Disclaimer: Final Fantasy and its respective characters are the property of Square Enix. All OC's and crazy theorising are owned by LadyGreensleevesd Ltd. All rights reserved.

Okay pick yourself up off the floor. I know it's hard to believe but gasp I have actually updated! Sorry for the huge delay, it wasn't my intention to leave it so long. And I suppose I should warn that there's a little bit of bad language in this chappie. Had to put it in because a string of !$! seemed to ruin the feel of the fic. : ) But enough drabble. Onward!

"Whenever I look inside myself I am afraid." C.E.M. Joad.

Chapter three: Warmth

Taking pleasure in the simple things was a luxury Tifa had not experienced in a long time. Preparing and setting out the tables for breakfast at the orphanage with the morning sun warming her back she took a reverential joy in these tasks considered mundane by others. She enjoyed these little rituals, she enjoyed catering for her family, as she saw them but most of all she enjoyed it as she could perform them without worry.

Years before when Avalanche was active and carried out daring night-time sabotage attempts against Shinra Tifa would take it upon herself to feed the team, Biggs, Wedge and Jessie when they returned to Seventh Heaven. In the calm of early day, when Marlene was still asleep she would worry and debate whether she should set one place less. What if someone had died? What if they were captured and Shinra found out about here, the base? What if soldiers were on their way now? Could she get Marlene out safely? She knew that it was foolish to work herself up into a state of anxiety but in the stillness she couldn't stop her mind from turning over all the awful possibilities. Only when Barret and the team returned did she breathe again. Barret would laugh at her worries, "You jes' aint cut out to be ruthless Tifa. You care too much." Tifa smiled at the memory. She could never be accused of being a coward but she found it hard to disassociate herself from others pain. She could never wall off her emotions when her friends were in danger. Now there was nothing to worry about. Now Marlene was safe. If Kerr or Yuffie or anyone left the orphanage at night it was to have fun not to make trouble. She was still shaken by the shooting in the square and the subsequent chase but put it to the back of her mind as a once-off. Barret was still keeping up a campaign against the Shinra but they never did anything drastic and without consulting each other first. Still the fear was gone but not the memories. She was not entirely content. In the future she could finally comprehend those past events and more importantly grieve for everyone she had lost. However she could only allow herself that grief when Cloud had finally…

"Tifa?" It was Yuffie framed in the kitchen doorway, her hair still mussed from sleep. "You okay?" The younger girl padded over and gently took a cup from her friends hand and placed it on the table. Tifa straightened and wiped her hands down her apron. Evidently she had been lost in thought. "You're too introspective Tifa," Yuffie continued before Tifa said anything, "Anytime I have a lot on my mind and write it all down then try to sort it out one at a time." She cracked some eggs into a bowl and whisked.

Tifa was surprised. Yuffie usually didn't attempt words like 'introspective' before 11 and after several cups of coffee. Not only that but the notoriously hyperactive teen just offered her sound advice. "Thanks Yuffie. But I can't help it. I can't stop going over things in my mind. Lately I…" Tifa debated whether to tell Yuffie about the disturbing dreams she'd been having. "I always end up thinking about Cloud…" she murmured more to herself than to Yuffie. She had never let her friend completely into her confidences. She always held back. It wasn't that she distrusted Yuffie but Tifa felt that feelings and emotions should be kept private until she wanted to share them.

"Of course you end up thinking about him." Yuffie expertly flipped the omelette and smiled sideways at Tifa who flicked her hair behind her ear. A nervous gesture. "After all you two have been through a helluva lot together. And you're childhood friends. You understand each other better than anyone." She finished with a pointed look at Tifa and a mouthful of omelette.

"Its not that simple…" Tifa was exasperated at everyone's insistence that since she and Cloud were childhood pals that they automatically shared everything. Tifa was still trying to figure him out and besides they weren't even all that close as youths. She was saved from explaining this by the sound of the orphans coming down the stairs. Marlene burst into the room. "Hey Yuffie. You're up early. Make any for me?" The child looked despondently at the empty plate but turned brightly towards Tifa. "Papa's coming today. He said he's going to bring me a present!"

