Chapter 10: What went wrong

Kate is listening to her iPod as the plane travels toward the east coast. She ignores the in-cabin movie and the passenger seated next to her. She glances at the passenger's tabloid and sees a headline decreeing "Angelina cheats on Brad! Baby not his!"

Kate sighs and turns her gaze to the window. She loses herself in memories.

She had been home from the hospital for close to three months, but she hadn't been back to work yet. She had been going to physical therapy five times a week and was slowly but surely regaining her strength and ability to walk. She had been comatose for close to a month after the accident and then spent close to another month in the hospital trying to recover. Every time she was close to being discharged, she would develop some sort of complication, such as an infection or pneumonia.

The car accident broke her hip, collapsed her lung, broke several of her ribs, lacerated her liver and caused her to lose the baby. She had been 22 weeks along. They were going to have a son until the car accident took him away from them. She still cried at least once a day over her lost son. She spent most of her days practicing her physical therapy exercises and trying to forget about her son. She desperately wanted to return to work, but the pain from the slow-healing broken hip and the limited mobility prevented her from doing her job.

Somehow, he had sustained very few injuries. The driver's side of the car took very little damage in the accident. He was devastated about losing his son. He treated her like she was a china doll, constantly telling her be sure she wasn't over-doing it. He returned to work within two weeks of the accident.

She wasn't angry at him anymore. At first, she could barely stomach the sight of him. When she woke up from her coma, he was anxiously waiting at her bedside. She asked how the baby was. His eyes filled with tears and he whispered "The baby is gone." She had commanded him to get out of her sight. He tried to protest and she proceeded to swear at him until she was in a frenzy and she had to be sedated.

She slowly began to forgive him as she realized the magnitude of his grief over the loss of his son. She never realized that he was capable of that sort of emotion and based on his newfound gentility towards her, she assumed he didn't realize he was capable of the sort of emotion either. There were no sarcastic remarks, no teasing, no joking: only concern for her well-being. He reserved his bitterness for the hospital staff and many of their friends. He was decent to Lisa and James. Lisa stopped in to visit Kate every chance she had and James had become a constant fixture in their home since he was between wives.

Before she left the hospital, he was already back at work. He worked long hours most of the time. At first, he worked the long hours so he could be at the hospital in case she needed him for anything. He dreaded going home to the empty house. As time wore on and their relationship became more strained after she came home, he worked the long hours to avoid her. Her depression and crying scared and alternately irritated him. She spent much of her time leaving him messages at work begging him to come home for a few hours so she could see him.

While he worked late, James would come to the house to help her out. He often cooked for her and told her funny stories from the hospital. James told her how much her patients and co-workers missed her and how they prayed for her speedy recovery. James told her stories about Lisa and how the older doctors would say that Lisa was destined for greatness at the hospital. James told her stories about which nurses he had flirted with that day. If it hadn't been for James, she would have lost her mind during her convalescence.

She would often ask to hear stories about her husband. James would claim he didn't know any stories about him. All James would say is that her husband was working hard and helping many patients. Then James would urge her to come back to work and she would politely demur. Frankly, she didn't want to see any of her patients. She didn't want them to pity her. She would think in the back of her mind Stop being so proud, but she still couldn't get past that feeling.

Around the third month of being home, she woke up very early one morning to an empty bed. She sighed as she tried to remember the last time her husband had slept in their bed. She slowly made her way to the shower. After she showered, she got dressed and called her mother. Her mother welcomed the phone call and invited her to come visit for awhile. She told her mother she would think about it and get back to her. She picked up the phone and called him.

Surprisingly, he was in his office. He sounded disoriented when he answered the phone, almost as if she had woken him up. She told him she was going to go visit her parents. He didn't argue. He said it would be good for her to get away for awhile. She asked if he could spend some time with her before she left and he claimed he was swamped with patients. She told him she missed him. He said he missed her too and then told her he had to go. He hung up before she could say goodbye.

She drove to her mother's house and spent a few days there. She managed to catch him once on the phone. She told him she was staying until Sunday and he didn't issue a single complaint. But by Friday night, she had her fill of her mother's harping and nagging and decided she would go home a day early and surprise him.

She left her mother's house well before the sun came up on Saturday morning and had made it back to Princeton by 9 am. She pulled up in the driveway and was pleased to see his new car parked there. She decided to leave her bags in the car for the time being and just head in to surprise him. She let herself in the house and quickly surmised that he wasn't downstairs. Since it was still pretty early, she assumed he was still in bed. She slowly and carefully navigated the stairs up to their bedroom.

Kate slowly opened the bedroom door and stepped into the room. She took at step towards the bed when she realized there were two people in the bed: him and some woman. She gasped in horror. She went to the edge of the bed and yanked the blankets off, exposing their entwined nude bodies. They both woke up and the busty redhead said "Who the hell are you?"

She felt her knees shake as she coldly said "I am his wife." Her cold gaze met his eyes.

He looked away, but not before she saw the guilt etched on his face. She turned to the red head and said "You have exactly two minutes to get the hell out of my house. Then I am going to get my gun." The red head scrambles out of the bed and grabs her clothing and bolts for the door. She heard the front door slam. He pulled on some boxers and is staring at her with trepidation. She said "You weren't working late, were you?"

"No, not really."

"This is why Jimmy couldn't ever tell me what you were up to?"

He traced a circle on the floor with his right foot. "I think he only suspected. I never told him about her."

"Why?" Her voice cracked on the question. She angrily brushed away the tears that fell from her eyes.

"You pushed me away. I lost a child too, not just you. I know you are hurting, but every time I tried to comfort you, you shoved me away and built up a cocoon around yourself. The only person you let in anymore is Wilson. You don't even confide in your best friend anymore!"

"So it is my fault you are a whore?"

"No… I don't know. We have both been through a terrible tragedy. I am still the same person but you… You have changed. You sit around and cry all the time. You are thin as a rail. You never eat. You hide in this damn house all the time. You don't have a sense of humor anymore! You have no interest in me anymore! It's like all you do is sit around and wait to die! As far as I am concerned, my wife—the woman I love—died in that car accident along with my unborn son!"

She straightened her spine with each accusation he flung at her. She walked up to him until she was inches from him. She looked up at his icy sapphire eyes. He gazed down at the hard emerald eyes. "If the woman you loved died in the car accident along with your son, you have yourself to blame. You murdered them both." He tried to flinch away from her accusation, but she grabbed his chin in her hand and forced him to look at her. "Tell me: does it feel the same when you wantonly kill those you love as it does when you kill a patient? Or does it hurt a bit worse?"

"Dammit Kat—" He jerked away from her grasp.

She bitterly laughed at him. "You have destroyed my life. You killed my son, you nearly killed me. I am in pain all the time and I can barely walk. I certainly can't work because there is no way for me to do my rounds. And now, you have destroyed our marriage by sleeping with that red-headed tart." Her laugh is tinged with hysteria. "Now, I am going to do everything in my power to make you pay. I will take everything I can from you. I regret that the only thing I can't take from you is your ability to walk. And that I can't give you the pain I have. I can only pray that you will go through what I have: the pain, the disability and the betrayal by the one you love."

She hobbled back down to her car and never returned.

Kate shakes herself from her memories as the stewardess instructs the passengers to secure their trays in the upright position in preparation for landing. She obediently closes her tray and sighs as the plane begins its descent.