Well, my turn to update. The war is over.
I hope you like this part, I'm swamped with work right now, but I'll make the time to continue this very soon.
Enjoy my darlings, and as always, thank you all sooo much for your reviews! And no, I haven't killed of Grissom… yet;)

Love
Jellicos

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Chapter fifteen: The Fall

I was in no mood to work. I wanted to go back home, crawl into bed, stuff my face with ice cream and sob to stupid old movies. My body was numb, but my brain was painfully awake, feeding me with vivid memories of last night.

How could I have been that stupid? I knew she was in love with someone else, and I'd walked right into it.

"Ouch! Damnit!" Fuck! Like I wasn't in a bad enough mood already. Shit, my folder!

"Watch it!" I hissed as I bent down to pick up the papers that had flown all over the floor. Great, some jerk had to walk right into me right now.

"Catherine…" I heard the soft whisper, my breath caught in my throat and I could have sworn that my heart stopped. Why couldn't she just leave me alone? Didn't she have something to do?

"Watch where you're going, will you?" I muttered, hoping that would get her pissed enough to leave. But a loud thud sent my attention flying from my self pity. My head snapped up and I saw her laying there, one of my papers stuck on the bottom of her shoe. Shit!

"Sara?" I asked, cursing the fact that I couldn't keep the worry out of my voice. If she was hurt… I sighed with relief as she moved with a loud groan. Well, she wasn't unconscious, so I was off the hook.

"Goddamn slippery floors." Sara muttered. As I stood up and brushed the dust off my pants, there was a creak, a soft thud and a loud cry.

"What's going on out he- oh, Sara, I'm- what are you doing?" Did Ecklie just get more stupid as the days went on?

"I'm taking a nap! What the hell does it look like?" Sara cried out as she rubbed her head where Ecklie's door had hit her.

"Just get back inside before you kill her off Conrad." I scowled him and realized it was my task to get the disoriented brunette on her feet. Which would mean physical contact. Well, this was going to be a piece of cake.

Ecklie muttered something and walked back into his office, casting a glance at the woman lying on the floor.

"Here, get up." I offered her my hand and bit my lip hard in order to ignore the sensation of her hand in mine, the weight of her body as I hosted her to her feet. As soon as she was standing, I pulled my hand away and adjusted my own clothes.

"You should sit down for a bit, maybe get someone to look at your head, see if you have any cuts or bumps." I said as coolly as I could, getting ready to leave. I couldn't be around her. Being so close to her was torture right now. And I hated the fact that she affected me like this!

Even now when she hadn't said a word, her eyes on the floor, she was getting to me.

The second before I turned to leave, I watched as she swayed and on pure instinct I managed to grab a hold of her before she hit the wall.

Oh god… she was standing far too close for comfort now. My right arm wrapped around her, she leaned on me, still swaying ever so slightly.

"Alright, let's get you to the locker room." I said, noticing myself how strained my voice was. Maybe she'd just think of it as strain from the physical effort of holding her up. But I was surprised when she didn't even protest as I lead her down the hall.

It was hard though, remembering how to breathe and walk with Sara so close, leaning against me as I helped her walk the few hundred feet. I didn't want it like this, but what I wanted didn't matter. If it did, she wouldn't be with that stupid redhead, she'd be with me.

But that was never going to happen, and the faster I realized that, the better. And having her so close was not helping. My body; the eternal traitor.

She must have been surprised as I almost threw her off me and onto the bench in the locker room. She sure looked a bit baffled.

I resumed my distance, realizing I'd need to be on the other side of the country for distance to have any effect.

"I'm sorry." She almost whispered. What?

"For what?" I asked, sounding as perplexed as I felt.

"Last night?" Her voice was still barely above a whisper. I sighed. Damn her for making it so hard to be angry with her!

"Don't worry about it. Gil told me what happened between you two." I said as carelessly as I could muster. 'And he told me you're in love with some woman who isn't me.' Would it hurt if I said it? Probably.

"Oh…" She looked down at her feet. "Well, I still shouldn't have-"

"Pinned me to the wall?" I offered quickly, not looking at her and trying so hard to ignore how hard my heart was beating right now.

"Uh… yeah…" God damn you Sara for making me feel this way!

