Chapter 46 – To see the answer
Crisp and light, the wind danced across fields of stiff and snowcapped mountain grass. That snow has lingered for several months now, sheltered by the omnipresent clouds that hung like a death mask high above. It had been days since those clouds had budged.
The wind churned the morning mist, moving southward, chilling a small pack of wolves that left prints in the snow. The wind poured over them, racing down a hillside of scraggly trees, with ropelike bark and green tufts of thick, needlelike leaves atop them. At the base of the foothills, the wind turned eastward, passing an open plain kept free of trees and scrub by the man's axe. The wind continued eastward, and soon it was playing with the remnants of half-burned houses in the towns surrounding the Jackson settlement.
The wind blew again, past the buildings in the settlement, open streets filled with men and women, clutching tightly onto their weapons. Smoke, war, and need turned the peaceful folks into a fighting community. For hours, the wind blew, eventually encountering the feet of the Wyoming mountains. By the time the wind reached the enormous, broken-peaked tops, it had lost much of its strength. It passed around the base of the mountain, then through a large orchard of apple trees that looked dead in the winter, lit by early-afternoon sunlight. The once-green leaves left no traces of ever being there.
The wind passed by a low wooden fence, where two figures stood. A man and a woman, both young and wearing similar jackets, jackets with WLF patches on their shoulders. Man's face was so furrowed as he frowned at the apple trees, as though it was the trees' fault that their lives were turned upside down.
Alivia Bunt didn't know a lot about orchards. Oh, she had planted a few trees back at her old family farm before they moved to Seattle and joined the Washington Liberation Front, which seemed an eternity ago. It had felt good to have trees back at her old home, right outside the window in her room. Unlike many others, Alivia couldn't complain about a bad childhood. She was pretty happy growing up on her family farm in a small, peaceful community. But in the world that she lived in, small and peaceful communities did not last. To survive, one had to fight, kill, and take. It took her a long time, but she got used to the lifestyle. But unlike many others, she had not forgotten the meaning of mercy.
"What do we do, Alivia?" Carson, her friend and a fellow remnant of the WLF, asked. "It's been days since we lost our stash to those fuckers from the settlement. We have no food, barely any ammo… what are we going to do?"
Alivia rubbed her chin, scratching the wound she suffered just below her lips when she fell earlier that day. His question floated past her line of thoughts, she was barely listening to him. The rows of trees were straight and perfectly spaced. It reminded her of her home.
"Alivia!"
"What was it you were saying?"
He scoffed, "What are we going to do? Can we go back to Seattle?"
Alivia shook her head, "You know we can't, Carson. There's nothing left for us there, there are too many trespassers." Alivia placed a hand on his shoulder to calm him down, and gave him a reassuring smile, "We'll figure something out."
She was not nearly as sure as she sounded. Once, her people, the Washington Liberation Front, were strong and proud. True, she didn't always agree with their methods, but they kept each other safe. It was not her old farm, but it was a good life she led in Seattle. How could such a life change overnight? When Connor gathered the remnants to pursue the man who took everything from them, Alivia was among the first to volunteer. She never personally saw the man whom they called Ben Walker. On the night when their makeshift army fell apart, she was away on patrol.
It raises an interesting question. A single man, able to inflict so much pain and damage. How was that possible? In a way, she couldn't blame him, unlike many others from her faction. He was captured and continuously tortured. Everyone knew he was given to Annabel. Alivia even felt sorry for him. She was not like the others in the WLF. She considered herself a rare person in her organization able to see the big picture. But then again, all those innocents that died weren't at fault for his torture. Yet they died.
"We're going to die, right?" Carson asked, defeated expression on his face. "There is no food here, it's all looted and gone already. We're going to die, like the rest of our people."
Carson was younger than her, and was always insecure. He always needed a little nudge to do anything, but she promised herself she'd keep him safe. They've lost so many people that the least they could do was watch each other's backs.
"We are not going to die." Alivia reassured him again, this time in a stern voice. "There's a big house behind the orchard, go and check it out. I'll check the one here. Hey, we'll do fine. Okay?"
Carson nodded insecurely and hastened off, obedient. Idle hands made idle minds. Some work would keep him from thinking about their seemingly imminent deaths. What would it be? Starvation? Infected?
Her stomach rumbled. It's done that a lot lately.
This is it then, isn't it? She thought, eyes towards the naked trees. The fight just ended. She hated her own hypocrisy. Alivia slumped down, feeling a weight on her shoulders. There had been a time when she'd been quick to laugh and quick to talk. Now she felt worn. Maybe it was time to let go.
She felt something on her neck. Warmth.
She hesitated, then turned weary eyes toward the sky. Sunlight bathed her face. She gaped; it seemed so long since she'd seen pure sunlight. It shone down through a large break in the clouds, comforting, like the warmth of an oven baking a loaf of mom's thick sourdough bread at her old farm.
