Chapter 12: Going home
Cuddy signs House's release orders. He is sitting on the edge of his bed, dressed in his usual blue jeans and rock band t-shirt. He aimlessly twirls his cane while Cuddy lectures him.
"You need to continue going to physical therapy. If you don't continue with your PT regimen, you won't be able to return to work and I will add an hour of Clinic duty for every PT hour you skip. Be sure that you finish your antibiotics and keep to the prescribed level of Vicodin. And I want you back in a week so I can remove the stitches—no doing it yourself. "
House rolls his eyes. "Are you going to spank me if I don't do what you say?"
Cuddy fixes a firm stare on House and says "I am serious. You have to play by my rules if you want to come back to work. And I know you don't want to work, but you will miss out on antagonizing everyone, and you know it."
Wilson ambles into the room. He is pushing a wheelchair. House flashes Wilson a hateful look and pointedly says "I am not riding in that thing."
Wilson sighs. "I am thrilled to see you too."
Cuddy snatches the cane away from House and says "Hospital policy: you are riding in the wheelchair to the front door. After that, I don't care if you do the meringue down the sidewalk, but until you are to the front door, it is the wheelchair for you."
House shakes his head and reaches out for his cane. "I am not riding in that thing. Forget it."
Wilson knowingly nods at Cuddy. "Looks like Kate is going to win the bet." She smiles and nods.
House's eyes narrow and he looks accusingly from Wilson to Cuddy. "What bet?"
Wilson shrugs and says in an innocent tone "Oh, it's nothing. Just a little bet between the three of us."
Cuddy sighs "I am going to be out 500 bucks to her."
House frowns. "What did you bet on?"
Wilson lightly says "That you would refuse to ride in the wheelchair. Kate said you wouldn't get in it at all, and it looks like she may be right."
House straightens his shoulders. "Wheel that thing over here." Wilson pushes the wheelchair next to the bed and House carefully gets in it. He grimly says "We are taking the scenic route past my office so she can see me in the wheelchair. I will be damned if she is going to win."
Cuddy hands House the discharge papers and Wilson the cane. "If you need anything, give me a call, ok?"
House impatiently waves her off. "I promise to call if I can't get the escort service to send someone."
Wilson shakes his head and wheels House into the hallway. Wilson glances back at Cuddy quickly and catches her huge grin. Wilson winks at her and then heads for House's office.
House grumbles about the crappy hospital food and grouchy nurses and how it is about time Cuddy let him go home. As they get close to House's office he barks "Slow down" to Wilson. They both peer into the conference room, where Kate is standing at the whiteboard and leading a discussion. The ducklings all have their attention focused on her. She spies House in the wheelchair. She waves at him and starts to laugh.
Wilson chuckles in spite of himself. House glares at Kate and asks Wilson "Why is she laughing? She just lost the bet."
Wilson quickly pushes House away from the office and into the open elevator. House pushes the first floor button. Wilson finally says "It was her idea to tell you there was a bet about you refusing to ride out in the wheelchair. She said if we told you she had betted against you, you'd do whatever it took to ensure she wouldn't win the bet. I must admit, I was skeptical, but Cuddy thought it was a great idea."
House doesn't say a word. Wilson immediately realizes House is pissed off. Wilson wisely dose not say anything else. Once the elevator reaches the first floor, Wilson pushes House to the front door. At the front door, he offers the cane to House. He snatches it away from Wilson and curtly says "You can push me all the way to your car."
Wilson hides his smirk and heads out to his car. At the car, House gingerly balances himself on his cane and then quickly gets into Wilson's car. Wilson leaves the wheelchair in the empty parking space next to his car and climbs into the driver's seat. He starts the engine and looks over at House. "Ready to go home?"
House says "Want to go get a drink instead?"
Wilson sighs. "I'm not taking you to a bar."
House shrugs and says "Fine. Take me home then, Saint Jimmy." House reaches over to the radio and flips on the classic rock station. He cranks the radio up and gives Wilson a menacing look that Wilson interprets as "Don't touch that radio."
Wilson drives to House's apartment. They don't speak during the ride; the volume of the radio discourages any efforts at conversation. Once they get to House's place, Wilson kills the engine. "Come on, let's head in."
House throws open the car door and gets out. He heads to the front door of his apartment and unlocks it while Wilson closes the passenger door on the car. Wilson follows House into the apartment. House kicks aside the mail that has piled up under the mail slot. He glances around and asks "Where's Steve McQueen?"
"Cameron took him to the hospital to feed him while you were there. I'll ask her to bring him back tomorrow."
House asks "Can't you bring him back instead? I don't want to have to deal with Cameron's outpouring of emotion about me nearly dying. Again. I have heard her spiel 50 times already and while it was novel and interesting the first 49 times, it lost its appeal the last time."
"I'll see what I can do." Wilson picks up the pile of mail and places it on House's desk. "Do you need me to run to the store and get anything for you?"
House opens his liquor cabinet and pulls out a bottle of Glenlivet. "Nope. I have everything I need here. Go get me a glass and ice." House settles himself on the couch and places the bottle on the table. He picks of the remote control and turns the television on. He immediately navigates to the Tivo recording queue.
Wilson laughs incredulously. "Are you going to just sit around and get drunk until Cuddy lets you come back to work?"
House pretends to ponder the question and says "Yup. Got a problem with that?"
"You can't sit here and drink the next few months away!"
House says "Well, I'm sure I'll be sober every now and then. The escort service won't send anyone out if you sound too drunk over the phone."
Wilson grabs the bottle of scotch and says "No. You aren't getting drunk today." He stomps into the kitchen and dumps the scotch down the drain. He throws the bottle away and then opens the refrigerator. It is barren. Wilson shakes his head and walks back into the living room. "After work, I'll stop by with groceries. If you think of anything you need, call me."
House makes a face at Wilson. "I need another bottle of scotch, you idiot. That was the last bottle I had."
Wilson mutters good-bye and stomps out of the apartment. House sighs and selects The New Yankee Workshop to watch.
