You amazing people! Jelly beans, cookies, and anything else you want to my wonderful readers and reviewers! Thank you! You feed me my oxygen.
Here is the next chapter… A little late, but the RPG is taking a lot of my time;)
I'll do better, I promise.
Now, read, review and enjoy my darlings!

Love,
Jellicos

----------------------------------------

I didn't see her for the rest of the shift, and trust me, I looked. How could I be so stupid? Damn it!

I slammed my palm on the steering wheel, muttering curse words under my breath as the pain stung through my arm. How stupid could I get? Just kiss her like that? She would hate me forever now.

"Alright mom, what's wrong?" I wasn't sure which was more dominating in her voice; annoyance or worry. Great, now I upset my daughter too.

"Nothing Linds, don't worry about it." I said, a bit harsher than I had planned.

"Fine, whatever." She turned around and looked out the window. Oh good. I'd hurt Sara, Gil and Lindsey, all in about two hours. That has to be a record. Maybe I should call my mom and tell her what I really think about Sam while I'm at it.

"I think I screwed up with Sara today." I offered, and Lindsey took the bait. I never realized how much she wanted to know about my life. And realizing this made me feel even worse. Wow, I was on fire today. First make the woman I love hate me, along with my boss/friend and then I realize I just might have neglected my daughter. Way to go Willows.

"With Sara?" Lindsey was looking at me with a little frown. "Is she still dating uncle Grissom?" She asked and I had to laugh at her tone.

"Yes I think she is." I said earnestly. In light of what had happened I wasn't really sure.

"That kinda freaks me out." She replied and now it was my turn to look at her.

"Why do you say that?" I asked before I had to fix my eyes back on the road ahead.

"I don't know…" Was she squirming? "I just… You know?"

"Linds, what are you talking about?" Did she know something that I didn't?

"No, I just…"

"Linds?" I finally got her too look at me.

"He's old mom!" She said like it was the revelation of the century and I had to smile. "Besides, I always thought she... you know… liked girls…" I hit the breaks much harder than I had intended to. Did she just say what I thought she said? I looked over at my teenage daughter who was unbuckling her seatbelt.

"Anyway… See you later mom." And she was out of the car before I could say anything, her backpack carelessly flung over her shoulder. I looked after her as she met up with her friends and started walking into the school building.

No, I must have heard wrong. It couldn't be. Girls? Sara? Why would she think that? Sara was as straight as they got, wasn't she? I mean, Hank, and Grissom? Sure she was, Lindsey had just watched too many episodes of that talk show where they throw chairs.

As I pulled out onto the main road again, my cellphone went off.

Sighing deeply, I dug around in my purse for a few seconds, the ringing sound getting louder and louder.

"Damn it." I muttered before I finally got my fingers around my cellphone. Pulling the antenna out with my teeth, I answered it before it would stop ringing.

"Willows." I was getting damn good at snapping that thing open with one hand.

"Catherine, it's Grissom." I groaned inwardly. Man he had the worst timing ever. If there was one person on this earth that I really did not want to talk to right now it was him.

"Look, Gil, I'm dropping Lindsey off at school. Can this wait?" A little white lie wouldn't hurt. I was dropping her off. I didn't have to mention the fact that she was already at school and I was driving back home.

"Have you seen Sara?" As usual he wasn't listening and… wait… what was that?

"Sorry?" I must be hearing things today.

"Sara." He clarified. I hated the way he spoke her name. So harsh and unemotional. Her name was supposed to be sung, or called in joy, spoken in love and moaned in ecstasy. Great, now I'd have that on my mind all day. Was he still talking? "Greg saw her leaving the labs a few hours ago but her cellphone is off and I was wondering if you've seen her." How dare he!

"Why the hell are you asking me? She's your girlfriend isn't she?" Okay, so that was harsh and uncalled for. But it's his own damned fault for dating Sara. My Sara. Ok, now I was worried about my own sanity.

"Uhm…" He sounded like he had no idea what was going on. I decided to help him.

"No, I haven't seen her." I said before slamming the phone shut. Damn him!

Fuck… Sara had left after we… I shook my head.

No, I wasn't going to think about that. Not about her soft lips, the feeling of pure ecstasy that had filled my senses as her lips locked with mine. The feeling of my heart swelling to painful limits, No! No, I wasn't doing this again!

Leaning my head back to stop the tears I breathed deeply. Okay…

She'd pulled away; she'd said no and run off. And now she was lost somewhere without her cellphone and it was all my fault. My fault.

I had kissed her. Not the other way around. I had. Damn!

And not only did she not feel the same… she now knew how I felt. This was bad, so very bad, on so many levels!