Alivia stood, raising a hand to shade her eyes. She took a deep, long breath, and smelled... life? Something felt different. The sudden warmth had perhaps brought back the feeling of hope and life, despite all the hardships she had been through lately.
Footsteps sounded softly on the path that ran past the orchard. Alivia spun to find a young man walking down out of the foothills. He had white hair that fell down over his ears and eyes, and he wore a black poncho that hid his arms, combined with black trousers.
"Hey," Alivia said, raising a hand, not knowing what else to say, not even sure why she said anything. For all she knew, this stranger could be a bandit, a thief or a murderer. Others said she was always careless and too trusting with strangers. "Did you… did you get lost up in the hills?"
The man stopped, turning sharply. He seemed surprised to find Alivia there. With a start, Alivia realized the man missed a finger on his right arm. The stranger looked about, then breathed in deeply. "No. I lost my horse, but I'm not lost. Finally. It feels like so long since I've understood what must I do."
Alivia scratched the side of her face, "Do I know you?" Something about the young man was familiar. Was it his face, or… the white hair. It was him. Ben Walker. The man who took everything from the Washington Liberation Front, and from her. Her hand had started shaking so much, and she had forgotten she had a pistol tucked inside the belt behind her back. It was hard to describe what she felt other than pure terror.
With the trembling fingers of her right hand, she somehow managed to grab the gun and jerkily pulled it out of the belt, pointing it straight at the man who cost her everything. Then why didn't she find the strength to pull the trigger and avenge all the good people who gave their lives fighting for justice? Something about him was off. Other than the fact that she saw the WLF patch on her jacket and she was still breathing, he was calm. Unusually calm. He looked at her with eyes that seemed so old, as if though didn't fit right on his young face. Through the eyes of an older man who has lived through a lot, but he had to be in his early twenties at most.
"Shoot if you want, I won't fight back." he said in a voice so calm, and Alivia didn't doubt his sincerity for a moment. For some reason, she couldn't doubt that he was telling the truth. Don't be naive!, she scolded herself. He killed innocents! And yet, he stood there still, seemingly surrendering to her mercy. Is this the man who ended the WLF? Something about him was so familiar to her, but not from the stories others had told her about him.
"We met awhile back." he said as she slowly lowered her gun. She hated herself for it. She hated her naivety. It was going to cost her her head one day! Then he nodded towards the orchard. "You won't find anything there. This orchard and the houses around it were cleared a long time ago."
That voice… Those eyes, like blue gemstones cut and set in his face. "I do know you," Alivia said, remembering the same young man back from Seattle, in the park when she fought the Scars. Back then, a white wolf fought by his side, and his hair was blonde, just like hers is right now. "You saved me from that Scar."
Ben Walker looked back at Alivia. Meeting those eyes, Alivia felt a strange sense of peace. Why peace? Wasn't he supposed to be an embodiment of the insanity she often heard so much about? He was supposed to attack her, to tear her apart. But he did none of that, and perhaps that was why she lowered her gun.
"I'm glad you survived." He smiled, and pulled something out of his backpack, throwing it at her. Alivia caught a medium-sized wrap with her right hand. It was quite heavy, and thick. She unwrapped it, inhaling the scent of fresh, red meat. Her eyes widened. Food.
"That's for you and your friend. I'm sure you're starving." He smiled again, then turned and continued on his way down the path.
"Wait," Alivia said, raising a hand toward the man who brought the downfall of her faction. Many people referred to the man as the devil himself. "Why?"
Ben Walker looked back with a faint grimace. "Because this is something I should've done a long ago. I can't bring back the dead, but I can help those that remain. Please, come to the settlement. There's more of that there. I'll tell others, they won't hurt you."
Alivia lowered her hand, watching as Ben Walker strode away, down a pathway between two fenced orchards. Alivia thought – for a moment – how strange this encounter was. Ben Walker, the Ben Walker, giving her the means to survive to live another day. This was the man that killed so many others? She found it hard to believe. Most of all, she found it hard to believe how peaceful she felt. This was the man that saved her life back in Seattle. She could never forget him, or his face.
Alivia watched Ben Walker until he vanished, then dashed towards the Carson. Halfway to the house, she met him as he walked to the orchard, dark expression on his face revealing he had found nothing inside. He regarded her with concerned eyes as he pulled to a halt.
Unable to speak, Alivia outstretched the wrapped meat in front of Carson.
"What's that?" Carson asked, rubbing his long face.
"Food," Alivia said, winded. "We will live, Carson."
"F-food?" he asked with a frown, "Where did you get it?"
"You won't believe me. I got it from him. Ben Walker."
Carson's eyes widened with horror and he pulled back from her. "That's poison, Alivia. We can't eat this!"
"I understand your suspicion. But something about him was different from what we've heard about him."
Younger man scoffed, "I don't know. You were always too trusting with strangers."
Perhaps way too trusting. "Maybe, but I'm still alive, am I not?"
