Disclaimer: I do not own Fate/Stay Night or Highschool DxD, or any of its character's, and make no money of this.
A/N: Before you begin reading this chapter i would recommend you to make a playlist of sad/emotional anime ost. If you aren't feeling like making one, i recommend searching on YouTube for a hour long or so ost collection, like Anime Music Mix [ Sad Emotional Soundtracks OST ] by Mugas50 Mix. Makes the chapter feel more alive.
A long time ago I asked myself.
Why would people chose to give up their humanity?
For vengeance?
For wealth?
For power?
Because they didn't have a choice in the matter?
These could be common reasons.
Yet some chose to give it up because they thought it was their only chance...
A chance for a little happiness.
Chapter 8:
Untold stories II
I guess that every problem has a point where it all started, in my case it was when I was still just a little girl. I was born and raised in the Meguri clan, one of the very few families in Japan that specializes in exorcising and destroying evil spirits.
Those born within my family are taught the arts of purification, exorcism and destruction of evil spirits from a very young age.
I was the only child of the main branch family and pretty much the next one in line to inherit everything. As you can imagine my family had a lot of expectations for me.
Expectation that I didn't live up to.
Children may remember from their childhood how they played with their friends or how they spent their time laughing with their parents. The only things I remember are the many times I tried to live up to my family's expectations and failed.
Day in and day out, I would try and learn our arts from the old scrolls we owned, I asked the elders for tips, I trained my body hopping that my control over spiritual skills would somehow develop.
It wasn't that I didn't try hard enough, I just wasn't suited for the techniques taught by my family. A matter of incompatibility one may say.
The only thing that I had any talent in was kendo. I wasn't by any means a genius or a natural talent, but it was the one thing that I could do better than most people in the family and it was something that i actually enjoyed.
Overall my childhood was difficult.
I was looked down upon by most of our family's members.
'A defect' by their words.
But even so I tried my best and never give up.
As I was growing up I kept on training, hoping that one day perhaps by some miracle I might become able to use my family's arts and earn their approuval.
Holding onto that hope, I dedicated myself to my swordsmanship, trying to polish it to new heights. If it was my only forte, I might as well make the best I could of it.
Everything change two years ago.
I wanted to prove that the time I spent training with my sword wasn't just to have a hobby or some excuse to slack on my other lessons, so I entered the national kendo that took place that year.
I was feeling pretty confident in my skills and didn't doubt that I will win.
The competition was in the form of a tournament and its overall duration was about two weeks. When it began I sent invitation to my family to come and look at my matches.
It was after I won the first round that I eagerly looked in the crowd to see where my family was. Only after looking around for five minutes that I realized no one came.
Though I couldn't help but notice a girl with glasses that kept staring at me rather. Something felt off, but i decided to ignore it.
I tried to be positive and hope that they will come for the next rounds.
The next three rounds had gone easy, and yet there was still no one who came to see me.
Somehow this affected my concentration during the final round of the tournament. My opponent wasn't too strong, but at the same time he wasn't by any means someone who would make me struggle the way I did. In the end it came down to a point decision, I did win, but it was a rather close call.
After I was awarded the first place prize I took a glance at the crowd, hoping that perhaps someone from my family came to see me.
I felt like my heart exploded in joy when I saw a familiar face in the crowd, far more joy than the one I had from winning the tournament itself.
I rushed over to see the person who sitting close to the exit.
It was my father.
While I thought I knew the man pretty well, I didn't know what to expect from him next. A congratulation? At thumbs up? A hug? A pat on the head? A proud smile?
''How pointless.'' Those words he told me with that disappointed face made me feel like something broke inside of my body.
''I came all the way here, expecting a flawless victory and here you struggled against a third rate opponent.'' Was all he said as he turned around and walked away.
Everything felt hazy at that moment, my stomach feeling like it was boiling and was ready to throw up its contents at any second. I simply walked to my changing room and took a look in the mirror when I arrived.
When I saw my reflection in the mirror... everything went red.
I threw my trophy in it, shards flying everywhere.
I didn't stop there.
I started smashing and breaking everything that I could get my hands on, stopping only when I ran out of things to destroy.
My went numb knees and I fell on them, streams of tears poring on my face.
Was what I asked for really too much? To be appreciated for my talents? A little acknowledgment? That what I did wasn't pointless? That I wasn't a failure?
I just stared at the room, no particular target, simply staring at the air, not noticing that someone was at the entrance.
''I take it I dropped at a bad time.'' She commented stoically as she looked around the room.
''What do you want?'' was all I managed to half-whisper at her, my voice tired from all the screaming I did when I trashed the room.
''Truthfully. I came here to make you an offer.'' She walked carefully towards me, avoiding the pieces of broken glass that were all over the floor. ''However I will refrain from doing it at the moment.''
Although i felt like a broken doll and didn't want to see let alone talk to anybody, I still managed to ask her. ''Why?''
She began searching for something in her bag when I asked. ''You are clearly shaken and not in the best condition to make life changing decisions.''
She pulled out a weird piece of paper. It was the first time when I saw one in person, but I recognized what it was. It was among my lessons about other supernatural beings. ''A summoning pamphlet?'' I asked a bit surprised but my face probably said otherwise. I understood what the girl with the glasses in front of me was. ''You're a devil.''
''So you know what I am, this certainly makes things easier.'' She wasn't surprised or worried of the fact that I knew what she was, she simply put the piece of paper in front of me and proceded to walk away, turning her head around and giving one last look before she did. ''You can try summoning me when you are feeling better. Or not, the choice is yours.''
And she walked away.
A week passed since then or maybe it was two, I honestly didn't count. Every night I stared at the pamphlet, wondering what I should do.
Should I summon her? Should I ignore her?
Eventually I calmed down, and decided to go with it. It went well so to say. I managed to summon her and listen to her offer.
The reason why she was in the crowd of the tournament in the first place was because she was scouting for potential members to join her peerage. She wanted me to become her Knight.
I was certain that she figured out who I was, so I told her if she was expecting any of the techniques taught by my family she could forget it, as I was unable to use them.
''Actually...'' she stopped me from my ranting and told me that she wasn't aware of who I was when she handed me the pamphlet. So I asked her why is it that she wanted me join her.
She basically explained to me a lot of stuff about potential, possibilities and a lot of serious stuff, a lot of which I didn't really give that much attention at the time, but it was her next answer that I would never forget as long as I live.
''Also because I find your swordsmanship beautiful.'' Those were her words. A very simple phrase, yet those words affected me beyond my control, words so powerful that I didn't notice that my face was in tears. ''It's far from flawless, but I see a lot of potential in it. I could help you reach heights you never imagined, that is of course if you truly want it.''
Perhaps she was saying those words out of respect, perhaps she was saying them to lure and convince me to join her, and yet... I didn't care.
I felt happy.
''It was after my tears finally stopped that I accepted her offer.'' Meguri shook her head to the side, pulling back a strand of her hair backwards, a trace of melancholy present in her eyes. ''Obviously my parents and the other members of the clan didn't take it well, so I had to cut all ties with them and leave.''
So that was her reason... earning the approval of her family. Yet, no matter what she did she never earned that approval, all the blood, sweat and pain she endured for their sake was never repaid and it led to her walking on the path of a devil.
She finally found someone who valued the one thing she wanted her family to praise her for. She was offered the closure that all those years she sacrificed in her pursuit of mastering the sword weren't just a waste of time.
While it may sound absurd to others, I can understand at some level the felling of wanting to belong with your family.
There were more times than I can remember that I felt out of place when it comes to my family, maybe it because I was adopted, maybe it was because I am different from them on both a physical appearance and a different way of thinking, but they never treated anything like how Meguri's family treated her.
I grew up surrounded by a kind and affectionate family. The life that they offered me, I'm not sure if I can ever repay them, but one things for sure.
I will protect them.
Even if it kills me.
I took a deep breath and looked at Meguri.
''Do you regret it?'' I slowly asked, my chin resting in the palm of my hand. ''Choosing becoming a devil over your family?''
''No.'' she certainly surprised me with how she answered without a moment to spare, no trace of doubt present in her voice at all. ''I still care about them even if we had a rough relationship, but until I joined Kaichou I wasn't really living for my sake, everything I did was for theirs.''
''The life of a devil isn't all pleasure and freedom, it can be very painful sometimes, but I'm happy the way things are now.'' She leaned against her chair, her eyes softening as she stared at her palms. ''I may have lost a family in the process, but in return I got friends that appreciate me and I learned how to be happy.''
If everyone was a little on the edge when the 'talking about your past' discussion first began, they were now relaxed and brightened at Meguri's words.
Perhaps I'm looking too deep into it, but maybe she acts all excited and childish because she is trying to make up for the time lost as a child. Who knows?
''All righty, enough about me!'' the teams knight clapped her hands together and beamed at everyone with a smile. ''Who's next?!''
The weight of the air seemed to increase once more, but it was much lighter than last time. No one seemed to step up, the silence was so great I could hear from my seat the sound of the water slowly dripping from the tap of the sink.
The one to break the status quo was Kusaka with a tired sigh. ''Might as well do it in a clock wise order...''
Everyone took a moment to think about her idea, each of them eventually nodding in agreement.
Kusaka tapped her fingers lightly on the table, an awkward smile present on her face. ''Well my reason was a bit more selfish then yours Tomoe.''
''How so?'' Hanakai asked her fellow bishop.
She fidgeted for a few moments, eyes nervously looking left and right, a dry chuckle escaped her lips as she awkwardly played with one of her braids. ''... I did it for money.''
My jaw felt like it unhinged for a moment, dropping slightly as I stared at the braid sporting Bishop. It also seemed that I wasn't the only one with this kind of reaction, the others looking similar to me in terms of shock. Saji for one had the most awkward stare. ''Money really?''
She nodded shyly, her cheeks reddening. ''Yep. For money.''
Although I shouldn't judge people, the edge of my mouth twitched rather strongly. ''Umm... Would you be so kind and detail what you mean by that?''
''Sure. I guess it happened a few years back.''
One could say that the source of my problems was my family as well.
I don't really have any memories of my father, in fact the only reason why I know how he even looks like is because of the photos my mother has of him, but that's all. I don't know what kind of person he was, but if I were to take my mother's words, he was a kind man.
He may have been, but I couldn't know.
After all he died in a car crash when I was far too little to understand what's was going on.
That was when the trouble began.
My mother tried her best to make a living so we both could have a proper life. She tried her best to do so, but it wasn't easy.
She married right after finishing high school and never went to college, so her job options were rather limited. But even so she tried her best so I wouldn't miss out on anything.
As I was growing up, my mother would come back home from her shift and check on me if I was sleeping, and during the times when I wasn't she would stay with me until I did, even though she herself was exhausted.
There were so many times I would see her return home so tired and ask her if she was ok. She always had the same answer.
''I'm fine sweetie.''
She would always say those three words with the same warm yet tired smile, and I would always believe her.
I was dead wrong.
I was just a child, I didn't understand just where she was heading with the way she handled things.
But it all came to light two years ago.
I was just sitting in class, listening to the boring lesson until I was called in the teacher's room. They received a call from the local hospital.
My mother collapsed at work.
She had a heart attack.
In that moment I felt like something broke in me as it all became clear to me.
I rushed to the hospital without any moment to waste. Ignoring any calls from my teachers, bumping into people on the street, not once stopping to look or apologize, no thoughts present in my mind with the exception of getting to the hospital.
When I got there and saw my mother in her hospital room I felt like someone began squeezing my heart violently.
There she was, my mother who was always smiling no matter how difficult or grim things seemed, the always bright person in my life... she sat in that bed connected to so many medical devices I didn't know what they were, her eyes closed and her usual kind smile all gone.
As I stared at her with tears forming in my eyes, a doctor called out to me and explained to me what just happened.
My mother overworked herself.
Due to years of continuously pushing herself, not having proper sleeping hours, irregular eating, and overall stress, she developed a serious heart condition.
She eventually woke up and managed to put herself back on her feet, but it was already too late. The damage done to her heart was already done, and there wasn't any going back.
It was all matter of time before her heart stopped functioning completely.
The doctors put her on a waiting list. Her only chance was to receive a heart transplant.
It was here that things truly got difficult.
My mother wasn't allowed to work, otherwise she risked getting another heart attack.
So we were faced with a problem at that moment. How were we live without a stable income?
I felt angry... at myself.
If only I would have noticed earlier, perhaps things wouldn't have ended like this, perhaps my mother didn't have to go through that painful ordeal.
I took matters into my own hands and decided to take care of my mother.
She was against it of course, saying that I should focus on school and my life, saying that a child shouldn't start working and taking care of the parent.
I put my foot down and told my mother that I want to help her. After a lot and I mean a lot of convincing, my mother finally agreed.
Clearly controlled by my emotions, I was blind to how difficult the real world truly was. I did manage to find a job as waitress, but it certainly wasn't easy. The job itself was well paid but it was very tiring, and trying to manage it together with my school life was challenging.
I used to go straight to work after school was over. After my shift was done and I got home, I would fight my fatigue and start learning and writing my homework for the next day.
I somehow managed to have a somewhat stable income. My salary, combined with my tips and my scholarship somehow was able to cover our expenses.
While I did managed to get used to this new lifestyle there was something I was missing out... My own personal life.
There were many times when my classmates would invite me to hang out after classes, get to know me better and all, but I just didn't had the time. I didn't tell anyone about my situation, so they didn't knew my reason, so they could only make assumptions to why I was behaving that way. Their conclusions... weren't very nice.
People can be really fast to judge things that they don't understand. They would say that I am some kind of smug girl that thought she was too good to hang out with the others... and that was one of the more nice rumors.
It hurt. It hurt so bad to be judged that way, not knowing the story behind a person's reason and actions.
But the thought that I might lose my mother if I stopped hurt way more, so I swallowed the bitter pill and endured it.
There were times when exhaustion would hit me like a hammer, falling asleep during classes, getting scolded by the teachers because of it.
I recall that one time I actually fell asleep while resting against a window in the school halls. I could have fallen down from it and seriously injured myself, if it weren't for someone waking me up.
''Are you ok?'' was what she asked me as she arranged her glasses.
Even though I was still half asleep, I instantly recognized who it was and froze in fear because of it. ''N-No, I'm fine Shitori-senpai! Just a little tired.'' I desperately waved my hands, hoping that this situation won't get me a detention.
She however didn't reply at first, and instead looked at me from head to toe. A tired sigh escaped her lips. ''While the bags under your eyes and the shade of your skin is telling me otherwise, I will leave it at that.''
I stood in place as I watched her turn around and walk away, but not before she gave me one last piece of advice. ''In all seriousness though, please try to take care of yourself, otherwise it might get out of hand one day.''
