the passage in the wall appeared in front of her. She illuminated the inside of the aisle with a flashlight attached to her shoulder strap and saw a staircase leading down. This hallway used to be lit, but the generator that provided the energy probably had no more fuel.
Her heart was pounding, but she headed down the stairs. It's probably a sex den, she remembered telling Dina when she the latter what this place could be. Memory made her smirk. The stairs led to a basement that Ellie remembered very well. The basement where old Eugene grew marijuana. But she remembered it for another reason.
"Eugene, you sly dog." she uttered and observed the remains of a dead plant, arranged in dozens of pots along the tables that were in the basement. The basement itself was a creepy sight in the pitch dark, but Ellie felt no fear. Moreover, she felt nostalgic.
Reacting to the echo of the footsteps descending the stairs, she turned and saw Dina just as she entered the basement. There was a sad grimace on her face, and she only looked her in the eye for a moment.
"This place." Dina said and smiled sadly.
Ellie nodded slowly. "It brings back old memories, doesn't it?"
"Yeah."
At the end of the basement was a couch, and it was exactly that couch on which the two of them slept together for the first time. Dina wasn't the first girl Ellie slept with, but she was certainly her favorite, and the one she truly loved. Something suddenly began to press against her chest.
"It was nice." said Dina after a while.
"What?"
Dina turned and looked at her, with a smile on her face. "Our relationship. It may not have been true love, but we were there for each other.
Ellie couldn't ignore how easily the words rolled over Dina's lips. True love. We were there for each other, she thought bitterly, remembering how she had left her using Ben as an excuse. She was so blinded by pain and hatred that she was unaware whether she had returned to Seattle because of Ben or because of Abby. It's over now, I've gotten over it, she kept telling herself.
"Yes. It was nice."
Dina unhooked her flashlight and placed it on the table next to the couch and with the sigh of the village. "We're finally somewhere where we're not covered in snow. I wonder how fast a horde of infected can move in weather like this."
Ellie shrugged and sat down next to her. "Probably not fast."
"How fast can Ben move in weather like this?"
This question caught her off guard. She choked and coughed. "What are you talking about?" she asked, then caught her stern look in her eyes.
"I know you dead worried. Although you won't admit it, it shows in your eyes."
Ellie rolled her eyes, "I'm not worried. Ben is capable enough to take care of himself."
"Oh yes, it sure looks that way."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Dina sighed, "I can't say I didn't notice, because I did. Ben has changed. He's never been the loudest in society or the most attention-grabbing character. But he's always joked, smiled and was friendly with us. That's gone, and both we know why."
Every time she tried to imagine what Ben had been through in Seattle, her heart sank with pain. "What is it you want to tell me? Something I don't know?"
She shook her head, "No. I mean we need to help him. He's a very dear friend of mine who chased after us to Seattle and risked his life for us. I want to see him smile again, and I'm sure you want to too. I can't imagine what he's been through there Ellie. I mean, his hair is white. White!"
White hair. It certainly changed the way he looked like, adding a certain amount of… cold. From what Ellie knew, one had to go through great deal of pain and stress for hair to turn white. And he's gone through a lot worse.
"I want to help him, but he won't let me in. Whenever I try to talk about it, he gets even further away from me."
"Maybe he needs time. We may think we know, but we don't know what he's going through."
She thought for a moment of Ben before Seattle, when he still had blonde hair and a smile hanging over his face. She knew he hadn't been truly happy since Tom died, but he had never been cold.
"Yeah, he needs time." she said with a sad sigh, as his appearance in her head grew darker and colder, until he became the silhouette of the guy she knew.
x
The only sure way to escape was to go into the blizzard. When the winds began to howl and the sharp snowflakes lashed against the face, Ben prayed for the cold to stop the horde that was after him. He hoped to outrun them between the boughs of mighty oaks and beech trees that were ripped away by the strong winds and the sprinting infected.
Stepper slipped twice in the snow, nearly knocking Ben off the saddle just as the runners were approaching dangerously close. His heart sank to his heels but he could not afford to be afraid. The blizzard almost blinded him, but again, the surroundings were more visible in the forest compared to the clearing. He was no longer even aware of where he was fleeing, except that he had strayed from the path. Dozens, maybe hundreds of infected chased after him, appearing out of nowhere when he was on reconnaissance. They swarmed like ants from anthills, seemingly in infinite numbers. When he dared to look over his own shoulder, he could not see the end of them, only that they were lost in the white invisibility of the blizzard.
