6th Chapter
So this is the feeling cornered again. It has been a while since I've ever felt terrified and had the feeling of helplessness.
Is time for me to be reunited with my mother?
"Hey Jin, do you remember what my father looked like?" I asked him the moment he drove off away from my school.
It's just came to me, wondering if Jin still remembered my father since he had some connections with him. Actually, the reason what made me think about him again is because of seeing a classmate happily skipped her way to her dad when he came to pick her up to our school. She looked so happy and smiled the moment she saw her father get out of his car. The two of them hugged and left after my class bid her goodbye to us.
After seeing them having a father-daughter moment, something boiled inside of me, I think it was anger. I'm not angry at her but to myself that I can't help but to be jealous at the scene I had seen. There was nothing I should be jealous at, I don't need him and I never will. He left us with his own volition and never came back. I don't need someone such as a father to do something like what a father would do to his children to make them happy. However, what I feel betray my thoughts, my insights, I've always desire a hug coming from my father.
"I..." he glanced at me, "No."
I don't know if he is being honest or lying to me about it. There's no way in hell that he won't remember my father's face, I mean, he's the kind of guy that won't forget something easily. Wait, I was thinking of another guy, Jin definitely is the worst when memorizing somethings unless it benefits or greatly interests him. Yet again, I don't know what is his opinion about my father.
"Okay." I took a deep breath, "Another question. How the heck did the two of you met and why do you know each other?"
"I don't." he asked rather quickly and without hesitation.
I raised an eyebrow, "Excuse me? You don't know him and you two haven't met?" he just nod in response.
Well, that was certainly a shocker. All this time, I've thought that two of them have shared some kind of familiarity and Jin's the only connection to my father's whereabouts, but it turned out to be something...I can't really described it. Maybe the word was 'deception'?
I looked down, "But you...you told me that my father has told you to take care of me." I said weakly.
I felt him glance at me and sigh. "Open the glove box."
His response made me look at him strangely. After a few seconds of my stoic guardian's signature silence, I did what he told me and found a neatly folded color yellow paper. I thought it was some kind of a lame joke from him but once I found the petal of a sunflower sticking inside it, I opened it.
Most of what's inside the paper did not make sense to me, there are some parts I understood though. However, what really caught my eye and attention is about are words and phrases I've seen on the papers that I deliver to Jin's precinct. I sometime can't help but read bits and pieces of the memos I delivered there
Three-fourths of the letter consists mostly of gibberish that I can't understand and the rest is about me. It was located at the very bottom of the very letter in my hands. It said-more like pleaded to Jin to take care of me and asked him to be my guardian so I won't be lonely or sad while grieving for mom.
He looked at me, a little hint of concern in his eyes, "Are you okay?" Jin asked.
"I...can't believe it."
"What is it that you can't believe."
I looked at Jin and give him a stink eye, "I can't believe that you just willingly accepted my father's plea even though he's like a stranger to you. You even took care of a stranger's daughter for almost three straight years! Feed her, shelter her and protecting her from all the danger that may come to her life just because a supposedly alive man wrote that letter to you?! I just can't believe it."
"And you're mad about that?" he asked me, slight irritation in his voice.
I shook my head, "I'm not even mad after knowing that fact and revelation. I'm honestly surprised that you are much kinder than I give credit of you." I chuckled to myself, "You know, I've always thought that my father constantly bothered and force you to take care of me. Or maybe he did force you, with this," I pat the leather seat of the car, "as a bribe. Yap, that must be it; my old man bribed you." I let out a short pained laugh, "He bribed you to take care of me with a car and when you wanted to return the car you can't because you don't know where in this world he is so you just kept and really took care of me because of guilt. Wow that's a lot to take in."
I really fought the urge to bawl. I don't like crying in front of other people. Few minutes of silence passed by after my assumption, well, I hope it is just one of my assumptions or else, if Jin kept his silence, I'll accept it as a valid reason why he's with me until now. I was about to burst in tears when Jin stopped at the light and spoke.
"Fuu." he started by calling my name with a gentle and caring tone with it, I sniffled. "It's not what like what you say. Yes, I did got this from your father and yes your father is a stranger to me however, you were different." Jin pulled the gas pedal when the light turned into green. "I've received the car and it has three letters inside the car, each with different recipient, for you, for me and for your mother. After I've read the letter that is meant only for my eyes, I don't really have the intent to do what your father wrote to me about you and just take the car for myself. But," he glanced at me for few seconds before focusing back on the road, "when I saw you being bullied, hearing about your mother's passing and saw you being so strong despite of what the world throws at you without shedding a single tear, my plans have changed and that bring us today."