As one could imagine I didn't listen to her advice.
And it came back to bite me a few months later when I collapses in the classroom.
When I woke up I was in the hospital, my mother next to my bed with the most pained expression I ever saw from her.
It turns out that the complication my mother suffered from wasn't simply from accumulated factors, there were also hereditary factors involved.
I was by no means in the same state my mother was, but if I kept living the way I did, chances were I would end just like her. There were many weird and difficult medical terms that the doctors used when they explained this to me, but from what I understood because I was still growing and my body wasn't fully developed it was affecting me faster than a normal adult.
I felt beyond frustrated. What were we gonna do now that the doctors told me that I can't work anymore?
When I was discharged and returned to school I was called to the student council room. I assumed it concerned me passing out in my classroom.
''It seemed you didn't listen to my advice.'' That was the first thing she told me as I took a seat in front of her.
For the following minutes, Shitori-senpai would read reports about what happened that day, about the results of my medical records, but also records concerning my mother.
When she finished she had just one question. ''What do you plan of doing now?''
I just sat in silence, I truly didn't have any clue about what I could do in this situation.
She seem to notice my behavior and began reading from another file. ''The reports state that even if your mother did receive a heart transplant she will need a long period of treatment and medication afterwards in order for her to make a proper recovery and live a normal life, which judging by your income isn't something you can afford.''
Her words made me feel even grimmer, I already knew that but I tried to stay positive, believing that I will manage somehow... or at least that was before I was told I can't work anymore.
''These are serious matters Kusaka-san. While I do admire your love and dedication to your mother, you must realize that this situation is also ruining your life.''
I don't why... but I snapped at her. ''Do you think I don't know?!'' perhaps it was all the build-up stress, but I kept on screaming at her. ''Do you think I enjoy this?! I can't even remember how it feels to just go out with friends and have fun without having to worry about the next day!''
I buried my hands in my face, trying to hide my tears from the world. ''Is it really so wrong to sacrifice some of your happiness for the sake of someone you love?!''
''I know it's wrong... I know it hurts me... but I don't want to lose my mother... not like this... not when I could have done something to save her.'' My voice already began cracking, the salty tears flowing between the openings of my fingers.
The only sounds in the room were my sobs, the girl in front of me was silent as she stared at my trembling form. After about a minute of pondering she finally decided to speak.
''What if I told you there was a way to save both yourself and your mother?''
''H-Huh?'' was all I managed to ask between sobs.
She then told me everything. About devils, peerages and her offer.
She had a lot of connections and she could arrange for my mother to get the transplant immediately, not only that, but she would also give me a monthly payment that covers our expenses and would allow us to live a proper life without us worrying about working.
It seemed just too good to be true. My problems would be solved and I could actually start to live my own life, make friends and memories from my high school years. Again... it seemed way too good to be true.
''Why help me of all people?'' I didn't realized it or why the hell was I even saying this since it could ruin everything, but I asked anyway. ''There are certainly people more in need than me in this world, with situations much difficult than mine... and yet why would you help me?''
She narrowed her eyes at my question. Her sharp gaze really used to scare me at that time.
''Don't misunderstand me Kusaka-san, I don't go out of my way and help those in need out of the goodness of my heart, I'm not a humanitarian.'' She explained to me in all professional manner, feeling like I was doing an interview with the big boss of a company. ''Your dedication is what impressed me, its hard to find someone with even a fifth of the one that you displayed, and I find it outrageous to leave someone with so much potential go by.''
''The choice is yours Kusaka Reya. Instead of thinking what the correct answer, the morale one is, think about what you yourself truly want.''
Her words made me more confused than I was before. What I wanted for myself...
''I asked her to give me some time to think about things over, before I gave her a final answer. In the end I accepted her offer and became her first Bishop.''
I took and moment and processed everything.
So that's what she mean by 'she did it for money'. I'm not sure what to think about this... I grew up with a rather good financial situation, so I can't really empathize with her choice.
Yet if I were in her place I would've probably done the same. If by some unfortunate situation Iri ended in a similar position like Kusaka's mother was, and there was something I could have done to save her, I would've done whatever was in my power to save her. Even if it meant selling my soul.
Sacrificing oneself for the happiness of another... it sounded so familiar.
''Reya/Reya-chan/Kusaka-senpai.'' My trail of thought was cut off when Hanakai, Meguri and Nimura all tackled the braided Bishop, all of them crashing comically on the floor in the process.
''That was one of biggest tear jerker's I ever heard!'' Meguri sobbed as she starred in her eyes.
''To think that you suffered so much for the sake of your mother!'' Nimura muffled from Kusaka's chest, which she was currently snuggling her face in.
''I'm supposed to be your best friend and yet I didn't know how much you went through! I'm so sorry Reya!'' Hanakai cried as she rubbed her face against her fellow Bishops.
Kusaka for one appeared rather taken back by the sudden rush of affection from comrades, but nevertheless she smiled and offered all of them a warm hug.
Now that I think about it... Kusaka and I have been classmates since our freshmen year, and she didn't interact with the other classmates during the first year, always appearing sleepy and tired.
That one time she passed out was a big gossip when it happened. We weren't anything besides simple classmates but I was concerned for her when she fainted in our class.
I didn't know the reason behind it at the time... guess everything makes sense now.
''Girls...'' I began, my mouth in a perfect straight line, finger pointing to Kusaka. ''I don't think she can breathe like that.''
After hearing that all of the hugging team looked at her and noticed how blue her face was. The very next second they were back at their seats, Yura chuckling at their antics. ''All of that aside... I'm surprised Reya, you always are the calm girl that reads book in her free time, I never thought that you went through all of that.''
''Believe me its fine, really. It's all in the past now.'' She smiled gently at us. ''I know that my mother wouldn't approve of what I did, selling my soul for her sake, but it was all worth it.''
''It's like it was she was the one who got reincarnated, not me. Seeing her all healthy and bright makes all the pain of becoming a devil may cause me in the future all worth it.''
Seeing her smile like that, it shows that she doesn't regret a thing. Even if her choice may seem wrong to other people, as long as she content with it then I have nothing else to say.
''Well I'm next.'' I glanced at Hanakai, the white haired bishop had her arms crossed as she looked at us. ''Now then... the reason I joined was because I wanted to be seen for who I was.''
The main reason why I chose to become a devil was also due to family issues, but not because they mistreated me like Tomoe's case or went through difficult times like in Reya's case. It was because my family was overprotective.
I was born and raised in the Hanakai family, one of the strongest Yakuza groups in Japan. My father was the current head of group, which basically made the little princess of the organisation so to say.
Growing up surrounded by yakuza men wasn't exactly as crazy or dangerous as one would expect. As the daughter of the boss, the men wouldn't dare lay a finger on me or intentionally put me in any form of danger. In fact the members were pretty decent men, many of them acting like older brothers and uncles to me. Heck, there were times I thought we were just one really big and weird family.
However there were some drawbacks due to my position.
My father... as much as love him, he unfortunately is a hard headed person and once he decides about something it's almost impossible to make him change his mind. This is why when he decided that I needed protection things started to turn bad.
Going to school and back home, I would always have a group of men waiting for me to escort me. I didn't mind the act itself, but what truly affected me was how people saw me.
There are groups of yakuza that partake in many 'shady' businesses I won't deny that, but the group led by my father wasn't one of them. However people are quick to judge before they do any research, so everyone that knew me was aware that I was involved with a yakuza group would avoid me like plague. The fact that most of the men in the group are covered in scars, large tattoos and have overall scary faces didn't help.
I felt lonely.
The feeling of people being afraid of you over something you can't control. To get labelled before you even got a chance to talk and show them the other side of the story. It was infuriating.
I hoped that perhaps things would change when I got into high school, that it would get better now that I started a new phase in life.
I was so wrong.
It was all the same. People labeling me before even giving me a chance to prove otherwise, eyes filled with unjustified fear.
Slowly, it was building up in me, a hatred for my family and the unfair society.
Everything really went from bad to worse one day when I was waiting for the men to come and pick me up.
As I was waiting by the school gate, a group of boys from a different school passed by and saw me. Not knowing who I was, they started hitting on me.
I simply refused and tried to ignore them, they didn't take it too well. When they saw that words didn't work, they decided to try a more physical approach. I tried to get away, but one of the boys had a really strong grip and I couldn't escape.
I don't know if it was good or bad luck, but the men just arrived and witnessed everything and they certainly didn't take it well.
It happened so fast that I don't remember much of how it actually happened, but I do remember how at the end of it all of the boys were lying on the ground beaten up to a bloody pulp.
What happened that day only justified the beliefs of the people who feared me.
Those boys, as much as I hate to admit were quite the actors. They made it look like it was all my fault, that I sicked my men on them and turned them black and blue.
If things were difficult before, things have escalated afterwards.
I recall once bumping into a student, the latter dropping his book. When I picked it up and give it back to him, the moment he saw me he panicked and ran, saying that I could keep it.
At that time I felt like things were just falling apart.
Was it that hard for a little understanding from my family and the people around me?
That was what I was thinking when I was called to the student council office.
Standing in front of Shitori-senpai was more nerve-wracking that I could have imagined. Don't know what was exactly scary about her, I mean she is such a petite girl. Maybe it was the glasses.
''I'm waiting.'' Was the first thing she told ever since I entered the office, her voice certainly wasn't anything close to calming or reassuring.
''F-For what?'' I mutter awkwardly, it wasn't enough that things were escalating beyond any control, but now I may even end up suspended from school.
''I'm waiting for your part of the story.'' She told me as she pulled small pile of papers, which she put in front of me. ''From these reports it states that you were the one who provoked the boys, and when things didn't go as you intended you made the men working under your father 'teach' them a lesson. ''
''N-No that's wrong!'' I tried to protect myself, yet my half-hearted voice didn't make things easier.
She wasn't startled by my sudden snap, and instead pushed the paper on the side and place her elbows on the desk, resting her chin over her hands. ''I'm listening then. Understand this Hanakai-san, I'm trying to help you, even though I may as well trust these papers. So please help me out here and let me hear how what really happened.''
I don't know why, but I started biting my lips. Was it because I was mad at this whole situation? Or was it because I was happy that she was willing to listen to me?
I tried my best to explain my situation to her, telling her how it actually happened and why my father's men beat them up like that. It felt a bit awkward telling her everything, secretly fearing that she might think I am inventing most of the stuff so that I can make her feel sorry for me and take my side.
When I was done she said the last thing that I expected. ''Very well. I will help you sort things out.''
For a few moments my mind seemed to crash, wondering if I did heard that right. I thought it was only a joke or she was doing out of her obligation as student council president.
''P-Please do...'' was all I managed to mutter as I looked at the floor of the room, hoping that my bangs can hide my teary eyes.
The following week was certainly odd. The boys that were involved in the scandal were called to the student council office for a 'special talk' with Kaichou. When the talk was over, the first they did was go to the police station and drop all charges while admitting that the whole fiasco was their fault.
They even went and apologized to the student body for the inconvenience that they caused, all while personally apologizing to me, head touching the ground as the prostrated themselves.
To say that I saw speechless was the understatement of the year.
''You don't seem very happy even though the problem has been solved.'' Those were Kaichou's words when we met to discuss the end results of the situation. I should've been happy that everything was cleared, that I was no longer in the risk of suspension... but I wasn't.
''This was only one of my problems.'' I slowly began and explained to her. Although this misunderstanding has been cleared, it wasn't the same situation for my previous ones. People still avoided me, in fact this whole situation made things even worse, although I should have been happy at that time I wasn't because I knew that my life didn't change too much.
''I see.'' Was her response as she narrowed her eyes at me. ''Then tell me. What do you plan on doing in this situation?''
I didn't answer and just stared at her. I was back to square one... and didn't honestly knew what I should do.
''I'm curious.'' Her words broke me out of my depressed thinking, an analyzing look present in her eyes. ''What if I told you I could give you chance to start things over?''
''C-Come again?'' was all I managed to mutter.
The next few minutes were spent on her explaining everything to me about devils, evil pieces and peerages, about the supernatural world itself and how she would like for me to join her as her new Bishop.
I honestly didn't know what to say until she told me what her so called 'start things over' plan consisted of. Apparently devils were able to manipulate and erase memories. While she couldn't do it at a large scale such as completely erasing a person memories, she could do something along the lines of erasing the memories about a person that doesn't hold an import place in ones memories. The fact that I didn't have any friends in fact helped, and she could erase everyone's memories about me, and I could start over things from scratch.
Even with this tempting offer I still wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, what the right answer was. At least that was until she told me those words.
''Before you make any decisions, let me make something clear Hanakai-san. I'm not giving you a brand new life, but rather I'm offering you the potential for one. It's up to you how it turns out, what you truly desire for yourself, it could end the same, it could be vastly different, the only ones who decides how you want to live is you. ''
I never been struck by lightning in my life, but the sensation that hit me after I processed her words certainly felt like it. How blind could I have been all these years?
The answer was there all along, right in front of me, so simple that it was ridiculous. However... even it was simple, it wasn't something many would call an easy task.
There was one thing that I was supposed to do.
Fight.
All this time I've been avoiding my problems, never truly facing them the proper way.
The real answer was to fight for the things that I truly desired, not just kinda want them with a half-baked resolution. I had to stay tall and face my problems head on, accepting any pains or risks that came with them, not letting them pass by and hope that time will fix everything.
I had to take attitude and fight for what I wanted.
In that moment I decided.
''You're right.'' I told Shitori-senpai. ''I finally have an answer.''
No more running away from my problems.
During my last night as a human I stared in the mirror for hours. Perhaps it was stupid to think so, but I wanted to do something to remind me of this choice, to see whenever I feel like going back to my old ways and remind myself to fight on.
A small smile formed on my face as an idea came to my mind.
A few hours later I stared at my new dyed hair. While I didn't dislike my old black one, I couldn't help but admire my new white hair. Maybe it was a little weird to dye it for something like this, but there are people who cut it short, get tattoos or piercings when they want to mark a life changing decisions.
Small chuckles escaped my lips as I looked at myself.
No more looking back and running away.
Only moving forward, no matter what.
Anxiety... That was the base of her reason.
Due to how people misunderstood her due to her family's background she had to deal with the anxiety of being avoided as if she was dangerous, treated like a threat, making her feel like it was better if she didn't exist.
It may sound like a petty reason, but there's no way one who didn't go through similar circumstances can understand her and judge her for her choice. That's why I won't as well. Although...
''There was something amiss in what you told us.'' I decided to address the problem. ''If your father was overprotective, wouldn't he do the same as before even after you became a devil?''
