Disclaimer: If I owned them this would be on-screen, kay? –sigh- Fine. The show belongs to ABC; the song belongs to Andrew Lloyd Webber and some other people.
Author's Note: The song excerpt is from "Another Suitcase in Another Hall", and it is a song from one of the best musicals ever Evita. The lyrics fit Nat so perfectly I had to find a way to use them in a story…
Summary: Natalie and John are again separated by a huge misunderstanding, can they get past it with the help of a certain lawyer (no not who you're thinking)?
Rating: PG at the most for language
Title: Unforgiven
Time and time again I've said that I don't care
That I'm immune to gloom
That I'm hard through and through
But every time it matters all my words desert me
So anyone can hurt me
And they do
Evita; composed by Andrew Lloyd Webber
Natalie stared at John, shocked beyond belief and hurting more than she had ever thought was possible. "You… you knew he was alive?" she asked, pointing a trembling finger at Cristian. John stared at his feet. "Look at me, damn it!" Finally giving up she grabbed his chin and forced him to meet her gaze.
John's eyes were swimming with tears and her grip tightened. "Don't you dare cry. Don't you dare!" she screamed. "You don't have the right. You've known all along he was really Cris, but you've been sleeping with me anyway? How the hell could you do that? Don't you have a conscience?" She began to cry and let her hand drop. He reached out for her and she jerked away violently.
"Don't." she said in a quietly dangerous tone. "You will never touch me again, John." She looked at him, pain and contempt blazing from her fiery eyes. "Natalie?" Cristian asked hopefully. She scoffed as she grabbed her coat. "You have to be kidding me! Him not telling me was bad enough, but he was just doing what you told him to." She slapped Cristian hard. "I will never forgive either of you."
As Natalie stormed from the hotel room, Cristian lifted his chin slightly. "Way to go, McBain." John looked at him, unable to believe his ears. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Cristian shook his head, not sure whether he should punch John or tell him. He decided on the latter, if only because it would ultimately cause him the most pain.
"I never thought you'd keep the truth from her. I was sure you'd see it would only make you lose her forever when she found out." He laughed bitterly. "And I was right." "Get out," John ordered in an icy tone. His hands curled into fists, itching to punch Cristian, who laughed. "Gladly." He walked out of the hotel room grinning. He may have lost Natalie, but at least now he knew John was going through what he had gone through for so many months in that prison cell…
Three hours after the confrontation Natalie was sitting at home—well, it wasn't home exactly; home was John's hotel room… Home used to be John's hotel room, she reminded herself firmly. It still hadn't sunk in yet. Her eyes were tearless, and she knew she was in shock. She smiled grimly as she wished she could keep it this way. Not feeling anything had to be better than to feel the pain she knew was coming… didn't it?
Back at the Angel Square Hotel, John was drinking heavily. He knew that he had lost Natalie for good by keeping the secret from her—hadn't she as much as told him that? Yet some small part of his heart continued to whisper that eventually she would come around. He didn't want to have that hope, because he knew that if he did he would never be able to give her the space she deserved, but his heart refused to listen to his mind.
John groaned and let his forehead hit the table with a thud. Dull pain ran through his forehead but he ignored it easily, he had felt much, much worse during his years on the job. The pain in his heart wasn't so easy to forget.
After Caitlin he had sworn he would never get close enough to someone to feel that kind of pain again… He stood to his feet, grabbed his coat and walked out of the hotel room. The door closed with a decisive click behind him. The next time he saw that room he would be a changed man…
Natalie had finally fallen asleep on the library sofa, and that's where she was when Cristian peered in through the doors. He turned the knob and it opened easily. He walked in quietly and went to sit by her side, unable to resist running a hand over her hair. Natalie sighed softly and a gentle smile crept over her lips. Cristian smiled and kissed her. "John…" she sighed quietly and his heart broke when he heard the love in her voice.
He stood to his feet. "I still love you," he whispered, unable to take his hand off of her head. "I know you obviously don't feel the same about me, so I'm not going to try to make you." He bent down and kissed her forehead, and touched his lips to hers one last time. "Good-bye, Natalie," he whispered into her ear before walking out of Llanfair for the last time.
TO BE CONTINUED
