My amazing little munchkins! Thank you all so so much for your reviews!
Well, my sis threatened to kick my ass if I didn't give her another chapter, so... here you are my dears:)
I hope you'll like it. And it's a little apology for making you all wait an entire month for the seventh chapter;)
So, read, review and enjoy my darlings!
Love,
Jellicos
--------------------------------------------------
Chapter eight: Which kiss?
"No thanks, I have a date." She said casually as she threw that gorgeous blonde mane of hers over her shoulder. A date? She had a date. My heart sank to the bottom of my soles and I had to fight to keep the stupid tears at bay. Why did I even care that she had a date? I had a date. I had a boyfriend!
"A
date?" Way to get back on track Sidle! "Does he make you cry out
his name?" I couldn't help smirking. I was getting good at this.
She'd never see that one coming and it completely masked whatever I
was thinking. I mean what I wasn't thinking of course! Because I
certainly wasn't thinking of how I could dispose of her date's
body without trace. Wait… was I sure I wanted to hear
this?
"Haven't slept with her yet." She said, not even
looking at me. Wow, Catherine is going on a date with someone she
hasn't slept with yet. Wait a minute… "Don't you have work to
do?" I vaguely heard her snappy comment on my way out the door. Had
she said what I thought she said? No, it must have been my mind
playing tricks on me. Or maybe she was tired and didn't realize
she'd used the wrong personal pronoun. After all, 'her' and
'him' sounded pretty similar. Or did she say 'him' and I just
let myself think she's said 'she' because I wanted it?
Wait… I didn't want that! I didn't care who Catherine dated! And even if I did, why would I want her to date women? That would mean she did liked women... She just didn't like me…
God damn it Sidle! I thought you where over this by now!
Well, apparently I'm not.
Then let me break it down for you: Catherine is going on a date. And it's not you.
Thanks, how would I ever figure that out by myself.
Does it matter if it's a man or a woman?
Well…
No! Either way, it's still not you and you're dating Gil. You remember Gil right? Your boyfriend?
Of course I do. I care about him.
Care? What about love?
Love is a strong word.
Yeah? What about Catherine? Do you love her?
What! No, I, no, I mean, I don't think I…. oh god….
There you go Sidle.
Fuck!
It took me about five seconds to run into Grissom's office from the break room, forgetting to leave my coffee cup. As I slammed the door shut behind me, he looked up at me with one of those incredibly lost expressions that usually made you wonder if he was really from this planet in the first place.
"Sara?" I strode up to him without letting him ask the question I knew he was thinking.
"Kiss me." I said panting slightly from the run as I walked up behind his desk and faced him.
"Sara." God, if he didn't stop saying my name soon I'd slap him. "What's going on?"
"Gil, just kiss me." I said, almost desperately. I needed to feel his lips on mine, needed to know there was more to us than just care and security.
"Here? Sara, we're at work, we said we'd keep it professional, I-" He didn't get to finish. If he wasn't going to kiss me then I had to do it. I'd reached down, my hands on his face and pulled him in. Ok, so he wasn't the best of kissers, and his beard chafed, but it was nice. Even if he did that silly thing with his tongue it was nice. So what if she was going out with someone else? I was sure I could convince Gil to go with me to the movies or something tonight. She sure looked amazing in that lab coat.
He pulled back and I bit my lip. Oh god.
Looking down at him I realized what had just happened. Without a word I walked out of the office and into the women's bathroom. I think I heard him calling my name but I wasn't sure. Either way, I was not about to stop and explain myself. I needed to think.
Throwing cold water over my face, I refused to look in the mirror in front of me.
This was it then.
Damnit!
I slammed my hand into one of the stall doors.
"Shit!" Looking down at my split knuckles I jumped a bit from the pain before wrapping some paper tissues around my hand.
I deserved this.
Gil was a wonderful guy, and I didn't love him.
The kiss had been nice, but that was about it. He was nice, we where nice, but Catherine…
When she'd kissed me… Oh god!
I leaned my forehead against the cold mirror.
My body had turned to fire; my feet had floated off the ground, my mind in a dusty haze… Nothing had existed except her, us… Holy shit…
Without thinking, I grabbed my cellphone. One ring and I got her answering machine. Damn it!