There was a visible twitch in from her left eye. ''Well... I might have just implanted a small directive in his head via hypnosis to trust me more and lessen his protection.''
Similar to her, now my left eye twitched. Perhaps it would best if I just stopped there, letting only a tired sigh escape my mouth. ''I hope you aren't making a habit out of it.''
''Of course not!'' She slammed her hands on the table in indignation, the cups on it almost falling down. ''I know my father wants the best for me but he needed to understand that the way things were it was only making it bad for. I didn't feel good about doing it but he needed a jolt in order to understand that I'm not the same little girl that can't take care of herself. The moment I took the decision to be a devil was time I decided to stop running away and fight for what I want, even if it meant that I have to resume to underhanded ways like this.''
I could only stare at her. Although she knows that what she did may have been wrong, she isn't doing it recklessly and is accepting the repercussion of her actions.
To me it never mattered what people thought about me, so I can't really relate to her. However Mitsuzuri did once tell me that I should be more careful with the way I help people without any personal interest, telling me that some people may find it weird.
A dry cough got my attention, Saji looking intrigued at our bishop. ''So wait, you dyed your hair white?''
''Pretty much, but you have to admit I look pretty good like this.'' She nodded with a smile, flipping her hair backwards in a swift motion.
Kusaka tilted her head slightly and pressed her finger on her lower lip. ''I always thought you did because you were a fan of that idol that's been getting really popular recently. What was her name again? Takane Shijou was it?''
Meguri's eyes widened as she heard this. ''Wait seriously?''
The now revealed faux white head seemed to shrink a little from all the stares she was getting from the others, her index fingers playing with each other as her cheeks gained a red shade in them. ''... I may have gotten a little inspiration from her.''
I decided to stay out of the discussion since I had no clue about who they were talking about, instead it seemed that Nimura took my place. ''Huh... now that you mention it, you do look a lot like her. Actually, put some purple contact lenses and you can pose as her stage double.''
''Nah it wouldn't work.'' Yura commented as she crossed her arms.
''How come?'' Kusaka inquired.
Yura closed her eyes and was silent for a few seconds, when she opened her eyes there was nothing but pure unadulterated seriousness present in them. ''Her boobs are bigger.''
I was surprised that I didn't fell off my chair from that remark, the others however seemed ok and proceeded to stare at our white haired bishop chest, Meguri nodding seriously as she did. ''Yep, you're right.''
It would seem I made the right call to stay out of this discussion, and it was clear that Hanakai didn't enjoy having her chest the subject of this little chat judging by the shade of red that was present on her face. ''... Can we please move on?''
Saji for one clicked his tongue in annoyance, resting his chin in the palm of his hand. ''Damn, just when the girls began talking about boobs.''
Shinra-senpai on the other hand threw a sharp stare towards the blond pawn. ''No perversions allowed Saji.''
Everyone turned to the twin tailed pawn at the end of the table, Nimura tilting her head confused to why she was the target of everyone's attention.
''Right... I'm next.'' Nimura nodded awkwardly, taking a deep breath in an attempt to relax. ''I guess I joined because I didn't want to give up on my passion.''
If we're talking about where everything started, in my case it all began when I was just seven years old when my body started felling like it was sore, my legs and arms hurting slightly so I didn't really gave it to much importance, but that was just the beginning.
The disease triggered unexpectedly. My joints started to swollen and turn bright red, and eventually I couldn't walk anymore. My parents took me to the hospital the very moment I told them that I can't walk.
The doctors had a rough time discovering the source of my affection, as time passed things got more and more unbearable for me, almost all of my joints got stuck, my mobility reducing to a mere fifteen percent of what it normally should have been, even the slightest move I did would case me unimaginable pain.
After what seemed like an eternity to me, they managed to track down the cause. It was a form of chronic disease that affected all of the joints, but the problem was that it was usually found in elderly people, and it was extremely rare for a child my age to develop it.
If left unattended it will keep attacking my joints until all mobility is lost and eventually I will become paralyzed without any hope of ever moving again.
The worst part was that the disease didn't have a treatment. There wasn't any medicine, treatment or operation that could cure it, and I will have to life my whole life with it.
There were only ways to cope with it, with proper medication and sport. This was only meant to keep it under control, not treat it, so the moment I stopped the disease will begin attacking me again.
Calling it difficult was a nice way to put it. I was just a kid and didn't properly understood what was going on, to why my mother began crying when the doctors told her the news.
I was given a list of sports to choose from that could help me cope with the disease. I never really saw myself as a sports person, so I chose the one thing that sounded interesting.
Ballroom dancing was what I choose.
I went through both physical and mental pain as I grew up. Daily taking medication and practicing dance to keep my joints in shape. Sometimes regretting that I chose dance since I wasn't exactly really great at it, and many times it cause me so many frustrations as I couldn't keep learn the same ways the others did, and with joint pain resurfacing at the most unappropriated moments, I just didn't knew if I could go on.
Eventually years have passed and I somewhat got used to this life style, gaining a sort of balance how to handle my condition. Perhaps it was because I practiced dancing out of necessity rather than a hobby like other kids did I became more immersed in it, developing proper skills and coordination that others just seemed to be born with.
At my dancing coach's suggestion I entered several dancing competitions, partnering up with different kids from our dancing group, trying different styles of dancing along the way, developing a fondness for the jive dance style, making it my main style.
When it came to the competitions I was never a first place holder, but I did usually end up in the top five. Perhaps I would've won first place if the pain didn't keep surfacing the worst moment.
But it didn't bother me, I wasn't in it for the prize.
I thought I was keeping the disease under control, that although the pain kept resurfacing from time to time, I managed to fight it.
Yet everything came crushing one day.
It was the summer before I started high school, I recall every detail, the burning yet clouded summer day, I was returning home from dance practice like I always did, stopped by a local store to buy an ice cream, strolled a little near the shopping district, took a weird pamphlet from a cosplaying girl that was handing them to everyone, and helped an old lady with directions.
The rain began pouring strongly, I didn't have any umbrella so I tried to run fast back home before I got soaked.
That was my mistake.
The rain shortly evolved into a storm, the water getting in my eyes as I ran, making me fail to see that the lights at the crosswalk changed. I don't think that I saw it, but I remember the sound of wheels screaming on the road.
Everything that came next was darkness and excruciating pain.
When I woke up I was in a hospital. The first thing I noticed was that my legs felt weird, the moment I glanced I wished I didn't do it. They were both patched up and hanged in slings above the bed.
I was sore, scared, confused and hurt by what was going on. While I busy thinking about what happened a doctor came to check me out together with my parents who were both panicking.
The answers I feared came from the doctor. I was caught in a car accident, the weather hindered the driver from properly stopping the car and in the end it hit me full front.
While the impact wasn't lethal or with any head injuries it still left a deep trauma on me, perhaps more mental than physical.
My legs got critically damaged... Chances were I might never walk again.
Even if I were to make a recovery, I could never perform complicated or exhausting movement, meaning I could never dance again.
At first it was just a chore, something I had to do regardless if I wanted or not because I had to do it if not my health would have deteriorated. There were moments when I hated it, the pain getting the better of me, making me want to just quit and give up trying again.
That was what I felt in the beginning... but it all changed.
The more I practiced, learning step by step, finding the charm and beauty in dance it started to grow on me, no longer feeling like a chore for me, slowly becoming something I enjoyed.
I fell in love with dancing.
And now it was all gone.
I didn't talk to the doctor or my parents. I just cried in my palms.
The days kept going by and I just sat in my hospital bed not knowing what i could do anymore, mostly ignoring the doctors and my parents. I barely ate anything, I just didn't have any appetite.
Everything was getting grim, the pain in my joints started surfacing from all the days of inactivity I spent in the hospital.
I was just so lost.
One night I couldn't sleep, I tried reaching for the phone in my bag, maybe I could call my parents and talk a little. As I searched in my bag I found a pamphlet with a blue circle on it. My eyes went wide as I recalled what the girl I got it from told me.
That if I have strong enough desire this piece of paper could help me grant it.
I laughed, but it was in a trembling voice. Look at me, believing such nonsense, stuff like that only happened in fiction.
Perhaps it was because i was so emotionally broken that I wanted to believe it was real. My tears started flowing once more, dripping on the pamphlet.
I didn't care about a treatment for my disease anymore, I just didn't want to give up on my passion. If there were a way to around it... I would do anything.
Although my eyes burned from the tears that kept flowing, they went wide open when the pamphlet began glowing in a bright blue light. Not understanding what was going on I instantly panicked and threw it away.
The moment it landed on the ground, the circle on it seemed to grow and manifest on the ground, illuminating the whole room. The light eventually became too bright for my eyes to handle and I had to close them.
When I opened them I was very confused, as an unknown girl was now in the room standing where the circle used to be. Her expression was stoic, her purple eyes carefully scanning me, her mouth slightly opened as she saw my legs.
''Greetings, I have responded to your summoning.'' She took a few steps closer, allowing me to get a better look at her face. ''My name is Sona Sitri, a devil.''
If it weren't for the fact that the girl in front of me just appeared out of nowhere and made those bat like wing erupt out of her back, I would have told her she was crazy.
For a moment I was tempted to press the alarm button next to my bed, but something in me stopped me, and instead made me ask the so called devil something that has been haunting me for the past days. ''Is there any chance I can be healed?''
She didn't respond at first, she instead took a nearby chair and sat next to my bed. The following hour we talked. I told her about my situation, how it all started and how I ended in my current position.
She nodded and was silent for a few moments, pondering on what to say to me. Her eyes seemed to sharpen, as if she tried to stare into my mind. ''There might be a way to heal you, not just your legs but also your disease as well.''
My eye went wide, a sensation of pure euphoria filling my body as I was about to jump out of my bed in excitement. However I stopped when I saw her raise her hand. ''Wait.''
That single word was enough to calm me down and remember how serious the current discussion was and what the girl in front of me was. ''I said there might be a way, but I didn't say it comes for free.''
''What you're asking for isn't something simple, it will come at a price, so I ask of you what are you willing to do in order make it happen.'' The air around her seemed to chill from the serious look she was giving me.
This was it. A part of me was scared, yet another wasn't. Perhaps I was reckless, perhaps I was being completely foolish, but I knew what I wanted, and I wasn't going to let my sole chance escape.
''Anything.'' I muttered in a tired yet resolute tone that made the girl in front of raise an eyebrow in curiosity. ''I will do whatever you ask. Just make it so I don't have to give up on the one thing that I love.''
There was a hint of surprise present on her face, her eyes softening as she watched my broken form. She let out a gentle sigh and waved her to the side, a small glowing circle appearing in the air. From it a set of chess pieces appeared and landed in front of us.
''Allow me to tell you about Evil Pieces.''
''She told me everything about the devil system and how I could be healed if I became a devil. I was somewhat reluctant, but in the end I accepted. Afterwards I got reincarnated as a pawn, and let me tell you my life made a whole turn from then.''
I narrowed my eyes at the twin tailed pawn, a complex feeling lingering in my mind. She did it because she loved something so much that she sacrificed her humanity in the process. Although she could have simply asked to be healed because she wanted the hardship to end, she did because her passion for dance ran so deep that she couldn't go without it.
Sacrificing yourself for the thing you adore, the thing you believe is the one thing that defies who you are...
It sounds so foreign... yet at the same time it also sounded familiar.
My eyes curiously looked at the other people around the table, surprisingly some of them began crying. More specifically Meguri, Kusaka and Hanakai. Nimura was taken aback by their reaction. ''Ummm, girls?''
''I always took you for such a small and cuddly girl, and I would have never imagined that you went through so much pain.'' Hanakai sniffed as Meguri passed her a tissue, getting rid of the tears in her eyes.
''T-There's no need to cry, everything is fine now. When I became a devil my legs healed, and Kaichou helped me cure my old disease. '' she explained gently while gesturing to her striped green stockings. Now that I took a better look at them, her leg muscles are much more defined than other girls her age, clearly the years of dancing helped them develop to this degree, while not overly muscly they do have a visible tone to them.
Her legs aside, there's something else that matters at the moment, something that I had to ask her. ''You really love dance that much that you traded your humanity for it?''
For a moment she gave me an almost shocked look, as if I just asked something ridiculous, but it was only for a moment as her features softened, a hand placed on her chest as her lips curled into a warm smile. ''Yes, more than anything.''
''It may sound a bit odd to some people, but dance is something that became part of who I am, and I don't want to let go of it no matter what.'' She paused for a moment, her smile becoming a little tense as she rubbed the shoulder that Kurosaiga dislocated. ''Even if meant I have to go through battles and hardships similar to last night.''
I could see it in her eyes. She was content with her decision, no trace of regrets.
I had nothing else to comment.
''Maybe we can all hit a club when we're free and you can show us what moves you got under your belt.'' Yura snickered she grabbed Nimura's head and proceeded to play with her hair.
The pawn blushed and nodded vigorously. ''I would love that!''
''Good girl.'' The bluenette rook chuckled as she let go of Nimura, taking her seat back at the table, narrowing her eyes at the curious group. ''So it's my turn huh?''
''Well mine isn't really emotional, so don't expect anything amazing.'' Yura sighed as she leaned on her chair, her usual amused grin faltering, appearing more calm and relaxed. ''Let's see... the reason I joined was because I got fed up of my life at the time.''
There is one thing that I learned about humans as I grew up, they are quick to judge a person based on their appearance.
I wasn't one of those who judged, no, I was the one getting judged by others when it came to my physical appearance.
Ever since I was a child I had a severe case of 'weight' problem. A combination of having both of my parents on 'large' side as well as having natural problems with my gland.
I couldn't lose weight like normal people did. I constantly had to control my weight, the moment I stopped doing it I would gain back anything I lost with a nasty interest, no matter how much I dieted or worked out. The most I could do is maintain my weight at a level that didn't threaten my health. Yet that didn't mean that my appearance was affected.
It didn't help that I had a boyish face, making me lack any charm.
I was anything but pleasant to look at.
As I grew up I had to deal with constant bullying, getting called nicknames, others laughing at me, it was beyond frustrating.
I tried putting up with it, telling myself to ignore them and their stupid comments, but everyone has their limits.
Slowly over time it kept building in me, feeling like I could snap at any moment. I thought I could keep it under control, that one day I will find people that will like me regardless of my weight problem.
That day never came.
It was when I was fourteen that I reached my limit.
I still remember it, one day I went out with a group of girls that befriended me at school, telling me how they think I'm funny and interesting, making me believe that we can all be friends. To me that felt like the best day of my life. Me! Who people my age didn't try to befriend, it made me feel so bright.
I was so wrong.
