Jelly beans for all! Except for those who wanted Berty Bots Every Flavour beans and those who just don't like jelly beans... you get cookies:) Thank you so much for all your reviews! You rock!
Well, it's time for some more angst;) You're all on to me already.. I have to start getting more inventive here.
Thank you all for reading and I hope you like the new chapter as well.
Love,
Jellicos
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"What else did you help him do?" I was so furious that I didn't even care that people where watching. She almost looked intimidated as I strode up to her. How dare she?
A few moments ago I had confronted my boyfriend about the red roses and the card he had sent to Catherine. That's when he told me. The 'skills' had not been the ones I assumed them to be. He'd asked her advice on how to court me. Who uses that word now days anyway?
She had helped him pick the restaurant that had made me gasp. She had told him what to say to make my heart melt. And she had advised him on those presents that made me think that I'd finally gotten it right.
"Excuse me?" She wasn't getting it and I was ignoring how cute her confused look was.
"The dinners, the jewellery. Did you tell him how to kiss me and how to seduce me as well?" Furious, I spat out the thing that had been on my mind. Well, a little part of it. I didn't ask her why. I didn't tell her that when I'd found out that she'd been helping Gil planning our dates, my heart had suddenly found itself in one of those Magician boxes, dressed in a straight-jacket with swords coming at it from every side. It wasn't that she'd helped him, it was that she, Catherine, had helped him. She might as well have auctioned me off to the first guy with 50 cents in his pocket. And I didn't tell her that if she knew me so damn well she could date me herself.
"I don't need this." She said quietly. She was trying to get away. No, she wasn't getting away that easily. Not this time. Grabbing a hold of her arm, I tried desperately to ignore the jolt of electricity that ran from her arm up through mine and made my heart cramp.
"Where do you think you're going?" I mustered a whole sentence and I was proud of myself. My anger was too great to let a silly thing like a cramping heart get in its way.
I had no idea what I was going to say, but I was not going to let her get away with this. And I was not ready to let her go.
And by 'this' I didn't mean shattering my heart for not wanting me. No, I didn't mean that at all. I didn't mean that it hurt like hell that she knew so much about me that she could help anyone win my heart, she just wasn't interested in doing so herself. No, that wasn't what I was referring to at all, because that wasn't how it was.
"Where the fuck do you come off talking to me like that?" I jumped slightly at the venom in her voice as she pulled away. Her eyes where cold and harsh. Piercing through me like daggers. For a moment I thought I imagined the trace of little tears in her eyes, but that was ludicrous. "You wanna fuck him, that's your business. Just don't blame it on me."
I watched her walk away. Her last words where echoing in my head. My body was numb while my mind was racing with thoughts and questions.
You wanna fuck him, that's your business. Just don't blame it on me. Just don't blame it on me. I was so completely hung up on the words that I couldn't see the meaning because of all the letters. Was there even a meaning to it? Something made me think it was. Maybe it was the tone of her voice as she said it. But I wasn't sure what that tone meant. My blood was boiling in rage and my mind was still in a haze from the touch.
I knew why I was so upset. I knew this meant that I couldn't keep pretending that it wasn't reality, I couldn't hold on to the illusion that we would ever happen.
God damn it she got me furious! That arrogant little… I realized I'd slammed my palm into the wall and it was hurting like hell.
"Sara…" His tentative voice got to me. "Please, can we talk about this?" Turning to face him I melted. His eyes where big and nervous, and he looked like a little lost boy. Or a puppy dog. You know the kind that would follow you home as a kid, you'd tell them to go away but they would just look at you with those big sad eyes and before you knew it you where begging your foster parents to let you keep him.
"Yeah Gil, we can talk." I said, softer than I had planned on. But my reward was a warm smile as he led me into his office.
I doubted I'd ever get used to all those animals in jars of formaldehyde.
I was actually smiling when I left his office. There was just something about him that made me feel safe. I guess that's what attracted me to him in the first place.
Stopping dead in my tracks it hit me that I wasn't sure what had attracted me to Gil at all. But I quickly decided that it didn't matter because I cared for him and was attracted to him so it didn't matter why, right?
I mean it was more than those dinners, gifts and words, right?
