Yes, this may be awkward, but this random story hit me while taking a shower, like most good ideas do. So of course I had to write it out. Enjoy!
Please Read and Review or Cinder-Sasuke's wrath shall be upon you. (Sai's abs are on vacation)
Note: I don't own Naruto, that would be the great and honorable Kishi-sama. (but if I did Obito wouldn't have died)\
This
is dedicated to... YOU! Yes I'm talking to you, person in the ANBU
mask sitting at the computer screem! I want to say a big thank you, for
actually deciding to read this. Without further delay...
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Cinder-Sasuke
By Hammy Uchiha
Once upon a time, there was an orphan, having one of those days. By one of those days, I mean, he was feeling angsty, well angsty-er than normal, he was feeling egotistical and power hungry, and his best friend had just about beat him in training, plus it was just one of those days. So the orphan, whose name was Sasuke by the way, ran away to the great and powerful Lord Orochimaru. Sure Orochimaru had promised Sasuke power, but that was before Sasuke showed up at his den. Within ten minutes, Sasuke was stuck in an apron cleaning toilets.
And when he was done with that, Kabuto wanted some cookies so Sasuke had to learn how to cook. A month went by and soon all of Sasuke's nice clothes were filthy and he was dubbed Cinder-Sasuke. Every morning he woke up and had to sweep out the dirty snake hole, because, well, it was in the dirt, so no matter how hard he swept it, it wouldn't be clean. Then he had to bake cookies for Kabuto, who sure ate a lot, more than any normal person should be able to eat. Bob, Orochimaru's personal massager, always wanted his feet rubbed as well. You can imagine what the pampered Uchiha was thinking about this situation.
"YESSSSSSSS! I never have to clean toilets again!" cried Kabuto dancing to the music only he could hear.
He was lonely serving the great Snake Lord and made friends with the snakes that lived in the Sannin's lair. They often accompanied him on his daily chores, and offered encouragement, well from a distance, the smell of Bob's feet was toe-curling, no pun intended.
"Snakey, this was the worst idea ever," he complained to one of the snakes late one night as he lay on his lumpy mattress. The snakes made slithering noises in response as they washed his socks.
"I know what you mean," replied Sasuke. "If Naruto was here, you wouldn't have to clean my socks, he could do it." The little snakes hissed in agreement. At that moment there came a loud knocking from outside Sasuke's window. The Uchiha stuck his head out the window to see Orochimaru receive an envelope from a man in a swirly orange mask and spiky hair, and an Akatsuki coat.
"Thank you," said the Sannin flicking out his snake like tongue.
"Tobi is a good boy," answered the figure in the Akatsuki coat with a bow and then he skipped off. Sasuke scrambled to pull his head back in but it got stuck. He tried to call out to his snake friends but they laughed and kept washing his socks. With a cry of despair, he sat with his head out the window and fell asleep. He woke up to a bird pecking at his face. He pulled his head back in and ran down the halls and crashed into the great Sannin.
"You're too eager to do chores, Sasuke-kun," said Orochimaru frowning. "Come to think of it, there are some toilets that need to be cleaned upstairs…"
"No, Orochimaru-sama, you got an invitation last night," said Sasuke eagerly.
"Oh yes! To the annual villain's ball! We got three tickets, one for me, one for Kabuto, and there was one for Bob, but he can't make it so…."
"Can I go?" asked Sasuke.
"NO! That's what I was getting to, you need to make up a guest room, I invited your brother to use the third ticket!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"What, you want to clean some more toilets?" asked Orochimaru. "Actually, I lied, there are four tickets, you can have the last one if you get all your chores done by tonight,"
"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" cried Sasuke jumping up and down. There came knocking and Orochimaru forced Sasuke to open the door.