Truthfully it was the first time I hanged out with girls my age, so I wasn't really sure what to do or expect. When we met up we all went downtown, we all hangout and talked, going through the shopping district, stopping for ice-cream and other normal stuff. It was all new to me but it felt so refreshing. When we took a break on bench they said we should making fun of some guys, somehow convincing me to try and hit on a random guy we saw. I was reluctant, but I wanted to feel accepted, so I tried.
Obviously it was disaster.
I didn't find the guy really handsome or attractive so it shouldn't have matter if he was interested or not. However it was his reaction that got to me, the way he looked at me with such disgust in his eyes as he rejected me, made me feel like I was some kind of freak.
I tried to keep it in, telling myself that it will be ok, that the girls will be there for me.
When I returned to tell them how it went I felt like the very ground under me shattered the moment I saw them. Laughing hysterically, holding their cellphones to film, telling me how stupid I was to actually do it.
Like a crashing boulder, it hit me hard.
It was all a lie. They never wanted to be friends with me, they just wanted to make fun of me, like everybody else.
No, this was even worse. The others were at least honest and told me upfront, these girls on the other hand earned my trust only to betray me.
Something snapped in me.
I ran away in tears. No longer thinking straight, my head filled only with despair and messed up thoughts.
As I ran I knocked into someone, both of us landing on the pavement. I only took a moment and looked at her as she picked up her glasses from the ground.
I didn't stay to talk or apologize, I just got up and began running again.
''Wait, you dropped your phone!'' the girl called out to me, I simply ignored her and kept running.
I just ran, no clear destination in mind, I just did it, until I reached a bridge.
I don't know what was going on in my mind, it was like I couldn't think properly anymore. All those years of suppressed stress, frustration and bitterness resurfacing at once, completely overcoming me.
The wind blew strong as I stood above one of the beams of the bridge, looking down at the water under it.
I was hyperventilating, my heart beating like crazy, my vision feeling hazy. I wanted it all to stop, i wanted both the physical and metal pain to just go away. As i stared at the water below me my mind went blank for a moment.
I jumped.
One moment I was in the air, the next one I was underwater.
The water was cold, my body tingling everywhere as if hundreds of needles were stabbing me. I felt my body going deeper in the water, running out of air, I gasped, the taste of murky water invading my mouth as it rushed down my throat and into my lungs.
I was drowning.
I wanted it to end, I wanted the pain I felt every day to end, to fell at ease, but I didn't want it to end like this. The fear of dying finally caught up to me, the despair filling me just as fast as the water was. Although I wanted it to end, I was scared.
Everything was getting dark, my mind going blank as I closed my tired eyes. This was it... the peace I wanted... yet it felt so wrong.
Perhaps I was hallucinating, but the water around seemed to become thicker, suddenly pulling me away.
I gasped for air, my body rolling around, throwing up the water that invaded my body. I coughed painfully for about a minute. When I calmed down, I looked around and was honestly confused.
I was on the river bank near the bridge, a few steps in front of me was the girl that I bumped into earlier. I looked at her hand and she was holding my phone, I knew it was mine by the dog strap in had on it. I probably dropped my phone when I ran into her and she probably caught up to me to return it.
When I looked at her face I realized that she was angry at me.
''Just what the hell were you thinking?!'' she snapped at me, slamming her foot in the ground. ''You almost drowned out there!''
I tried to speak, my throat feeling sore from choking. ''W-Why? Why did you save me?''
She just stared at me, glaring harshly from begin her glasses. ''Was there any reason why I shouldn't have saved you?''
It didn't make any sense to me. She had no reason to do it yet she still did it. The air around felt like it got thicker, threatening to crush me. ''B-But I'm fat... I'm ugly...''
Her frown increased to the point where she was scaring me. ''Is that a reason why I shouldn't try and save you?'' she told me coldly, gazing down on me, I couldn't speak. ''Is that a reason to try and kill yourself?''
''W-Why do you care?'' I snapped at her, not caring about anything. ''There wasn't any reason for you to save me, and I didn't want to be saved!''
''Really?'' she narrowed her eyes at me, cold violet orbs locked on me like a target. ''Because it looked to me like you were scared of dying.''
I gritted my teeth, my frustration erupting like a volcano. ''Of course I was! Who isn't scared of dying?!''
''Then why did you try to kill yourself?!'' she snapped back at me, making me shrink in front of her.
I wanted to shout, but all I could do is whisper. ''...Because I couldn't take it anymore!''
She simply stared at me, her features softening as a long and deep silence surrounded us. ''Do you want to talk about it?''
At first I didn't respond and just sat in silence. After calming for a few minutes I began telling her my problems, nodding stoically and arranging her glasses when I finished. ''I see...''
''I'm sorry but I never went through what you did, so I really don't know what advice I can give you.'' I let out a bitter laugh at her answer, I wasn't expecting her to know what I'm going through, I mean just look at her, so beautiful with such a slim perfect silhouette... there's no way she could understand how I feel. ''So what are planning to do?''
I shook my head desperately, burying my head in my knees. ''I don't know... I don't know.''
''Does it really hurt that much?''
Truthfully I wanted to snark at her for even asking that, but I felt too tired to even try. ''You don't know how it feels to be looked like a freak, getting laughed at like you are some kind of joke of nature.''
She sighed and sat down next to me, her gaze fixed on the flowing water in front of us. ''Have you tried changing?''
''I did... trust I me I tried so badly. Dieting, exercising, alternative treatments, pills, I even tried starving myself, nothing worked.'' I gritted my teeth in frustration. ''My body just isn't meant to be beautiful.''
She didn't look at me and just stared at the water, a solemn state present in her eyes. ''Beauty is a matter of perspective.''
''So you say, but even I find myself as repulsive.'' I chuckled bitterly, even if that were true it really didn't matter, I still couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. Tears began forming in my eyes once more. ''All I ever wanted was to feel beautiful... no... I just wanted to feel normal.''
She didn't respond and kept silent for a few minutes as if she was pondering what to do or say next. ''Do you really want it that bad?''
The grip on my knee increased to the point that my fingers hurt, I turned to her making sure she got a good view. ''...Look in my eyes, what do you think?''
Violet orbs kept staring into my blue ones, no once blinking nor once looking anywhere else besides them. After what felt like an eternity of starring, she closed her eyes and sighed tiredly.
''What if I could offer you that chance?'' she began slowly, my heart feeling like it slowed stopped for a couple of seconds, my neck turning towards her rigidly. ''If I could help you realize your desire, what would you offer in exchange?''
It was weird indeed, my body felt it was reacting before my brain had the chance to process and dissect everything she told me, to think of the ups and downs or what may result with me accepting, but my lips parted anyway. ''...Anything.''
She looked in my eyes, as if looking for any trace of doubt, or hesitation, but appeared to be looking for nothing. She reached her hand in the air, a chess piece appearing in hand. ''Then I might know a method.''
''And as you can see, my little deal with the devil gave me some pretty neat results. That's devil magic to you, it can even change the natural metabolism of one's body to help in weight loss.'' She laughed as she crossed her arms under her chest, yet I can see that everyone else is feeling rather awkward by her story.
The one who stood up and decided to break the ice was Shinra-senpai, the seriousness on her face would have put even the biggest judges to shame. ''Sona was a bit discreet regarding each one of your reasons of joining us, but I would've never imagined that you actually tried to kill yourself Tsubasa.''
The smile on the blue haired rook faltered, but stayed on. ''Yeah... that's not something I'm really proud of talking about, but it's the truth.''
I rested my chin in the palm of my hand. I was never technically a victim of bullying, with the exception of the times I got in trouble because I stood up for people that were getting picked on, I don't have much experience in this.
I always hear about it, people getting bullied and mistreat for all kinds of ridiculous reasons. In the papers, at the news, even in front of my own eyes, it always happens. In most cases it reaches until someone gets hurt, and in the worst cases some people just can't take it anymore and do something reckless... just like how it happened to Yura.
How long had she endured it until it reached the breaking point?
''Just how bad did you look that it made you such an emotional wreck?'' Saji asked skeptically, something telling me that he had a really hard time imagining how her weight problem could drive her suicide. Personally, I was curious as well.
Yura didn't seem to be affected by Sajis question, and reached for her pocket, pulling out her wallet. The very next moment she pulled out a picture from her wallet and put in front of Saji. ''Well this was me before I became a devil.''
The blonde pawn eagerly picked the picture. ''Oh come on, how bad could you- HOLY SHIT!''
I was honestly surprised by the fact that Saji's eye didn't pop out by how much they were gaping. Everyone else seemed to be just as curious as me about Saji's reaction, Meguri in particular sneaked behind him to see what shocked him so bad. ''What's the matter Sa- THE HELL?"
The pictured passed from one hand to another, every time a pair of eyes looked at, the said eyes would bulge in pure and utter shock. It finally reached me.
Huh... guess I understand the others shock. No matter how much I tried I couldn't really imagine Yura looking anything other than her current thin and toned physic, so seeing her like... like this, is pretty eye bulging. It was like watching one of those 'before and after' images at the TV, the kind were you can't imagine that its physically possible that the two people in the pictures are one and the same person. This was pretty much the same case right now.
''Wow Yura... '' Saji chocked on his words, the awkwardness present on his face as he tried to find his words. ''No offence, but you were really fat.''
Normally, going by common sense dictated by the current mind set of the modern high school girl, this was the moment when the said girl felt insulted, and in more serious cases lash out to the one that insulted her for calling her fat. Yura on the other hand crossed her arms under her chest and laughed eagerly. ''Sure was, but now I think I qualify as a hot catch.''
It was curious how upbeat she was about this subject. The way she told us her story showed that she had insecurities besides her looks, her having a hard time believing in others. It makes me wonder if she really changed that much since she became a devil, personality wise. ''I know that it sounds like a vain reason to become a devil, however it isn't as simple as you think. It wasn't that I wanted to be beautiful, I just wanted to feel normal.'' Her gaze drifted in the air, a linger melancholy present in them. ''Sometimes the things people say about you pile up until you end up hating yourself... and that's the first step from doing something reckless.''
She flexed her arm, looking at her palm as it tightened in a fist. ''I used to be such a weak wuss back then. If I met my old self I would probably punch myself in the teeth and tell myself to grow a pair and stop being such a sorry little bitch.'' A half amused chuckled escaped her lips, her eyes drifting in the air. ''I owe Kaichou more than I can ever repay her, she saved me from myself, and with her help I managed to become strong in mind and overcome my problems.''
A large smirk formed on her face. ''For that if anyone ever tries to get into her way, I'll kick their ass!''
As she said, doing it for aesthetic reasons does indeed sound vain for a third party. The idea itself doesn't sound right, but I can't judge, nor do I have that right. To me, my physical aspect was never really something really that concerned me. True I always work out in my free time, but its mostly for keeping myself in good health, it was never anything more than that, to me how I looked was never something that mattered. I couldn't care less if I was fat, skinny or had a perfect toned physic.
So I can't comprehend the amount of stress and frustration she went through. All I can do is respect her decision, and hope she won't regret it one day.
''It's your turn senpai.'' The former fat bluenette flicked her fingers and pointed comically towards the Sitri team's Queen.
''So it seems.'' She nodded slowly, her face the same seriousness she always displays, taking her index finger and pointing at her eyes, noticing the subtle sadness in them. ''Perhaps I should start with this.''
''For those of you who aren't aware devils have perfect eyesight, reincarnated ones aren't an exception, so even if you had horrible eyesight before once you get reincarnated your eyes will get augmented and you will no longer need glasses. Most devils these days wear glasses for fashion reasons, while others because it helps them concentrate.''
''I on the other hand...'' There was a heavy pause as she reached for her glasses, her brown orbs closing as she took them off. We all were curious and confused by her action, especially when she opened them again.
At first there didn't seem to be anything wrong with her, but the moment I looked her in the eyes I noticed what she was going on about with the talk about devils not requiring glasses. It seemed that Kusaka was the next one to notice. ''Your eyes...''
''I wear them to mask my uneven eyes.'' She admit with a somewhat shamed tone, her eyes half closed, partially hiding her left violet and her right brown eyes. ''Although eyesight is fixed, the color of the eyes remains the same, regardless if it's the one you're born with or got altered by something else.''
''But what does this has to do with anything?'' Hanakai asked what was probably thought by everyone else at the table.
''It's where everything started.''
Ever since I could remember I always had an unusual fascination towards mirrors. I didn't understand it at first but there was always something that made me stare at mirrors for hours.
I was a member of the main branch of the Shinra clan, one of the oldest clans that specialized in the arts of spiritual purification. Because of this I was under the sharp watch of the members of the clan.
At first they thought I was just a silly child that didn't really understood what she was doing, simply spending hours starring at mirrors. That's what they thought, yet it wasn't the same for me.
It was like starring in at clouds. Although they are nothing but clouds, the more you look at them you can make up a shape and form to them, you can see more beyond what they are.
A similar case was for me when it came to mirrors. While I didn't see anything in them besides myself, there was always this feeling in me that there was something more to it than just a mirror.
I didn't understand it at first, it was when I was seven that things began to become clearer.
One late night I was returning from the bathroom when I noticed a glowing light from one of the old storage's. When I went inside to check it out, I saw an old full body mirror glowing in a pale blue light. It was entrancing, my body getting closer to it on pure instinct. By the time I realized it my fingers were already caressing the mirror.
It all happened so fast. One moment I was staring at myself in the mirror, the next moment the sound of a glass shattering and a heart wrenching scream filled the room. Everything that followed was blank as the scare made me faint.
Even now after so many years I still get chills down my spines when I remember that mortifying scream.
When I woke up the first thing I saw were the pieces of broken glass that were scattered all around me, the scent of incense and purifying salt hovering above, in front of me were the men of the clan, chanting exorcism rites.
I was confused, why were they doing that here so late in the night?
The answer came when I looked at the mirror. It was broken, and yet was something else in place of the glass.
It was transparent, the creature's body had a shade like with a humanoid form. Its ghostly limbs were tied tightly with praying beads to keep it at bay. No clear features were present on its face, all except for creepy mouth that kept shrieking as the people of the clan were chanting.
With a final scream, it went silent. Falling on its knees as its incorporeal body stared to fade in the air.
They stopped chanting and let tired sighs as the threat was now gone.
One of them saw that I was awake and offered me a gentle smile. ''You gave us quite the scare Tsubaki-chan, what were you even doing here at this hour-''
For some reason the smile on his face dropped the moment he got close and saw my face. Like a domino effect, everyone's expression began changing to a very unpleasant one.
I didn't understand why they reacted the way they did, my confusion further increasing as one of them grabbed me by the chin and pulled me closer, lifting my bangs with his free hand.
