Liv has been lying in her hospital bed heartbroken. She knows she needs to call Fitz, but she doesn't have the heart to do it. She knows he's going to rush back when there is nothing that can be done now. But she knows he needs to know. She decides to call Abby and Sonja first. She can't reach Abby but Sonja rushes right over. Curtis had her things and gave it to her, but he's been waiting outside. He didn't want to leave her in that condition.
Sonja is sitting there at her bedside, searching for the words. "Anything you want me to do." Liv nods. "You need to eat something."
"I'm not hungry," Liv responds.
"Liv you need to call Fitz," Sonja suggests.
Liv just lets the tears flow, "This was an important meeting and deal. He can't just leave it."
Sonja reaches and passes her a Kleenex, "You are way more important to him than a deal and you know that."
"I don't want to see it," Liv responds.
"See what?"
Liv looks at Sonja sadly, "The look in his eyes."
Sonja is confused, "What look?"
"Disappointment," she answers through the tears that are falling. "He was so excited about the baby. We had decided to wait, you know, until that 12-week period and tell everyone."
Sonja knows Liv well. They are like sisters. "Were you happy about the baby?"
Liv takes a deep breath. "Honestly, not at first. I don't know why; kids have never been a priority to me. It's not something that has been a dealbreaker for me. But then there's Fitz. I love his kids. They are wonderful and he's such a great dad. I couldn't do any better in the dad department."
"But" Sonja urges her to continue.
"I don't know. I just feel like I am not ready, but I guess the decision was made for me and I feel so guilty for not being excited at first and now I'm heartbroken that I lost it," she says, rubbing her stomach.
Sonja holds her hand, "It's okay to not be ready. It's okay to not know how you feel about being a parent or wanting to be one."
"I just feel like I have no good reason to feel that way," Liv cries.
"Hey," Sonja smiles. "The human body is a tricky thing. It's not your fault you had this miscarriage. It's just human nature. Your body wasn't ready but maybe this put everything into perspective for you."
Liv tries to smile through the pain, "It does. I am heartbroken because I'm not anymore. I haven't been able to close my eyes because all I can see is a little Fitz running around and I think I want that. I know I want that. But maybe…" Liv trails off and drops her head.
"Maybe what?"
"This is my punishment for Jake. I never should have done what I did to him. It's karma. It came back and bit me in the ass and now I am paying for it and so is Fitz. What if I am never able to carry a child? That could be my punishment."
"Jake was not a good person," Sonja quickly argues.
"But he was still my husband, and I should have told him the truth."
"Jake was not good husband either. He lied to you a lot and cheated. Did you really want to have a children with him?"
Liv shakes her head, "Two wrongs don't make a right. I am being punished."
Sonja takes Liv's hand into hers, "You are not being punished. This just happened and it happens to millions of women all the time. You two can try again. And you two are like rabbits so you'll have fun doing that."
"I keep screwing up. I didn't tell him about Curtis. I had lunch with Curtis and now Curtis is the one who brought me to the hospital."
"Thank goodness. You could have been lying there all alone," Sonja reminds her.
"But omitted to tell Fitz who I went to lunch with before he left, when I should have. And I can't lie to him about what happened. I just hope he understands."
Sonja thinks long and hard about what she's going to say. "You need to tell Fitz about you and Curtis. The little part he doesn't know about. I know it's in the past but it's an important part of your past. Curtis is always going to be an important piece for you."
"That's not something I want to think about or talk about," Liv answers defensively.
"Come on Liv. It is nothing to be embarrassed about."
Liv shakes her head. She quickly decides to change the subject. "Can you stay with me tonight? I know he's going to catch the first flight out but until he does."
"Of course! And Abby texts me. I told her what's going on. I'll tell her to meet us at the penthouse."
"I was going to call Corinne, but she seems to be upset with me and I don't know why. I am sorry I dragged you over here."
"Girlie, we are sisters. I'll drop everything for you. That's how we take care of each other," Sonja answers. "Why would Corinne be upset with you?"
