Chapter Four: Miroku's Evil God


Out of everything they would have expected, this most definitely was not it.

Ever since Sesshoumaru had fainted absolutely nothing had happened. And that had been over a day and half ago.

"We seem to spend an inordinate amount of time waiting for someone to wake up," commented Miroku wryly. He sat braced against the wall of Kaede's borrowed hut, one hand laying limply in his lap while his other fiddled with his now unneeded rosary beads. "Has anyone else noticed that? After every major event someone is unconscious and we have to wait for them to wake up to continue on. It's almost as if some god has to figure out what to do with us next and so they knock us out to give them time to think."

"Miroku, you're an idiot. Shut up," answered Sango as she sighed in exasperation. "No one is in control of our lives." She shook her head as she wrung out the damp cloth and laid it across the demon lord's forehead. He had been unnaturally hot ever since fainting and although she wasn't too concerned with his health, after all, he was the stubborn demon lord, it gave her something to do while they waited.

"Sango is correct," added Kaede. "The problem is your group is simply the most accident prone set of people I have ever come across. It's a wonder you don't spend even more time waiting for everyone to wake up." And once again the elderly healer was sitting on the floor of the hut while grinding herbs.

"And you're grinding herbs again," continued Miroku. "This god must also have nothing else to do with you besides making you grind herbs."

"If you would recall," grumbled Kaede, "My vast stores of herbs were destroyed when my hut unfortunately fell. Therefore I must restock for both the villagers and your accident prone selves."

"Well that's convenient," said Miroku sardonically. "The hut falls and you suddenly have a real reason to grind herbs rather than just grinding them because there's nothing else for you to do. I think this god is grasping at straws here. Watch, they'll probably have either Sesshoumaru or Kagome wake up soon because this conversation is starting to drag on for too long."

As one, everyone in the hut turned to stare at the demon lord and the miko. Sango pinched the demon lord's cheeks. Inuyasha pried open one of Kagome's eyelids.

Miroku crossed his arms across his chest and stared on with a haughty expression.

Ten minutes passed.

"They're not waking up," commented Shippo from his perch on Sango's shoulder.

"And Miroku's theory is shot," said Inuyasha with a smirk. "No god is in control of my life."

"Well, you can't blame a man for being bored of waiting for unconscious people to move," mumbled Miroku as he huffed in annoyance. "But if my lovely Sango would care to join me in a uh…private location…I'm sure I could stop being so bored."

Delivering a death glare towards the monk, Sango moved to stand up when Sesshoumaru groaned. Promptly ignoring the object of her anger, Sango peered down at the demon lord.

Miroku threw his hands up in frustration. "Now!" he stormed. "You have them wake up now! I was about to get Sango to myself so you decide to wake them up?"

"To yourself?" commented Sango with one eyebrow raised. "I was getting ready to beat you. You really ought to thank Sesshoumaru for saving you."

"Or the god who is in control of his life," snickered Inuyasha.

"I hate you both," grumbled Miroku while crossing his arms in front of his chest. "And you never know, there very well could be a god controlling us. I am a holy man after all."

"Sure you are," replied Inuyasha. "The only thing you worship is Sango's ass."

Grinning, Miroku nodded at the hanyou. "How very correct you are Inuyasha, but not entirely. I also worship the curve of her hips, the soft contours of her brea…"

"Finish that thought monk, and you'll see if you ever worship anything ever again," interrupted Sango with a dark scowl.

"Ouch," remarked Inuyasha. "You certainly know how to hit a guy Sango."

"Ah, but you see my friend, Sango wouldn't ever deliver on her threat," said Miroku wisely. "For that would also detract from the pleasure she…"

"Just shut up," came a low growl. "Honestly. The wolf leaves and yet your idiotic ventures still never cease."

"Sesshoumaru!" screeched Rin, successfully reminding everyone in the hut there was a young girl with a very high-pitched voice sitting among them. "You're awake!"

"Ow. Shit," cursed Inuyasha while reaching up to rub one of his ears. "You need to tone your kid down a bit Sesshoumaru. She could cause us to go deaf."

The faintest line of red could be seen surfacing in Sesshoumaru's eyes as he abruptly sat up and moved to strangle/hurt/kill his half-brother.

Covering his mouth with one hand, Inuyasha glanced at his angry brother with an innocent expression. "Oh did I curse? Shame, seems you're having a hard time getting up though. Yes, what a damn shame. Shit, I can't be punished now."