Tifa smiled at her innocent enthusiasm, then at the children who had gathered around shrieking 'good morning' and resolved to think of nothing. Nothing at all.


She was falling. Falling into a darkness so thick and dark and complete that it was a living thing. Engulfed in a cloak of night she felt, sensed people rushing past, a swirling mass of consciousness. Airmid wasn't afraid. She often took refuge in the vaults of her mind. No fear or pain could reach her. This time however she was looking for someone and threading carefully.

After the terrifying experience in the room with the glowing green light Airmid felt less sure about being able to keep her abilities and her barriers steadfast. She was not worried about the damage her body endured, it was her mind. Groping her way through her consciousness Airmid felt nothing. He wasn't there. She let her control slip a little, letting more bodiless voices enter and swirl within her like leaves but nothing familiar drifted through the velvet dark. Suddenly the girl gave a shudder. She sensed something familiar and unwelcome. It was that same soft insistent voice. "Girl," it whispered.

Airmid immediately tried to throw up her mental barriers but was overwhelmed. The powerful presence was suffocating and rapidly invading her mind. Futilely she repelled the voice which was murmuring soothing words and promising her wonderful things. Freedom. Revenge on those that took her. Her brother. All the while a warm, pleasurable heat coursed through her. Floating, drowning, detached in a mind other than her own Airmid suddenly drew back a little.

"My brother?"

"Yes Airmid." The tone changed and became more powerful. The quivers of warmth changed to a pulsating pain within her. It was like a firework exploding in her head. Thrashing and writhing Airmid sought a way out. But the intruder had wrapped itself, tendril like within her and imposed its will. Losing herself in her thoughts, no, its thoughts, its mind, she was helpless. Slipping further and deeper away from herself the dark was no longer harmless. It thickened like tar, was spreading and filling her till she felt that it would overflow and seep from every orifice, into her mind and destroy her from within. Expanding. Airmid could feel her mind expanding allowing this new entity to probe and feed off her. The child gave a silent sob before her last coherent thought became absorbed.

"Airmid!"

I'm not Airmid.

"Airmid! Give me your hand."

I'm not Airmid.

"Stop!"

A flicker. I recognise you.

"Stop!"

"Airmid. Your hand."

Slowly and delicately like unwinding spider silk the blackness loosened around Airmid. With tremendous effort she felt for this new, familiar and welcome entity. She visualised her hand, white and glowing reaching up.

The alien consciousness tried to drag her back but Airmid had regained sufficient strength and control. She felt her brother pouring all his energy into her. The foul darkness dissipated and like a thread snapping the intruder was gone leaving just a trace of pain and malice. Airmid quickly locked this feeling in the myriad vaults of her mind.

"Hey Miach."

"Airmid I'm glad I found you. Don't look for me again." With that he was gone leaving his sister lonely and scared. When she finally opened her eyes she lay still, waiting for the wave of loneliness and fear to pass. What was that horrible…creature? I was nearly taken over. How could I be so careless? The thing, creature had fed off her, sucking her strength and will. It was cold and powerful and though Airmid was frightened to admit it, evil. If it wasn't for Miach…Her brother. He had found her and saved her. Airmid knew that it had cost him much to help. He would never let her down. Despite the shock Airmid felt a surge of hope. Yes, Miach would never let her down.

Taking a deep breath to quell the nausea she felt she sat up and came eye to eye with a group of very surprised scientists who were staring at her intently and scribbling notes. Kadaj was also there. Catching her eye he tilted his head towards the white-coated scientists and raised an eyebrow while smiling.

Airmid was baffled. He's the bad guy isn't he?"

With a hiss of air Kadaj opened the door to her cell and stepped in waving off the concerns of the scientists.