"I don't know but something seemed off about our conversation."
"I'm sure it's nothing," Sonja brushes off. "I am going to go make a few calls. They are going to be in with your discharge papers, and we can get you home."
"I'm going to call Fitz. I have to get it over with." Liv sits up in the bed.
Sonja can see the worry on her face, "It's going to be okay."
Liv holds the phone for a few seconds and then calls him. Secretly she is wishing he doesn't pick up. She doesn't know if she can bare to tell him. He picks up, as if he was waiting for her. "I was just about to call you Mrs. Grant."
She immediately begins to cry silently, "Do you miss me?"
"More than anything. I think we just verbally closed a deal already. I had a little break, so I wanted to talk to my two babies. How are you both feeling?" He asks so excitedly.
The excitement in his voice just renders her wordless. She takes a gulp. "That's wonderful about the deal."
Fitz can hear the sadness in her voice, "Livvie, what's wrong? And don't tell me nothing because I know you. I can hear it in your voice. Is everything okay? Are you and the baby, okay? Do I need to come home?"
She knows there is not a safe way to say this. "I lost the baby Fitz."
Fitz stops in his tracks. It's like he got the wind knocked out of him. "Livvie, what did you say?"
"I lost the baby…. we lost the baby," she repeats. The tears are trickling down her face. She can't see the hurt in his face, but she can feel it in his tone. The sound that she knew would be unbearable to hear.
"What happened?"
"I don't know. I just started feeling bad cramps and I knew something was wrong. By the time I got to the hospital, it was too late."
Fitz is looking around for Harrison. He's almost frantic. "Are you in the hospital now? I am going to get out here as soon as possible."
"They are discharging me. Fitz, there is nothing you can do. Sonja is with me. She and Abby are going to stay with me tonight. You need to finish this meeting Fitz," Liv urges.
"And my wife just lost our baby...," he answers. "I don't think so."
"Fitz, I am okay. Finish your deal. I'll be here."
"Liv, these people will understand. I'll be home as soon as I can get there," he says as he's now running through the halls looking for Harrison. "I love you," he whispers.
She tries not to completely break down. "I love you too…. I'm so sorry."
"I'm sorry I wasn't there with you. I'll be there as soon as I can." There is a long silence. He whispers again, "I love you." They hang up and Liv lays there crying when there is a knock at the door. She tries to dry her face. "Come in."
Curtis walks in. She smiles. "Hey!"
"Hey!"
"I talked to Sonja outside. She said they are going to let you go home. That's good," he says as he walks closer to the bed. He can tell that she's been crying. "I'm sorry."
Liv shrugs her shoulder, "Thanks! And thank you for being there and helping me."
"Always. I'll never break that promise."
"I talked to Fitz. He's coming home. I'm also going to tell Fitz what happened, you know, years ago. I don't want him to be jealous of our relationship, but I also want him to understand it."
"I understand and I'm sorry if I put you in an awkward position."
Liv smiles, "I put myself in one. That's on me."
"I'm gonna try to get a flight out tonight unless you want me to stay."
Liv reaches out her hand, "No, I want you to go home and try to save your marriage. You've rescued me enough. You try to go rescue your marriage. Call one of those therapists."
Curtis takes her hand and kisses the top, "I promise I am going to. I'll check in with Harrison and see how you are doing."
"Thanks," she smiles as she pats his hand. She watches as Curtis walks out.
Corinne is walking into the hospital when she sees Curtis and Sonja talking. She's there for a meeting about the charity benefit she's putting together when she notices the two. She knows it's the same guy she saw with Olivia and now he's talking to Sonja. She decides to not walk over. But it doesn't sit well with her.
Liv and Sonja have gotten home. She's gotten Liv in bed, although Olivia insists on being up and about. She's fixing her something to eat, to try and get her to eat. Liv's been crying since they left the hospital. Abby got held up at work so Sonja is acting as babysitter. She called Maya and Eli to tell them what happened. Of course, it came as a surprise to them that she was pregnant at all. She was going to call Corinne, but she remembered the conversation she and Liv had about Corinne's strange behavior. So, she thought the better of it. Liv had Sonja to call April, as she would have to cancel her appointments for the rest of the week.