He shrugged, and Alivia looked eastward. She felt a pull inside of her. Something was tugging her softly in the direction where Ben Walker had gone.
Meal first, she thought. Then… well, then she'd see. The wind swirled once again around them, and the two went on to prepare a meal given to them by Ben Walker himself. They will live to see another day. Born again among white, knife-edged peaks, where cold death roamed the high passes, the wind blew south across the mountains of Wyoming. The cold faded by the time the wind crossed into the plains, where the snow slowly melted, revealing brown patches of dirt, with a hint of green to come. In the southern lands, spring came early, and new-come pale green bristled slowly on every bush as days dragged on and on, and red new growth tipped every tree branch. The wind rippled across the farmer's fields like verdant ponds, solid with crops that almost seemed to creep upward visibly. Since the end of the world, people had come to much more appreciate the fresh food and the growing of the same.
The smell of fresh crops was all but gone by the time the wind reached the scorched lands where a war had finished between two strong factions. Santa Barbara had become a thriving community over the past couple of months. The stockpiles were filled with food, even during the winter, and the hardworking people strengthened the community each day. High walls were being built around the town that was now cleared of the infected in its entirety. People lived in peace and order, with the ruling body of the town even creating the laws that were to be respected by everyone. What was once a small group of Fireflies that regrouped, turned into something much bigger. It was a sight to see, a civilization making its comeback. Yet, like everything else in this world, it had its own rot deep inside.
Abigail Anderson shivered at the wind's cool caress, but only for a moment, watching a young, muscular boy in a tank top in front of her. Lev had matured a lot since the time she first met him. Ever since he was rescued from the slavers, he rarely showed the signs of his lost innocence. Who would, after receiving the treatment that he did?
"Watch my shoulders, not my head." Abby reprimanded him, raising her arms to take an offensive stance. "My face can't hit you. Watch my shoulders for any twitch of a muscle."
"Okay." Lev said with a gasp, exhausted and in pain from the past twenty times Abby dropped him to his butt. He still styled his hair in a buzz cut, like all male Seraphites did. Both him and Yara still held on to the customs of their people. While Abby was once in a war with their people, she came to respect her two companions, if only for the devotion they had for those customs. It was their identity, and they wouldn't let go of it.
Abby leaped forward, feigning an attack with her left. Learning from the past six times he fell for the same trick, Lev ducked just in time for Abby's left to fly over his head. In that short moment, Abby was proud of him, but his inexperience still led to his fall. Abby's right fist was already on the way upwards, forming a perfect form for the uppercut. Lev had enough time to only widen his eyes before Abby's fist opened and she grabbed him by the throat, raising him over her shoulder and dropping him on his back. The boy landed with a thud, coughed from the dirt, and the air kicked out of his lungs.
A couple of times, Abby felt bad for not holding back on him, but he wouldn't learn the other way. Outstretching her fist, Lev grabbed it and she yanked him back to his feet. "That's enough for today."
"One more time." Lev said between gasps.
Abby smiled, "Enough is enough. I don't want to hurt you."
He gave her a stare, "What do you call all of this, then?"
"A lesson?" Abby laughed and patted his back, "You still suck, but you're doing good. Come on, let's get cleaned up and grab a bite."
He nodded, and the two headed out of the training grounds. Soldiers around them still practiced. It was a regular drill. They practiced at least two hours every day, both in hand-to-hand combat and with the weaponry. They truly resembled the army Abby saw in the movies. Atop of everything, the vast majority of the soldiers wore riot gear, body armor, and were using riot shields, thus even more resembling a trained army.
It reminded her of her previous home, before Santa Barbara. The Washington Liberation Front had great potential, although Isaac was a narrow-minded leader. In a way, she didn't even blame him, and she was the same until she met Lev and Yara. They opened her eyes and showed that hatred and revenge is not the answer to everything. God knows she lost too much chasing her revenge. She did not regret the death of Joel Miller, but she was still devastated by the consequences that his death caused.
No, she told herself firmly. I let it go. I kept going.
There were a lot of people on the clean, tidy streets of Santa Barbara. Every now and then, they stopped and greeted her, asking her how she was feeling, if there was anything they could do for her, that they were there for her, and so on. And so it was almost every day. After all, she took a large number of them from Seattle. Many were former members of the WLF, former Seraphites, or ordinary people who found themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time. She told herself she'd atoned for her sins when she took these people to safety, so many of them. If only you were here to see this, Owen, she thought with a sad smile. He'd be very proud of her, as would her dad. The world lost a lot when they died, but Abby swore to herself she'd give back to the world what they could not.
"Hey, Abs." a very tall man approached from the other side of the street. Black haired Daniel was one of the best soldiers the Santa Barbara had, and Abby's direct subordinate. That didn't stop him from testing his chances with her several times already. He was one of the Fireflies she found in Santa Barbara, and he was funny from time to time. But she hated it when he called her Abs. Manny, her best friend, used to call her that. He was dead too.
