AN: She's baaaack. With a little fluff just to outbalance the dread in the last chapters. You honestly didn't think I would let them drift apart again, now did you?

Disclaimer: I was thinking about letting you help me make up funny disclaimers, but than I'd have to put a disclaimer on the disclaimer, claiming that the disclaimers aren't mine, because claiming that they were would be a lie and ...oh, forget it! Not mine. The characters that is. This disclaimer is mine. Not following? Don't blame you. Oh well...

Best get on with it...

CHAPTER TWELVE

He cut her off with a searing kiss that was so far off her radar that it scared her more than any kind of words could ever do.

She imagined she tasted salt on his lips, but when he let go of her lips, she saw that the tears blinking in his eyes were now falling. So it wasn't her mind playing tricks on her.

"Harm?"

"I'm okay, Mac. It's okay."

"No Harm, it's definitely not. I just told you I have…you know, and instead of running, you cling to me? Pardon me, but I'm lost here."

"Nope, you're not. Not any more. You're found. And I'm not going to lose you again. I've been through that and I don't wanna go through it again."

"Even after…"

"Yes, even after. After everything."

Excited, he was almost tumbling over his own words, he stood up and started pacing the room like a caged polar bear, anxious to get his point across.

"Mac, just hear me out. Don't say anything. Let me explain a few things to you. I love you…"

"Harm…"

She stood too, trying to come face to face with him, the cold forgotten. He put his finger against her lips, shaking his head.

"No interrupting, please."

She nodded, deciding to climb back between the blankets. Heaving a sigh, he plunged back into his monologue.

"I love you. There's nothing I can do about that. Believe me, I've tried. There's just no point. Problem is, I've always known I love you. And I've always hoped or even suspected you might love me too. So if I'd gotten my head out of my six years ago, I wouldn't have turned you down on that ferry, you would never have run to Brumby, you wouldn't have gotten engaged to him, wouldn't have had a reason to run, might even have carried our child instead if his. Conclusion: I'm as much to blame for this mess as you are."

Finally done, he let go of the remains of his breath and fixed his gaze on her, waiting for her answer.

She was…shocked, though not surprised. He'd done it the day before. But that was just about her leaving, not about her ending her own child's life.

Only Harm. Only Harmon Rabb could turn her mess into his fault. His whole line of thought sounded at once ludicrous and logical. But wrong, so very wrong at the same time. For a strong legislator, he could be so dense sometimes.

What was she to do with this man?

"You're crazy, you know that right?"

"No, I don't know that, I…"

"Shut up, Squid. You've had your spotlight, now let me talk."

He almost comically clenched his jaws. She would have laughed if she wasn't so caught up in the seriousness of this moment.

"You're crazy, Harm. Yes, I am and always have been in love with you. Yes, your rejection at the ferry hurt and it made me run into the arms of a man who did want me. But other than that, whatever happened next, especially the way I dealt with this baby was my responsibility and mine only.

Like you said, I didn't have to run, I could have stayed and accepted your help. I know you would have helped. And Bud and Harriet. But I was too caught up in my own misery to even see all the helping hands stretched out to me. You are not solely to blame for my rather unhealthy state of mind, Harmon Rabb. Contributed to it, certainly, but not to blame. I was supposed to be a smart woman, a Marine. I was supposed to be in control of my emotions."

"I know that, Mac. I wasn't saying you're somehow mentally incapable, but…but I do feel guilty for the part I played in our whole sordid history. So many chances, so many roads to take, and when it concerns us, I consequently take the one leading us only further away from each other. I just want to break that pattern…"

"So do I, Sailor. And I'm sure we will, but before we can, we have to quit looking back, seeking blame, beating each other and ourselves up over everything we did or didn't do or say or mean. I refuse to be the victim, nor instigator and most certainly not the martyr and I want you to do the same."

She reached out to him and he finally sat down next to her again.

"You think you can do that?"

"I'm gonna have to try, right?"

He was too tired to smile, but tried anyway.

"Harm, we're both mature, responsible, intelligent people, but we're not perfect. We've both made mistakes in the past and we'll certainly make more of them in the future. But looking back, mulling over what could, should and would have been won't help us. If you still want us to be together, after all that's happened, despite of who's done what to whom whenever, then we should try to forgive each other and more important, ourselves."

"I do want to, Sarah. More than anything."

"Than promise me you won't heave my mistakes onto your shoulders, and I'll promise you the same."

She grinned, before continuing.

"We both make enough mistakes of our own to take the blame for each other's as well. We might collapse underneath the weight."

"Than we'd better carry it together."

He crawled underneath the blankets with her, taking her soft body in his arms.

"I love you, Sarah MacKenzie. Nothing could ever change that. No past mistakes, no future ones. I promise you that, whatever happens between us, we'll take responsibility together, face everything together. I guess that I have always, subconsciously, tried to protect you."

"I don't need that kind of protection, Harm. I'm a Marine. Or will be one again soon, I hope."

"You really do, don't you?"

"Yeah…the thought of going home makes me feel better ever time I think about it. Just…Harm…can you promise me something else?"

"What?"

"Promise me you won't tell any of them about the…you know…" She couldn't even say it.

"Not even the admiral. Please, I'm so ashamed of what I've done, don't tell them."

He nuzzled her neck again, having discovered her particular soft spot. She gasped at the ripple of pleasure running through her.

"I won't tell anyone. I promise. Now, no more of this. No more shame, no more guilt. You'll be fine, we'll be just fine. And who knows, maybe, one day…"

She smiled at the thought, though she feared that even Harm's child, if she was ever to carry it, could not totally make her forget the one that was never meant to be. Because she chose not to make it happen. But for now she didn't want to ruin Harm's attempt at cheering her up, letting herself be swept away by another kiss, and another one…

"Harm, you wanna change 'one day' into 'right now?"

He grinned, kissing the tip of her nose.

"What are you suggesting, Marine?"

"I'm not sure I've earned the right, the trust to ask you yet, but…"

"You have every right to ask me anything, everything, Sarah. No restrictions."

"Than make love to me, Harm. No restrictions."

"That's the one thing you'll never have to ask for, ever again."

He very gently took off her shirt, his sweater, while tracing kisses all over her body, taking her with him in a whirlpool of love, indeed without restrictions, without boundaries, until, together they fell into a wonderful world of oblivion.

Afterward, slowly and reluctantly returning to earth, he wondered why the sun was already rising. He looked down at the heavenly creature in his arms, covered in a light sheen of sweat, so beautiful it almost hurt to look at. Suddenly, she moved in his arms. He'd been sure she was sleeping.

"What time is it?"

Her drowsy voice broke confirmed his own foggy state of mind. He chuckled. This was new, coming from her.

He had no idea what time it was. In his mind, they'd been going at it for at least an hour. Not that he was complaining, not that he'd heard her complain, and hey, if he actually broke her internal Swiss clock in the process, he must have done something incredibly right…no, that wasn't cocky.

"You mean you don't know?"

That earned him a poke in the ribs.

"I must have lost track of time, something got me preoccupied."

She gave him a sweet smile, musing out loud… "Wonder what that was…"

He huffed indignantly, not able to come up with a retort. She just laughed at his face.

Hang on for more sickingly sweet fluff...