Sonja goes into Liv's room with the soup. Liv is turned to the side, staring at the beautiful view of the Chicago skyline which has a beautiful look when night is beginning to fall. "I got you some soup Liv."
"I'm not hungry," Liv says.
"I know you probably aren't, but you have to eat," Sonja says walking over to the other side of the bed to face her.
"I'm not hungry," Liv repeats.
"But you are going to eat," Sonja says sternly.
"Sonja," Liv starts but they are interrupted by another voice.
"You need to eat Liv," Fitz says. Both Sonja and Liv are startled.
"Fitz," she says lightly.
Sonja looks between them, "Well, I am going to go and clean up the kitchen and then I'll leave." Fitz has already made his way over to Liv.
He looks up at Sonja, "Thanks so much for taking care of her."
"Of course! I'll knock before I leave," Sonja says as she heads out.
Just then Fitz's phone rings. He pulls it out, seeing its Corinne. He decides he will call her later. "I'll call her later."
"Who is it?" Liv says.
"Mom," he says nonchalantly. He can see Liv's face grimace. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she waves off.
"Liv."
"She was just truly short with me when I talked to her earlier today and I don't know why. Maybe you should call her. She was anxious to talk to you."
He takes her hand and kisses it. "My wife needs me right now. I am sure mom is okay." The combination of Fitz being there, and his love is all too overwhelming.
"I'm so sorry," she says.
"It's okay baby. None of this is your fault."
"I feel like it is,"
"You had a miscarriage. It happens. You can't blame yourself."
"I know how excited you were, and I feel like I let you down," Liv says as she lets the tears fall.
Fitz gets up and gets in the bed, letting her rest on him. "Am I disappointed? Yes, but that's only because I would love to have a little piece of you and me that we made together. But will a baby make or break our marriage? No, it won't." He kisses her on top of her head.
She squeezes him tighter, "I feel guilty," she whispers into his chest.
"Why?" He asks as he lifts her chin.
"Because I really didn't want a baby and not because I don't love you. I don't know why the thought of being a mother scares me to death, but it does. And…." She stops and buries her face back into Fitz's chest.
"And what?" Before she can answer his phone rings again. He looks to see it's his mother calling. "What is on fire?" He speaks.
"Who is it?"
"Mom," he says shaking his head.
"Go talk to her. I'll be here," she tries to lighten the mood.
"Okay but please try to eat," he says as he gets up. She agrees as he goes out of the door. He answers the phone. "Hi Mom! What's on fire?"
"What do you mean?" Corinne says.
"You have been calling me nonstop. What's going on?"
"When are you coming home? Olivia told me you were out of town."
", I just made it back. I had to cut my trip short. Olivia is not feeling well, and I needed to be here."
She softens, "Is she okay?"
Fitz solemnly smiles, "She will be."
Corinne feels some guilt, "How about I come over tomorrow?"
"That's fine of course," Fitz says.
"I'll bring over some of my famous vegetable beef soup," she suggests.
"I'm sure she'd love that," Fitz says as Sonja approaches. She stops. "Thanks mom!" He hangs up, directing his attention to Sonja.
"Kitchen is cleaned. There's another container of soup if you want some. I'll give you two some privacy. I'll check in on her," Sonja says.
"Thanks for being there for her," Fitz says.
"I got to the hospital as fast as I could, but she was in good hands," Sonja answers. Fitz didn't really clue in on what she said.
"But you were with her and I'm just glad she wasn't alone."
Sonja decides not to add more to the flame. She knew this was something Liv had to tell Fitz on her own. "I would say if you needed anything just call but your mom is coming. Mamas know what to do," Sonja laughs.
Fitz laughs, "She will be here tomorrow and don't worry, she promised me she will eat."
"Good," Sonja smiles. "Everything will be okay."
"I know it will," Fitz smiles as he goes back into the room and Sonja leaves. Fitz walks back in to see Liv eating the soup.