Abby gave Daniel a stern look when the latter halted in front of her. She stopped pouting the moment she noticed the absence of his usual jokester expression. Daniel was rarely serious, even in serious situations, so his seriousness at the moment meant something big.
"Spill it."
He scratched the back of his head. His black hair was cut short, ending in a fade below his ears, and he fancied a full beard. Even though he irritated her greatly, Abby would lie to herself if she said Daniel wasn't a handsome man. And he was only a couple years older.
"It's about Doctor Thomas and the other two." Daniel said, frowning. "They were arguing about something."
Donovan, Vanessa, and Doctor Thomas were the three leaders of Santa Barbara. All of them were former Fireflies, though not members of Abby's group from Salt Lake City that was led by Marlene. Abby sighed, "What about?" The three of them have argued a lot lately. It was not a good sign.
Daniel kept quiet until a larger group of people, about a dozen of them, walked past. These were matters of communal security, not for everyone to hear. Daniel was eavesdropping, no doubt. He'll get himself in trouble one of these days for that.
"I don't know." Daniel whispered, and looked around to check if anyone was too close to hear. Lev was an exception, he knew Abby wouldn't hide anything from him. "They were yelling at each other."
"Shit." Abby sighed, "Even Doctor Thomas?"
Daniel nodded again, "I know, right? That's not something you see every day." Even Lev was taken aback when he learned that the epythom of calmness was that doctor Thomas had lost his cool."This isn't good, Abby."
"I'm sure they'll get over it, soon. Don't get your jitters up."
"I guess you're right," Daniel shrugged, "but I'm still worried. Everything is going well so far. But for how long?"
In a way, Abby understood that perhaps there was a reason for worry. Two completely different styles of leadership clashed with each other. Peace and war, just like with the slavers. "It will be all right. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a shower. I spent at least half a day at the grounds training this little idiot to throw a punch."
Daniel smirked at Lev, who gave Abby an annoyed expression, and they parted ways with said goodbyes. Abby's place was near the center of the town, quite an ordinary house. She remembered Donovan's demanding her to get a bigger house, as a representative of her standing among the other people, but Abby still declined. What good was a big house for her? Even with Lev and Yara living with her, it was still too big for the three of them. And it only added additional chores, which she never liked doing anyway. The night fell soon after, and the street lamps turned on, providing light. The air was cool when Abby walked outside, heading for the beach, alone. The beach stretched out alongside the water, these constant friends chattering as the water came in her reassuring way, as if her joy was to soothe the sand. Abby was wearing slippers. Slippers. Slippers after the end of the world. It was unbelievable. Inside the walls, no one would guess the world was over. If only the others were here, life would be perfect. Perhaps, it was not the end of the world after all?
Even at this late hour, so many people were outside. Each time she saw a couple walking on the beach, holding hands, she was reminded of Owen. Only a while ago, she was crying almost every night, but she was moving in the right direction, learning to accept the fact that he was gone. His death and her father's death struck her the most of all. She heard laughter coming from so many people that it made it easier for her. Life was good here, and she wanted to live it to the full.
Abby stopped when a stronger wave washed saltwater over her feet. The water was refreshing, and the light wind was pleasant on her skin, carrying the braid she still wore. The braid had gotten even longer now, almost reaching her waist. Though, she should have it shortened a notch, it was getting impractical.
The sound of ripples of sand made her turn, and she saw a man approaching her. Doctor Thomas was a man of her height and had dark blonde hair of medium length, which was combed to the side. His short beard was neatly trimmed, and his piercing blue eyes always seemed to know some secret about the world that no one else knew.
"Hello, Abby," he said in his usual calm voice, keeping both hands in the pockets of his white doctor's coat.
"Let me guess, another late night at the lab? You're working too hard, Doctor."
He just laughed and stood beside her, staring at the infinity of the dark ocean, at the blackness disappearing on the horizon. Behind them, in the distance, the muffled voices of Santa Barbara residents could still be heard. "Someone has to work late, right?"
There is no doubt that he was still working on one of his experiments, researching something, some new drugs. Dr. Thomas reminded her a lot of her father, not only because they were both very dedicated doctors, but also because of their personalities and morals. They were both struggling to make a better world. She met Dr. Thomas when she came to Santa Barbara, but he seemed terribly familiar. He said he knew her father, and Abby assumed she probably met him when she was young, but she didn't remember. He always had an incredibly calming aura around him, and Abby even felt silly when she even thought of him yelling at other people. But she didn't dare ask him what they were arguing about. Whatever it was, it was between them, and Abby didn't want to interfere for now.
"As far as I've been able to tell, Lev looks a lot better the last few days."
Abby laughed, "He's strong."
"Yes, but don't deny your own merits."
Abby looked at him questioningly.
"If it weren't for you, he wouldn't have made it this far."
"Well, someone has to be with him." Abby said, shrugging. "He's family."
