6
"Hey." A husky voice whispered, full of sleep. Tears stung the corners of Taichi's eyes from the night before as he opened them up to the harsh morning sunlight.
"Morning beautiful." Yamato whispered back, tilting himself upwards to kiss his brown haired lover.
"You got your results yet?"
"Not yet baby."
X
Waiting, that's the worst part really, waiting to discover your fate, to discover the truth. I had some selfish notion running through my mind, wishing that I too were infected, that I could go with him, join him on this journey of inwards destruction. I didn't want to be left behind, left to live a life without him. I didn't tell him this of course, but I'm sure he knew. To think back now, it was so pathetic, wishing myself away as he wished himself to re-appear. It was as though some magnetic force were trying to pull us together, yet the magnets were opposing each other, repelling, pushing me further and further away. He held my hand, and tried with all his might to smile, to keep me smiling, it was a lost cause, what hope did we honestly have?
X
"Yamato Ishida to room 103 please." The voice crackled over the intercom, daring him to discover his fate.
X
"Interview complete at…" The officer checked his watch and sighed. "Ten fifty three." With that he clicked his finger on the tape recorder, momentarily ending the ordeal I had chosen to put myself through.
"Thank-you." I nodded, preparing myself to leave I stood and forced a smile.
"Wait a minute Ishida." He beckoned for me to sit back down opposite him as he studied my face. "Your really not lying are you." An ironic smile played on his lips, as if he were unsure whether to laugh out of horror or to cry, feeling the weight of this new information falling like hail stones all around him. His deep green eyes appeared to bore into my soul, yet his soft, slightly aging features offered condolence for my fears.
"Why bother lying?" I quirked an eyebrow, wondering what it was he was trying to say exactly.
"Do you a have a photo?"
"Yea'." Reaching into my pocket I pulled out my wallet, opening it a bittersweet smile formed on my lips, pulling tight against the mussels in my face. I held out the picture of us both and showed him.
"You both look so happy." He almost whispered, fingering the photo tenderly. "Did your sexuality act in anyway as a motive for his father?" his voice changed back to a business like tone, as though he were scolding himself for the feelings that run through him towards my situation.
"The only thing that motivated him to the best of my knowledge was Tai's very existence." Still staring at our photo, I couldn't help but feel a little proud. "Beautiful wasn't he?" I asked rhetorically, a dream
like tone to my voice.
"Where's his sister living? I'll need to speak with her."
"She's at mine, living with my brother." Feeling a sudden need to take this man into our lives I smiled, knowing he was the one who would do all he could to help us. "Feel free to come round, my Mom will make you tea, she likes to have guests, and everyone will be more than willing to help with you investigation, we've all lived this, so yea'.." I trail off, not sure how to continue, wondering what had come over me to make me so welcoming of this stranger.
"You're a brave kid."
"Not as brave as 'Chi."
Contemplate the freedom honesty is supposed to bring. Consider how it would feel to have the weight of the world lifted momentarily from your shoulders, then dropped back only seconds later with a raw sense of harrowing reality. That's how I feel at this precise moment in time. I should be feeling liberated, care free, full of life and energy, however, in a way, I feel almost guilty. I've revealed a secret I swore to keep; I've revealed it too late. Finally I've over come my own fears, over come his for him, but it's all too late, what actual difference is it going to make now? This should help me to move on, help me to get over everything once a verdict has been reached, yet, it seems only to be pulling me further into my own darkness.
Handing back my wallet I stare longingly at the picture, we sat on the grass, just outside our caravan. He sat between my legs as I wrapped my arms lovingly around his slender frame, holding onto him, holding onto every little bit of hope we could find.
X
Having awoken sharply from a nightmare Yamato fell into Tai's arms, sweat and tears mixed over his body, leaving a slightly bitter stench to hang in the air.
"Tai." He whimpered, burying his head into his bare chest.
"Yama, stop crying silly." Taichi whispered, allowing Yamato to cry in his arms. "There's no time for crying, we've got stuff to do."
"Fuck Tai, How? Tell me please how I'm meant to stop?" Although his words seemed angry his voice was soft, almost whispered. "Tai, I'm so fucking scared, every minute passes us by, every second, an we're meant to be enjoying it, but, I can't, every second means we're one second closer to the fucking end. I was there, just… looking down." He bit down hard on his lip as the memories from his dream flooded into his consciousness. "Shit Tai, you were gone, and it's going to happen. You're going to be gone." Confusion raced though his mind as he contemplated the end. "There's so much to do, an we need to do it all, everything, we need to do everything, live through everything, experience every stupid fucking detail." Staring up at Tai, bleary eyed, he forced himself to look down apologetically. "Sorry." He mumbled, pulling Tai closer.