"How's your mom?"
"She is good, and she will bring you some of her famous vegetable beef soup tomorrow," he says as he sits on the edge of the bed. "Sonja says she will check in later."
"Did Harrison come back with you?"
"Yes, he did. He was already worried about Quinn. She's having early contractions. And of course, that means I had to tell him what was going on you, us."
"Early contractions," she didn't tell me that.
"She didn't want to worry you, I guess. We need to go and check on her," she starts.
Fitz looks at her with a smirk, "Do you honestly think I am letting you get out of this bed? Quinn is okay and Harrison is with her. If something happens, they will tell us."
She takes a deep breath, "We need to talk."
He knows her now. He knows something is bothering her. But for now, he doesn't want to get into it. He just wants to take care of her. The rest can come later.
Liv places the soup bowl on the nightstand, reaching for his hand. "I am glad you ignored me and came home."
"I'll always ignore you when it is utter nonsense, lady." He laughs as he gives her a chaste kiss. He stares at her for a while.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm sorry if I made you feel like we have to have kids. That's not why I married you. That's not why I chose you. I chose you because I love you. You are everything I dreamed off. You are smart, brave, and sexy as hell. I just wanted to make you mine and I did. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, and I will."
The waterworks seems to have broken even faster for her; she lets the tears just flow. "I didn't know how much I wanted a baby, your baby, until they said I lost it. And I feel like this is karma for what I did to Jake. I never should have lied to him about what happened. I should have been honest." Fitz just lets her talk. "Don't say it's not Karma. It kind of is."
He caresses her arm that is wrapped tightly around his waist. "I don't think God plays tag with babies. I have no room to judge anyone's past marriages. If it were me, then, would I have liked for you to be honest with me and tell me the truth? Yes, I would have. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. Would it have hurt me to say you didn't want our baby and you wanted an abortion? Yes. But at least you were honest."
Liv lifts herself off his chest. She sits up, squaring her shoulders to face him, "I need to talk to you about something."
"I think you need to rest," Fitz says.
She rests her hand on his chest, "This is important."
Fitz can see the strain on her face. "Okay, let's talk." Before Liv can get her words out, there is a phone call from Harrison on Liv's phone. "Let it ring."
"It's Harrison, maybe I should answer," Liv says as he she answers the phone. "Hey Har." She listens to his rambling. "Oh my God," she reaches over and shakes Fitz, "Quinn is in labor." Fitz sits up in the bed. "Okay, we will take you guys to the hospital."
"No, we aren't. I will take them to the hospital. You are staying put," Fitz corrects her.
"Fitz, I am fine."
"Please don't argue with me," he answers.
She directs her attention back to Harrison. "Fitz will take you to the hospital." Fitz gets up and quickly changes his clothes. Liv is throwing on some sweatpants and top.
"What are you doing?"
Liv stops and tilts her head, "I am just going to make sure they have everything they need."
Fitz doesn't argue with that. They make it down to Liv's old condo and help to get Quinn in the car and to the hospital. The adrenalin is so high for all, but Liv takes in this moment. Her brother is having a baby on the day she lost one. She watches Fitz drive away with them as the thought crosses her mind maybe God does play tag.
She goes up to the condo. She cleans up the kitchen and makes sure the baby's room is ready. She then goes back up to the penthouse and sits on the expansive balcony that she's come to love so much. She promised Harrison she's call the parents, so she does.
"Hey Baby," Maya says. "Sonja called me."
"So good to hear your voice mom."
"I'm so sorry. Mother nature wasn't ready just yet. It happens."
"I guess," Liv says sadly.
"Listen, I had a miscarriage before you were born, and I had another before Harrison. I could have had 4 Pope kids running around but it didn't happen," Maya explains.
"You never told me or Harrison," Liv says.
"Well, there was nothing to tell. But you are not alone in this phenomenon that is pregnancy or why miscarriages happen."
Liv was so caught in her emotions, she almost forgot why she was calling. "Mom, that's really why I called. Fitz is taking Harrison and Quinn to the hospital right now. She's in labor."