The ringing of deformed screams came from behind him, freezing the blood in his veins. Their outlines were visible in the blizzard, the silhouettes chasing him to tear him apart. He kicked the heel of his horse, hoping the animal would accelerate at least a little. Stepper suffered on a slippery slope, but again was faster than the infected who plowed the snow and only made it harder for those behind them. The horse was tired and steam was coming out of his nostrils, but Stepper was very persistent and enduring. The blizzard blinded him again when he found himself in the clearing. Ben managed to make a small distance between himself and the infected on this hill, but he was aware that he had bought himself only that much time.
Due to the amount of snow, he could not recognize if there used to be a road there, but nearby buildings indicated heavily to that. Large barn and a couple of smaller buildings. The red walls of the barn were familiar to him from somewhere, but he didn't have time to think. With a lot of effort due to the sheer amount of snow, he managed to open the door and bring Stepper inside, just to close them the moment the infected ones ran over there. He placed the bar over the door to secure them and took two steps back.
Ben put his hands on his hips and nodded, taking a deep breath. In circumstances such as this one, he was glad that Stepper was an extremely quiet horse that was not prone to panic and noise. However, the danger was still out there and it would be a long time before it was safe to venture out again. Even though it was winter, that specific, musty odor of the summer straw remained. The undertones were still there, stuffy mask of animal fur and the stink of old dung and droppings. His nose caught a sharp smell of old, oily metal and machinery. Those were the smells that didn't fade away in a long time.
Ben couldn't smell it, but for some reason, he felt as if there should've been a smell of blood. Fresh blood. He looked around himself and his eyes widened at the familiar scenery. His jaw dropped when he looked down at the barn floor, noticing the red mark on it. Red mark of old, dried-out blood.
Hairs on his body rose as the cold shivered down his spine. He was being watched, just like always. Ben could sense another presence inside, something watching him, observing his every move, never leaving his side. He didn't know how long he stood there staring at the blood mark on the floor. All he knew was that his heart was beating faster and faster and his emotions intensified. Fear, shame and sadness. Fear from what this place, the place where he lost the person he loved the most, would do to him. Shame for the deed he had committed and sadness for he had to do the deed. He heard footsteps behind him, footsteps that only he could hear. The child was humming behind him. It was the same melody which he was humming the day before on the top of that hill, where Ellie found him.
"Is it raining, Ben?"
He closed his eyes, expecting tears to form. But tears weren't there. The child made a step closer towards him, he could feel it, itching in his back.
"Is it raining, Ben?"
The heart was beating faster and faster, only to stop suddenly as if he was dead.
"Is it raining, Ben?"
He knew that if he turned around, there would be nothing. The child wouldn't be there. Or would it?
"Is it raining, Ben?"
Ben turned around and looked at the silhouette in front of him. A child, hidden in the shadows of the barn, walking slowly towards to come out into the light. He could sense the smell of fresh blood and see it on his hands. It wasn't as cold any longer, but when Tom emerged out of the shadows, the cold rushed back in.
"Is it raining, Ben?" Tom asked, but it was not the Tom he remembered. It was Tom who wore black t-shirt and black shorts, and shackles around his wrists. Tom with white hair and pale face, same as his older brother.
"It's not raining." Ben finally answered the question, feeling more dead than ever before. "It's warm and sunny."
Tom continued humming the melody while staring at Ben, who couldn't take the look of those piercing blue eyes anymore. A while ago, he'd start crying, but not anymore.
"I killed you." Ben's voice was calm, "If I didn't brought you to hunt with me that day… I killed you, Tom."
Tom never stopped humming, and neither did the cold bother him. He just stared at Ben who just wanted to lay down and die. You killed him, Annabel spoke again and he couldn't get rid of her voice. You killed him! You and only you!
"Kill." He whispered, frozen in time and space, unable to move a muscle in front of the brother whose life he took. Tom started walking towards him, and Ben felt the pressure as if the whole world rested upon his shoulders. Pressure and fear. Terror. Tom wasn't alone. Behind him stood a girl in white dress, pale as snow. Annabel was grinning widely behind, trying not to burst into laughter. Following her example, Tom started giggling too, until they both began laughing. They laughed on and on, forcing him to make a back away as they got into his face. Ben hit the wall with his back and realized there was no more place to run. Their voices were driving him crazy, and he grabbed his hair and clenched tightly, collapsing onto the ground.
"Shut up!" he yelled at them. "Shut up!"
They didn't shut up.