I took a deep breath. With trembling fingers I dialled the number to her pager. It took me five tries to get the nerve to go through with it.
And the next second I wondered what the hell I had done. What was I going to say when she called? If she called.
Panicking, I turned my phone off, placing it back on my belt clip. But I couldn't stop looking at it. So I turned it on again. Then my hands started to shake again, so I turned it off. This went on for about seven minutes, before I finally put it on mute as a compromise.
"You heading out?" I almost jumped at the voice and realized I was standing in the locker room. How the hell did I get in here?
"Hey Warrick." I greeted him as he gave me a funny look. "Yeah, you?" I asked casually and he nodded as he grabbed his jacket from his locker.
"See you tomorrow." He added with a wink.
"Yeah…" I looked inside my locker, trying to remember why I had opened it in the first place.
"You heading home?" Oh, right, I was getting my things to go home.
"Yeah. See you tomorrow Nick." I said with a little smile and he returned it warmly.
"Catch you later Sara." He said with a wave over his shoulder. I pulled my jacket out of the locker and waved a goodbye as I tried to make my way out of the building without Gil catching me.
"Sara?" Well, nice try there Sidle.
"Hey Griss." I said lamely as I turned to him.
"You coming over tonight?" Why did he have to ask like that? With that puppy dog face and that completely oblivious expression? It was tearing me apart.
"Sure." I said with a faint smile before rushing out the doors. Damnit Sidle! When are you going to stop screwing things up?
It had been a restless afternoon. The entire shift had next day off thanks to a huge publicity stunt being held by the sheriff tomorrow morning. Usually I wouldn't complain, but right now I could really use something to get my mind off what I had to do.
A ten mile run, a stupid movie, a book… nothing could get my mind off the heartache I was having and the one I was about to cause. See, this is why I never dated!
Well, it was evening… nine o'clock to be precise. I should get this over with.
I don't remember how I got out of my apartment and into my car. My mind was racing so fast I wasn't even sure where I was driving. How did this happen? When did everything become so damn complicated? Why couldn't I just love the man who loved me? Everything would be so much easier and painless then.
Yeah, right Sara… when have you ever made things easy for yourself?
Suddenly I realized where I was and I slammed my head against the steering wheel. Great, just great Sara. Driving without aim always seemed to land me here… Half a block down was Catherine's house. Maybe I should just go talk to her? Get my heart broken on the spot? That way it would hurt less when I did it to Gil.
As I started to unbuckle my seatbelt I saw her. Her gorgeous blonde hair was sparkling in the light from the streetlamps. She was laughing, her hair bouncing around her shoulders as she did. A smile spread across my face. She was so beautiful when she was laughing.
But no sooner did my smile appear then it froze.
She wasn't alone.
The tall brunette stroked her arm and gave her a cheesy smile before getting into Catherine's car. Catherine said something and the brunette laughed, throwing her head back in one of those flirty fashions as she did. A few seconds later they had sped off down the other side of the road.
As I watched them leave, I felt my heart crashing against my ribs, shattering into tiny, sharp pieces that started to cut my insides to shreds.
She did have a date with a woman. A brunette. And she wasn't me.
I didn't even try to stop the tears from falling. It eased the pain in my chest just a little.
She wasn't straight. She liked women, even brunettes. She just didn't like me.
Some other woman would get to hear her laugh; see that smile and the twinkles in her eyes. Some other woman got to touch her soft hair, kiss those pouty pink lips and hold her fragile frame in her arms.
I was in love with Catherine Willows.
But Catherine Willows would never love me.
I walked up to the door, wanting to turn back so many times, but my sore and crying heart wouldn't let me. With insecure steps, I finally reached the dark wooden door.
One breath, two breaths… ok, I could do this.
The very second I heard the doorbell ring, my body made a heroic attempt to throw itself away from the door and back to the car. But my broken heart refused to let it.
The second he opened the door I looked down at my shoes. "Gil… We need to talk."
-----------------------------------------------------------
Well... what does Sara have to say? How does Catherine's date go? Will the two pinheads ever realize how stupid they are being and get together? You know what to do to get the answer my dears;) It's right there... bottom left corner... ;)