"You might contaminate her."

"What if she has another fit? A reaction?"

In response the silver haired man shut the door in their faces. He squatted next to Airmid and smiled benignly down at her. Airmid didn't back away but mustered her courage to ask "I had a fit?'

"Yes. You were shouting some very interesting things. And I'm not telling you what!" he said quickly when Airmid looked to interrupt. He let out a high pitched laugh at the bewilderment on her face.

Though Airmid knew she should be worried about what she might have revealed during the fit she felt compelled by Kadaj. She felt there was a childishness about him. A sort of beguiling harmlessness that matched his slim build and soft featured face. She knew he was far from harmless but out of the three silver haired men he seemed……the most human. He had an excitable energy about him, he waved his hands expressively when speaking and tried to pace the cell before realising it was barely five paces across. He was also the only one who had shown her any shred of kindness during her captivity. Gradually and unbeknownst to her Airmid began to relax. Listening to him speak so passionately about things she didn't understand she began to form the impression that Kadaj understood her.


Across the grimy city in a small dank room with his head over the chipped washbasin Miach was alternating between sobbing, vomiting violently and laughing.


"What's up with her?" Kerr addressed Siwan's retreating back. The door swung shut and a moment later the noise of her boots could be heard overhead.

"She did seem to be a bit quiet and snappy at breakfast." A languid Zan was performing his only exercise of the day, stretching his limbs like a cat before tossing his curls out of his heavy-lidded eyes. Tifa felt sleepy looking at him and stifled a yawn. "Siwan does get a bit…moody sometimes. It'll pass." The slim red-head was unusually distracted but Tifa shrugged it off. Her friend was temperamental and could go from kind to furious in a matter of seconds. The best bet was to give her a wide berth.

"You don't think she'll do anything stupid? She gets funny ideas sometimes." Yuffie was staring with hard concentration over Kerr's shoulder as he was tapping at his laptop. He was concocting another virus destined for Shinra's mainframe computer. Yuffie couldn't tell one end of a computer from the other but found the whole business fascinating and was Kerr's unofficial 'technical assistant'.

"Nah Siwan's reckless but she won't do anything stupid. I hope." Kerr laughed and ran his hands through his short spiky hair which he dyed a different colour every three weeks. It was currently acid green. Adorned with more piercings than a jungle tribal leader Tifa found his style a bit too flamboyant but liked him for his easy going charm and the enviable ability to stay cool under pressure.

A rattling down the stairs and Siwan re-entered without a word. She went behind the counter, took some items out of the first-aid box, hoisted her bag higher on her shoulder and left without a backward glance. The rest stared after her until Kerr shrugged "Eh, what can you do?"

The frantic flapping of birds and a roar of engines announced Cloud's arrival. He came to the door and as always looked around almost bashfully before entering. "You don't need an invitation to come in Cloud," Tifa laughed.

Cloud scratched the back of his head ruefully, "Siwan was in a rush."

"Siwan's always rushing somewhere. She likes to go off by herself sometimes." Tifa gestured to a chair, "How are you? Doing any odd jobs?"

Cloud sat down and was silent a while before answering. "Yeah I'm good. Got any new parts for the bike Zan?" He turned to the teen who was leaning back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. Tifa was irked at the way Cloud was so unwilling to talk to her but fought it down as a childish emotion.

"Nope. 'Fraid not Cloud. Anything to repair?" Zan sat back disappointed as the older man shook his head.

Yuffie looked up from over the laptop, "Don't worry Zan this is Cloud we're talking about…"

"…you'll be piecing the bike together in no time." Kerr finished. "And Tifa can piece Cloud back together."

Cloud shrugged and held up his hands then reddened at Tifa's inquiring look. "I've got to get some supplies Yuffie, so you're in charge."

"Yep."

Cloud stood up. "I've got some things to be doing as well. You can come if you like." Tifa nodded and followed him out into the sunshine over to his bike. "You're not afraid of speed are you?" He looked at her under a fall of hair.