The doctor nodded silently at her with a sad smile. She knew he lost his family, but so did everyone. For the next few moments, the two of them chatted about ordinary topics, whether it was about people, Santa Barbara, or life. Abby always enjoyed those little conversations of theirs.
"Is everything okay, Doctor? You really look tired."
"Bah," he waved his hand in protest, "It's nothing to worry about, just another stressing day with Donovan and Vanessa. Sometimes it's hard to keep them at bay. They got this new idea that I don't agree with, and you know how it is."
Abby sighed, "Tell me about it. They're hard people."
"They're also good people, just too stubborn at times."
Abby rolled her eyes, "So are you. You really need to rest, Doctor."
"I'll rest when I die." he told her with a convincing smile, "There's still a lot to do in the lab."
Abby sighed angrily, but she knew he was too stubborn to persuade. As he walked away from her, Abby watched him. She watched his left arm, which was now out of his pocket. It ended in a stump where a fist should be. Not long after, she went back home. The night walk was as pleasant as ever, it emptied her thoughts. And now, sleep. Another busy day awaits her tomorrow.
x
Ellie sat by the window of her room in the hospital wing, enjoying the warmth. It was the first time she'd seen the sun in days. The afternoon breeze was refreshing, laden though it was with the scents of cooking. Today, the weather was chilly, which made her smile. It was a nice response to the usual Wyoming winter, with snow piled up at the sides of the buildings and icicles hanging from the eaves.
The warmth that Ellie was enjoying, however, had nothing to do with the heat in the air.
Sunlight shone upon the settlement. In the streets, people kept stopping and looking up toward the open sky. The clouds still lurked on the horizon, but they were broken around the mountain tops in an unusual ring that spread as minutes and hours went on. It was a beautiful mix of yellow and orange light, like in one of the landscape paintings Ellie had made a while ago.
The warmth that Ellie felt was not caused by sunlight. She was not aware of the reason; she just felt that way.
"You should get back to bed." Dina demanded.
Ellie turned her head. The window was wide open. Ellie sat on the chair with her knees bent, her bare toes touching the wall. Her sneakers lay on the floor beside a stack of other clothes. She was wearing that clothing when she was shot. The hole in her skin, on the left side of her chest just under the collarbone, looked nasty at first, but Ellie hardly felt any pain now. It hurt when she moved hastily, but she was anything but hasty at the moment.
Dina paced the room, irritated when Ellie didn't listen. The hospital wing, despite being close to the main gates, survived the horde of the infected, but Ellie wondered if it had ever survived anything quite like Dina in a pique. The dark-haired girl had spent the last three days stalking through the corridors like a crackling thunderhead, intimidating doctors and terrifying nurses.
"Three days," Dina said. "Three days he's been gone! That Big Paul and his lunatics are still here, and Benjamin Walker is missing."
"He's not missing." Ellie said softly. For some reason, she wasn't scared for him. "Ben knows where he is."
"You talk as you do as well," Dina said, her voice curt.
"I don't. But I know he needs to be alone."
Dina cut off. She walked over to the corner table and poured herself a cup of chilled tea that had been resting there for the past hour.
Ellie turned her eyes northward again, into the distant, cloud-smothered haze. He's probably out there somewhere. Dina told her about everything that happened. Once she was shot, Ben carried her back to the town, where he ordered Nathan and Amelie to be hunted down. They caught Nathan, but Dina and Jesse saved Amelie before she was killed. She still remembered the shock when she heard that Ben wanted to torture Nathan before killing him. Lately, Ben seemed more dangerous than he ever had before. All her doubts about Ben faded away when she was told that he didn't. Something happened to him that night when he wanted to torture Nathan; something changed him. She simply knew it. Ellie felt it when thinking about him. When Ben comes back, he won't be the same person.
"It's going to be okay, Dina," she said.
"How can you say that?" The woman took a sip of her tea. "He didn't kill anyone that night, but that doesn't mean he's not dangerous. You heard what he nearly did to Nathan, Ellie."
"He shouldn't be blamed for what he 'nearly' did, Dina. He stopped himself."
"He didn't stop himself when he killed all those people in Seattle."
"That was different."
"I'm not listening to this."
Ellie took a deep breath. Dina had been goading her into arguments lately; she certainly had good reason to be tense with everything that happened. Ellie started to reply, but motion drew her attention. Jesse entered the small room a moment later. He has been looking a lot better since he started recovering. Color returned to his face and he was back in his usual form. He had a serious look on his face, and his eyes were filled with uncertainty.
"He's here."
Ellie burst from the hospital wing towards the main gate and dashed across the streets. Dina ran after her, pleading for her to go back to bed, arguing that she was still too weak to walk, let alone run. What seemed like an entire worth of settlement folk flooded out around Ellie, most of them completing what they had for the day. But it looked as though all of them were going to see Ben. Since when had he become such a celebrity? It was galling how easily they outpaced her, but that was only because she couldn't move fast from being wounded. She was impatient, dying to see him.