"Er…" stammered Sango as she cautiously backed up until she was as far away from the angry demon lord as she could possibly get without making a break for the door. "Inuyasha, could you mind shutting up?"

"Why the hell should I shut up Sango?" asked Inuyasha. "My brother's been asking for this. It's just cursing. Shit, you'd think he never heard of cursing before."

Bracing one hand against her forehead, Kaede suppressed her sobs. "Oh dear god, I'm going to lose another hut."

Snarling at his half-brother Sesshoumaru rose to one knee and cracked his knuckles. Sango closed her eyes and cringed against the far back corner of the hut. Miroku rested his chin on one upturned palm and stared on with an interested expression. Kaede started to silently pray for survival. Shippo pulled on Kagome's hand and tried to drag her to a safer location than between the two dog demon brothers. Rin grinned.

"Ah ah ah Sesshoumaru," said Inuyasha cockily while waving one finger at his brother. "Don't be too hasty. I don't think you're in any condition to fight me right now."

"We'll see," snarled Sesshoumaru as he lunged at his half-brother, claws outstretched in front of him.

It was a great shock to everyone, Inuyasha included, when midway through his flight Sesshoumaru suddenly crashed to the ground and laid still.

"Oh my god, did you kill him?" asked Sango in alarm.

"Ugh, what's going on?" mumbled Kagome. "My head feels funny."

Shrieking in alarm, Shippo jumped a good five feet in the air and landed on top of Inuyasha's head. Upon seeing everyone's curious expressions he grinned sheepishly. "Um, she surprised me?"

Scoffing, Inuyasha reached up and grabbed the kitsune's tail and dropped him back to the ground. "You're a coward. Just admit it already and we'll all be happy."

"I'm not a coward!" snapped Shippo while planting both hands on his hips and glaring at the hanyou. "You'd be surprised too if an unconscious girl suddenly spoke!"

"I wouldn't jump on someone's head though," replied Inuyasha.

"You're too fat, you'd probably kill them," retorted Shippo.

"What did you say?" growled Inuyasha dangerously.

"Sit boy," sighed Kagome while trying to sit up. She smiled in thanks when Sango came up and aided her. Leaning against her friend, Kagome looked around the hut. "Um, well then…"

"It is good to have you back with us Kagome," said Miroku with a kind smile. "You had us worried there for awhile."

"How long have I been out for?"

Appearing thoughtful, Sango finally replied a few seconds later with, "I guess…almost three weeks now."

Raising her hands to cover her mouth, Kagome gasped. "What…what happened? I don't know anything." As she took in the occupants of the hut she shuddered. "Where's Kouga? Please, tell me he's ok."

Hugging her friend tightly, Sango quickly assured Kagome of Kouga's well being. "He's fine Kagome. He and Kohaku just went off to check on Kouga's tribe. I'm sure they'll be back in a few days."

"Kohaku?" questioned Kagome. "He's alive?"

Sighing softly, Sango said, "He still has the shikon shard in his back. I'm afraid to take it out."

"But if he's with us now…that means…" Kagome's eyes lit up when she exclaimed, "Naraku! Is he dead?"

The answering smiles of everyone in the hut were all the affirmative she needed to squeal in excitement and wrap her arms around Sango in an impromptu hug. "Yes!" she cheered. "Miroku, your curse is broken isn't it?"

Holding up his right hand Miroku grinned brightly. "All gone."

"That's great!" exclaimed Kagome. "This is great. He's finally gone."

Everyone stared at the young miko strangely when she suddenly quieted down and appeared to be concentrating hard on something. "Kagome?" finally questioned Inuyasha. "You alright?"

"Akki," she suddenly said. "He's gone too isn't he? You guys destroyed him, right?"

Scratching the back of his head, Miroku said, "Well no, he got away. But you don't need to worry, we're going to save you."

Confusion surfaced in Kagome's eyes as she bit her bottom lip. Inuyasha grew slightly worried when he caught the telltale scent of fear emanating off of Kagome's body. "You guys, what's going on?" she finally asked.

"What do you mean child?" asked Kaede.

Turning frightened eyes on the elderly healer, Kagome said, "My mind reading ability…it's gone. But Akki, you guys said he's still alive. But then why can't I read minds anymore? And why do I need to be saved?"

"Interesting," mumbled Miroku to himself as he looked from Kagome to the still unconscious Sesshoumaru. "This is unexpected…"

"Could it have worked that good?" asked Sango quietly.