Yet I still couldn't get the evening's incidences out of my mind. Somehow the thought of Catherine knowing so much about me that she would succeed so well in help Grissom with advice made my body tingle. But the thought that she had helped him with advice cooled me off right away.
I still felt like I was missing something. And that this 'something' was in the very sentence that had replayed in my mind ever since Catherine stormed off after I yelled at her.
Maybe I should apologise, try to talk to her. After all, she didn't know what I was feeling and she wasn't responsible for it. Besides, I was over it. No more drooling over Catherine Willows. After today it was clearer to me than ever that she and I would never be. And that was a good thing.
Yes it was, shut up!
I have to stop arguing with myself. Well, one problem at a time. First, apologise to the co-worker you have absolutely no feelings for, the deal with your mental insanity. She should be in the locker room by now. There you go, just open the door and… Oh god.
Breathe Sidle, breathe!
Stop looking at her like that, it's just residue from an old attraction, that's all. Heart rates can become this elevated when you're nervous about apologising too.
And the sweaty hands is just because I hate to admit being wrong. Yes, that's it.
"Hey, Catherine?" God her name rolls deliciously over my tongue. No, stop it!
"Look, Sara. I'm not in the mood, alright." Ok, so a little hostility was to be expected. Damn she looks amazing when she's slamming her locker shut.
Focus damn it!
"Catherine, I just-" Oh god, she's standing so close and now she cut me off and I have no idea what I was trying to say anyway.
"You just what? Is there something else you want to accuse me off? Like kicking your puppy?" Alright, now she was just being stubborn and ridiculous.
"New hobby of yours Cath?" Way to apologise Sidle.
"God!" Backing away she threw her hands in the air. "Sometimes I just want to strangle you!"
"Sorry, I'm not into that." Arms crossed over my chest and a cocky smile and there; I've created a seriously pissed off Catherine. Good work Sidle. You know, apologies just aren't your strong side.
"No, I bet the missionary position on Thursday nights is about as adventurous as you go." My jaw dropped as I tried to hold back my own need for retaliation. It was a lost cause from the beginning. I was going to fuck this up royally.
"Just because I don't jump every guy within a five hundred mile radius doesn't mean I don't know how to have fun." I snapped back. Oh god. Now she was standing that close again. And she was pissed.
"Please, you're about as rigid as a floorboard." She hissed. It struck and it struck deep.
"I can do things you haven't dreamed of." I hissed back. I was not about to let her see how much her words hurt or how badly I wanted her to know I was nothing like she thought I was.
"Oh please." She was mocking me. And why the hell did that turn me on? You're a sick woman Sidle, sick I tell you.
Yeah, whatever.
I have got to stop doing that.
"You go for quantity, I stand for quality." Nice, hurt her back you idiot.
"Grissom is quality huh?" What did that mean?
"No, I'm quality." I corrected her.
"Is that so?" She was so close.
"Yes." Ok, whispers are okay when someone is an inch away from you.
"Yeah?" Oh god, that was just hot.
"Yeah." Was that even audible?
I don't know what happened. I don't know how or why, but I felt my knees go weak and jolt after jolt of pure ecstasy shoot through my body down between my legs.
Her lips where on mine, my head was spinning so fast I had no idea where or who I was anymore. I could only feel. I felt her hand around my neck, her lips pressed hard against mine, my body turning into a tingling, shivering mass of warm jelly.
The panic struck like a pole through my body, making it pull away on its own and start to back away. One pace, two… She was watching me. What had I done?
"Oh god…" The whisper was from my lips, but it wasn't my voice. Oh god, what had I done?
"Sara, I-" Her hand reached out for me, another step back.
"Oh god…" It was my voice after all. I'd really done it this time. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
"Sara…" She tried again.
"No." I was running out the door. I don't know how it happened or where my legs where talking me, but I was running. Oh god, what had I done?
Stopping when I didn't see any more people, I leaned heavily against the wall. My mind was swimming and my body was in turmoil. The aftermath of shaking and tingling was in war with the fierce guilt and confusion. My hands gripped my stomach and I thought I was going to be sick. What in gods name had I done?
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uh-oh... Well, just click the pretty button on your left to make things better (mwahahah, yesh I'm evil)
(I'm not naming colours for the button anymore, it made me confused :p)