And there he was.
Ellie pulled up sharply, looking through the couple dozen people that crowded the clearing in front of the main gate, a lot of them stopping in motion to speak and whisper something to each other, eyeing the man that stood in front of them all.
Ben wore the black poncho that hid his arms, falling loose from his shoulders. Now that he was close, the warmth she felt seemed to increase tenfold. He met her gaze, and she was amazed at what she saw in him. Those blue gemstones eyes of his were deeper. There were faint wrinkles around them. Had those been there before? Probably, but surely he was too young for that. Still, she wasn't surprised, considering all the stress he had to go through.
Those eyes did not look young. Ellie felt a moment of panic as his eyes held hers. Was this the same man? Had the Ben she loved been stolen away, replaced by someone else she could never know or understand? Had she lost him?
And then he smiled, and the eyes – deep though they had become – were his. That smile was something she'd been waiting for a very long time to see again. It was now much more confident than the one he'd shown her during the last couple of weeks, yet it was still vulnerable. It let her see a part of him that others were never allowed to see.
That part was the youth, somehow innocent still. She walked up to him, confident and calm as much as she could be. "You idiot! Three days? What have you been doing for three days?"
"Existing, Ellie," was such a Ben answer, and he was hesitant whether to hug her or not. Many eyes were on them.
"I wasn't aware that was such a difficult thing."
"It has been for me at times." He fell silent, and she was content to just look at him for now. She'll snuggle up to him later. Yes, this was the same man. Changed – and for the better – but still Ben. Suddenly it became really hard to resist the temptation to embrace him. And she did. She embraced him in front of everyone. Let them watch.
Finally, she exhaled, reluctantly pulling back. He smiled. God, but it felt good to see that expression on his face again! He seemed afire with life. The thrill of it was intoxicating. He left an arm around her, as he turned to regard the other people. "I have to apologize." Though the courtyard behind them was in chaos a moment before, the silence befell. "To all of you. In all the pain, I've lost sight of myself."
"You're a reckless young man, Ben." Maria said, stepping forward from the crowd. She studied him, "We can't have that in Jackson. That's not how we survived for so long."
"I promise you will never see such thing again." Ben said, "Not of my own choice, and not without informing any of you."
Maria didn't budge. "I've heard a number of promises before. Promises are just words."
"That is true," Ben said, meeting her eyes. "But I'm afraid I can't give you anything else now. If that's not enough, I'll be glad to leave."
Ellie looked sharply at Ben with eyes widened, then at Maria, who watched him as though she was weighing her next answer. She probably was.
"I don't think I'd want that." Maria said, after several moments of silence, intensely spent. "It's useful to have your men keep the dam in working order. Besides, I don't think anyone with an ounce of brain would dare attack them."
Ben frowned at Maria's comment, offended. Ellie didn't think it would be a good idea to provoke Ben over the insanity of his men. Most of them were crazy, true, but it was almost a jab at himself. She exhaled when Ben decided not to bark back.
"I guess we have an agreement, then." Ben said.
Something passed between them, something Ellie didn't understand, and Maria nodded, looking more relaxed. Twenty of Ben's men – including Big Paul – walked up to two of them, while others parted to let them through. Ben and Big Paul nodded to each other, and the giant of a man stood guard by his side. They looked menacing, eyeing the town folk as if they were willing to attack. Ben's word was all they were waiting for. And somehow, Ellie knew they'd attack if he ordered them to.
"Ben?" Ellie said.
"It will be okay," he said, "I'll give them purpose. This was one of the things I needed to fix. One of many." He took his arm from around her and scanned the street, feeling hesitant, as if he were looking for something. Whatever it was, he didn't see it, so he began to stride toward the people that watched him. Many of them parted to let him pass. The crowd grew still. Ben continued down between the people, looking at each of the people gathered around him, not speaking. Ellie glanced to the side. Near the end of the line, Nathan kept glancing at Ben, then looking away. She was dumbfounded to see him there. He seemed to have shrunken into himself, hoping that Ben would ignore him.
Ben eventually reached him. "Look at me, Nathan." Ben said softly.
"I-I'm sorry, I just-"
"Do it."
Nathan did so with an odd difficulty. He looked as if he was gritting his teeth, his eyes watering.
"I won't kill you, but if it was up to me, I'd send you away." Ben said. Ellie could feel his disappointment. Then he looked at the side, to where Amelie was standing. The pretty Gipsy girl had pulled away from Ben, her head turned. "Both of you."
"I'm sorry-" Nathan persisted on apologizing. Ellie felt pity for the boy, he was terrified.
"Stop apologizing, Nathan."
"Why…" Nathan said. "Why are you sparing me?"
"Because today is a day of reunion," Ben said. "Not a day of death. I know you won't forgive me for causing the death of your sister, but know that I won't forgive you for shooting Ellie. Are we clear?"