"Looked like you enjoyed it." I muttered wondering how far she'd let me take this before she'd had enough and left. Having her hate me was better right now, and besides, payback's a bitch.

"I was drunk." She retaliated.

"Ouch." That hurt.

"You pushed me away!" She defended herself.

"You where drunk." I stated. It was true. If she hadn't been…

"And if I hadn't been?" Stop reading my mind Sidle!

"You wouldn't have pinned me to the wall." Collected and cool, no direct hints of my sadness, instead it sounded a bit loftier than it should have.

"Don't be to sure." I wasn't sure I'd made her muttered words out right, no, I couldn't have.

"What?" I asked, deciding I needed to find something in my locker.

"Nothing."

"Look, I can't do this." I sighed, turning around and slumping against the locker. Fine, she didn't want me. She was in love with someone else, great. I could survive it… I think. But why does she have to do this? Be so close, say things that give me hope when there is none to find.

My words seemed to have been taken the wrong way though, because she stood up with great effort.

"Gottcha." She sounded hurt. Two steps later, she swayed and fell onto one of the benches. Grabbing hold of an open locker door, she pulled herself up to standing position again. Wow, that fall really did a number on her.

"Sit." I ordered her softly as she tried to regain her balance by holding on to the little lock on the metal door.

"Don't tell me what to do!" She turned at me so hastily she almost lost her balance again.

"Sit your ass down Sidle." I said, a bit more forcefully this time.

Huffing in protest, Sara sat down with a slight pout on her face.

"Better be careful Sara, your head is damaged enough as it is." I said, leaning against the lockers, looking at her.

"I landed on my ass, thank you very much." She replied as she rubbed her temple.

"My point exactly." I smirked as she glared at me. "Does it hurt?"

"Your insults aren't that good." She didn't look at me.

"I meant you head." My voice was softer and I told myself it was just because she might be hurt.

"Nah, I'm a bit dizzy but it will pass." She shrugged her shoulders.

I decided it was time to take the bull by its horns. No wonder my hands where shaking slightly.

"So what did happen?" I asked as casually as I possibly could.

"With what?" She asked.

"You and Grissom." I wasn't looking at her. Somehow my locker seemed much more safe right now.

"Oh…" She paused for a moment. "I thought he told you?"

"He told me about the woman you love." I tested the waters, wondering how far I could go, how much she'd tell me.

I more felt than saw her blush.

"He told you?" She asked in a slightly shy voice. "Who told him?"

"Uhm… you did?" I turned to look at her. She sounded as confused as I felt.

"I told him I was in love with someone else." She admitted, turning her head so she wasn't looking at me anymore. I felt my heart break.

"She's cute." I said, trying not to choke on the words.

"Who?" She looked so surprised.

"Stop acting dumb." God! She was just going to rub it in, wasn't she? "The girl you like."

"She's a goddess." She sighed as she reached into my chest and with an evil laugh ripped my still beating heart right out of my body, throwing it so it smashed against the wall, then burying her heel in it. I must have been starring because she was looking very oddly at me. "Wait… you know who it is?"

"I saw her." I admitted.

"Ok, you lost me."

"You didn't call last night." I started, suddenly finding my fingernails very interesting.

"Sorry, I thought it best after… you know." She mumbled.

"I was worried." I said quietly, still examining my nails.

"I'm sorry, but stop changing the subject." I looked up at her.

"I'm not." I stated. "I went to see you, make sure you where ok."

There was a small smile on her face and I could have sworn she blushed.

"Uhm, but, you never showed. You got lost?" She looked up and I immediately turned away. I couldn't look her in the eyes if I was going to say this.

"You where busy." It came out much harder than I intended. "That's when I saw her."

"Who?" Was she stupid! She was going to make me say it, wasn't she?

"Sara…" I pleaded.

"Pretend I'm stupid." She shrugged.

"No need to pretend." I muttered.

"Hey!" She objected.

"The girl!" God she was exasperating! "She was leaving, you looked ok, and so I left." I said, picking things from my locker.

"Left?" Why did she sound sad?

"Didn't want to impose." I said, noticing I'd left myself to vulnerable by that statement, I quickly continued. "So, that's when I saw her. She's cute." Good work Willows, that almost sounded casual.