I never really expected Jin to be so thoughtful and that caring. The Jin I know is someone who could careless almost about everything unless it interests him or a necessity such as his job as a policeman. Usually he'll just ignore any of my complaints and my outbursts as a teenager on a regular basis, never did I see that I will cause an impact to his own whole being.
"T-that's reassuring." I immediately glared at him, "So you really had a plan to ditch me in a corner and your reasoning isn't that clear to me. Wouldn't that be more reason to let me by myself?"
He gave me a small smile, "Are you familiar to the literary term 'catharsis'?"
I racked my head, searching for the meaning of the word he said, "You mean the purgation of emotions after reading a certain novel? Yeah."
"That's my reason. Catharsis. I'll be the novel and you'll be the reader."
"Seriously? You wanted to purge all of my feelings and to make pull out various of emotions at one time that will make me look like a loon and make me cry at the end? What are you? Some kind of a sadist?" I huffed, "I could tell that you've been reading too much novels and you're breaking out of character again. It's not very much of you to say something like that"
As silly as his reasoning is, even if he doesn't elaborate it, I understand it. I am still bottling up all my feelings. I felt empty as it went on, only to be alienated by my friends I thought that will be with me, support me and comfort me through my ordeal with my mother's death, but they didn't. Instead they mocked me, shamed the death of a person and remained purposely ignorant of what I possibly had felt from the words they catapulted to me. Before I get sunk deep at the bottom of sadness, Jin pulled me halfway, Ruri, Saki and Shinsuke along with his mother completely pulled me out of that dark deep abyss.
"Thanks Jin. I may not have that catharsis yet, but you've done something much better than purging my emotions." I gave him a big warm smile.
Jin just pat my head. For a minute there, I think I saw his lips curved upward a little.
With our heart-to-heart talk, it took me a while that he had already stopped at the themed cafe I was working at as waitress, one of my rackets to earn more money. I waved goodbye at him and see him off before going inside the changing area for the employees.
No one was inside. I checked at the cute clock mounted at the wall and realized that I was early for my shift. Humming a tune, I slowly strip off my school uniform, taking my time. I looked at the small white board and what was written on it has drained all the colors in my body. I guess, I just had a literal catharsis. It was written;
'Cat Theme: Cat Costume.'
I can't believed my eyes when I saw it. Some time in the past, some fool cooked up this cliche nonsense that really turned everything into a dumpster fire. The boss can't argue with it. He simple reasoned to some of us who dislike the idea; everybody like cats, everyone wants to be a cat which is pretty logical. Not only that the costumes were inappropriate and provocative. It really caused some trouble for the ladies that, ironically, excited to wear the costumes only to end into be a victim of both subtle and blatant sexual harassment, along with some bad looks from the other customers.
Me? I had something under my sleeve-at that case it was under my shirt. That's right, my chest. The one who had the idea and designed the clothes said that the costume would be more appealing with a girl with a huge rack. To compensate, he made a costume especially for my size. It has a black furry fluffy short skirt, black short sleeved turtleneck with matching black furry cat ears and tail, both with bells attached, and furry cat feet.
Of course, I can't avoid the dirty looks I got from men and disapproving looks from the other patrons but I did avoid the men trying to lift my skirt.
Somehow, some perverted jerk brought the idea back again from the depths of hell. Last time I remembered, the original person who thought of that unholy idea got fired because of democracy. The result was unanimous with only three voting for him to stay and almost all of us voting him to receive the pink slip.
As I silently curse at the offending white blackboard, a fellow female employee entered and greeted me. I looked up to her voice and saw that she's wearing a normal classic maid with cat ears and tail.
Huh... It's actually cute.
"Oh Fuu, you're here..." she twirled around, letting her skirt flutter as she spun, "Isn't this cute?"
I blinked, "Yeah... but, why did the boss-man approved to have a Cat-themed cafe again after what happened the last time we did it?" I calmly asked.
She flicked her hair, "Same reason as before, and besides, the uniform is not that horrible anymore like the previous one. Except for yours though 'cause you look so cute wearing it. However." she walked up to my locker and opened it, revealing the old costume inside. "We know that you hugely dislike short skirt, so we adjusted it and made it longer for you."
I let out a groan, "Do I really have to wear that piece of abomination?"
She nodded furiously, "Yup, c'mon!"
Groaning again, I put the accursed costume again. Protesting and refusing to do this won't do good to me. If I don't wear it and do my job, I'll surely get the pink slip from my boss. I sighed and just resigned to my fate.
The day went smoothly than I anticipated, though there are still jerks who pulled the tail attached to the costume and perverts who tried to lift up my skirt by either using their sneaky hands or summoning an imaginary great wind. I can't take the every second I'm wearing the cafe closed, I immediately ran to the changing room to change back into my school uniform. I've never felt free.