"Could what have worked that good?" questioned Kagome. "Answer me!" she practically shouted when no one made a move to answer her. "What's going on here? Why is Sesshoumaru unconscious? Why is everyone looked at him like he's had something to do with this? And WHY DO I NEED TO BE SAVED FROM AKKI?"

Inuyasha quickly replaced Sango as the person Kagome was leaning against. Wrapping his arms around her waist he pulled her into his lap and held her tightly when she began struggling. "Shh," he soothed while rubbing the pad of his thumb gently over one of her wrists. "We don't entirely know what's going on either. But let Miroku explain it to you. He would do a better job at it than me."

All eyes in the hut turned to Miroku, Kagome's the most penetrating of all of them. Taking a deep breath, Miroku told the short, but engrossing, tale of one demonic squirrel, miko, and demon lord. When he was finished Kagome leaned back against Inuyasha and sighed softly.

"But that doesn't explain why I can't read minds," she said. "I mean according to what you said Miroku the link won't be destroyed until Akki is killed. Sesshoumaru anchoring my mind couldn't have killed my ability, could it?"

Shrugging, Miroku said, "Your guess is as good as mine at this point. To be honest I don't fully understand the ceremony we performed with Sesshoumaru. It seemed almost…dark? I'm not sure, but it was performed in an ancient demon's tongue so I don't even know what we were saying."

Tensing slightly, Inuyasha relaxed when Kagome turned puzzled eyes on him. Oh, he knew what Sesshoumaru did. But he wasn't going to tell the others about the Oracles, not yet at least. Unless if it looked like there could be negative consequences to the ceremony Sesshoumaru performed Inuyasha wouldn't say a word to the others. That, and he wanted to talk to Sesshoumaru about it first. His half-brother definitely had some questions to answer.

"Well anyways, I'm glad it worked," said Sango. "It's good to have you back with us Kagome."

Smiling, Kagome moved out of Inuyasha's lap and went to Sesshoumaru's side. "It's good to be back. But what's wrong with him? It sounds like as soon as I woke up he got knocked out again."

"Let's hope that sorts itself out soon enough. It could be hard hunting Akki down if only one you can remain conscious at a time," commented Miroku wryly.

"Yeah, and it could be hard to thank him," added Kagome as she laid one hand across Sesshoumaru's forehead. Brushing the bangs out of his eyes she rubbed the half moon for a couple seconds. "I have so much to thank him for," she said so softly Inuyasha could barely hear her.

Staring at his half-brother, Inuyasha waited for the first signs of jealousy to appear in his mind. He was slightly surprised when they never came. Here his future mate was, touching another male, his half-brother no less, and he wasn't getting jealous. 'Well, he did save her life,' he amended in his mind. 'I guess…I should thank him too at some point. He didn't have to do this. And from the looks of things his body isn't reacting too well to the ceremony. Now wouldn't that be funny. My deadly brother dying for a human girl, my human girl no less.'

When the hidden feelings of humor never surfaced, Inuyasha sighed to himself. Standing up, he moved to Kagome's side and stared down at his brother. Reaching down, he helped the miko to her feet. "Don't worry," he said. "I'm sure his body will sort out this mess soon enough and than you can continue annoying him."

"Thanks Inuyasha," said Kagome with a soft smile.

"Perhaps you can try a new hairstyle next time," commented Miroku with a sly grin. "But then pigtails did look very cute on him."

"You still have that nail polish with you Kag?" asked Sango. "I think his nails would look very pretty in a bright pink…"

Laughing, Kagome shook her head at the antics of her friends. "Sorry Sango, I don't have pink nail polish with me."

Snapping her fingers, Sango said, "Darn, I was looking forward to that."

"I have purple though."

Eyes lighting up, Sango rubbed her hands together. "Do you mind?"

"Be my guest," said Kagome. "Just don't tell him where you got the stuff from."

"My lips are sealed."

Laughing, Kagome gave Inuyasha an odd expression when he tugged on her arm. Figuring he wanted her to follow him, she walked out of the hut with him. They walked in completely silence until they reached the God Tree. Once there Inuyasha enveloped Kagome in a hug.

"Inuyasha?"

"You scared me," said Inuyasha quietly. Suddenly grabbing her upper arms he held her away from him and glared at her. "Just what were you thinking? Fighting Akki like that? Are you crazy? Shit Kagome, you could have been killed!"

"But I wasn't," she answered meekly.

"You could have!" roared Inuyasha. Shaking the young miko he said vehemently, "Don't do that. Risking your life like that."

