Chapter four here, me hopes you like.

Still don't own Digimon.

"You sure you can do this Matt?" Am I sure? Of course I'm not. I don't think I can do this Kari. I stood there at his funeral, I spoke from my heart, but I spoke between the lines. My information was dis-jointed, un-explained, yet still, I felt as though a knife was being twisted in my stomach, as though I were waiting, standing on the edge ready to be pushed. She expects me now to stand before a similar audience, all the same faces, yet a slightly different reason for there gathering and tell them all the truth? I know I should. I should do whatever I can to put this right, but, can I really do it? It's not like it can be put right now, he's gone, the damage is done. If he were here, standing by my side, then I could, if I had him there to hold my hand, I'd have the courage to stand up for what I know is right, yet, without him, it seems impossible.

"Yea' I'm sure." Why do I allow myself to lie so bluntly?

"Thank-you, call me ok, when you're going to come home." Go home? Where is home? Back to the room we used to share? The caravan we spent so many nights in? Here? There? Wherever I go it won't be home, what's a home without him to share it with? "Matt."

"Yeah."

"Happy birthday." A little bit of Hikari seems to shine through that smile. It's not false, it's not forced, it's sweet, it's easy. She's got so much of him in her, she doesn't even know it.

"Thanks Kari."

"He knew Yama, you know, that he didn't have much time left."

"Kari don't." Why is she saying this? I know this. I planned it all with him. I helped him choose the flowers, the church; I went with him to talk to the vicar about what he wanted. I sat and watched as he scrawled out an endless supply of poetry, trying to choose the perfect one. I was there. I was there when he picked out the outfit he wanted to be buried in. I was there when we went to bye the locket he wanted round his neck, when we took the photo of the two of us to put inside. I was there through it all. I held his hand through every hospital appointment. I was there when he announced he couldn't go on for much longer. I was there when they rushed him to hospital. I was always there.

"No matt, listen to me. He knew he wouldn't make it to your birthday." I feel tears sting my eyes once again as I watch as if through a mirror hers reflect my own. "He wanted me to give you this." She hands me a package. What the hell? I can feel my own heart break once again. He really was amazing; it would appear that despite him no longer being here, he still is. No one really knew him, no one but me.

"What is it?" I almost don't want to open it. He took so much care wrapping this final gift, made it a piece of art in every sense of the word.

Yama,

I'm not all that sure how to write this. I guess this will be coming to you from beyond the grave- ohhh spooky. Sorry, you know me, never serious.

I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. So, Happy birthday Yama. Thank you for loving me, for always loving me. Thank you for needing me, and believing in me whenever I lost all hope.

I'm really sorry, you know that don't you? I'm sorry for everything I've put you through, every tear you've cried for me, every time I broke your heart.

I'm really sorry. You probably think I'm a fool for apologising so much. I'm so sorry.

Shit, this is terrible; I really don't know how to write this.

I love you; I love you so fucking much. You're the only reason I made it so long, you know that? I would have given up a long time ago, but I held out as long as I could, just to watch you smile. I like to do that, to watch you smile. You're so pretty when you do, so you shouldn't frown so much. Damn, I'm crying now, sorry Yama.

I don't want to go, but, what choice do I have. Don't you worry though; I'm going to heaven because I'm a good boy, so I'll put in a good word for you. You know, ask God to let you up, even though you're a little reckless sometimes, your one of the good guys really. So, yeah, I'll ask God to save you a spot.

Shit, this is so hard. I'm not sure if I should say something significant, or just ramble on, you know, the way I always do? I love you, I love you, I love you. I don't have enough pieces of paper to let you know how much I love you, but hell, you should already know. I always loved you, since the day I met you, you were my world, my universe, my everything.

I love you, happy birthday; keep me in your heart. Please, never forget me.

Thank you, for, well everything.

I love you

Xxxxx

"What's he say?

"Everything." I smile. "And yet somehow, nothing at all, true Taichi style really."

"You going to open that?" she motions to the gift, wrapped in my hand. If he were here; if he himself had handed me this gift I would have instantly ripped the paper off, dove straight in with eager anticipation. I want to cry, I am crying, but, I want to cry, to fall to my knee's and scream to God, pleading for him to let Tai come home, I can't though. As tear's fall from my empty eyes, I can't help but smile. Fiddling with the blue ribbon tied carefully around the box, I look up, staring Hikari straight in the eyes.

"Let's go home." I smile, taking her by the hand.

X

"I have a gift." Taichi announced on entering Yamato's room.

"That's nice 'Chi, who got you a present?" Yamato asked, not lifting his eyes from the history text book resting on his lap.

"I got it, for you." He beamed.

"Didn't you just go to the supermarket with Mom though?" he arched an eyebrow, looking up at the grinning boy who had now made himself comfortable at the end of the bed. Matt's tiger teddy sitting in his lap, he continued to grin like the deranged teen he was. Expecting some form of cake, Yamato put his book down and eyed his boyfriend sceptically.