"Well, well, if it isn't you, little brother," said Itachi grimly. "I didn't think I'd see you here Sasuke,"
"Oh, we call him Cinder-Sasuke now. Just ignore him Itachi-sama, he's the chore boy," said Orochimaru grinning. "Your room is upstairs, follow me," he gestured for Itachi to follow him. "Oh yes, and Cinder-Sasuke? Could you carry his bags for him?"
Grumbling Sasuke took Itachi's duffle bag and then had to drag a heavy decorative chest up the stairs.
"What the hell is in this thing?" he cried as they stopped on a landing for a rest.
"Nail polish," said Itachi. "Let's pick up the pace," he said and they continued up the steps. By the end Sasuke was worn out, he collapsed beside the chest.
"Oh silly me," said Orochimaru. "Your room was on the first floor; sorry I made you climb all the way up here,"
"WHAT!"
They went all the way back down the stairs, and to Itachi's room.
"Take your freakin' nail polish," said Sasuke thrusting the box into his brother's arms.
"Sasuke, why don't you bake us some cookies, huh?" asked Orochimaru. "All that climbing made me hungry," Sasuke stalked off to the kitchen where he found Kabuto snacking on the last of the cookies he had made the night before.
"Are you going to make me some more cookies?" he asked.
"They're not for you," answered Sasuke taking out the cookie dough in the tub from the freezer.
Meanwhile the snake friends had snatched one of Orochimaru's pretty dresses from his closet and pulled it up to the attic.
Kabuto would not stay out of the cookie dough. The instant Sasuke turned his back, a chunk the size of his fist was gone. The Uchiha was shake his head and continue to bake up the cookies. When he had a good sized platter he went to call Itachi and Orochimaru who were discussing nail polish over Itachi's giant box of nail polish.
They followed him to the kitchen where Kabuto was stuffing as many cookies as he could fit, into his mouth. The number he had was too many for a normal human.
Only three were left on the platter.
"We want milk with our cookies!" demanded Orochimaru as he and Itachi sat down at the table.
"Bob want cookie too!" cried the beast joining them. Sasuke fetched the jug of milk, which they promptly spilled all over the dirt floor. Sasuke tried wiping it up, but it just left a big muddy spot. And then of course he had to wash the plates, and by then it was into the evening.
"Okay Cinder-Sasuke, you can come to the ball," said Orochimaru. "Too bad you have nothing to wear!" and he and Itachi laughed maliciously. With a disgruntled sigh Sasuke headed upstairs to drown his sorrows in a glass of smuggled sake.
But what he found was better than sake, it was a tailored to fit Orochimaru outfit like he had seen the Sannin wearing that day he had met him in the forest of death. The only difference was that it looked a ton better on Sasuke than it had on Orochimaru. The Uchiha admired himself in the mirror, he looked totally evil now, or really sexy, he couldn't decide. He pranced down the stairs to wear Itachi, Orochimaru and Kabuto were about to leave.
"Wait up!" he called coming to join them. The three of them stared at Sasuke for a minute, envious of how good it looked on him.
"Well, as good as that looks on you, Cinder-Sasuke," said Orochimaru licking his lips. "That's my dress."
"But!" he cried. And the Sannin shook his head.
"I shall not permit it! Give me back my dress! That's what I wanted to wear, but I couldn't find it!" demanded the Snake Master. Sasuke groaned and took it off so he stood in his boxers and undershirt in the main hallway. "Thank you!" said the Sannin snatching back the dress, and proceeded to change into it. Sasuke looked away in disgust, it was something no one needed to see ever.
"Well thank you! Have fun all by yourself tonight!" called Orochimaru. "But no big parties, you hear me!" called the Sannin as they left. Angrily Sasuke turned to climb up the stairs to put some clothes on and get to drinking that sake.
"Stop right there, you Uchiha disgrace!" came a voice from behind him. Sasuke turned not knowing what to expect. There in the main hall stood a man wearing a navy blue jacket and a pair of orange tinted goggles.
"And who are you? My fairy godfather?" asked Sasuke incredulously.