There was a grim silence in the room, fear beginning to flow through me as everyone present was glaring daggers at me.
''So that's how it is…'' he whispered in a cold almost emotionless tone, letting go of me and turning his back to me. All of them nodded and followed suit, leaving me there alone.
I didn't understand why they acted that way, why they suddenly went from concern to cold just like that.
I didn't understand… at least until I saw my reflection in one of the pieces of broken glass on the floor.
My left eye changed.
It was no longer light brown, instead it was a intense violet.
Something about me changed…
The next day I was told what happened.
From what I understood, the thing that appeared in the mirror before I passed out was a type of spirit, and it tried to possess me, but failed.
My left eye changed as a result of the whole ordeal.
However there was a problem.
My clan was an expert in dealing with such entities, as such we knew the best way to destroy and protect ourselves from them. Because of this our home temple was shielded with an abundance of special barriers, making it impossible for them to even come close to us, let alone inside in our living quarters.
They checked the barriers and they were in perfect shape, nothing passed through them.
The only explanation would have been if someone from the inside managed to make a path for them to come in with the help of a medium.
Everyone was checked, there was only one person who wasn't accounted for, and only that person was the only one who could have done it.
Me…
I didn't do it… I couldn't have done it… I didn't even know how to do it.
And yet they all accused me of being the cause of it.
Since the whole situation wasn't exactly clear they decided to ignore it for the moment, and keep a close eye on me.
That was the beginning of my torment.
It kept happening over and over again. Whenever I got to close to mirrors I would end up unintentionally summoning apparitions. There were times that they got called even if I wasn't in front of a mirror.
The members of the clan tried to figure out the source of it all, but failed. They couldn't just exile me because I may end causing harm to innocents with the way things were.
As time passed they were getting tired of me and the trouble I was causing, it eventually led to them ignoring my very existence.
It was ludicrous that a member of a clan that specialized in exorcising spirits to attract them the way I did.
It felt frustrating beyond belief, being treated like you don't even exist, that you are nothing.
Living around people but being in a constant state of isolation. I don't know if it's worse to be stranded somewhere all alone or to be surrounded by people who refuse to acknowledge your existence. Either way, it was painful.
Everyone… my grandparents, uncles, cousins, even my own parents… to them I was better off if I didn't exist. All of them… except for one person.
I guess that the only reason I didn't do anything reckless was because there was just one person who still acknowledged my existence. He was a member of the branch family and he often looked after me as I grew up, somewhat of a big brother figure.
His name was Kiyotora Shinra. The so called problem child of the clan, often causing trouble and questioning the ways the clan preceded with its problems.
If there was someone who knew how it felt to be a misfit it was him, always getting scolded and punished for his reckless nature.
But to me he was a wonderful person.
No matter how much of a nuisance the clan saw me, he always saw me for who I was and would often be there for me to cheer me up.
He was my rescue line in the harsh environment that I lived in.
But it didn't last long.
Everything changed when I was fifteen. I just arrived at home from school as usual, only to find that there was a major scandal taking place inside our temple, and at the center of it was Kiyotora.
He was cutting his ties with the clan, renouncing his faith and declaring his intentions to join the Christian Church.
Every single one of these actions was considered heresy by the clan, and to declare his intention of doing all of them was pure insanity to them.
There wasn't anything left to discuss.
He was disowned of his status and exiled from the clan, never to return.
This enraged me.
When he was leaving I confronted him to why he was doing this, why was he leaving everything behind… why was he abandoning me.
He told me that he found a place he can call home within the church and its members.
Our clan was often commissioned by the various factions including the church to help them deal with spiritual entities. It was during those missions he had together with the church that he learned to appreciate their teachings and ways, growing strong bonds with its members, eventually making him to devote himself to the biblical God.
He told how he always felt like an outcast among the clan, how he was always looking for a place where he felt he truly belonged to, and that he finally found it.
I should have been happy for him… but I wasn't.
I knew it was selfish, but I didn't want him to leave.
''Please take me with you!''
I broke down and cried, begging him to take me with him. I couldn't take it. He was the only person I could call real family… I didn't want to lose him and remain here in a forced isolation.
For as long as I could remember he was there, always easy going and had a warm air around him, but now there was nothing except seriousness present of his face as he grabbed me by the shoulders and stared into my mismatched eyes.
''I can't do that.''
I shook my head in denial, why didn't he want to take me with him was all that was on my mind.
''This is the path I chose for myself after years of struggle and contemplating. It may be what I desire, but it's not what you want. Trust me, I can tell that Christianity isn't really your thing.''
He let go of my shoulders and looked up at the sky with a wandering gaze.
''I won't chose for you, in fact I can't chose for you. Think everything over, try to understand what you want and how you can obtain it. I might sound difficult, but you can't go on relying on me as support forever, I might be here today but i can also be gone tomorrow. That's simply how life is.''
''You're like the little sister I never had and I want you to be happy. I know that leaving you here might be cruel, but I want you to find your own answer.'' His arm tightened around my body as he embraced me, the one running through my hair. ''I'm sorry.''
He let go… and walked away, giving one last smile. ''Maybe we will meet again one day.''
That was the last time I saw him.
It wasn't long after that I also left the clan.
For a while I did what he asked me, I tried to think things over, what I really wanted. I didn't get a clear answer, but I knew I couldn't take living like this anymore.
I was at a crossroad, no one to turn to and felt betrayed by the only person who cared about me. Teenage foolishness combined with the build-up emotions and frustrations led me to decide something that I could never take back once I went through it. Perhaps what I decided was something reckless, perhaps I wanted to get back at the others for isolating me the way they did, giving them a real reason to reject me.
There was one person I searched for. I met her on one occasion when she brought a magical tome to the clan for exorcism of any potential evil spirits that may inhabit it. Our meeting wasn't what one may call a long or meaningful one, but to me it left me very intrigued.
Her name was Sona Sitri. It was short, but our meeting left an interesting impression on me. One strong enough to make me decide what I want to do.
I decided to become a devil.
''It wasn't long that I reached out to Sona and asked her to make me a devil. Since then three years have passed and my life has changed for the better, discovering that the source which attracted the apparitions was none other than my sacred gear, but after learning how to properly control it, they stopped appearing.''
Not having a place where you feel at ease… a place to call home. Anger directed at those who mistreated her, at the one person she believed in and yet that also wasn't there for her. I can't say I understand her reasoning, I've never been through what she did, so i'm not sure if it what she did was for the best.
Still, I can't say I agree with it. ''Was that really the best choice? Couldn't you have tried to find a different answer?''
''I was just a foolish teenager without any real experience when it came to life. Even if there were other choices I was to blinded by my emotions to consider them.'' She admitted as she leaned against the chair, her eyes wondering aimlessly at the ceiling, lips curling into a small smile. ''But if I were faced with the same choice I would still chose the same.''
''Sona is more than just a friend to me, she is almost like a sister and I owe her far too much than I can ever hope to repay, the life she offered me is something I cherish dearly, I wouldn't change it for nothing.'' A small chuckle escaped her lips, this being possible the first time I heard her do anything remotely similar to a laugh. ''It's a somewhat ironic turn of events now that I think about it. At first I resented Kiyotora for not taking me with him, but if he took me along I would have never met Sona and all of you.''
She does have a point. If it weren't for his choice of leaving her behind, she would have probably never become a devil. However, she does seem content with everything that happened, with where all it led to. She seems content with all happened… I suppose I should respect that.
''Guess you made the right choice when it mattered.'' Kusaka commented.
All that aside, there is still something that's been bugging me. ''Wasn't there any way to return your eyes to normal?''
''Unfortunately there are some things that simply can't be corrected even with magic.'' She admitted as she put her glasses back on, her eyes both changing to brown. ''Yet even if there were I would have probably left them the way they are.''
That wasn't something that I expected, you would think that since her eyes were a source of her problems she would want to correct them the moment she found a proper way to do it. ''But why would you do that?''
She didn't respond at first, her glasses sliding slightly making her eyes revert to their natural state, a small reassuring smile present on her face. ''A reminder, of who the person I was before and the one that I am now.''
''Then why do you keep them hidden?'' The question asked by Nimura was actually an interesting one, if she indeed didn't find them repulsing or brought back any bad memories why keep them hidden?
A tired sigh escaped our Queens lips as she leaned on her chair. ''I was never a person that enjoyed being in the center of attention, and I know from personal experience how much unwanted stares a pair of mismatched eyes can get you.''
I guess she had a valid reason, even during our little meetings and our student council duties she always seems to behave herself in a somewhat cool and silent way, such that she operates without getting to much attention from the people around her. To me it never really mattered if I was a subject of discussion or not, but if I were to choose, I would pick the latter. I raised my head and looked from the side carefully at her eyes, skipping by her glasses, admiring her mismatched orbs, my thoughts escaping my mouth. ''... It's a shame though, I think they are really pretty.''
A heavy silence fell on the room, Shinra-senpai's eyes widened, a sudden twitch ran through her body, her cheeks flushing red. She averted her gave, looking to the side, her lips trembling slightly. ''...T-Thank you.''
I tilted my head slightly curious in response to her reaction, her sudden stuttering was not something I saw from her before. A series of snickers got my attention, all of the other girls at the table appearing amused by something, Meguri in particular was grinning strongly at me. ''Heh~ real smooth Emi-chan, and here I took you for the shy type.''
My head tilted to the side, hands crossed in front of my chest. ''What do you mean by that?''
There was a heavy silence in the room, the smiles on the girls faces dropped and got replaced by stunned expression, with the exception of Saji who appeared to be as confused as me. A large sweat drop formed on Meguri's forehead as she stared at me with half lidded eyes. ''Wow… talk about dense as a brick.''
''Huh?''
''Nothing, nothing, just teenage girl stuff.'' Hanakai waved her hand in front of me, a sly smile present on her face.
I sighed and took a cookie, clearly it will be a long time before I start understanding women. My eyes narrowed at the other male pawn of the group, the others doing the same. The said mentioned pawn taken aback by the sudden stares, realization hitting him after about a minute of starring, a tired sigh escaping his mouth. ''So it's my turn, well I expected this.''
After scratching his cheek awkwardly he crossed his arms and starred at the table. An annoyed scowl present on his face. ''If I were to describe how I was before I became a devil, it would be a massive prick. ''
This certainly took me by surprise, the fact Saji who usually is reserved about himself also partake in this little story exchange, but the it surprised me more how he can admit, and I quote 'a massive prick' like that. Most people don't like or want to admit this kind of things.
''Why do you say that Saji-senpai?'' Nimura appeared to be just as confused as me.
He closed his eyes and slowly hummed. ''…Because I was one, and it was Kaichou that made me see things differently.''
You know how they say that if parents don't watch over their kids they might end up getting involved with the wrong kind of crowds?
Well, I was a prime example of this.
My parents were always away with work, so I was by myself most of the time. It wasn't exactly the best way to grow up, coming home only to find it empty and only getting to see my parents if I stayed up late. I tried understanding the whole situation, that they had to work in order for us to live a proper life, but deep down I didn't like it at all.
Whenever I saw kids my age together with their family, all laughing together looking all happy like that would make me feel bitter… I guess I just felt lonely.
That loneliness however started to turn into resentment around the time I started high school.
I started hanging with some of the cool guys in the neighborhood, who offered me more attention than my parents ever did.
Most of them were older than me, all from different schools.
The more time I spent with them the more I started changing, blending in with the gang, turning into 'one of the guys' so to say.
Skipping classes, started smocking, picking on random people, vandalism, getting into fights, turning more and more violent and troublesome.
My parent became aware of this and started nagging at me to stop hanging out with them, telling me that they are a bad influence. This only made me angrier, now they were noticing me? They couldn't have done it earlier, no, they just had to wait until I did something like this to actually make them act like they had a son?
I ignored everything they said and it often ended up in heated arguments.
Looking back, I really was a fool going through a nasty rebellious phase. They only wanted the best for me but I was too stupid and hardheaded to notice it.
Or maybe I didn't want to notice it.
Things just keep getting worse as time passed.
''Saji-san you're late again, also your attendance hasn't been a very proper one recently.''
''Saji-san you aren't allowed to wear that kind of accessories together with your uniform.''
''Saji-san there are rumors of you getting in fights with classmates.''
God I hate the student council president. Little miss four eyes kept nagging with stuff like this whenever I managed to get to school. Always going on about being late and some other shitty rules of hers. She was majorly pissing me off.
I never paid attention to her and just ignored her.
Who needs school, who needs parents when you have friends.
That was what I used to think.
Until I saw just what kind of people my friends were.
It was on a cloudy day when we decided to skip on class and go hang out near the river side. I left earlier and was the first one to arrive there, not having anything better to do I just waited there for the gang.
Sometime later I could hear footsteps near me. I just expected my friends, but when I looked I was greeted by some unfamiliar gang. I could tell from first glance that these guys meant trouble.
They went on about what I'm doing in their meeting place, that I should scram before things get ugly.
I was prideful, arrogant and reckless. I didn't talk with words and instead let my fist do the talking. The first two guys did get a taste of my knuckles, but the other four managed to sneak behind me and restrain me.
What followed was a world of pain as they kept beating me restlessly, using me as their personal punching bang.
Even though my senses were messed up from the pain and the disorientation the beating was causing me, I still noticed the group that approached.
For a moment I felt a spark of hope light within me as my friends were just a few meters ahead. I screamed at them for help, hoping that if we fight together with can deal with these jokers.
''Sorry Gen, you're on your own.''
Those were the words they said as they ran away, they hurt more than the punches I was getting at my face.
Why? Where did I go wrong? Why did they just abandon me like that?
Those words kept repeating in my mind as those boys kept beating at me. I stopped struggling and let them do their thing… it was less painful than what I felt in my heart.
I honestly don't know how long they kept beating the living crap out of me. It could've been three minutes or thirty minutes, I don't have any idea.
When they finally got bored they decided to leave me in my misery, all limp on the ground. It was easier to count the body parts that didn't hurt, I couldn't even feel my face anymore.
It was sometime after I managed to pick myself up that I was walking, no destination in mind, just walking.
Perhaps the sky responded to my emotional state that it broke into a strong rain. It didn't faze me and I just continued to walk, the only good side was that the rain was washing away the blood from my face.
I felt so hollow.
Even though I was always there for them, always there to listen to their problems, helping out however I could, they still abandoned me.
Walking aimlessly through the rain, I stumbled upon a busy intersection. The sound of a police siren and angry shouts overlapped the one of the rain. My eyes drifted tiredly to the source only to widen at what they were witnessing.