"So it would have been better to let all of you guys die?" replied Kagome harshly while pushing against Inuyasha's chest. Happy when he finally let go of her, she poked him angrily in the chest. "Just what did you want me to do Inuyasha? Stand there and watch Sesshoumaru and Kouga get murdered by Akki? Watch as Naraku and Akki took you down? I won't allow my friends to die if I can help it!"

"It's not worth it if you die!" yelled Inuyasha. Dropping his head until his chin rested against his chest he added in a quieter voice, "I can't lose you Kagome."

Wrapping her arms around her hanyou, Kagome rubbed his back in a comforting gesture. "You won't lose me Inuyasha. I did what I had to do to help you guys. I'm sorry, but I can't stand by and do nothing if there is something I can do. I…I would risk my life for any of you. Please don't make me stop that."

"I don't want to lose you," repeated Inuyasha while wrapping his arms back around Kagome. Burying his face in her hair, he said, "And I know you won't stop. I just…be careful, will you? Akki is dangerous. He wants to kill you Kagome."

"I know he does. But he won't."

"I hope not," said Inuyasha.

Content to leave it at that, Kagome suddenly had another, pressing, thought come to the forefront of her mind. "Hey Inuyasha?"

"Hm?"

"Do you have the shikon shards from Naraku?"

Kagome was completely and utterly surprised when Inuyasha suddenly pushed against her so hard she fell on her butt. Eyes narrowing in anger, Kagome opened her mouth to sit Inuyasha.

"Holy shit!" screamed Inuyasha. "Oh no no no no no. How could we have done something so STUPID! Fools, all of us. Just a group of stupid, idiotic, FOOLS!"

Backing up nervously, Kagome was preparing to make a run for the hut when Miroku and Sango came running up to her.

"What's going on?" panted Miroku. "We heard Inuyasha scream. Kagome? What's going on? What's wrong with him?"

"Um…I don't know," answered Kagome. "I just asked him about the shikon shards…"

"Oh dear god," mumbled Miroku as his face went stark white. "Sango, did you…?"

Eyes wide, Sango jerkily shook her head. "How could we have…?"

"NOOOOO!" cried out Inuyasha in torment as he dropped to his knees while clutching the sides of his head. "Why? Why? Why? Dammit, WHY!"

"We're morons," said Miroku bluntly. "That's it. We're just morons."

"Agreed," said Sango. "After all this time Naraku finally dies, and we just leave."

"Bet that god is laughing at us now," added Miroku.

"I hate your god Miroku, you know that?" replied Sango.

"Eh?" said Kagome in confusion. "Did I miss something?"

"Miroku's god hates us," said Sango. "And Kagome? You are surrounded by a group of morons."

"NOOOOO!" yelled out Inuyasha again, this time beating his fists against the ground.

Huffing in annoyance, Kagome finally stood up. "Enough already!" she shouted to be heard over Inuyasha's cries of pain. "Just what is going on?"

"So who wants to be the bearer of bad news?" asked Miroku.

"Not me," said Sango quickly.

Inuyasha only whimpered.

Sighing, Miroku scratched the back of his head and laughed nervously. "Well Kagome, there's no good way of putting this…"

"What is it?" asked Kagome darkly.

"We well…we kinda…um…hm…well, we kinda…forgot the shikon shards?" said Miroku nervously. "Please don't hurt me!" he added quickly while putting his arms up in front of his face.

"You did what?" asked Kagome through clenched teeth.

"Erm…what he said," replied Sango while pointing at Miroku.

Inuyasha whimpered.

"To be fair we were rather preoccupied with you know, makingsureeveryonestayedalive," continued Sango, speeding up at the end when Kagome's dark expression turned on her.

"Oh yeah! I wasn't even conscious at the time," added Miroku perkily.

"Shut up monk, you're not helping," grumbled Sango while punching him in the side.

Rubbing the bridge of her nose, Kagome said, "So…what I'm getting at is we finally kill Naraku…and no one remembers to grab the shards?"

"And to be even more fair, we didn't even kill Naraku…?" said Sango, realizing at the last second that what she was saying didn't make complete sense.

"Who cares who killed Naraku? Wait…you guys didn't kill him?" asked Kagome.

"Hehe," laughed Sango. "Funny you should ask, because we didn't."

"Naraku and Akki got in a fight," continued Miroku.

"And Akki got angry and killed him," finished Sango.

"And then you guys forgot the shikon shards," added Kagome

"NOOOOOO!" cried Inuyasha. "We didn't mean to! We didn't want to!"