I sighed as I pulled up on my driveway. My mind a mess with images, scenarios and worry. She'd left, and her cellphone was off. Her cellphone was never off. She probably answered her cellphone while having sex. Oh god... No! Stop it Willows! If something happened to her I-

My train of thought stopped as I saw the dark-haired figure sitting on my stoop.

For a moment I just sat there, gaping, and wondering if my mind was playing tricks on me. Had I been in a car accident and was now in a coma dreaming about her?

Climbing out of the car I realized I wasn't hallucinating. It was her. And she was sitting on my stoop. My stoop. What on earth was she doing here?

"Sara?" I asked tentatively as I walked up to her. Her head shot up and she looked at me with one of those adorable shy smiles of hers. My heart burst and I just wanted to hold her. The knowledge that I couldn't was excruciating, made me want to run. But her mere existence held me pinned to my place.

"Hey Catherine. Sorry to just show up like this." She said and my heart leaped at the sound of her saying my name. I'd never been more proud of it in my life.

"Hey, you're always welcome." I gave a little smirk to lighten the mood and it seemed to work. Picking up my keys from my purse I looked at her for a second.

Okay, it was now or never. It was just me being polite, she came here after all. I couldn't very well leaver her on the stoop. "Would you like to come in?" She was standing up now, so I walked up and opened the door.

"Uhm... sure... thanks." She was standing behind me and I could hear her scratching the back of her neck, something she only did when she was really nervous and self-conscious.

Now I was getting worried. What was she so nervous about?

But I knew what this was about. I just didn't want to see it. It was about the kiss and the fact that she was in love with Grissom. It was about her wanting me to stay away and stop pestering her perfect world. It was about me getting my heart broken for being an idiot and not being able to keep my hands to myself. It was about Sara knowing I loved her. And not loving me back. I felt my heart pealing off in slices, each more painful than the other, revealing more of my wounded heart by every move.

"It was the tension wasn't it?" Her voice caught me off guard. I had been so deep in my thoughts that the sound of her voice made me turn. We where standing in the hallway and she was desperately waiting for my answer, shifting her weight, her left hand on her right elbow, looking extremely uneasy.

I didn't know whether I should be relieved or hurt. Tension? Well, that was one way of putting it. Well, it meant she maybe didn't hate me. It also meant I was right on the other point. She would never feel for me the way I did for her.

"Yeah, tension!" Wow, nice answer Willows. You're such a smooth talker. I looked over at Sara who seemed to exhale for the first time in a long while. I felt my heart break.

She needed to rationalize the fact that her female co-worker had kissed her in the locker room. This was her way of making sure nothing was awkward between us. For a split second I thought I saw something else in her eyes, something that just made me want to beg her forgiveness and hold her to make it all better. But I couldn't and I wasn't sure it was there in the first place.

Besides, she would probably drop-kick me to the floor if I tried.

"It just happened, we where angry and the tension was thick. It's not uncommon for these things to happen." I was rationalizing too. I knew exactly what had happened. She'd been so close that I hadn't been able to control myself; I'd pulled her in and kissed her. For a brief moment she had kissed me back and I'd been in pure bliss. I would never forget that feeling, like nothing I'd ever felt before. The world vanishing before my very feet, only hear heart rate, her breath, her lips, that had for s split second been my entire world. My heart beating so loudly I couldn't hear anything else.

"That's what I thought." She nodded her head. There was something else in her eyes, but she was standing so far away I couldn't make it out. No wonder… She was probably scared I'd throw myself at her. Actually, I was a bit scared of that myself.

"It just happened, things like that can happen easily, right?" She said in a worried voice. Yeah, sure… People argue and kiss their co-workers all the time, especially when said co-worker is dating your supposedly best friend.

"Yeah, sure they do." I offered none the less. Maybe I could salvage our semi-friendship at least… I would take what I could get at this point.

"Look…" I couldn't believe I was about to say his. "Gil called, he was worried about you." I held in my jealousy and looked at the wall; I really didn't want to see how happy she got because her boyfriend was worried about her.

"Yeah, I figured he would." I looked over at her because the tiredness in her voice was anything else than I'd expected.

At my apparent confused look, she gave a little smile and a shrug of her shoulder.

"He worries a lot." She said which made me even more confused. The Gil I knew didn't exactly worry a lot. Actually he rarely worried at all, and when he did there was a good reason for it.

"I should get going." She was walking to the door. Willows, she's walking to the door! Do something! Say something! Don't let her get away!

"Sara?" I said finally, as I took half a step towards her.

"Yeah?" She turned and looked at me. Was that hope in her voice? No, it couldn't be.

She was waiting… shit! What was I going to say? I had to say something, anything… Do something Catherine!

"Never mind…" And she was gone.

Damn it!

--------------------------------------------------

Pretty button? Tell me I'm evil or you like it or hate it… just tell me:) Please?