"I'm afraid of nothing."

"I know," Cloud said softly.

Minutes later, haring down the streets of Midgar Tifa felt happier than she had been in a long time. The people and buildings rushed past in a blur, she enjoyed leaning into the corners and having her arms tightly around Cloud's waist. She shouted above the roar, "Where are we going?" Whether he heard her or not he didn't say anything until they pulled up outside a well-appointed house surrounded by a beautiful and well tended flower garden. But it wasn't the houses incongruous presence among the slums and smog of Midgar. "This is Aeris' house."

Cloud looked sadly around the garden before finally meeting her eyes. "I visit sometimes."

Tifa was stung. I could have come to you know. You're not the only one who cared. Like always she swallowed her feelings. "Okay. Next time you're going let me know and I'll come too if I can." Cloud looked slightly ashamed but then the wood door opened and Elmyra's face lit up.

"Cloud…oh and Tifa too. It's lovely to see you. Come in." Once inside Tifa swept her gaze over the neat, clean room. Everything was as she remembered it. Elmyra was bustling around setting out cups and plates and chattering happily. Except for the deep lines around her mouth and eyes and the streak of grey in her brown hair she didn't seem like a woman who had lost her daughter in the most brutal of circumstances. But then as Tifa reflected, how should you act?

They sat around the table making small talk and eating fruit bread. Tifa wondered how Cloud handled these visits as he only talked when asked a question and was he just doing them out of a sense of duty or guilt. All the while they talked an underlying current hummed between them, they were afraid to stop talking; the silence would have been too much. After an hour Cloud rose, "Thanks Elmyra. I have to get going now." He politely declined her offer to stay. "Are you coming Tifa?"

"Actually I'll stay here a little longer if that's okay with you." She couldn't ignore the pleading look in the older woman's eyes. Cloud looked confused but said "Sure, I'll pick you up in a hour.Elmyra." He nodded his goodbyes.

"Thanks for staying Tifa." Elmyra dusted the edge of a picture frame with her apron, "I don't have too many visitors nowadays." Her face was solemn for a moment then brightened. "Let's take a walk in the garden."

"How do they grow so well?" Not even grass could grow in the Midgar of the past and today even though the citizens were afforded a glimpse of sky the soil was too polluted. "Aeris could grow flowers out of a stone." She bent down and diligently began pulling up weeds. "How…I mean she's not here anymore to help them grow…" Tifa trailed off.

"But they grow nonetheless. I feel her…It's like you're suddenly aware that you're not alone." Elmyra straightened and stood arms akimbo looking thoughtfully at the flowers.

Tifa waited for her to continue but the older woman remained silent. "Elmyra? Does Cloud ever talk about her…He feels guilty." Tifa took a breath and rushed ahead, "He's so distant and never confides in me. Not that I'd ever force him…But oh I don't know…I can't grieve for her…for anyone until Cloud…I just bottle it all up, pretend everything is alright but it's a façade. I'm confused and unsure of myself…I don't know where…" Tifa stopped and put her head in her hands.

"Tifa?" came Elmyra's soft voice and her hands on her shoulders. Tifa lowered her hands. "It's alright. I'm fine."

"You're not really are you?"

Tifa gave a small laugh and immediately relaxed. This woman would listen to her with a sympathetic ear. "I can't stop dwelling on all that's happened in the past. I know I shouldn't, but running over things in my mind helps me."

"Aeris' death affected you all deeply. She was your friend, why shouldn't you think about her? I think the difference between you and me is that I've had time to grieve. A luxury you were never afforded. Am I right?" At Tifa's small nod Elmyra continued, "It happened so suddenly and then you were immediately thrown into a stressful situation. No time to think or comprehend. That's why you've become so solemn."

