Well, sometimes I can do the quick update thing:)
So my dear ReversedSam, now it's your turn. And no, I'm so not updating until you are;)
Grissom versus Catherine… May the best woman win;)
And oh, suggestions are again more than welcome!
Hope you like it.

Love,
Jellicos

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Chapter thirteen: The woman

Entering the labs again I was literally cursing his name under my breath, what the hell did he think he was up to? Striding through the halls I built up my anger more and more with each step I took in the direction of his office.

I couldn't believe how unfair the world was right now! He was the one who got to date her, to hold her and see her smile and cry. Yet he was nowhere to be seen as she had walked hurt and drunk around the labs. No, I was the one who made sure she got home, me, the one she'd never give a second look. God damn Grissom!

Slamming the door to his office open, I strode in and ignored the surprised look on his bearded face.

"Grissom, what the hell is your problem!" I shouted as I took the final steps up to his desk. He looked up and blinked, seeming so confused that for a split second I thought he was his usual unemotional oblivious self.

"Excuse me?" He asked, taking his reading glasses of his nose and tapping them against his chin. I hated when he did that! I hated everything about him right now.

"I just put her in a cab. What the hell do you-" I started getting fired up again as he cut me off.

"Sara?" And then I saw it. He wasn't his usual self. He looked as if he'd just had his heart ripped from his chest and barbequed on a spear right in front of him. And I knew that look, I had been hiding it for some time now myself.

"Yeah, I-" And he cut me off again! This must be a new record, or a very annoying new habit of his.

"Thank you." He said quietly, effectively stopping every argument I'd thought up beforehand. "This is why it took me so long to ask her out Catherine." He sighed and continued without looking at me. What the hell? I was supposed to yell at him, why did he chose this moment to open up and share? "I knew that eventually she'd find someone else to love, someone younger." Without realizing it I've sat down. What was happening? I was too shocked to remember why I went to see him in the first place.

"Gil, what are you talking about?" As I finished he finally looked up at me. Shit. The hurt in his eyes is all too vivid for me to ignore. I couldn't help it, I felt for him.

Maybe it was because now we where in the same boat, both unhappily and madly in love with one Sara Sidle. But wait, no we weren't! He was dating her!

"You two…?" I didn't ask the question, but for once it seemed I didn't have to.

"Last night." He sighed. I had to bite my lip. That's why she was drunk tonight. "She came over as planned and told me she was in love with someone else." He didn't even seem mad, just heartbroken, or simply… broken.

"I'm sorry." I heard the words come out of my mouth but didn't realize I had spoken them. They just came automatically. I wasn't sorry. And I was ashamed that I wasn't.

"Look, if it makes any difference I know how you feel." Good one Willows. Relieve your guilty conscience by telling him you're secretly in love with his ex girlfriend. God you know how to fuck things up royally don't you?

"Really?" Was that sarcasm from Gill Grissom?

"Hey, you're not the only one in love with someone you can't have." I spat back, wishing I could take it right back. But he didn't seem to take offence, instead he looked puzzled.

"You?" He asked incredulously.

"Yes, me. Why do you look so surprised?"

"Because Catherine, I think I could count the men that wouldn't crawl on their knees through a desert to be with you, on my one hand." He held up his left hand and wiggled his fingers around as to demonstrate. It would have been a bit funny if I wasn't so hurt.

"Yeah, that's kinda the problem." I sighed.

"You lost me…" What a shock.

"Men." I didn't elaborate, and from the look on his face, I wouldn't have to.

"God, not you too." He groaned and now it was my turn to look confused.

"What?"

"Is everyone around here gay?" He asked the ceiling in an exasperated voice. Ok, now he was getting on my nerves again.

"I'm bisexual Gil; you know that, I've told you!" I said agitatedly. "And what the hell do you mean 'everyone'?" I continued, deciding I might as well go on that rant now instead.

He turned away from the ceiling and looked at me with a raise of his eyebrow. Again I saw the hurt flicker over his eyes and I knew exactly what he meant.

"No…" Oh wait, did I say that out loud?

