I gave him everything. My heart, my soul, my first. He was a lot of firsts – my first love, my first hate. The first time I truly realised that men are jerks. The first time I truly hated myself, or anyone else. My first heartbreak. The first time I feared death; the first time I feared life. The first person to make me feel like just me. The first time I didn't have to pretend; the first time it was truly important to pretend. My first real love.

He was a lot of things.

He was mine and I was his, forever and always. Now, I am his, and he is hers, but he isn't mine, and I'm not his. We don't belong to each other anymore. Forever is only as long as always, and always isn't long. He was the first time I knew that; the first time I wished it weren't the way.


feeling a bit angsty, and stuff ... so i wrote a few angsty ranty thingys