"You see me wearing a crown? Or a wand? I'm not a fairy anything! I'm the guy with the magic jutsu, and I'm here to help you so stop disrespecting!" he said angrily at Sasuke. Sasuke crossed his arms glaring at the man.
"Who are you? And how did you get in here?" he demanded.
"The name's Obito Uchiha, I'm the man with the magic jutsu, I don't need to use the door," he answered crossing his arms as well. The two glared at each other for a long minute.
"Well are you going to help me or not?" demanded Sasuke.
"Fine," replied Obito. "First you need to wear something," he said performing the hand seals and then boom. Magic no jutsu and Sasuke was wearing a fluffy pink tutu. Obito twitched.
"I just need to get warmed up," he explained and took a deep breath and tried again. Magic no jutsu!
This time Sasuke was wearing a pair of pajamas. They were comfy but not right.
"One more time," he said. Magic no jutsu! This time Sasuke was wearing a navy blue shirt and arm warmers, and a pair of white shorts, plus a dark mask for his eyes to hide his identity.
"Perfect," said Sasuke looking at his familiar new threads.
"Okay," said Obito. "Now to get there," he said and the snake friends poofed out of nowhere. "This'll do," Magic no jutsu! And the snakes became a weaved carpet.
"How is that supposed to help me?" asked Sasuke.
"It's a magic carpet," replied Obito simply. "Okay, I've got a date, so just remember the magic will wear off at midnight. Get it? Got it? Good. Toodles," and he was gone. Still vaguely twitching, Sasuke proceeded to board the magic carpet. He sat down on it and waited. Nothing happened.
"C'mon," he encouraged the rug. "Let's go!"
And with no warning the carpet took off at full speed into the night sky with Sasuke hanging on for dear life.
The ball was well under way when the final guest showed up. He stalked in through the entrance and down the sweeping stairs to the long table at which greedy villains were scarfing down food. He took the empty seat near the head of the table and began to eat.
"Say Kabuto, doesn't that new guest look familiar?" asked Orochimaru as he snarfed down a plate of meat. Kabuto shrugged, stuffing cookies into his mouth and pockets. Itachi stroked his non-existent beard.
"Come to think of it, he does look familiar, except for that mask, it completely stumps me as to who he is," said the oldest Uchiha.
"I hope Cinder-Sasuke's baking us some cookies," wrote Kabuto on a napkin, as his mouth was full.
"I hope so too, this food tastes too much like a frozen feast in a box," replied Orochimaru. Itachi had to agree.
At the foot of the table an entirely different conversation was going on.
"Do you think it's him?" asked a girl wearing a mask and a long flaming orangey dress, her long pink hair lying neatly against her back. She was pointing out a weird looking villain not to far from them wearing a ballerina suit. He had vaguely that parakeet hairdo they were looking for but not quite.
"Naw," answered the man sitting next to her, wearing a large black top hat and stroking his fake yellow beard. "How about that one?" he asked pointing out Orochimaru.
"That's Orochimaru, you idiot!" she whispered elbowing him in the side.
"But if he's here, then Sasuke's gotta be here too," insisted the boy. She had to agree though. Orochimaru wouldn't go anywhere without his little angel Sasuke.
"That one next to Orochimaru," said the girl. "He must've borrowed Orochimaru's old coat or something, and grown his hair out,"
"Yeah, and aged a lot," laughed Naruto. "Isn't that one Itachi?"
"Well why would Itachi be sitting with Orochimaru? Isn't he in the Akatsuki?" asked back the girl.
"Tobi's a good boy!" came an insisting voice from the top of the table as he and a boy in a mask fought for a drumstick.
"Or that one," said the girl pointing out the boy in the navy blue shirt. "That has got to be him."