On the opposite sidewalk the police was struggling to shove in the van the very same friends that left me get the beating of a lifetime.
Not understanding what was going on I just stared in silence as one by one they were arrested. When the last was about to enter the van he noticed me.
''Hey Gen! Please come and help!'' he screamed so loud that the police officers stopped and looked to who he was talking. ''We're friends aren't we?''
It felt like something snapped in me when I heard those words. Friends? Friends?! FRIENDS?!
How dare he say that after what they did?!
I turned around and walked away, unaware that someone was following me.
Anger, disgust, and sadness were the only things that fueled me at that moment, my hands hurting from how hard they were clutching.
To hell with all of it… I've had enough.
''That was quite the scene those boys made, wasn't it Saji-san.''
I stopped in my tracks and turned around to see who was bothering me. ''Oh, it's you…''
There she was, holding an umbrella to keep the rain away, a grocery bag hanging on her arm. Her usual stern look present on her face.
''What the heck do you want?'' I asked her slowly, my tone coated in venom.
She lifted her glasses with her free hand. ''I couldn't help but notice what happened in that intersection and the injuries you have. I want to help you.''
I gritted my teeth. ''Who said I want your help.''
''Don't be like that, you need to get wounds checked before they get serious.'' She reached to her pocked and took a handkerchief, immediately reaching for my face with it.
''Don't touch me!'' I snapped at her, small hand stopping mid-air.
She narrowed her eyes and looked at me with a complex look, making me unable to tell what she was thinking. ''… You were always somewhat of a misfit among the students but even then you never acted this way. Tell what happened.''
A dry snort escaped my lips. ''Why do you even care, I only cause trouble for you and your precious school, heck you should be glad to see me messed up like this.''
''You are right, I shouldn't care since you always act the way you do, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't help you.''
I didn't know why but her words started to irritate me. I turned around and began walking away, not liking where this discussion was heading. ''… Well sorry to disappoint you but I'm not in the mood for anybody's pity, especially yours.''
After two steps I heard a small sigh from the girl behind me. ''… So you're just going to run from your problems again?''
I stopped walking. Turning slowly around, I almost saw red as I look at this damn girl. ''What did you just say?''
She didn't react. Most people would flinch at the sight of me being angry, if you counted the amount of bruises and cuts on my face I was certainly not a pleasant sigh, and yet she stood in place uninterested. ''You heard what I said, you always run away from the problems that you need to face. This is exactly the same behavior you had at school whenever you were faced with trouble and you're doing now once again.''
I took step forward, my hand tightening in a first by instinct. ''… Shut up.''
''Struck a nerve did I?'' she almost smirked at me. ''If you are content staying in this pathetic state, then by all means just leave.''
I repeated myself, taking another step forward. ''Shut up!''
''Perhaps it would be better to just go home and forget this ever happened, I'm sure that what happened today wasn't anything new to you.''
For a moment my mind wasn't properly working anymore. Reason was overshadowed by anger and frustration towards the truth. ''I SAID SHUT UP!''
I punched her in the face.
Her face went to the left side, the sound of her glasses hitting the ground could be heard in the loud rain.
In that moment I realized what I just did…
She slowly lift up hear head, blood dripping from the corner of her mouth, the skin where I smacked her starting to darken, cold eyes staring in pity at me. ''…Feeling better?''
''…No.'' I admitted in shame, the cold tone of her voice making me feel disgusted with myself. ''… Worse in fact.''
She picked up her glasses and cleaned her lenses before putting them back on her face. ''I can imagine.''
A cold and empty feeling filled my gut, my legs losing their strength, falling on my knees in a swift motion.
There were no more words. She stopped talking to me, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of rain. Now that my anger was gone, all that was left was just confusion and self-loathing. I didn't understand anymore. ''… Be honest with me, why do you even care about me?''
She took her handkerchief and used to wipe the blood from her mouth. ''… I find it sad to see someone with so much potential go to waste.''
Her words felt foreign to me. Although I understood what she said, I didn't understand why she said them. ''What are you even talking about, I'm hardly anything special. My grades are below average and I hardly have any talents in sports or other stuff.''
''Potential can be seen in many things not just the things you counted.'' She explained slowly as she crouched in front of me, the pity filled stare that she showed earlier was now replaced by a neutral one. ''Ever since I first met you I felt this silent drive in you, a desire for something more. Am I wrong?''
Drive she says? For what?
''I don't know dammit. I never had any dream or ideal to strive for, I just went with the flow of life, waiting to see what happens.'' I admitted disappointed in myself for never finding something to dedicate myself to. It didn't matter if it was school or a sport, or some random hobby, anything would have worked. But now that I thought about it there is something that I truly wanted but never knew how to obtain it. ''Yet… if there's one thing I longed for, I guess it was a place to call my own, somewhere where I felt like I belong.''
Once again silence fell upon on.
Damn… just what the hell was I doing talking to my problems to her of all people. I'm surprised she isn't laughing at me by now and just keeps staring at me like that. ''What if I could help you find that place?''
There was a slight twitch in my lips, my voice coming out strained. ''…What?''
She sighed and took her handkerchief, using it to gently wipe the blood and dirt off my face. I was too shocked and confused to move or complain anymore.
''The way that I'm going to suggest won't be an easy one, and honestly the way you are right now I'm not sure if I should help you, but if you're ready to change your ways I can help you find the place you are searching for.''
I took a moment and processed what she just told me. She was giving me an opportunity, but she isn't just going to help me just like that, she wants to see some sort of proof that I'm willing to go out of my way if I really want her help.
There was a moment when I wanted to refuse her… but then I thought of my current life. I keep arguing with my parents over and over, I became friends with the worst kind of bunch and I payed for it today.
If where I stand right now, beaten and broken in the rain is indeed the result of my current way I'm living, I want to put an end to it, I never want to go through it again.
''… I want to change.''
''It took me about a year to put some order in my life and become a more decent guy. That's why Kaichou only made me a devil recently, it took me that long to prove myself.''
I took a bite out of a cookie as I contemplated his story. The choices he made himself up until that point were the things that build up and finally crumble down on him. If he was more understanding with his parents or if he were more careful with the people he chose as his friends he wouldn't have ended as a devil.
The wish to find a place to call his own… a place where he felt at ease, happy… where he felt at home.
It made me curious… Saji and I had a rather edgy relationship ever since we first met. What kind of interactions would we had if he was the same way before he starting changing?
I rubbed the bridge of my nose and took a look around the other people at the table. My eyes landed on Shinra-senpai who appeared rather disturbed.
''Saji-kun… did you seriously punch Sona?'' her voice was surprisingly scared.
The mentioned pawn let out a tired sigh and looked down. ''Hey I told you, I was a prick, I did a lot of nasty stuff I'm honestly not proud of. I'm still trying to change myself for the better and make up for it, but I still have moments when my nasty side keeps popping back up.''
Shinra-senpai didn't seem to take in account what he said, quickly getting up from her seat and placing her hands on Saji's shoulders, a dead serious expression present on her face. ''…Saji-kun never again in your life admit that you punched Sona.''
I could see the sweat forming on Saji's face from uncomfortable feeling Shinra-senpai was giving him. ''Hey look I know what I did was dick move, but I apologized and still try to make up for what-''
''That's not what I meant.'' She cut him off quickly. ''Pray that Sona's sister never hears about this, otherwise I fear what may happen.''
Saji's tilted his head confused, I think Shinra-senpai did mention at some point that our master's sister is a bit protective towards her. The blonde pawn gulped nervously. ''How bad are we talking?''
She didn't immediately, her body trebling shivering slightly. ''… I can imagine something along the lines of freezing your manhood and then smashing it to pieces.''
Huh… I didn't think it was possible for someone to pale as much as Saji did the moment he processed what he just heard and visualized it in his mind. I tried to avoid doing the same…
Noticing the awkward silence in the room I let out a dry cough. ''…Ahem… So is that why you had that hostile attitude towards me at the beginning? Some of your old personality resurfacing? ''
After taking a moment to clear his mind of the possible excruciating pain that one day may befall on him, he sighed and looked at me with a tired expression. '' How should I put it, you reminded me a bit of one of the guy I used to hang out, so it kinda irritated me to look at you. It also didn't help that I saw you, a guy in relationship getting along like that with other girls, especially Kaichou. If there's one thing I can't stand its playboys. ''
''Oh, I guess that's...'' I stopped talked as I fully process what he just said to me, a sudden dreadful feeling running through my body. ''Wait, back up a little. What do you mean by the 'relationship' part?''
The blond pawn looked confused at me for a moment as he crossed his arms. ''I meant you and the captain of the archery club, you two are going out aren't you?''
I just stared at him for a couple of moments, taking in a deep breath as I looked him dead in the eyes.
''Ok… let me see if I get this right.'' I began rubbing the bridge of my nose in anticipation for the unavoidable headache that was bound to arrive any second. ''You thought me and Mitsuzuri are a couple?''
''You mean you're not?!'' to my surprise it wasn't just Saji that asked, but everyone at the table, somehow doing it a perfect synchronized time.
It was Hanakai that decided to speak first about this stupid subject. ''But me and Reya always see the two of you together. Actually she's the only person you remotely hang out with, so pretty much everyone at school assumed you two might be together but are trying to hide it.''
I slowly moved my jaw left and right. Good I still had it, considering that the amount of gibberish that I was hearing I wouldn't be surprised if it just fell down on the floor. My left eye twitching slightly as comprehended what her last statement meant.
''So the whole school thinks me and Mitsuzuri are a couple?''
It was Yura that decided to comment first. ''Well duh, why do you think other girls aren't swarming around you like they do with Kiba Yuuto, it's because they're under the impression that you're taken.''
Taking a second to calm myself, I rested my head on the very comfortable cold table. I often saw Kiba getting followed around by his so called fan girls and to be honest I can't see myself in his shoes… or more like I don't know how I could deal with it the way he does. ''You've got to be kidding me… so if there wasn't the misconception about me being taken I would have girls swarming around me?''
''Don't be so shocked Emiya, our school used to be a girls only one so the current ration of male-female students is one to ten. That means for every male student there are ten female ones. So it's obvious with those numbers that the amount of choices the female students have when it comes to potential boyfriends is rather limited.'' Surprisingly it was Kusaka that explained this.
Shinra-senpai stepped in and continued. ''You are known in the school for being a kind, hardworking and always ready to lend a helping hand person, so that will automatically get you a good reputation among the female students. If you add up the fact that you are also handsome and with a nice physique, you are probably among the most popular male students. Honestly I'm shocked that you don't already have girlfriend.''
''Huh… when you put it like that it make me feel rather awkward. I guess I was never interested in a relationship before.''
They all stared at me with mixed expressions. The girls had what I could identify as 'Are you serious?' looks while Saji seemed rather disturbed. ''Dude if you're gay I ain't sharing a bed with you ever again.''
And so my headache has gone up a rank, not wanting to deal with any misinterpretation anymore I decided to be honest. ''Look I'm just not really good with some of the social stuff. The reason I always hang out with Mitsuzuri is because I don't really have other friends. When it comes to some of the things that are normal for people our age, I just see things differently.''
It was always like this.
I can't even recall how me and Mitsuzuri ended up friends the way we are. It was at first small stuff like saying hi to each other in class, some small chat here and there, but in time it progressed to us hanging out in our free time.
While I don't have problems talking and interacting with other people, for as long as I can remember there always was this restrain I had when it came to opening up to others. I could never figure out what it was or why I had it, but for some reason deep down I felt that I didn't deserve to have friends… to be happy.
''Don't be like that Emi-chan!'' Meguri's sudden outburst broke me out of my thought. ''Aren't we all friends here?''
It was weird… my eyes seemed to widen slightly at her statement.
''Just think about it, how we are all part of the same peerage, how we all fought last night and how we shared stories like this, I think this qualifies us as your friends.''
I was somewhat perplexed at our knight's words. Drifting my eyes at the people around me they smiled and nodded in agreement.
Perhaps… I haven't been considering their feelings. Although it didn't really matter to me, it does matter to them. Because we are all part of the same team so to say, I should try to be more open to them, to try and make real bonds with them.
A small chuckle escaped my lips as I rubbed the back of my head. ''…I guess it does.''
Perhaps it's time I became proactive.
Curiously this made realize something. ''Although... I find it surprising that you all shared your background like that. Most people tend to keep to themselves.''
They all seemed to take notice of it as well, appearing rather surprised themselves that they were able to talk about their problems.
''It's not that surprising when you think about it. It's one of Sitri clan's traits after all.'' Shinra-senpai explained to us.
Well here we are diving in uncharted territory again. ''Care to explain, I don't I quite understand you.''
''When it comes to devil clans in general, each clan has a certain power or ability they govern over. Like how the Sitri clan has advance control over water or how the Bael clan possesses the power of destruction.'' Our queen explained as she crossed her arms under her chest. ''However there is another kind of trait that each clan has, not a magical one in the form of a power, but rather a certain personality trait found in the members of the respective clan.''
She didn't get to continue as Yura cut her off. ''I think I heard about your talking about. For instance the Gremory are known to treat their household members as their own family, or how the Astaroth members tend to be very enthusiastic if not borderlines obsessive about the things that peek their interest.''
Our queen nodded in an agreement.
''While it's not obligatory for every devil of a clan to have their clans personality trait, it does happen most of the time.'' She elaborated as she lifted her arm up, a blue mark began manifesting on the back of her palm. It was the mark of the Sitri clan. ''Although we are not Sitri devils by blood, we all inherited the symbol of Sitri when we became Sona's piece's, so it wouldn't be too far-fetched to assume that we also inherited the clan trait as at some extent.''
This peeked my interest. Ever since I became a devil I felt that so many things have change around me and I wonder how much of it was influenced by this so called trait. ''Then if that's the case... what's the Sitri trait?''
She took a moment and cupped her chin with her hand, probably looking for the best way to describe it. ''It's the trait of bearing ourselves.''
This somewhat intrigued me,
''R-Really?! That's hot!'' it would seem that Saji drew a rather hasty conclusion and assumed that it was something along the more erotic lines.
''I meant figurally.'' I could see the how she struggled not to face palm herself at Saji's deduction skills.
Shinra-senpai must have it tough with us sometimes.
''It's a certain aspect that makes us honest with our fellow clan members, we bare the things that we keep try to keep secret, things that we want to bare but are usually frightened to do with other people. While it does sound rather odd, it's not like we can't keep secrets from one another, but it helps us in communicating and understanding each other, for there are some things that we would need a little help to admit or to say.''
I guess this makes sense in a way. Lately there's been a lot on my mind, yet I haven't just gone out my way and talked about it with anyone in particular, not even my family. So while it may make me more prone to bare myself, it's not something like an impulse or a drive that makes me want to do it.
