Chapter 7: Wilson's job is never done

Wilson walks up to the ICU. He sees two nurses standing outside of House's room. As he gets closer, he can hear them arguing about who has to go in and deal with House. Wilson sighs. He walks over to the nurses and says "What needs to be done? I will do it."

The two nurses look grateful. One of the nurses says "We need his vitals and a blood for a CBC and Chem 7 and a urine sample." Wilson nods. "Dr. House is being very difficult and arguing with everything we try to do."

Why am I not surprised? Wilson says "I'll do it. Can I give you the samples once I get them?"

The nurse says "You can just bring it t the nurses' station. We'll handle it from there. Thank you so much, Dr. Wilson."

Wilson nods. He goes in House's room. House looks up from reading his medical chart and immediately starts complaining to Wilson. "It's about time you came to see me! Who left that viper of an ex-wife in the room alone with me while I was comatose? I'm lucky she didn't smother me to death with a pillow!"

Wilson goes over to House and hands him the urine sample cup. "She wouldn't have smothered you to death. You took her name off all your life insurance policies. She wouldn't have gotten anything out of it."

House sticks the cup under the blanket and provides a sample. "She wouldn't have done it for money; she would've done it for revenge. She's a vindictive little thing; always has been." He slaps the lid on the sample cup and hands it back to Wilson.

Wilson rolls his eyes as he sets the urine sample aside. He gets a blood test kit out. "I was going to say I was glad you're awake, but now I'm not so sure."

"When your next cancer patient comes in to fill you full of lead, I'm going to give Julie first dibs on smothering you," House grumbles.

Wilson puts on a new pair of latex gloves and then ties House's arm off to find a vein. "I don't think we need to worry about me getting shot by a disgruntled patient. Generally, they are pretty happy they survive cancer."

House sneers. "And your disgruntled patients generally die before they ever realize how disgruntled they are."

Wilson shakes his head as he swabs House's arm with an alcohol pad. He then sticks House with the needle and begins to draw the blood. "I don't know why you are so pissed off. You're the one who asked to see her when you woke up, not me. I happen to think Kate is a nice person and she has been nothing but a good friend to me since the day I met her." Wilson swaps out vials and continues drawing blood.

"You just want to get in her well-fitting pants."

Wilson finishes drawing blood and removes the needle from House's arm. He tapes a gauze pad over the needle entry point. "I don't want to sleep with her."

"Why not? Are you gay? Are you secretly carrying a torch for someone else?"

"House! I'm not gay! I'm just not interested in Kate that way."

House narrows his eyes and conspiratorially whispers "But she's hot! Why wouldn't you want to hook up with her?"

Wilson puts the blood samples aside and snatches House's medical chart from his hands. As he makes some notations on the chart he says "I don't want to hook up with her because I value her friendship. Sleeping with her would mess it up. And oh yeah, I don't want to face the wrath of Greg House for hooking up with his ex-wife."

House innocently says "I wouldn't be mad."

Wilson laughs. "You're full of shit." Wilson hangs the chart on the wall and peels off the examination gloves. "How are you feeling?"

House shrugs. "Like I've been shot and been in a coma. I keep clicking the happy fun button, so it's not been too bad. Morphine is a good thing."

Wilson sighs. "How does your leg feel?"

"Eh, I can't tell with the morphine."

Wilson says "Let me run these samples over to the nurse's station. I'll be right back." Wilson brings the samples to the thankful nurses and then returns to House's room. Wilson pulls a stool close to the bed and sits. "What did you say to Kate? She was mad as a hatter and could barely speak when she got down to my office."

House petulantly claims "I didn't say anything."

Wilson tries to give House a harsh look, but House ends up laughing at him. Wilson points out: "It's not fair of you to be a jerk to her when you were the one who asked her to come here from Seattle."

House says "If you're going to sit here and lecture me on why I should be nice to my ex-wife, you can leave. Hell, send Cameron in. I would rather listen to her wax poetic on ethics than be lectured about my ex-wife. I would rather have Chase kiss me, but he probably wouldn't be willing since I'm of legal age. Am I making myself clear?"

"Crystal." Wilson stands up. "You need to start being nicer to the nurses. You keep being a jerk, and they are going to start giving you enemas for the hell of it."

House rolls his eyes. "Point taken. I figure they will be moving me out to the general population soon enough."

Wilson laughs. "You talk like you are in prison."

House's eyes get wide. "Aren't I? There is no tv, no windows, nobody to talk to. It's like I am in solitary confinement." Cuddy walks into the room. "Oh look! The warden has come for a visit!"

Cuddy frowns. "Damn, no improvement in attitude."

House mockingly says "Oh thank god! Dr. Partypants is here to heal me! You know, Cuddy, your cleavage has been reputed to have healing powers."

Cuddy places her hands on her hips. "Shut up, House. If you don't stop terrorizing the nurses, I will get the biggest, burliest nurse I can find up here to give you a sponge bath and enema."

House says "Do I get a happy ending? If so, I would much rather have you do it." He smirks at the frosty gaze Cuddy gives him. "On second thought, maybe not."

Cuddy says "You will most likely be moved to a private room sometime tomorrow. Your team is working clinic hours for the time being. There haven't been any interesting cases to throw them. While you recuperate, they're going to report to me."

House shakes his head. "No, they're going to report to Kate. She said she would cover for me while I recuperate."

Cuddy is surprised. "She said she would cover for you?"

"I asked her to. She will say yes when you ask her again. She told me no, but that's because she hates me. If you ask her, she will do it."

Cuddy sighs. "House, she is busy with her work in Seattle. What makes you think she will say yes?"

House winks and says "Because she can't resist me." House seriously says "Go ask her. She'll say yes if you do it."

Cuddy throws her hands up in exasperation. "Fine! I'll go ask her. But when she says no, your staff will report to me while you recuperate, understood?"

House obediently nods. "Yes, Mommy."