After dinner they pumped up the jams and went out onto the dance floor. The girl with the pink hair sailed through the crowd looking for the man in the Akatsuki coat. Suddenly she saw him and caught his hand. But as she twirled into his arms, it was none other than the good boy Tobi. She attempted to escape, but he twirled her around until he dragged her to himself, clamping her head on his side and began to waltz. The boy with blonde hair laughed until his side hurt and then he danced to all those good old villain hits. Finally Tobi gave up Sakura and let her spin out on the dance floor.
Groaning she stood up and saw him, the boy in blue, dancing all alone on the floor. She walked up to him and took his hand and in no time they were floating across the dance floor.
"Who are you?" she asked softly as the song ended and she pulled him out into the moonlight. He made no answer, but a dejected sigh.
"I know how you feel," she answered. "All night I've been searching for this guy, who I've been missing forever," she said softly.
"Who?" he asked.
"Oh, you wouldn't know him, he betrayed our village, and left to train with that old man, Orochimaru," she said casually.
"When?" asked the boy in the mask, looking for the time desperately.
"Oh it must've been about a month ago," she answered.
"No, now?" he insisted grabbing her wrist to check her watch. The time blinked: 11:59.
"Oh crap," whispered Sasuke and he ran.
"Hey wait! I don't know your name!" cried the girl after him. One of his forearm warmers slipped off as he ran down the steps and searched desperately for where he had left that magic carpet. The first stroke bonged as he leapt onto the carpet and sailed into the night. The second bong came as he was sailing across the forest and the final bong as he reached the den. Then the carpet began to writhe beneath him and then it stopped flying and he crashed into the giant mound that was their den. He was back in his underwear save the arm warmers. Quickly he scrambled upstairs to put on some clothes.
The next morning as Orochimaru was drinking his coffee, and Sasuke was cleaning the fire place as usual, he was swaying with slight humming to the music only he could hear.
"Say Sasuke, you might want to lay off the sake," said Orochimaru, but Sasuke went right on dancing. "They were playing that song at the ball last night," Orochimaru whispered to Itachi, who nodded. They both stared at Sasuke.
"Could he have been…?" they whispered.
"Yes!" they cried and attacked poor Sasuke. They dragged him up to his room, with much kicking and screaming, and locked him in his attic room. Sasuke flopped down on his bed and sulked.
Later that afternoon as Sasuke watched from his window, a blond and a pink haired walked up to the door of the den and knocked. Orochimaru laughed as he opened the door and brought them in.
"Its her!" he cried and pounded on his door.
"What do you want?" demanded Kabuto opening Sasuke's door.
"Out!" cried Sasuke.
"Fine!" answered Kabuto moving out of the way as Sasuke ran down the stairs.
"Oh man! It doesn't fit!" cried Orochimaru, his arm too long for the arm warmer.
"Let me try!" cried Itachi. The pink haired girl handed it to Itachi. His arm was too short.
"ME! ME!" roared Bob as Sasuke slid to a halt. The girl handed Bob the arm warmer. In his stuffed his fat arm, but it didn't fit, so he kept pushing.
"Please," begged the girl. "Don't break it!" she warned. Too late, the arm warmer ripped.
Hiss. Hiss, Hiss. Sasuke turned around, his snake buddies were carrying the other arm warmer.
"I can fit!" he yelled running to join them. The pink haired girl shook her head sadly.
"It's ripped," she answered. Sasuke pulled out his arm warmer.
"I've got one," he said and then he pulled it on. "See?" he said.
"You're him!" cried the girl, she grabbed his arm and threw a smoke bomb. When the smoke cleared, the girl, the boy, and Cinder-Sasuke were gone!
"No more cookies?" asked Kabuto.
On the way home, Sasuke had to thank them for saving him. He thanked them, which was amazing enough. They could ask no more from their friend. And when they got home, Naruto and Sakura bought Sasuke some ramen.
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Please review. Don't give me any crap about Tobi and Obito, I personally don't think they're the same person, and there's no hard truth saying that he is. Thanks for reading.
-Hammy Uchiha