''What we discussed before, I doubt that any of us could have talked so easily about their past like if not for the trait. I don't know about you, but I still have a hard time when it comes to talking about my past...'' there was a hint of remorse in her voice, yet her eyes seemed to soften gently afterwards. ''Yet... it feels somehow refreshing to tell you how I became Sona's queen. I don't know if it's from the trait or something else, but I'm glad we could talk like this.''
One by one they all nodded in agreement, Nimura in particular seemed to enjoy where this all led. ''Yeah, you're right!''
''Wait a minute!'' Meguri suddenly cut in and pointed at me. ''Emi-chan you never told us how you became a devil.''
Huh… now that she mention it, everyone else told how they ended up under our master, expect me. This was rather awkward, not that I didn't want to tell them how it happened, but rather I'm not sure how would be the proper way to explain it.
Should I be a little vague with how it happened, or should I be honest like them and be frank like they were when told me their background.
… Well, here goes nothing.
''I was attacked by an enemy of my dad's, I got myself killed while stopping him and by dumb luck I had a summoning pamphlet on me and Kaichou was able to revive me.''
Yep, probably not the best way to explain what happened to me if the dead silence and blank stares are any indication.
''...O-Oh.'' Meguri coughed out awkwardly, clearly appearing to regret what she just asked.
''Well I'm going to check on our master, make sure you leave her some cookies.'' I said as I got up from my seat and walked out of the kitchen.
Guess Iri was right, I really can ruin the mood sometimes.
Huh...
Truthfully speaking I wasn't sure what to expect from my master's bedroom, but as sure as hell wasn't expecting something so... girly?
The walls were painted in a bright shade of pink, several stuffed animals were arranged on a hanging shelf on the wall, a big library filled with books covered one of the walls completely, her bed sheets sported small hearts while her wardrobe was covered with many stickers, many of which were surprisingly 'Hello Kitty' ones. Also, if my eyes are not somehow deceiving me, I noticed some anime DVD's on a lower shelf.
If I accidentally walked in this room, my bespectacled master was the last person I would have expected to be the owner of such a room. Not to insult her or anything, but I never really saw such a girly side to her. It's not like she gives me any reason not to considering that she barely wears any make-up, or even use nail polish.
Shaking my head, I began looking around the room. Although Shinra-senpai told me that she was here, I couldn't spot my master anywhere. My eyes stopped and locked themselves at a picture on the drawer next to her bed.
While I knew I shouldn't be going through other peoples stuff, I couldn't help but be curious and pick it up to take a better look. It was a picture of two girls, one of which was obviously my master, but I didn't recognize the other one.
She looked a lot like my bespectacled master, albeit she seemed a bit younger and was displaying a rather childish demeanor if the way she hugged and rubbed her face against my master was any indication... her little sister perhaps?
Weird... I recall her mentioning that she had an elder sister. Does she also have a younger one?
I brushed that thought and walked to the library, scanning the titles of the books. My eyes stopped moving when I saw an interesting title on one of the books.
Carefully examining it, I couldn't help but check its contents. Again, I shouldn't be messing with other peoples stuff, but the title 'Supernatural encyclopedia' had such a curious ring to it.
It was quite interesting. Similar in contents like a zoology encyclopedia, only instead of containing animals, it was composed of all kinds of supernatural races and creatures. From common ones like angels, devils and fallen angels, to more intriguing ones like chimeras, vampires, werewolves, doppelgangers and dullahans.
Perhaps I should ask my master if can borrow it. I kept flipping through pages, generally taking a quick look at each recorded creature.
I was about to turn the page, but the title of a particular chapter somehow got my attention more than the others.
'Homunculus'
This one single name was standing out among all the others, a nagging sensation running through my head as I tried to remember where I hear this word before.
''Nope, the three of us are homunculus.''
The pages on the book rustled as my fingers tightened on them, recalling what Liz told me the day that I learned of the supernatural, what I ignored at the time and didn't give so much importance.
'Homunculus'- A concept resulted by those who pursued the creation of sentient life through the usage of mystical arts. By nature a homunculus is a type of human artificially crafted without the need of a womb.
Mostly created through the means of alchemy, they receive from nature all necessary knowledge and reasoning at the moment of birth. The maturing of their bodies into adult stage does not take years like humans do, nor do they grow any older from that point on, reaching the designated age in less than a year.
Although they appear very similar to humans in both physical appearance and anatomy, there will always be something they lack compared to a real flesh and blood human. Depending on the methods of creation and the designated purpose, the homunculus will invariably have some sort of physical defect, small stature, lower intellect or lack of reproductive capabilities, and these are just a few examples.
A common flaw that most homunculus suffer of is a low life span, as their creators often trade a long function time for a short yet high quality one, following the tradition of alchemy, the law of equivalent exchange.
My nails began to dig in the pages of the book, my mind filled to the brim with confusion. Was this what Iri, Sella and Liz are? They are artificial humans? Does that mean that they have a very short lifespan? But if all of this is true… what about Illya?
Once again, when I thought I learned something about the ones I care for, brand new and complex question arise from it.
''Is someone there?'' The sudden voice made me flinch and I immediately put the book back on the shelf, looking around to find the source of the familiar voice. After a few seconds of processing I recognized who the voice belonged to.
''Yeah, it's me master.'' I responded with a tired sigh, trying to calm and clear my mind. ''By the way, where are you?''
''I'm outside on the balcony.''
Now that she mentioned it there was another door inside the room besides the one I walked in through. I entered the balcony and looked around, spotting my master sitting by the railing, silently starring at the sky. ''I thought you were resting.''
She sighed and rested her head on her arm, her gaze drifting towards the backyard of the house. ''I was, but I felt the need of some fresh air.''
I nodded and sat on her left, resting my arms on the railing and scanning the area. Something near the gate of the house got my attention. ''You have a motorcycle?''
''Oh that thing?'' She stared impassive at the rather expensive looking piece of transport. ''That's not mine, its Kurosaiga's.''
I blinked confused a few times. ''What?''
''Has it ever occurred to you why Kurosaiga was on devil territory in the first place when he was a wanted man?''
Now that she mentions it… While I know how Kurosaiga ended up the way he did, I don't have any clue to how or why he was on devil territory in the first place. In fact him being here didn't make any sense in the first place. True he had a grudge against pure-bloods, but he didn't go out of his way and hunt them down.
''We found that motorcycle outside the hideout and tried turning it on, but it wasn't working. So I can speculate that he was just driving by through our territory without any intention of stopping but his motorcycle stopped working so he had no choice but stop and repair it somewhere with no people around.'' She explained as rubbed her still injured wrists. ''And I think you know what happened afterwards.''
That was it? Some of us almost died last night just because of a damn engine malfunction?
I wasn't sure if it's some higher beings twisted sense of humor or if it was just some really convenient coincidence that his bike just had to break on the same night that we went stray hunting. I couldn't resist the urge to cover my eyes and sigh. ''Guess we don't have the best luck.''
''Tell me about it.''
Trying to protect my sanity and somehow stop myself from cursing my luck, I decided to change the subject. ''So what are you going to do with it?''
''Honestly... I have no idea. Bikes aren't really my thing, and it needs repairs, so it would bring me more trouble if I kept it around.''
A sudden idea ran through my head. ''I could repair it if you want.''
Her eyes widened slightly as she looked at me. ''Are you familiar with motorcycles?''
''Not really, but I'm pretty good at tinkering with machines so I think I can manage. ''
''Fine by me. In fact it's all yours.''
''Huh?'' Did I just hear her right?
She waved her hand left and right in a slow motion. ''You heard me, I have no use for it so you can have it.''
This certainly wasn't something I expected. ''B-But I can't just take it.''
''If there's anyone who should take it it's you. Keep in mind that you are the one who defeated Kurosaiga. Think of it as spoils of war.''
I wouldn't consider what happened last night something that needs rewarding, but judging by the way she is staring at me I doubt that she will take no for an answer regardless of what I have to say. ''... Might as well repair it and decide later what to do with it. It's not like I have driving license anyway.''
She only nodded in agreement and continued to stare at the night sky.
''Something is on your mind isn't it?'' she asked bluntly taking me by surprise. If I were to go on serving under her there were some things that I had to make clear first.
''You know...'' I began slowly, adopting a more serious persona, more cold and calculate, similar to the one I had when I fought last night. ''I asked the others how they ended up in your peerage.''
''Is that so?'' she simply acknowledged and didn't seem particular affected by question. ''Any particular reason why you asked them out of the blue like that?''
I didn't respond to her, my eyes faltering slightly when meeting hers, a feeling of remorse lingering in me. While no words were said, my actions were enough for her to deduce my reason.
''I see... It's about what happened to Kurosaiga isn't it? You thought there's a chance I did something similar didn't you?''
This wasn't easy, I was basically accusing her of manipulating the others in some way in order for her to gain them as her pieces. Although I learned of everyone's backstory and how much she helped each of them and just how much she means to everyone, there is still a part of me that is a cynical enough to believe that she had a hand to play in it.
An exhausted sigh escaped my lips as I leaned against the railing. ''Try to understand master, after the things I saw through his blade it's hard not to consider that possibility.''
''I guess it is.'' She told me slowly as she turned around to face me, a stoic expression present of her face. ''I can't deny that there are pure-bloods who abuse the system in order to satisfy their greed for a strong peerage, but not all of them are like that.''
I didn't enjoy her answer, it felt like she was avoiding the problem at hand. ''Are you one of them?''
Her violet orbs stared intensely into my amber ones, never blinking or faltering. ''What do you think?''
I wish I could've answered her question, but I didn't know what I could say. ''To be honest I've been having a hard time recently understanding what's the truth and what's not.''
''Perhaps its time I was more open with you. Do you remember what I said when I revealed to you that I was a devil?''
I took a moment and though back at that day, at the conversation we had. ''You said that you never intended to make me devil, that you enjoyed the way we were just schoolmates and would have preferred to keep our relation that way.''
''I wasn't fully honest when I told you that.'' She admitted as she crossed her arms.
There a twitch in my hand, all kinds of scenarios forming in my mind but I managed to shove them aside for the moment and calm myself. ''Just how much of it was a lie?''
''It wasn't. That indeed was one of the reasons why I didn't want to recruit you, but there were two other reasons I didn't tell you about.''
''Such as?'' I narrowed my eyes at her.
She took a moment a stared aimlessly at me, probably thinking on how to properly explain myself. ''Tell me Emiya, aside from our powers, what makes a devil different from a human?''
I quickly opened my mouth to answer, only to close it back as I realized she probably wasn't referencing to something obvious.
''The answer is desire.'' She told as she placed her arm on her hip, adopting a somewhat familiar pose, though I didn't quite know where I saw it before. ''It is one of the fundamental things that defines a devil. We are creatures of desire, we live for our desires and grant others their desires, because of that we are the most sensible creatures when it comes to feeling desire from others.''
I took a moment and processes what she told me, while it was interesting to say the least, it didn't answer my questions. ''I understand that, but what does this have to with anything?''
''It's because of the desire that I felt from the others that made me want them to be part my peerage. The desire to overcome any hardship that awaits them so they can become something much greater than what they currently were. You may have a hard time believing it, but I didn't chose the people in my peerage because of their talents or powers. I chose them because each of them had something in them that made them shine stronger than other people with talent or power will.'' She took a moment stared deep into my eyes. ''A burning desire of something greater.''
''There were some people I asked to join and refused my offer. I simply accepted and went on, but those who accepted my offer I took upon myself to make sure that one day they will become people that they can take pride in.''
As I was starring into her eyes a complex feeling started swirling inside me. Shame perhaps?
… Was I perhaps wrong? Was I too hasty and jumped to the wrong conclusions? Did I really doubt someone who genuinely wanted to help others?
There was a moment when I faltered, her words easing my paranoid thinking, but there was still enough left in me to prevent me from being swayed just yet.
''What about me?'' I asked her with what probably was the most serious tone I ever made.
''A reason why I never approached you with the offer was because I never felt any desire from you. To a pure blooded devil like myself sensing desire is something akin to breathing, I always feel desires from the people around me.'' She lifted her hand and gently placed it over my chest. ''It varies from person to person, some desire money, others power, some want to satisfy their lust, and the list goes one. However, when it comes to you Emiya, I just never felt anything that I can call real desire… It's like you're an empty shell.''
Empty shell…
Those words… they had a heavy impact... they did something to me. The moment I thought about them… my vision went static. Several images quickly flashing through my mind. Fire. Smoke. Debris. Death.
''Emiya?''
A hand covered in dried blood reaching towards the sky.
''Emiya!''
The sky splitting in half, powerful light swallowing me.
''EMIYA!''
I blinked a several of times, recalling where I was. It took me a few seconds to calm down, cold sweat running on down my skin, my breath heavy and sore while my ears were buzzing. My master was gripping tightly on my shoulders, a worried expression present on her usual collected face. ''W-What?''
She let out an exhausted sigh as she let go of my shoulders. ''You just zoned out for a couple of minutes and weren't responding. What's wrong?''
My hand instinctively grabbed my face, rubbing my tired eyes. ''S-Sorry... I was just... thinking.''
''If what I said made you feel uncomfortable, then I apologize.'' I could feel her regret in her voice, I didn't like hearing it.
''No... it's okay.'' I muttered as I looked to the side, whatever just happened was not normal… it's one thing to see things like that in a dream, but it's another thing entirely for something like this to happen while I'm wide awake, much less while I'm in a conversation with a person. I will have to figure out what's going on… but that can wait. I need to finish this talk. ''...You said that there were two reason, what was the second?''
''The second reason wasn't a matter of me not wanting you to join me, but rather it was matter of me being forbidden from recruiting you.''
Ok… this made me push any personal worries to the side. ''What do mean by 'forbidden'?''
She sighed as put her hand on the railing, leaning tiredly against it. ''Emiya, do you honestly think we didn't knew that your family was involved with the supernatural before the incident with Neculai?''
This put me on the edge, she knew from the start, while I didn't have any clue. However, there was something I didn't understand. ''When you say 'we' who else is aware?''
''Rias and I knew from the first day we were handed the responsibility of this territory. However, we also knew that we weren't allowed to try and recruit any of the members of that respective household.''
This was beginning to get to me since it didn't make any sense. ''But how? Why?''
''We weren't told the exact details, but your father seems to have obtained a special privileged from Sirzechs Lucifer himself, and because of this a certain agreement was made. Kiritsugu Emiya and all the members of his family are allowed to live in this devil territory under the condition of not involving us in any of the problems that may appear on his behalf. Also, neither I or Rias, nor any members of our respective households are allowed to involve any members of his family in matters that concern us.''