"Yeah." He sighed again and went back to observing the ceiling teals. "Some woman who doesn't love her back. Nice huh? Certainly did not see that one coming."

My mind was racing so fast I wasn't sure I'd heard him right at all.

"I'd always thought that when she'd leave me it would be for someone like Nick or Warrick, or even Greg for that matter. I didn't even think to worry about you or Sofia or Wendy."

Oh shit, shit, shit!

"Gil, I didn't-" I started but he turned back to me and held his hand up.

"I know Catherine." He said softly. Wait, what did he know? Oh god, did he figure out what I- shit! "I know it's not you. When she told me it was a woman my first thought was of you, but she told me it wasn't."

Just when I thought I'd endured all the heartbreak I knew how to handle he throws my poor battered heart into the meat grinder. Sara was in love with some woman, and it wasn't me.

She wasn't straight; she had left Grissom because she loved another woman. I didn't know which was worst. At least before I could say that I didn't have a chance because she liked men. But now… It wasn't that she didn't like women, she just didn't like me.

"She wouldn't tell me who it was; maybe it's for the best though." I didn't hear him and I think I was standing.

"Catherine?" I turned. He was watching me with an odd expression. I didn't care anymore.

Fuck this, fuck him! I'd had it.

"She was drunk you asshole." I hissed. "I don't care what she did. You say you love her? Then why where you ready to just let her walk out and get into her car like that? Why didn't you stop her? Why didn't you show some fucking responsibility and a shred of humanity!" My blood was pumping so fast I couldn't hear anything around me. The adrenaline was rushing through my veins and I could feel myself leaning on my hands on his desk, towering over him, begging him to do something stupid, giving me an excuse to punch his stupid bug-face in. I didn't care I was being irrational, that I had turned from kind and caring to a raging maniac in the matter of seconds. Sara was in love with another woman, and for some reason that was all his fucking fault!

"Catherine, I-" He looked like a scared little boy, but I was too blinded by rage to bother.

"Tell me!" I shouted in his face. "Give me one good fucking reason why!"

"She broke my heart!" He yelled back in such pain that it almost threw me. Or maybe it was the fact that standing up, he was taller than I was and now he had that leverage on me.

"So what! You got to hold her, kiss her, make love to her, why the hell should I feel sorry for you? Huh! You think you're the only one to get your heart broken! You think it gives you the right to act like the cowards we put away every shift! Go to hell Grissom." I stormed out, kicking a chair to the ground as I left. It was better than smacking him. Well, it was for my career and my freedom. I wasn't sure Lindsey would love it if her mother got arrested for beating up her boss.

I didn't stop until I was in my car, speeding home. It was far too early to go home, shift wasn't even close to over yet and I knew I heard someone calling my name in the hallway. But right now I couldn't care less. Fuck work, fuck them all. Only one thing was running through my mind right now, and it sure as hell had nothing to do with work.

Picking up my cell, I dialed Ecklie's number.

"Conrad Ecklie speaking." God I hated his sleazy voice.

"Conrad, its Catherine." I said in the most polite voice I could manage.

"Catherine? What the hell happened? I heard you left?"

"I need the rest of the day off." I said curtly.

"Catherine…" He started. I knew what he was going to say.

"Conrad, it's a slow night, the guys can handle it, and I have vacation days coming out of my ass right now." Ok, not the best way to talk to your boss, but he was quiet for a second or three, that was always a good sign. If nothing else you didn't hear his voice and you could always pretend like he was actually thinking… well, that or better yet, drowning.

"Alright Catherine, alright. You'll be in tomorrow right?"

"Yeah. Thanks." And before he could say anything else, I'd snapped my phone shut.

It was two hours later that I sat in my living room not watching a movie with my daughter. It was far past her bedtime, but she'd been up when I got back and sent my mother home. I hadn't protested when she'd asked me to watch a movie with her. I'd thought that maybe it would take my mind off what had happened today.

Instead I'd gone over tonight's events in my head again and again until things started to melt together.

"Mom?" I was stirred from my thoughts as I felt someone poking me in the ribs.