Tifa thought about what Elmyra and what Yuffie that morning had said and agreed. She was too solemn. She used to be bright, cheerful. Even though she was only twenty-two Tifa had the mentality of someone much older. She had always hidden her feelings below the surface, keeping things to herself. "But what about Cloud? I…"

"Let Cloud take care of himself. You take care of yourself."

Tifa nodded but privately disagreed. She'd talk to Cloud. It'll be better for everyone and close the distance between them.

"When I heard Aeris was killed…" Elmyra was looking into the middle distance remembering, "I thought I'd collapse. I thought of every conversation with her. In my mind I ran over every reprimand or bad thing I had said to her. There are always a hundred more things I wish I'd said to her… Can you believe that one person said to me was 'Why should I be sad?' After all she wasn't my real daughter." Elmyra spat out the words then continued more gently. "But that didn't matter. I knew myself how much I loved her. Nobody could take that away." She blinked and shook her head as if awakening from a trance. "You'll be fine Tifa. You'll work it out."


"Zan will be delighted. You've given him a job to do. Tifa handed Cloud, who was hunched over the bike, a small wrench. Travelling along one of the scenic routes around Midgar the motorbike had suddenly and noisily cut out. Luckily they weren't going too fast and Cloud had kept it under control and coasted it gently to a stop.

"I can't understand. It's never done this before." Cloud rubbed the back of his head in bewilderment not noticing his hand was covered in oil. Tifa took the opportunity. "You know Cloud. I've been meaning to ask you…"

Cloud looked up. Tifa didn't like the apprehension on his face but was determined to say her piece. She paused, gathered her thoughts and in the silence they became aware of a vehicle coming towards them. "Move over Tifa." Cloud squinted towards whatever was coming and pulled the bike closer to the verge. "It's a truck," Tifa began, "A Shinra truck." She couldn't keep the emotion out of her voice.

"They're just passing through." Despite his confident words he drew Tifa in beside him and continued to fix the bike, glancing up at intervals. Tifa knew he was wary and for her part she couldn't fight down the apprehension she felt as the enemy, for that was what they still were, came towards them.

The truck slowed down as it approached and stopped alongside them. Cloud looked at Tifa and gave a barely imperceptible nod. He'd handle this. The driver glared down at them from the cab and murmured something to his unseen passenger who then got out and stood in front of them.

Tifa was momentarily rooted to the spot from shock and hatred. Glancing sideways at Cloud she could see he was having the same reaction. The man who stood in front of them smiling insolently had long platinum hair and green catlike eyes. Once the initial shock wore off they realised that it couldn't be him. This man was too slim, less imposing and too feminine looking to be him. But the similarities were striking. And frightening.

The stranger continued to stare at them in silence, green eyes flicking from one to another. Finally he spoke, "Where did you get that bike?" His tone was cool and soft.

"It's a modified version of an old type." Cloud's voice had an edge to it and a muscle throbbed in his neck.

"Really," the man said in a bored voice while withdrawing a sheet of paper from his coat and handed it to Cloud who took it wordlessly. Cloud didn't look at it and his eyes never left the stranger's face. The man smirked and suddenly leaned in close to Cloud until their faces were inches apart. "Don't give us any trouble. It would be better for everyone." His eyes slid over to Tifa then before anyone could react he drew back his arm and fisted Cloud in the stomach. It was a solid punch, winding Cloud, who staggered but remained upright. His assailant gave a mocking laugh and Tifa was torn between fighting him and helping Cloud. She knelt down beside her friend as the silver haired man got in the truck which sped off showering them in dust.

"Cloud are you alright?"

He gasped then stood up slowly. "Fine. I'm the least of our worries Tifa."

"Who was he? He looked like…"

"Sephiroth. I know Tifa." Cloud smoothed out the sheet and scanned it. He made a strangled noise in his throat. Tifa glanced at the heading. "By the order of Neo-Shinra?" Tifa was horrified. The page detailed the glorious return of the Shinra and a subtly worded list of what the cooperation expected from its citizens. "They're even more tyrannical than before. I thought we had defeated them." She failed to keep the despondency out of her voice.