"What?" Maya screams. "Eli, Quinn is in labor."
Liv can't help but laugh at Maya's excitement. But then an air of sadness hits her. "Mom, calm down."
"We got a flight out for tomorrow already. We will be there as soon as we can," Maya says.
"You are the best mother in the world," Liv says.
Maya stops and smiles, "And you are going to be a wonderful mother someday yourself."
Liv smiles, "Thanks mommy."
"You get you some rest and we will see you tomorrow."
"Okay," Liv says as she hangs up. She goes back inside to watch a little television. She knows Fitz wouldn't leave before knowing everyone is okay. She watches television until her eyes become too heavy to keep open and she falls asleep. Fitz comes in and finds her fast asleep. He reaches down and kisses her head. It doesn't wake her. He decides to jump in the shower and lets her sleep some more. Fitz gets dressed and finds her in the kitchen.
"Did I wake you?" Fitz says, rustling his wet hair.
"No," she smiles, looking at his shirtless chest as pulls a white t-shirt over it.
"You like what you see," Fitz says.
"I love what I see," she smiles. He blushes back. "So, am I an aunt yet?"
"Nope, this baby is stubborn. Harrison told me to go home and take care of his sister and he would call us as soon as the baby is here," he says as he walks over, gently taking by the waist and holding on to her.
"My mother screamed on the phone. The plane won't get her here fast enough tomorrow."
Fitz laughs, "Grandmas are the worst." They both laugh. Liv rests her head on the back of his chest, pulling his arms tighter around her. "You okay," he asks.
"I'm happy for them. Harrison, a daddy, it seems surreal. I know he thinks he won't be, but they'll be great parents."
He kisses the side of her temple, "I love you….one step at a time."
The warmth of his arms is all she needed. "I know. I wish we could start trying again right now."
"It's no rush but when the doctor says we can go at it like rabbits, there's no stopping this good wood."
Liv breaks away from his embrace, laughing, "I can't believe you just said that."
Fitz looks down at his semi erect penis, "I never heard you complain before. Is this good wood?'
She reaches down and massages him gently, "Definitely."
"No fair," he groans.
"I ordered us some takeout we can eat in bed and watch tv. I just want to be in your arms tonight."
"What did you order?"
"Chinese," she smiles. It's both their favorites.
"Sounds good. I am glad I got here so you don't eat it all," he jokes.
"I'm gonna go hope in the shower," Liv announces as she reaches up, kissing his lips. He kisses her back as he goes through some work emails. It seems like everyone understood why he had to leave, and it didn't put a crimp in the process. He felt like they made a good show in just one day. Security calls and asks if they can send the delivery guy and they do. Fitz gets the food, giving the delivery guy a more than generous tip as he gets a tray ready for them to eat.
He's ready to take the phone into their bedroom when Liv's phone, on the counter and it beeps. He decides to take her phone with him. At first, the message disappears but it pops again and that's when he notices the message as it pops up again and he sees who it is from.
I made it home. I know today was hard. I hope you are okay. I hope everything will be okay with you and Fitz. Thanks for always being there for me and I am glad that I could be there for you. Take care of yourself little lady.
It's like his blood starts to boil. What in the world is Curtis doing texting his wife? What was Curtis doing here in Chicago, let alone with his wife. He leaves the food on the counter, going to the bedroom with the phone.
Liv is in the bathroom, finding the right padding for her underwear. Sonja made sure to get that for her before they made it home. While she was washing the blood away, the reality of what happened today was all too real. She couldn't help but cry. She was so glad for the shower drowning out her tears. She's going to talk to Fitz in the morning and she just hopes he can understand. She doesn't want them to be any secrets between them and she knows it was a bad move on her part.
She dries herself off. She dries the back edges that got went in the shower. They can't have a hot and sweaty night but at least she will attack his nose with beautiful scents. She looks in the mirror as she wraps the tie around her waist to the La Perla lingerie. She tries to laugh at the irony of wearing this sexy top but granny panties.