''Because of those conditions, I couldn't have recruited you even if I wanted to.''
Dammit… just what the heck has been going on behind my back. My dad somehow managed to obtain a special favor from Sirzechs Lucifer. SIRZECHS LUCIFER!
If the accomplishments and events that he took part in are even half true, that man is a legend among the devils, one who could turn a country into a waste land without as much breaking a sweat.
And somehow my father managed to get special privilege from him.
Just what the hell did my father even do?!
''You know, because I wasn't allowed to get involved with you, it made me curious about you, about what kind of person you were. I was surprised the first time we meet.'' She whispered in a gentle tone. ''I was wondering if it was your way of getting my attention, but it was just a kind man helping out.''
''As we kept running into each other, chatting the way we did, getting to know you better, I was actually a bit sad that I wasn't allowed to recruit you. I don't know what it is about you, but you always had this intriguing air around you, something that made me curious about you. So when you ended up as my pawn, although I was bitter about how it happened, a part of me was also glad that you were now mine.''
''I see...'' was all I managed to mutter.
Somehow I could tell, she being honest with me. Looking into her violet eyes I could see it, there were no lies or half-truths, just the plain simple honest truth that she was keeping inside her, possibly even eating her up.
''Emiya... do regret the fact that you became my Pawn?''
The way she spoke… even a guy like me who doesn't know the first thing about women could tell that what answer I may give could end up hurting her feelings. I had to tread lightly.
''What I feel is rather complicated... I do somewhat regret becoming a devil, my way of life changing, learning that there are so many things that were hidden from me...'' There still some lingering restraints… if she would have asked me this question at the moment I woke up I would've probably said 'yes', but after taking my time, listening to everyone's backstory and her own explanation, I reached a different conclusion.
I took a deep breath, letting a smile form on my face. ''But I don't regret that you became my master.''
It was the honest truth. I don't regret that she is now my master, I don't know what the future holds or what challenges await me, but it feels reassuring that the person I will be fighting for is someone like her.
Sona Sitri is my master.
''I-Is that so?'' she muttered after a couple of minutes of just blankly staring at me. She turned her back on me, her body squirming lightly.
''…Thank you Emiya.''
The way she behaved was a bit out of character for her, but who am I to judge. ''Just call me Shirou.''
''Very well... Shirou.'' She turned around and greeted me with a smile. It was the first time I saw her smile like this. No matter how much I tried to not think of it, I couldn't help but think how cute she looked.
I really needed this. Suspecting the people around me isn't a pleasant feeling at all, now I feel like a great weight was taken off my shoulders.
''Huh?'' my thoughts were brushed off the moment I heard… music?
More specifically pop music. It wasn't my phone ring tone, so the only possible option was in front of me. ''Is that your phone?''
''A second, just let me see who it-'' the moment she looked at the screen her demeanor changed completely, eyes became narrowed and cold, her previous smile was all gone as her lips formed into a perfect line.
She closed her phone instantly and shoved it back in her pocket, with quite the vigor might I add. Her sudden shift in behavior made me curious to who was calling her. ''… Why didn't you answer?''
She let out a rather annoyed 'tsk' the moment I mention it. ''The person who was calling me… I don't enjoy talking to a man like him.''
Clearly there's more to my master than meets the eye… but I think we talked enough for one night. ''If you say so master.''
This reminded me, I haven't turned on my phone ever since last night. I really should turn it back on, perhaps someone called me. It took about thirty seconds for my phone to turn back on. Upon looking at my missed calls I felt a cold sensation drop in the bottom of my stomach.
''Shirou are you ok?'' She asked with a slight concern in her voice. ''Your face went paper white.''
Noooo…! No, no, no! This isn't good at all! I have to come up with a solid explanation before she calls me agai-
As if some higher plane being was using my misery as a form of personal entertainment, my phone began ringing. My hand shaking as I saw who the caller was. ''Aren't you going to answer?''
I was already sweating bullets, the feeling of pure dread malice filling my bones. I didn't have a choice, if I didn't answer here and now it only make things worse. I had to gamble everything. ''H-Hello?''
['' So you finally decided to pick up your phone.''] Her voice sounded so calm and sweet, but that was making it sound even scarier. [''You better have a good explanation for this Shirou.'']
How I didn't swallow my tongue out of fear it was a complete mystery to me. ''O-Oh... H-Hey there Iri.''
''Shirou you dropped something.''
''Huh?'' I instantly glanced to what I could have dropped, not recalling having anything else in my pocket beside my phone. ''What did I-''
''What is-'' she picked a small circular object from the ground, her face freezing upon seeing what the object was. An unreadable expression forming on her face as turned to me. ''You better have a good explanation for this Shirou.''
…Why?
Just why did my mother have to give me that condom? And why did I just put in my pocket instead of getting rid of it?
Just why did it have to drop out of my pocket at this very moment, and just WHY did my master had to pick it up?!
''Well?'' she asked me as she stared at me with a look that felt like she was trying to drill a hole in my head.
['' Well?''] Iri asked me on the phone with a tone that made me feel like the moment I get home my screams will be heard in the entire neighborhood.
Can't believe I'm saying it, but I would rather go back to fighting for my life against Kurosaiga than deal with this bullshit.
''Yep. Definitely enjoying my little vacation.''
Screw you Archer!
Omake: It's A Real Thing! Taiga Dojo Preview!
''Oh shit...'' Taiga muttered while bullets of sweat were running down her face.
''Did something happened instructor?'' Illya asked curiously as she never saw Taiga react like this.
''Well... depends how you look at it.'' Taiga scratched the back of her head awkwardly. ''I just checked the Highschool DxD wikia, and it seems that the official backgrounds of most of the Sitri girls have been updated.''
''Say what?'' was what both Illya and Miyu were able to mutter.
''Yep, apparently Ichiei Ishibumi decided that after 23 volumes and 4 extra volumes, it was time he gave some background to the student council members.''
''Umm... doesn't this kinda ruin all the work Ray-san put in creating the backgrounds in this chapter useless.'' Illya asked in fear.
''Pretty much...'' Taiga sighed.
''Do you think he found out?'' Miyu asked.
''Son of a g*beep* *beep*ing f*beep*! Why the f*beep* does all this f*beep* s*beep* happen to me? F*beep* my life! Always surrounded by miserable f*beep* c*beep*, like this whole world just likes to bend me over and *beep* me in the *beep*! Like I'm some sort of *beep* receptacle. Well, as far as I care, these miserable c*beep* can have a f*beep* b*beep* with a God damn pig!''
''...Guess that answers my question.'' Miyu sweat dropped, hear ears not ready for some of the words she just heard..
''Wow, he really went all out this time.'' Taiga whistled at the authors swearing talents.
''He usually doesn't react like that though...'' Illya commented with a flushed face.
''Too much TFS videos if you ask me.'' Taiga shrugged her shoulders. ''For some reason I think he was waiting for the right moment to quote them like this.''
''Won't the fans get mad?'' Miyu asked.
''I think it depends on time and the exact line used.'' Illya nodded.
''I swear if he does the 'push-ups, sit-ups and plenty of juice' line in the story I'm gonna kill myself.'' Taiga swore as she readied her shinai.
''What surprises me is that we were able to hear him, his office is supposed to be sound proof.'' Illya commented.
''Never underestimate the power of getting a fan triggered.'' Taiga shrugged her shoulders.
''Our authors triggered rage aside… Do you think this will affect the story?'' Illya asked concerned about the overall plot of the story.
''Not really, no, I mean it's not like their backgrounds have any relevant importance to the canon story, so it's alright. '' Taiga commented uninterested as she began picking her nose.
''Well that goes to say how much Ichiei Ishibumi loves them.'' Illya commented.
''A bit cold if you ask me.'' Miyu added her two cents.
''Enough nagging and do your thing.'' Taiga ordered.
''Stay tuned for the next chapter 9 'Basic steps.'' Illya and Miyu said in synch.
''Check it out!'' Taiga yelled.
Author notes:
So this was it guys, I apologize for the delay and the rather long chapter but I didn't want to make it a 3 part section.
The plot thickens, more secrets are questions are popping up for shirou regarding his family and the secret to his past. But also who is the man that Sona talked on the phone?
So many great things are about to a come.
Anyways I want to address an interesting piece of advice when creating character for a story I came across on youtube. The main concern of an author isn't to make them cool, sexy or strong, but rather try to focus on creating relatable characters, to make them feel real even though they are fictional.
This played a key part in establishing everyone in this chapter as individuals, because as far as I am concerned many authors avoid using the Sitri team as a main focus in a story because they are somewhat 'bland' characters. But here is where I draw a line, it's not that they are bland but rather they never were explored properly, and this in fact can be a very good opportunity to unleash your creative side and give them more depth than the original light novels have done.
Following this advice I tried to give each of the Sitri team members more relatable and realistic backgrounds. I mean seriously while i could use reasoning like vengeance and shit, its way to overrated and overused.
So I'm using people and events that I saw during my life (more exactly my highschool years) I tried to give them backgrounds that you actually met in your everyday life.
Meguri represents the type that wants to get approval for her talents, though struggles with this because of conservative parents.
Kusuka represents those who deal with big financial problems to the point where it ruins personal life and health.
Hanakai represents those who struggle in society and groups due to bad reputation and poor communication skills.
Yura represents those who are mistreated based on physical appearances and struggle to find people to connect with in spite of how you look or how you yourself see your appearance.
Nimura represent those who struggle daily with a disease or condition that affects her everyday life.
Tsubaki represent those who are rejected and pushed aside for not being one of the groups, forced to live a solitary life.
Saji represent those, who for some reason got involved with the wrong kind of people that slowly corrupted him to the point where he ignores when loved ones only want to help.
I think we can all relate to at least one of these types of people.
Some minor changes that I did and some people might want to point out. (you know who you are)
Hanakai's hair. She originally had black hair in the light novels but the anime adaptation made it white, so I decided to make her have dyed hair as a middle ground.
Tsubaki's eyes. Again, in the novels she has heterochromic eyes, one brown other one violet while in the anime she had both eyes brown. So i juggled a bit with some ideas, specifically that devils don't need glasses because they have perfect eyes sight (I'm not making this up, its real dxd trivia). If she can see well, then why wear glasses? She honestly doesn't look like the kind of girl that wears them as a fashion statement, so I decided to make them have an actual function, specifically make her eyes appear normal.
Now I learned that the wiki updated their backgrounds, but I had these ideas planed for a long time before it was released and changing to match the canon would only cause me to keep the story in standby for a lot longer and let's face it, I write slow, and that's when I know what I'm writing, so going to drastically modify some stuff will only slow me down even more. Also after checking their official backgrounds I wasn't really impressed.
So with the exception of Tsubaki and Meguri who had part of their backgrounds revealed long before the others, I created more proper backgrounds for each member out of scratch based on my impression of each character.
For those of you won't didn't understand where the condom at the end came from, go read chapter 4
There's one last thing I want to address before I go. Before you go and tell me that their reasons for becoming devils are stupid or reckless, I want you to keep in mind one important detail.
They're all damn teens!
Doing reckless or flat out stupid decisions is something normal, especially during puberty and all. I for one did a lot of shit during those days that I'm honestly not proud of, and if you factor that each of them went through their little drama at the time, it would have been stupid for them not to accept.
Let's answer some reviews:
The Weird Kid: You can expect her to appear next chapter.
Kratos1989: Well I- wait did i just read that name right. BRB need to check.
I checked, it confirms. You of all people read my story? YOU?! (insert fangasm sound) I just had a senpai noticed me moment!
My sudden fanboy moment aside, i'm trying to show the story from a different perspective, for that not using the Sitri team would be a total waste, the fact that they are unexplored gives us free hand to work with their characters in interesting ways. And as you can see in this chapter, Saji was indeed a rebel somewhat.
simple405: I'm glad someone noticed it, I for one learned for my past experience with my old fic that rushing things can lead you to disaster (that led to give up the story). So its better to play safe and slow than fast and risk ruining it.
SnapDragon21: Can't really blame you, its been a while since i updated. Also that kinda happens to me with some stories i read so i get ya.
Sacchin: Perhaps it does. Who knows?
White Rider Lost: No he won't. Although now that i think about it...
Silent Evanescence: Its not that i'm avoiding the canon, i'm trying to show it from a different perspective. I can't blame, i tend to cringe when a story is almost the same even though you make it a crossover. I won't go into details, but lets say things aren't as obvious as you think.
Personally i have a 10000 word minimum. After i reach that minimum i include omakes, author notes and review answer. About answering the reviews, i know how to use message box i'm not that stupid, but i like to answer my readers curiosity whenever i can, however the reviews pop up at different intervals, so i prefer going through all of them at once. Also in the end the review answering part is at the very end, so people can just stop reading right there since there isn't anything important.
DarkBlight: There will be a reveal later in the story, and i will personally mail you when that chapter is out, and the ask you if you still think its cliche. About the atheist part, perhaps i didn't write the part the way i should have, but when i used it, i didn't mean that shirou doesn't acknowledge the existence of Gods, but rather he doesn't acknowledge them as his own Gods, as someone he worships or believes in. Also try to factor in that he grew up in the Emiya family, and Kiritsugu and Iri don't teach their kids to pray to God before going to sleep or go to the church on Sundays. Even in real life if God's existence was somehow proven, would all humans automatically just start to believe and pray to him? No, they can chose if they want to do that. Its the same case here, Shirou isn't denying the existence of divine beings, he just doesn't submit himself into believing in them.
Ultimate-Zelda-fan: Yes... I couldn't help myself. But i used it in the omake so less cringy.
CM141: I personally made my standard to have a 10000 words minimum while the max should be around 20000. The combined chapter was way over 30000 so i had to split it. It may not seem to you that the last chapter had much plot in it, but i tend to think differently. In the last chapter it focused (i admit not much, but still) on Shirou making a more proper connection with the other sitri members. Most notably Saji who pretty much couldn't stand him, but here he was apologizing and trying to be more nice to him, to me that's progress. A good story doesn't just focus on its overall plot, but on its characters as well. Also i can't rush the plot, i already did that in Guardian of DxD and it resulted in a disaster, so this time i'm taking a slower and safe progress.
SElGl no MlKATA: I already have a beta, but you can't expect him to track every single obscure mistake. If you know anyone who can spot mistakes like a radar and might be interested as my beta i'm all open to try.
Web11211: 1. thanks for confirming that, 2. glad you like it, 3. no spoilers.
: He will, he is just still figuring out the best way to fight.
Don't forget to review... no seriously review, i could use some constructive criticism.