"I thought we did to." Cloud shrugged as if the return of Shinra was nothing more than an irritation but his next words betrayed his feelings. "We did our best and that wasn't enough. What can we do this time?"

Though she hated the defeated note in his voice Tifa found she had no answer to it.


Hours later they pulled up outside the orphanage. The sound of raised voices came from within. Siwan had returned and Barret was there too.

"How could you be so fucking stupid?"

"Me? I'm the only one around here with the guts to do anything!" Siwan cut off when Cloud and Tifa entered. "What's going on?" Tifa looked from a furious Barret to Siwan who had a bloody nose and a bandage around her head. "Siwan are you okay?"

"Save your sympathy Tifa. She's lucky she didn't die an' bring the Shinra down on all of us."

Siwan stood up, her face white with fury. "I bloody well told you, I covered my tracks. They're more likely to hear your bellowing…"

"You jes' shut up…"

"Stop it," Cloud said quietly but with authority. They stopped but continued to glare at each other. "What did you do?"

"She wen' after Shinra by herself."

"Barret! Be quiet," Tifa warned.

"Am I allowed to speak?" Siwan shot Barret a hateful glare. "Maybe what I did was reckless but I couldn't sit around doing nothing." She wiped her nose spreading blood over her face and hand. "I went by myself to that warehouse on the outskirts of town, the one with the boxes. I wanted to know what was going on so I snuck in as near as I dared and found out that it wasn't weapons in the boxes."

"What was in them?"

"I don't know." At this Barret snorted disdainfully, "You risked getting caught and implicating all of us and didn't find anything out." With effort Siwan ignored him and addressed herself solely to Cloud. "I was spotted and a few grunts gave chase. They didn't know the countryside as well as I do and I was able to give them the slip. Almost." She touched the bandage gingerly.

"But why didn't you tell us you were going?" Tifa was finding it hard to sympathise with Siwan for putting not just herself and them in danger but the children too. "Why?" Siwan gave a bitter laugh, "I wanted to do something, not sit around moping. You weren't going to take the initiative." She paused daring them to defy or contradict her. "You've become too complacent! I thought the mighty Avalanche would at least make some sort of stand."

Barret slammed his fist on the table. " You don't think I've noticed. Huh? You think we sit around on our asses all day. Shinra is back and we'll fight them as before! We don't need some fucking upstart…"

"You bastard," Siwan jumped up, knocking over her chair, her eyes glittered a metallic green. "I got something done! And besides you seem to be on your own Barret." She gestured to Cloud and Tifa, "They seem to be far too wrapped up in themselves."

"Siwan!" Tifa interjected angrily. "Do you think I don't worry about what's happening? Maybe I was too complacent…"

"Worry? Hah! The only thing you worry about is blondy there. Sitting around like some pining widow day after day. For Hades sake can't you pull yourself together?" Siwan finally stopped, breathing heavily and threw a disdainful look at Cloud who was staring stoically down at the table. Tifa, hurt and embarrassed stayed silent. Why doesn't he say something?

"You've got some nerve you…"

"Barret it's okay." Tifa took a breath. "Cloud show him the leaflet." It wasn't okay but there were more worrying matters at hand.

Cloud gave her a tight lipped smile and placed the sheet on the table then abruptly stood up and went to the door. "I have to go." He looked at Tifa.

"Shit Cloud can't you at least stay," Barret began but the door had already swung shut. Going to the window, watching his retreating back and ignoring the cries of anger from Barret Tifa felt all the warmth slip from the day.


Phew! Had a lot of trouble with this chapter but it's finally done. Sorry again for the delay and I promise I'll update quicker next time. And as always thank you to my lovely beta RealtF for all the help and inspiration. Sounds corny yes but she gave me the quote at the start which I think fits perfectly in with the theme of this chapter.