"Fitz, is the food here?" She asks but he doesn't respond. She figures the food hasn't arrived. She opens the bathroom door, putting her clothes in the waste back and walking out to find Fitz sitting on the bed. "You are in here. Is the food here?" He looks up at her, his face was red, and she can tell he's angry. "Fitz, what's wrong?"
He holds up her phone. "You might want to answer this text."
"What?" He passes her the phone; she swipes to see it's a text from Curtis. Her stomach feels like it drops to the floor. She looks up at him, "Fitz…" she starts.
"Curtis was here?"
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Liv starts. She can feel a twitch in her body.
"He knew my wife had a miscarriage before I did," he says angrily.
"Yes, he was there when it happened." She looks at him, to gage him. She knows there is no way for him not to be pissed and she can tell he's pissed. She knows she deserves this wrath.
Fitz studies her, he can tell she nervous about it. "Why?"
"He came to see me and…" Before she can finish her sentence. He interrupts her.
"How long as Curtis been here in Chicago and how many times have you seen him?"
She surprised by the setup of the question, "You make it sound like we are having an affair."
"Are you?" Fitz spits back.
His flippant response catches her by surprise, "You know I would never do that to you."
Fitz is undeterred, "You didn't answer the question. How many times have you seen him?"
"Twice," she says shakily.
It then dawns on Fitz what April said to him on the phone. That she had gone to have lunch with a friend, "You had lunch with him the other day."
She drops her head. "I did and I should have told you. He came by my office to talk, and I was already going to lunch, so he tagged along."
"Why was it a secret?"
"It wasn't a secret. I know how you feel about him and me…. I should have told you we had lunch. It wasn't a secret. I'm sorry."
Fitz takes a breath. "And today…"
"He stopped by the office, and he helped me. He was leaving and picked up some therapist colleagues I know in DC that he and his wife could talk to and…" She feels like a parent who tells a child, to use his words.
"Did you really have a miscarriage?" Fitz asks as he regrets it the moment the words leave his mouth. He drops his head, knowing he can't take it back.
She knows exactly what he is insinuating. She can't even respond; the tears just leave her eyes. She turns around, running into their massive closet, closing the door, and locking it. She strips off her nightgown and robe and puts a fresh pair of sweats and top on. Fitz is beating on the door. He's calling her name over and over. She's just letting herself cry.
"Livvie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."
She doesn't answer. She just opens the door and walk out. "So that's what you think of me. I'm a liar and a cheat. And not to mention a serial baby killer."
"Liv, you know I didn't mean that. It just came out and…"
"Deep down that's what you were thinking. You thought, since I didn't want kids. At least I thought I didn't, that I did to you exactly what I did to Jake," she answers.
"No..I…" He stops. He's felt bad for even thinking it.
"I'm a therapist remember," she answers.
"Did it cross my mind? Yes. But I never thought you'd do that. I was just…"
Liv starts toward the door, "I am going to sleep in the guest room."
He runs after her. She flinches at his touch. He thinks the better what he wants to say next. "I'll sleep in the guestroom. You stay in here." She doesn't react to what he proposes. He goes out. "Goodnight," he offers.
She keeps her head down, not wanting to look at him, "Goodnight." He leaves and closes the door.
She lays on the bed and cries which he can hear from the other side of the door. "Shit," he whispers. He hates when he does that. When he doesn't think before he speaks. And this time, he said the worst thing he could have said to her and made her feel worse than she already felt. He stands at the door and says, loud enough for her to hear, "I'm sorry."
That gesture doesn't do anything buy make her cry more. It's then that she looks down to see a text from Harrison. It's a picture of the cuties little boy. She can tell the blue beanie on his head. The text reads: Can you believe it? I have a son.
Liv smiles at the picture. The baby has perfect little caramel skin and the cutest little newborn frown she's ever seen. Her brother's life was perfect and hers was falling apart. She just sends a simple red heart. She clutches to Fitz's pillow that smells just like him and cries herself to sleep.
What happens next?
