Unforgiven
Chapter 11: Despair and Hope
Author's Note: Yeah, remind me never to forget the recaps again. It's much simpler to recap the last chapter than the last TWO. Thanks. ;) Also, please check the end for a special author's note.
Recap: Cristian reveal is over and done with, Cris moved away and John turned himself in for illegal DNA tampering. He has finally seen Natalie for the first time since he went to prison. She made a speech and he admitted to sleeping with and impregnating her friend Amber, a fellow police officer when Natalie had left him. She and Amber cleared the air, with Amber admitting she didn't want the baby, while Kassie (John's lawyer who is playing matchmaker for the pair) told John how lucky he was. John was released from prison, he and Nat made love and she revealed she's pregnant. They made love again and John asked her to marry him. She accepted and then, five months later, she and Amber are at a pregnancy spa when Amber begins having pains. They head to the OB-GYN who has a vendetta against Natalie. It is then revealed she was suffering from placental abruption and her labor had to be induced, and Nat called John who immediately left to come. Amber and Nat bonded over the predicament and then she had to leave as Amber was prepped. As Natalie was walking away from the room a syringe was plunged into her neck…
Natalie moaned slightly as her vision slowly began to come back into focus. She was kept in the merciful darkness a moment longer before the full pain hit her. She cried out sharply as she felt the various aches and pains shooting through her body, as well as an eerie hollowness in her stomach. The next thing she knew John's face was hovering above her own. "Natalie!" She could see the tear tracks on his face and weakly reached up, stroking his face gently. "John. Why am I here?" she asked, suddenly realizing she was lying in a hospital bed.
John frowned as he reached down to take her hands into his own. "You don't remember?" She frowned in concentration as a blurry memory came back. "The last thing I remember is leaving Amber's room. Then it all goes black." John leaned in and kissed her forehead gently. "Well, apparently you collapsed outside of your room. The nurse found you when she left and they immediately rushed you to be examined." Natalie tried not to let her terror show as she caressed her stomach. "The baby?" John smiled weakly.
"The good news is our daughter is alive. She's in ICU right now for observation, but the doctors believe she's going to be just fine." Natalie's face collapsed into relieved tears as she reached out to embrace John. He took her into his arms, kissing the top of her head fiercely as he tried to form his next words. "Baby, that's not all." Natalie pulled back, knowing from one glimpse at his pain filled eyes that something was horribly wrong. "Oh my god. Is it Amber or her baby?" He shook his head slowly as he gently pushed a strand of hair away from her face.
"No, Amber and her baby are fine." "Then tell me what's wrong. John, you're scaring me," she said, voice trembling. "You had twins. The doctor could only save one of them. I got here half an hour after they were born, and they took me to the morgue—" He closed his eyes and suppressed a shudder at the memory of the tiny body who had looked perfectly healthy, the body not having had enough time for rigor mortis to set in. He forced them open and looked at his fiancée, whose eyes were glassy and cold. "Natalie?"
She slowly lay her head back on the pillow, turning so she wouldn't have to look at him as her hand unconciously traced circles on her stomach. "Was it a boy?" "Yeah. Our son." He tried and failed to keep his voice from cracking and she slowly turned to look at him. The sight of his tears brought her crashing into reality and the back of her hand flew to her mouth as she shook her head violently. She searched for words as her eyes filled with tears, remembering the words she'd spoken just before leaving Amber's room.
"I don't know that I could handle that."
The cry she released seemed to come from the very depths of her soul and chilled John to the bone as he gathered her into his arms. The tears flowed fast and hard between the both of them as they mourned the child they'd lost. Natalie's eyes were lost and vulnerable as she looked over John's shoulder, her body shaking with deep, dry sobs. John's eyes were closed tightly as he stroked her hair, wishing that he could do something to stop the pain.
Dr. Brown walked in and Natalie's eyes immediately fixed on him. Questions bubbled up inside of her as she pushed away from John gently. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt." Natalie frowned as she realized she couldn't stop the tears. John moved to sit back in the chair as he took her hand in his, squeezing it gently. She smiled at him weakly even as her heart continued to break. "I'm glad you're here, actually. I really wanted to ask you some questions…"
Half an hour later, Natalie wasn't exactly satisfied with the answers she had received, but she had accepted that they were all that the doctor seemed to know right then. Her son had been stillborn. He'd had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck and had never really stood a chance. He couldn't say what had caused her sudden labor, but said it could be a number of things and they'd likely never know. As he walked out of the room, she looked at John. He was watching the doctor go with a strange look on his face.
"John, what's with the look?" He shook his head and the look disappeared. "Nothing—that guy just gives me a bad feeling." He leaned in and softly kissed her before moving so that his forehead was pressed against hers, their lips a hairs breadth apart. "I have an idea." She smiled, trying to hold the tears back for his sake. "What kind of an idea?"
Fifteen minutes later John had gotten permission from the nurses and was wheeling Natalie down the hallway. "Are we going where I think we're going?" she asked, hardly daring to hope. He shushed her. "You'll see." They turned a corner and her breath caught in her throat as she saw the nursery. John wheeled her up to the window and her heart melted at the sight. There were two tiny preemies lying in separate incubators, both so gorgeous it almost broke her heart. "Which one is ours?" she whispered.
Just then the baby nearest the couple scrunched up her face in a tiny yawn, and John felt like his heart could burst from the joy of the moment. "She is," he said in a whisper, feeling the sacredness of the moment. Natalie was crying now. "She's beautiful." John dropped a kiss on the top of her head, remembering the child they'd lost. "Yeah, she is. They both are," he whispered, feeling a sudden rush of hope as he stared at his two daughters.
TO BE CONTINUED
Author's Note 2: The cause of death for Baby Boy McBain is very close to my heart because my step-aunt's first child died that way. I didn't know her then but I've seen pictures of him in his tiny coffin—it's just very heart wrenching for me to think about. When I have to do something as awful as this (and believe me, I HATE having to do it, but it's for the plot) I tend to use that.
