AN: This is at, the first part of the last installment. Only an Epilogue and I'll be done with this story.
Disclaimer: If I claim to be schizophrenic, can one of me own them? The other one can deny. Problem is, I'm not a schizophrenic and neither am I. Oh well...We, eh...I don't own them.
On we go...
CHAPTER TWENTY
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we're approaching Washington Dulles International Airport. Please straighten your seats and fasten your seatbelts…"
The voice of the flight attendant droned on with the customary passengers directions. Mac let them slide, knowing the drill and being otherwise preoccupied. In a few moments, they were home. And if it wasn't for Harm, sitting next to her with his big hand covering her small quivering one, she would have gladly bailed. Or vanished.
After everything they'd been talking about, this was finally the real thing. On Harm's request, their friends would not be waiting for her at the airport, nor at home. Harm would drive them back to his place, than later this week to her own. Would it ever be her home again? She hadn't been there in a year. A long, eventful year.
They would meet them (being AJ, Bud and Harriet) this evening at McMurphy's, choosing a familiar yet impersonal place to ease her back into her once so normal life again. She shifted in her chair, the upcoming nausea for once not the result of the descending aircraft. She immediately felt Harm's hand tighten over hers, as if he was silently pouring the strength from his big solid body into hers.
"Nervous again, Ninja?"
"Yeah. I'll be fine though."
She tried to give him a reassuring smile, which didn't work as well as she had hoped, as he frowned.
"Just remember what we've talked about, what AJ wrote. As a friend, not as your CO."
"I know. I do remember. But this time it's reality…I know, I'm seeing things that aren't there and it'll probably work out for the best, but I wish I knew how to approach them. That very first awkward moment, I'm dreading that."
"It'll only be that one moment, and you can suck that up, Marine. After that, things will be okay again. It's not like you've been gone forever…just a year. A hard year, and you've been missed incredibly, but still. A year. And now you're back. No use turning this situation into so much more than it is. And besides…Bud and Harriet don't know anything about this past year, and AJ won't betray your trust by telling them, or even mentioning it tonight."
She sighed, at the same time feeling the wheels of the plane hit the tarmac. Home. She was home. At last.
Getting through customs wasn't all that bad and neither was retrieving their bags. Mac had conveniently bought herself a brand new suitcase on her shopping spree with Trish and it wasn't that hard to notice it between the other, overall more tattered luggage.
Picking up Harm's Corvette (thank God he still had a car she would recognize anywhere) they drove to his apartment in silence. For the first time it wasn't an uncomfortable feeling being back in DC. The moment they pulled over in front of his building, she found herself smiling. Voicing her thoughts as usual, Harm gave her a Flyboy grin of his own.
"Welcome home, Sarah."
"I'm home…I'm really home."
Together they dragged the heavy bags and cases up the stairs (the elevator was out of order for a change) and as soon as Harm opened the front door, Mac got in as a whirlwind, picking up familiar objects and knickknacks, a framed photo of the two of them, tracing her hands over his guitar, his music collection, happy to see that, although he had kept his apartment spotless, he hadn't made any drastic changes. Everything in here was still all Harm. As familiar to her as her own apartment and maybe even more.
"Nothing has changed all that much, Mac."
Harm had disposed of their stuff in the bedroom and now wrapped his strong arms around her waist from behind.
"I can tell. I'm glad. Is that stupid?"
"Of course not. I'm glad you're glad. You see, Marine? Things might not have changed all that much after all."
The nuzzling of that tiny spot on her neck was rapidly becoming an addiction, but luckily, Mac didn't seem to mind whatsoever.
"I have."
"You think? Mac…please do yourself a favor and stop talking in circles. It's getting you nowhere. Just be yourself. You're good enough, more than good enough. So you slipped and made some mistakes. Regrettable ones, but nothing to keep scolding yourself over. Nobody's torturing you but yourself."
He looked at her intently, his azure gaze fixed on her with a stare he usually reserved for target practice.
"Forgive yourself, Mac. You have to, before you can move on. If you can't take that step, how can they?"
She sighed, leaning back against his tall frame, grateful for the solidity of Harm's presence. Forgive herself. Instead of talking in circles, like she knew she was doing herself, Harm had cut to the chase and pinpointed the exact problem. Forgive herself. For her cowardice, her running, her unborn child that she never allowed to grow…forgive herself.
"That'll take time, Harm."
"I know. And it won't be easy. But you've already made some important steps. You'll be officially reinstated soon, you've come home with me, you'll be meeting your friends later this afternoon. Those are all steps in the right direction."
For a moment he paused, before, without even realizing it, giving her the biggest compliment he had ever given her.
"Do you think I would have taken you home if you hadn't been my Sarah any more? Older and wiser, more human and a little less Marine, but still very much my Sarah?"
"Yes, very, very much your Sarah…and you know what? I want you to be happy, Harm. Preferably with me. Which means that, in order for you to be happy, I have to be happy…I'm gonna work on that, Harm. I promise."
"Good. That's all I'm asking."
He grabbed her hand and dragged her to the bedroom, making her giggle.
"Any wild plans, Squid?"
Harm grinned, his eyes lighting up at the possibilities.
"Will you be very upset if I say I haven't?"
"Nope…surprised and disappointed, but…"
"Come on, let's get you dressed and ready for McMurphy's, huh?"
"Yeah…Harm?"
"Yes?"
"Can you believe I'm starting to look forward to it?"
"That's amazing, my love. Really amazing. Glad you feel that way."
She shrugged, remembering all her doubts, reveling in the fact that, apparently, she was now capable of letting them fall of her shoulders, leaving her with the more comfortable feeling of finally reacquainting herself with all her friends. Not her former friends, not her new friends, just her friends. No more of the guilt trip.
She dressed carefully in a long black flowing dress, with a colorful scarf wrapped around her shoulders.
"Let's go Sailor."
He grinned, following her out, ready for the big moment.
Once just outside McMurphy's, Mac swallowed hard, twice, before bracing herself.
"Suck it up, Marine," Harm heard her mumble to herself.
Holding onto his hand in a death grip, she nodded, then opened the door.
They were already there. Just Bud, Harriet and AJ. All wearing casual clothes so not to scare her too much, at the same time letting her know they were here as friends only, not coworkers and CO. She appreciated their effort.
Harriet was the first to move from her seat at the bar when the pair approached them. With the skills of a mother she noticed the nervous look painted on Mac's face. She knew that only one thing might take that away. Without delaying, she took two strides forward to her friend and wrapped her arms around the other woman in a warm hug.
"So good to have you back, Mac."
No 'we missed you', since that would only make her feel guilty. No 'where have you been', since that would look like an interrogation. Just a simple display of joy at having her back in their midst. It was all it took. Walls slammed down with an almost audible thud, all barriers gone.
Bud got to her right after his wife, baffled as always that she seemed to know exactly what to do when he was mostly in the dark with his foot in his mouth. He now greeted Mac with warmth and genuine happiness.
At long last, the admiral, who had remained silent during this entire greeting, rose from his barstool. His hand outstretched, he changed his mind and copied the warm welcome his officers had. Much to her surprise and joy, he too wrapped Mac up in his embrace.
"Welcome back, Colonel...Mac."
Taking the offered drink from Harm, Mac took a long, careful sip to give herself a minute to gather her emotions, before raising her glass to toast the group of people she cared for the most in her life, and the man she loved more than that life itself. For the first time, she allowed herself to let go of that past year…and simply be happy again.
"To you…my friends, glad to be back."
They clinked their glasses, welcoming her home .
THE END