The boy just nodded and dashed towards his sister, pulling her to the side. No doubt he wanted to get away from him as far as possible. The two Gypsies stumbled away, looking drained. The others that were gathered watched with surprise and confusion. Big Paul's men, however, began whispering between each other. Nathan and Amelie seemed to keep to the shadows as they ducked between the houses. Amelie was crying again.
Ellie stepped up to Ben, taking his arm carefully. So many people eyed them with interest until Maria clapped her hands twice, dispersing the crowd, shouting at them to move on with their work.
"This is not some damn opera show!" The leader of Jackson yelled angrily, "Move your lazy asses!"
As the crowd dispersed, Ben and Ellie were left alone, until Jesse and Dina approached them. Dina just stared at them with a raised eyebrow, though Jesse seemed to smirk about something. "Ben? What was that?" Dina asked after a while, eyes still dashing down and up from their hands. She didn't seem surprised, though. By now, she has probably figured it out on her own.
"I…" he said, sounding so tired. Emily stood nearby. She had just walked out from behind one of the houses, pausing at one of the street lamps. Ben stirred up suddenly, and Ellie realized what he'd been searching for earlier.
Emily looked at her brother, falling still. Her blonde hair, that was usually tied in a ponytail, was now let loose. She looked at William, the settlement blacksmith, a boulder of a man and her boyfriend, who stood silently at her side. Ben walked over, stopping near her, hesitant. Ellie could feel his reluctance, his shame, his terror. It was radiating outwards from him. It seemed so strange. Ben - who'd attack the infected horde by himself to save her, who fought the whole factions by himself – was afraid of his sister.
Ben took the last few steps in two sudden strides and grabbed Emily in an embrace. He was as tall as his sister, but in that posture, he seemed but a child who was clinging to her.
Ben squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm sorry, Em," he whispered. Ellie could barely hear. "I'm so sorry."
"It's all right, Ben. It's all right."
"I've done so much that is terrible."
"All of us do it from time to time. But you didn't break, that's the important part."
Ben nodded. They held each other for a time.
x
Late at night, Ben slipped out of Ellie's home. Stepper was tied not too far away from the house, left outside. He returned on his own to the settlement and refused to go to the stables, so they kept him near Ben. Ben hesitated, looking somewhere nearby, in the darkness. Something should be there, looking back at him. She should be somewhere near. She was always there with him.
But it didn't feel like there was anyone there but him.
Ben backed away, then mounted Stepper. He breathed a sigh of relief as Stepper gently trotted down the streets of Jackson at midnight. Somewhere nearby, people were singing by the fire. He didn't know the song. A young couple walked past him. He glanced over his shoulder. They were looking directly at him, turning their heads when they saw he noticed.
He heeled the horse towards the graveyard, on the southern part of the town. By the time he reached the gates, Ben had changed his mind. But he watched it from the saddle. His own grave was still there next to Tom's. It was funny in a way, kind of ironic as well. But he found it fitting.
Emily wanted to remove it, but Ben told her to leave it. Ben did die back there in Seattle, in a way. His old, naïve self could never survive in this world. Old Ben, who wouldn't let go of anguish that tore him from the inside. It swallowed him, shredded him. Fighting it was too hard. Ben was spent.
Let go. His father's choice.
He wanted so badly to protect everyone, the people who believed in him. Their deaths, and the dangers they faced, were an enormous weight upon him. Once, he asked himself how could a man just… let go? To Ben, it felt like letting go of responsibility.
Ben squeezed his eyes shut, thinking of all those who had died. Starting with Tom, whom he had sworn to himself to protect.
Ben. Tom's voice in his head. But it sounded weird and older, yet he knew it was his voice. That would've been his voice had he lived to grow up. Let go, Ben. You have embraced your death. Embrace mine.
Embrace ours.
All of us.
Tears slowly leaked from the corners of his eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
Why?
"I've failed."
No. Not yet you haven't.
And then, he let go.
He let go of the guilt. He let go of the shame for having not saved Tom and all the others.
He let them rest in peace.
Names streamed from his head. Starting with Tom's name and ending with hundreds of others. One by one – first slowly, but with increasing speed – he counted backward through the list he had once maintained in his head. He hadn't realized how large it had become, how much he had let himself carry.
The names ripped from him like physical things, like doves aflight, and each one carried away a burden. Weight vanished from his shoulders. His breathing grew steadier. It was as if William had come with his hammer and shattered a thousand chains that had been dragging behind Ben.
Ben opened his eyes and felt his life start anew.
x
Benjamin Walker – just Benjamin Walker – woke up in a dark room by himself. A candle that Ellie left by the TV on the other side of the room went out long ago. She said she wasn't afraid of the dark, but she never liked sleeping in pitch black darkness. He didn't blame her, not after everything she went through. Ben breathed deeply, stretching. He felt as if he'd just slept long and deep. Ellie was taking a bath, he concluded, by the sound of water splashing. Why was she taking a bath this early? Then he saw it through the window, the first light.