"Huh?" I looked over and Lindsey was sitting beside me, looking at me with a very odd expression.

"You alright?" She asked me and I mustered half a smile.

"I'm fine Linds, keep watching your movie."

"It was over five minutes ago mom." She said quietly.

"Oh." I looked at the black tv screen and realized it wasn't turned on anymore. "Good movie?"

"Mom, what's wrong?" I sighed deeply. When did she get so grown up?

"A friend of mine is not feeling well." I opted for the motherly version of the truth; not lying but not revealing the whole story.

"What's wrong with your friend?" She asked, leaning back and watching me intently.

"She's sad." I said quietly.

"Like… depressed?" I turned to look at my daughter who was furrowing her brow. She really was grown up.

"More like heartbroken." I offered her with a small smile, realizing how much I missed this, just the two of us talking like this.

"Oh…" She looked down at her hands for a second, then back up at me. "But if you're so worried, why aren't you with her now?" I felt a sting at the feelings bubbling up inside me at her words.

"I don't think she'd want me there." I said honestly.

"Does she have someone else to talk to?"

"I don't know Linds." That was when I realized the truth behind my words. I really didn't know if she had anyone. The thought made my stomach clench. What if she didn't? What if she was sitting home alone right now? Oh god, what if she was drinking!

I had stood up, grabbed my keys and purse before I realized that Lindsey was still sitting on the couch, alone. Turning quickly I saw my teenage daughter spreading out on the couch and pulling a blanket over herself.

"Go." She told me sincerely.

"Linds, I-" I started but she waved me off with the remote in her hand.

"Look, if you stay you're just gonna drive me insane by pacing back and forth. This way I get to watch late night tv without you bugging me." She smirked and I had to smile back.

Quickly walking over to her I pulled the blanket tighter around her and kissed her forehead.

"Mo-om." She whined half-heartedly as she wiped her forehead.

"I won't be long baby." I said hurriedly as I walked to the door. "I love you!" I called out before running out.

Twenty minutes and more curse words than a sailor would permit later; I was running up the stairs to Sara's fifth floor apartment. Why the hell anyone would live on the fifth floor was beyond me, especially when the damn elevator was broken.

But right now I didn't mind too much. The little workout was effectively clearing my stomach of butterflies. Or maybe it was the fact that Grissom's words kept repeating themselves in my mind.

I was not going to let that get to me right now. Sara needed someone there and I just didn't know if she had anyone. If she did, then good, but if she didn't, I was not going to do like Grissom and just let her fall because she didn't return my feelings.

My feelings for her were my problem. She needed someone right now and I was not about to let a friend in need suffer because I couldn't control my emotions. And a friend she was, or well, I was hoping she would be.

If I couldn't be with her, than I would take what I could get.

Climbing the last stairs to the fifth floor, I took a breath before I opened the door to the hallway. But the sight that met me made me stop in mid movement.

The door was open enough so I could see and hear what was going on in the hallway. But I suddenly wished I couldn't.

I'd seen Sara open her door and for a brief moment I thought about seeing where she was going before I made my presence known.

That's when it hit me. Like a punch in the stomach robbing me of all air.

Sara had stepped aside to let a redhead pass into the hallway. The woman was pulling on her suede jacket and smiling softly. It was her. Searing hatred ripped through my chest as I watched her, my knuckles turning white around the door handle.

"You call me tomorrow." She said as she leaned over to stroke a hair out of Sara's face. Sara smiled and nodded her head.

"I promise." She replied in a soft tone I'd never heard her use before. Then she wrapped her arms around the redhead and hugged her tightly. "Thanks."

I don't think I've ever run down stairs so fast in my life. With every step I felt my heart hurt more and more. It wasn't just metaphorical anymore, it physically hurt! Like someone was squeezing it much too hard. I was too young to have a cardiac arrest wasn't I?

I managed to reach my car before the tears spilled. And once they did, I couldn't stop them.

The cold steel walls of my car didn't seem enough to hold captive the immense cries of pain that escaped my heart and lips.

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