"Who's cute?"

"Do you have a concussion?" I looked at her. Maybe she was experiencing partial memory loss?

"Must be, you're talking gibberish." She shook her head.

"The girl! The one you like? The redhead?"

Sara was silent for a second, looking like she was thinking. I sighed. Why did I get into this in the first place?

"Casey?" She looked up at me with a confused expression.

"I don't know her name." I spat out. What the hell? Sara was laughing at me!

"Fine, never mind, I'll just leave you to your insanity." I said coldly as I turned to leave.

"Casey is married, has a bunch of kids in the suburbs." She was trying to stop laughing, but her voice was still strained. "She's in the goddamned PTA!" I turned to look at her.

"What?" I wasn't getting it. "But…"

"I needed someone to talk to." She admitted. She'd stopped laughing now and was pulling on a loose piece of thread from her sleeve. "Casey and I met at my second and last AA meeting."

It was as if the hand that had been squeezing my heart so hard it hurt, had suddenly let go and I could breathe again. With a slightly nervous chuckle, I sat down beside her.

"I need a drink." I joked.

"Me too." Sara said, sounding much more relaxed.

"You can have a coke." I smirked at her and my heart melted as she smiled back.

"So… it's not her?" I turned away as I asked.

"Casey?" She laughed again. "Definitely not. She's sweet and all, but she's not my type."

"Then what is your type? Who is it?"

"What do you care?" She sounded almost angry.

"Guess I don't." I stood up. This was my cue to leave, to stop the torture of listening to the woman I love telling me about some other woman. I really was a sucker for self punishment. Why was it I wasn't laying in bed eating ice cream and watching movies right now? Oh, yeah, I decided to be a grown up. Well, it sucks! With a sigh I started making my way to the door.

"She doesn't love me back." Sara's voice called after me. I closed my eyes for a second. I should go; I should leave before it got too much. But she was reaching out, and… it was Sara. Damn her!

"Oh…" So very eloquent Willows. I turned and looked at her. She looked so small and I just wanted to hug and comfort her. But I couldn't, and I never would be allowed to.

"Yeah… I thought she was straight. That was until I saw her with this tall female brunette." She sighed and I leaned against the lockers right across from her. What the hell was I doing? Why wasn't I leaving? Why, oh why was I standing there, just allowing her to pummel my heart with her sad recollections of the woman she loved?

"Tall, young, toned brunette?" I asked. It was so obvious. Why didn't she see it? Should I tell her? Give her hope?

"Yeah." She looked so heartbroken. It was killing me.

"Sounds like she's substituting for the real thing." Well, well, well Willows. First you tried to save her relationship with Grissom, and now you're trying to fix things with this other woman. You're such an idiot!

"You think?" Damn her for being so amazing! The hope in her voice made my heart jump and sting at the same time.

"It's simple psychology Sara." Science was the way to go here, no emotion in that. "If you can't have what you want, you find a substitute." I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess that's what I would have done."

"How is your girlfriend?"

"Who?" I looked at her, wondering exactly how hard she'd hit her head.

"That girl you dated?"

"Oh, you mean Kennedy?" I asked, finally getting her point. Why was her jaw so clenched? Was she in pain again?

"Yeah, whatever." She muttered. I frowned. What was up with her?

"She's not my girlfriend." I said amazed Sara didn't sustain whiplash from the force used to turn her neck to face me.

"She's… not?"

"No…" Why would she think that? I only told her about one date.

"Why?" Oh, now I got it. She was trying to feel less guilty by getting me hooked up. Nice, very nice.

"She's 28." I replied.

"Oh…"

"You gonna be ok? I should get back to work." I said as I stood up.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, I-" She stopped and turned as the door to the locker room opened.

"Sara, what the hell?" Grissom sure had a way with words. What the hell was he doing? "I just talked to Conrad and no, you're not getting a transfer!" My heart sank to the soles of my shoes as I backed up to the lockers.

"Transfer?"

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I'm sorry, I needed to finish it here, but I promise, a LOT more cuteness in the next chapter! You know what to do;) And no, this isn't Sam's fault… just a little;)