"Bye guys. Got to go." I announced to my co-workers.
"You're in a hurry. Do you have a date?" one of them said.
The woman from earlier giggled, "Maybe it's with that handsome guy who took you here by car earlier."
I arched an eyebrow. A handsome dude with a car? Do they mean Jin? I snickered, "I don't have a date. I just need to go."
After I closed the door behind me, I can still hear their chatter. Geez, women. A date with Jin, huh? That's would be hilarious and odd to look at. A fully grown man having his day spent with an under-developed girl. It was like looking at a father and daughter or brother and sister having a time together.
I spent most of my time laughing at the image of Jin and I popping in my mind on my way to my other job. It's just so funny.
"Oy! You're spilling the cocktail! What the fuck Fuu!" A fellow bartender scolded me and hit me by the shoulder. "Like shit girl! Cocktail mixes ain't cheap you know!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess that I got carried away." I rubbed the nape of my neck and stuck out my tongue.
Thank the heavens that my bartending job went well without encountering any trouble however, it seems like my day is not in the slightest bit over. I thought that me wearing that cat costume was the worse thing that could happen to me today.
"You fucker! Stay still!"
Apparently, some creep wearing a black mask was waiting for me at the back, holding a bat in his hands. As soon as I closed the door behind me, he struck me. Luckily, he only managed to hit my back. If the rock hadn't crunched under his shoes, I could've have been knocked out by now or worse.
He swung his bat more, wanting me dead more than ever. Unfortunately for him, I still have the strength to dodge his swings despite of the horrible sting I'm feeling on my back. I tried to take away my mind off the pain. If I want to live, I have to be smart and precise as I dodge since we are in a dark and narrow alleyway. Until I get away from this tight alleyway, he can hit me effortless.
I clicked my tongue. "No way! I'm not that stupid!"
Yelling for help won't do me good. The streets are as noisy as ever and calling for people at the bar is as useless as well. The only option I have is to keep dodging or wait for a miracle to happen but my the pain on my back is becoming unbearable because of my clothes contacting with my bruised back mixed with my own sweat.
Oh God...
What the hell does he want from me anyways?! Even with the damn mask on, I have never seen him before nor heard his voice in my entire. I always take note of the eyes and voice so I cannot be mistaken!
This alleyway is so long. I've been dodging his swings for what felt like forever. I know that the exit is near. Once I get out, I can run as fast as I can after I dodge him. I'm stupid in the first place, I sprinted in the wrong way.
As I place my hand on the wall for support I can feel that I've managed to reach the end. All that is left is too have perfect timing to dodge his bat and my strategy worked. He swung with much force and hit the solid ground instead of my body.
"You won't get away that easy!" he screamed as I ran.
The streets seemed so near yet far away at the same time. I didn't know what happened not until I realized that a sharp thing that poked me was a needle attached to a syringe. I sank to the ground and felt my body went numb. He caught up to me and injected some more numbing drug into my system.
"W-w-wha...?"
I don't know if it was a fast reacting drug or maybe he shot too much into me. My mouth has gone numb too that I immediately lost my ability to speak my own bewilderment. I tried to move my arms but could only twitch my fingers. Not only my limbs are numb, the drug seemed to have affected my brain. Right now I can't think straight.
My vision is going blurry, I don't know if I'm crying or fainting because of the stinging pain coarsing and throbbing in my back or the fact that I'm scared that I'm going to die in this kind of way.
Mixed emotions had taken over me. Fear, panic, sadness and pain, I can't express any of them thank to the drug.
"AAAAAAAAH!"
Before I could blackout, I mustered my strength to scream, hoping that someone to hear my scream under the blaring sound of the bustled and busy streets and the sound of heavy music inside the bar. But at the end, nothing came out.
Everything is now dark and blurry. Can't see and think straight. Even my sense of hearing is dulling. I think this is the end of line for me. Soon, I'll be reunited with my mother.
Am I dreaming? All I see is white. This can't be neither heaven nor Nirvana, right? I didn't imagine them just being all white ever since I've seen multiple paintings and stories about what they look like. Besides, since when the two of them had crows flying around? Maybe I'm in purgatory? That seemed right, I do after all have some sins I want to repent to before going to the paradise.
I sat on the white cold ground. That guy really did kill me and my strings had been cut. I'm just going to stay here forever.
"The fuck you're saying girly?! What do you mean 'stay here forever'?!"
When will that man leave me alone? Even in my death he's still haunting me!
"Hey! Wake up you dumb broad!" he yelled, resonating around me.
Wake up? Does that mean I'm just dreaming and still alive?