"Are you done?" A warm smile was painted on Taichi's lips, his eyes full of love and understanding.
"I don't know." He answered honestly.
"Well, I hope you are. Sit up." Tai whispered. Responding immediately Yamato bolted into an upright position, facing away from Tai he found himself slumping back into his arms. Playing sweetly with the blond hair that fell around his best friends face, Tai sighed, the warm scent of his breath tickled the other boy's neck. "You know how I want to spend everyday we have left?" He smiled a smile that Yamato would never see, one he would never understand. "Just like this. I want to do stupid things, get excited over nothing. I want to lie here with you. I want to carry on like normal."
"But it's not normal anymore 'Chi."
"You think I need reminding of that?"
"Marry me."
"What?" Disbelief danced blissfully through both of their eyes. Kissing Tai passionately, Yamato gasped. Feeling there lips brush together; all sense of understanding was lost. Yamato ran his tongue gently along Tai's lips, then desperately, needing to be physically close, there bodies entwined as they tried to discover each other, wanting to miss out not a single detail. Un-co-ordinated hands ran over bodies, searching every ripple of skin, every curve, every bone. An almost violent display occurred on that bed. Kisses were planted on every available surface, hungry kisses full of love, full of lust, full of need. Coated in a film of tears, they searched for meaning in one another, searched for an answer they knew they'd never find.
"Please." Yamato gasped. "Please 'Chi." Desperation, passion, longing surged through every fibre of his being.
"Yes." Jerking suddenly away from each other, both boy's stared, un-sure of how to go on in that moment.
"What?"
"YES!" Tai shouted, his eyes gleaming. "I will marry you." He spoke in a slightly softer tone, laughing hysterically though he knew he should be crying.
X
Cut into three my broken heart
Left and wrong and in between
Cleanse with tears you left behind
Inside out I'll lay it bare
X
"Mom…" Yamato spoke softly, trying to catch the attention of his mother, but no one else. The café was bustling, people crowded around every available surface space, everyone wishing to be served at that exact instant. "Mom…" He tried again, hoping she'd stand still for long enough to actually listen to him.
"That'll be $15 please." She smiled, taking the money from her most recent customer.
"Mom." He tried again.
"Next please." Mrs Ishida smiled, the queue at the counter lead almost to the door at the far end of her cafe.
"MOM!"
"Yea' can I have two burgers and chips please."
"Anything to drink?"
"One strawberry milkshake and one coffee please."
"That will be $11.50."
Becoming a little bored as he watch on, Taichi noticed that the loud speaker was still on. Although it may not have been the most romantic of notions ever to have cross his mind, it seemed like a good idea at the time. "This is a customer and staff announcement." Tai spoke clearly, yet the buzz of conversation continued. "This is-" he tried again, this time cut of by a baby screaming in protest to whatever it was that his mother was trying to feed him. "Can everyone please shut up for five bloody minutes?" This time silence fell over the room and all eyes turned to Tai. "Excellent." He mused for a moment, watching every face watch him. "Right, so this is the announcement; I love Yama and Yama loves me, so we're going to get married." Tai beamed, wondering if this was in fact the best of ways to go about letting people know. A look of disbelief mixed with amusement danced across Yamato's face as he shook his head slightly with a smile playing on his lips.
"What?" Mrs Ishida starred dumbly at her son as he stood before her smiling.
"We're going to get married." He breathed out slowly.
X
"Thank-you."
"For?"
"Everything." Warm arms wrap around my tired body, allowing me to drift slowly away from my consciousness. Just a little longer, I inwardly sigh as my breath becomes even. "It's so beautiful out there Yama." I hear his voice whisper. He stands before me and moves towards the window where he re-arranges the pillows slung absently on the large sill. Sitting comfortably I watch as he run's his fingers along the glass, following the rain as it falls gracefully from the heavens. "I'm so small." He smiles, I can't see his face, but I can read the silent smile in his broken voice. "You're not though Yama, and you never will be."
"Tai…"
And then he was gone, he'd left me all over again.
October 21st
Not long to go now I suppose, not long until I lay myself to rest.
Everything's ready, in order, not much left to do really.
This seems so strange, preparing a 'to do' list for the rest of my life.
A few months, that's all, who knows exactly.
I'm ready though, how could I not be?