"Will you quiet down Inuyasha?" asked Kagome while rubbing the side of her head. "You're beginning to give me a headache." Turning to the other two present she said, "Well, I guess we have to put our hunt for Akki on hold."

Nodding, Miroku said, "Agreed. The shikon shards must be our first priority."

"Idiot," grumbled Sango while hitting Miroku on the back of the head. "Do you not remember the whole Kagome-Sesshoumaru-mind-link-thing-because-of-Akki?"

"I can't even read minds right now," said Kagome in her defense. "And we must find those shikon shards. Or would you rather Akki get them? If he hasn't already?"

"NOOOOO!" screamed Inuyasha in immense pain.

"Ok, ok, you win. We go after the shikon shards," said Sango. "What do we do about Sesshoumaru, Kouga, and Kohaku though?"

"Kaede can tell Kouga and Kohaku when they get back," answered Miroku. "And Sesshoumaru, well, why don't we see if we can wake him up?"

"Right, let's go," said Kagome briskly. "There's not much time to waste. Inuyasha? You coming?"

Drearily climbing to his feet, Inuyasha stumbled a few feet in the general direction of the hut. "Yeah," he mumbled. When he neared Miroku he achieved a small bought of life as he brought back one fist and nailed it directly into the monk's unsuspecting gut. "I hate your god Miroku," he growled before straightening up and storming back to Kaede's borrowed hut.

"It's not my god!" yelled Miroku while clutching his now burning abdomen. "But I'm glad to see you guys finally believe me," he remarked with a grin as he jogged after the hanyou.

"What possessed us to go with these two guys?" asked Sango with a roll of her eyes. "I mean out of the males out there, we had to pick those ones?"

"Don't you love them?" laughed Kagome as she linked her arm with Sango's.

"Sometimes I seriously wonder why," grumbled Sango as she and Kagome returned to the hut as well.

Upon entering the hut the two girls saw Inuyasha rolling on the ground with laughter. With a small amount of investigation Kagome could see why. Three of Sesshoumaru's deadly nails were currently glistening with purple nail polish

"Why didn't you finish?" asked Kagome curiously. "They look good."

"Yeah, but you forgot that Inuyasha screamed like a baby, so we had to go see what was wrong," responded Sango. "But do they look very nice, don't they?"

Kagome turned to her friend with a wicked gleam in her eyes. "It would be a shame to leave the job half finished. Don't you agree?"

"But of course," answered Sango with humorous chuckle. Taking a seat by Sesshoumaru's right hand side, she waited for Kagome to sit on the opposite side of the demon lord before grabbing the bottle of nail polish. Twisting open the cap she took out the brush and running it against the lip of the bottle managed to get the excess drips to fall back inside. Lifting up Sesshoumaru's right hand she laid it on her thigh and began painting the remaining two nails.

"There, all done," she exclaimed with a grin. "Your turn Kagome." Looking up she moved to hand the bottle of polish to her friend when a soft moan from the demon lord was heard by all in the hut. "Ka…Kagome?" asked Sango hesitantly when she saw her friend suddenly clutch her head and close her eyes in pain.

At the same time Sesshoumaru opened his eyes Kagome fell across the demon lord's chest, once again unconscious to the world around her.

"Oh this isn't good," said Miroku, successfully voicing the very thought that was on everyone's minds.

"This um, could prove to be interesting," added Sango.

"The chaos with you guys never ceases," commented Kaede dryly.

"Miroku, I'll say it again," growled Inuyasha, "I hate your god."


Man guys, I'm gonna start spoiling you all with my reasonably fast updates. And this chapter was the longest one yet! And I put some humor too. Hope you guys enjoyed it. And I'm surprised with you guys. Not one person brought up the fact that they never grabbed the shikon shards after the battle. And you had like 6 chapters or so to remember them! Oh well, at least I didn't have to tell any of you guys to just hold on to see what was going on with the shards.

And for something stupid, I want to see how many of you guys respond to this. One of my friends awhile ago told me think of an impromptu poem with the word "Timbuktu" in it. Here is what I came up with:

One night so long ago I was running very far,
Evil men were chasing me, how I longed for a car.
I fell in a hole and was covered in goo,
Oh how I hate the land of Timbuktu.

So here is what I want from you guys: create your own poems! You can only take a couple minutes max to think of it and rhyme it! I'll think of something for the person I think thought of the best/funniest one. Perhaps a cameo in this story or something, I'm not entirely sure yet. I just want to see what you guys can come up with.

But anyways, review as always and I'll see if I can't get the next chapter out reasonably fast as well.