He reached to his side and felt the scar below his ribs, rubbing it with his thumb. It still hurts from time to time, but not now. No pain. For the first time in a long while, there was no pain. He almost didn't know what to make of it.
A mirror, he thought. I need a mirror.
There was a mirror hanging on the wall near the bathroom. Looking into it, he saw a young, pale, white-haired head looking back at him. Blue eyes penetrated him from the other side, and that was it. His own blue eyes, not someone else's.
At first, it took him awhile to get used to it. But it felt right. Finally, it felt right.
The door to the bathroom swung open, and Ellie walked out, wearing only a towel. Damp hair was slicked backwards, she still cut it short. Ben liked it better that way. Her feet left wet marks on the wooden floor as she walked over to the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of water.
She twitched into a jump when she saw him standing by the mirror. "Shit, you scared me. You're up early."
He walked over to the other side of the room, leaning onto the counter next to her, "Couldn't sleep."
"Bad dreams?"
"Not really. I can't remember the last time I had one of those, though."
"Yeah, me too," she said and put the glass down, walking back to him, taking him in a warm embrace. The towel loosened a bit.
"Someone's cuddly." Ben said, smirking.
She smiled, "Maybe. I'm not in the mood for patrol."
"Me neither." He said and swung his arm over her shoulder and pressed her harder against him. "I like this, you know."
"What?"
"All of this. You. Us. Everything else."
It's now been several months since they got together. Ben left his house to move in with Ellie after he found out that Emily was pregnant. Will moved in soon after Ben moved out. Eventually, he learned of Ellie's immunity. While he found it hard to believe at first, he saw it first hand. It thickened their bond even more, even though it seemed impossible at the moment. And it was a relief that she wasn't going to die from the infection. Ben didn't know if he could handle another close call in such a short time. The Spring Festival has passed since then, the Gypsies have returned once more. It was quite a thing, to see so many people laughing, rejoicing, and enjoying life, in particular after everything the town had been through. Nathan and Amelie stuck around until the Gypsies left. Then, they left with their people.
Ever since, he has had such a turnaround in life.
"I wouldn't want it any other way." She said, giving him a kiss on the cheek before she pulled away to dress herself. He watched her towel fall off as she rummaged through her clothes to find a suitable combination for patrol. Nothing too thick, he was sure. Judging by the cloudless sky, it promised another warm day. She walked around the room completely nude and unbothered. She got used to him seeing her that way. Ellie was never particularly shy. He was, though. Still, seeing her that way drove the sleepiness away, and Ben began wondering how much time they had before the patrol.
"I know that look." Ellie said, grinning, "Dress up, cowboy. We don't have time for that now."
Ben sighed in disappointment and began rummaging through his closet, pulling out a white shirt he decided to wear. Suddenly, her hands wrapped around his waist from behind and she rested her head on his shoulder. "I know a cool place just an hour's ride away…" He grinned before she could even finish her sentence, and hurried to dress up. It was going to be a good day after all.
God, man. You're hopeless, he thought with a sly smile, Hopelessly in love with her, and there's no way out of it.
He breathed a sigh of relief once he rode through the town gates, Ellie following closely behind. The morning chill was still lingering, so he kept the red poncho. It was lighter, and thinner. The heat won't bother him once the morning chill fades away.
Ben felt it in the air. Peace. He just had not had the leisure to enjoy it until now. That will be new, he thought. Not being chased, or having to kill people here or there. Traveling and riding where he could just sleep in an abandoned house without worrying that Annabel would drive him mad. He thought about that, and found himself laughing, riding on south. Ellie gave him a questionable gaze, but he just smiled at her. It was not perfect, nor would it ever be. Some damage could never be undone, but one could only live on and fight for what's left in life.
The wind rose high and free, to soar in an open sky with no clouds. It passed over a landscape that turned green a while ago. It tickled the branches of trees that seemed to make the dancing moves. The wind blew southward, through knotted forests, over shimmering plains and towards another lands he never visited.
Maybe he will one day.
One day.
END OF BOOK 2
A/N: The end... for now.
I'll be taking a break over the summer since I'm going to spend about 5 months in the United States (I'm from Europe) on a student exchange program. While I'd be glad to write while I'm there, I'll be too busy to do so. Perhaps I could if I had a laptop (I only own PC for now), but it is what it is. There are some things that I wish I'd done different in book 2, like for example, Ben learning of Ellie's immunity. I had such an idea for idea, but the story took a different turn and I never got to use it.
Anyways, I'm glad I managed to finish the second book before leaving for the States, all of you deserve it. Your support over the last year (soon to be two) had inspired me to write like never before. I enjoy reading your reviews so much and you guys made so many of my days. Therefore, I thank you! I wouldn't be able to do this without all of you.
Regarding the third, and final (hopefully) book, I have some ideas which I've yet to materialize into a writable stuff. But I'll give you a hint. It'll be about Ellie's immunity.
Until next time,
Cheers!