"Not just the supermarket. We went to the mall because your Mom needed to get T.K a few more things for his birthday. I got him something to, I got him a new T-shirt, its black with Yellow writing and it say's 'The little voices make more intellectual conversation than you so if it look's like I'm interested in what your saying it's because I'm not listening' cool huh?" He laughed holding the top up for Matt to examine.

"Right, you're odd." Yamato decided it was best to leave Tai to ramble on without making much of a response.

"No I'm not. Do you want your present?" He beamed once again, clearly very proud of himself.

"Sure."

"Come on Yama, try and sound a little more excited than that."

"Gimme, Gimme!" He squealed sarcastically like a girl, amusing Tai greatly.

"You're silly." He giggled, holding out a little black bag, silver ribbon tied around the top. Undoing the ribbon Matt instantly tied it round his wrist.

"Why'd you do that?"

"It's the little things that count Chi." Matt smiled, leaning forward and kissing him lightly. Shrugging out of confusion Tai waited excitedly, hoping Matt would like his gift. "Wow…" he breathed on opening the small box inside the bag. "It's beautiful Chi." Finding himself rather lost for words he starred down at the box, admiration playing in his eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too." Tai smiled, turning himself and Henry the tiger round so that he could lean comfortably against his blond lover. "Do you like it?"

"I love it." He pulled Tai into his body, wrapping him tightly in his arms.

X

"Matt." T.K breathed as I entered the café, Hikari standing at my side. A meal is placed in front of him, I think it's been there a while, nothing's been eaten, but everything on the plate has been re-arranged a few times. "Shit, you look a mess."

"Thanks, missed you to bro'." I spoke sarcastically. He's exactly the same as he's always been, I guess that's why I love him.

"My God, it's good to see you man." He wrapped me in his arms. I don't think my brother has ever held me like this before. I need it though, I have missed him, I've missed him like hell. "Where've you been?" he broke away, staring me intensely in the eye. It's like looking into a mirror, a broken mirror.

"Just around." I shrug.

"I'll leave you two to it." Hikari smiled, kissing her boyfriend before turning to leave. "Thanks for coming home Matt." With that she left, leaving me and T.K to sit opposite each other, staring vacantly at one another.

"How are you?" Clearly unsure of what to say, T.K stammers with his words, shaking slightly.

"Not too good." No point in lying I suppose, it's T.K, he'll see straight through anything I say that isn't true.

"Understandable." He muses; pushing his food around the plate he looks up and offers me a sympathetic smile.

"What about you?"

"Not too good."

"Understandable." I offer a smile in return, repeating his response.

"We've missed you, everything's such a mess here. "

"Yea' Hikari said."

"How'd she find you?" He asks, confusion in his eyes.

"It's Hikari, she can do anything."

"Yea'." He shrugs. "How you coping, you know, without him?"

"I'm not."

X

"Did he like it?" Mrs Ishida asked as the two boys entered the kitchen.

"Yup." Tai grinned, pulling at the necklace round Matt's neck to show T.K. "Be right back." Tai ran off in the direction of the bathroom, leaving the Ishida family to stare after him.

"He really loves you." Mrs Ishida smiled at her son while making the finishing touches to dinner.

"I love him too." Matt grinned sheepishly.

X

Nothing seems to have changed, life goes on, everything's always the same. People move on, get on with there lives, on the outside at least. Everything look's the same, exactly the same as the day I left. My room's the same, pictures still rest above the fireplace that I don't think ever worked, mine and his. Homework's still pilled on my desk, both mine and his. My wardrobe's still full of clothes, mine and his. Shoes are still lined up against the wall, mine and his. His easel is still set up in front of the window, the pictures still not finished. Mine and his. Everything in this room is mine and his, from an outsider's view it would look as though he were still here, as though he's just popped out for a few minutes. Maybe that's how it is in my mind, as though, he's just popped out, but he'll be back. He will, won't he?

"Yama, you look confused?"

"I am baby."

"Why?"

"You know, it's like your still here." I smile, placing a kiss on his forehead as he sits painting.

"I'll always be here silly." Reaching into my bag I pull out his gift, carefully pulling off the ribbon I tie it round my wrist to accompany the now old and worn silver one.

X

"I can't take this anymore." Tai sobbed, climbing through the window from Yamato's balcony.

"Tai?" he sat up, dazed from sleep. "What are you doing here; I thought you were staying at home?" Reaching out to turn his bedside lamp on Tai grabbed his hand, trembling with fear.

"Don't turn it on." He cried. "I don't want you to see me."

"What happened?" Matt took the boy into his arm's cradling him as he shook.

"It's too much Yama."

X

Forever we shall be, simply you and me. Eternity.

A silver ring with those words engraved inside.

"Shit Tai, you break my fucking heart."

Well, that's the end of that one, next Chap will be up soon, but I'll warn you all now, it's gonna be a hard one.

Please Review, I like reviews.

Love an hugs xxxxx