Title: It's An Acquired Taste
Summary: Reborn is no longer allowed to make big decisions without Fon, because buying ghoul children to eat the corpses he brings home is not a good plan, regardless of how much more efficient it is.
Background: Tokyo Ghoul AU.
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Fon rings the doorbell, since he left his keys at home before he flew to China, and waits patiently on the front steps.
"One second!" Reborn calls out from inside, followed by a brief but urgent shuffling sound.
"It's just me," Fon reassures the hitman because Reborn was probably cleaning his guns in the living room again.
The shuffling stops and the door opens just a crack soon after. Reborn peers over Fon's shoulder to make sure no one is passing by who could accidentally see into his house, and then opens the door the rest of the way.
Fon raises an eyebrow. Reborn is being more cautious than usual so whatever he's doing must be important. Or very, very illegal – like calling the Vindice down upon them illegal.
"Should I just leave?" Fon asks. "Is this going to be like that time in Greece?"
Reborn purses his lips. "No? Kind of?" He shakes his head. "Just come in, I don't want anyone to see."
Fon sighs but carries his luggage inside their house so Reborn can close and lock the door after him. Fon takes in the combined living room and kitchen area, but while there are guns spread out on the counter top in various dismantled states, Fon doesn't see anything bad enough to warrant the caution Reborn has displayed.
Fon sniffs a bit and catches a lot of blood but that's normal for their house. The hitman usually brings home his targets and puts them into the large freezer in the laundry so the entire house smells just a bit like blood at all times.
"Okay," Reborn begins. "Don't be upset."
"I am already upset just hearing those words," Fon admits and breathes in again, a lot deeper this time, trying to look for something hidden. He catches a scent and his eyes flicker to a red iris and black sclera.
"I love you?" Reborn tries. "Don't do the eye thing. It's not that bad, I promise."
"Dad?" a little voice calls out from the threshold between the kitchen and the laundry. It's a tiny boy, maybe four years old, with a shock of bright purple hair. His eyes are red and black and his little pudgy kagune are wriggling about, all eight red tentacles flopping around.
The little boy is also covered from head to toe in blood.
Reborn leans around Fon to see the child. "Did you finish your food?"
"Yeah," he calls out and toddles up to the two adults.
"No," Reborn says warningly, pointing a finger at the child. "What did I say about the blood?"
The boy blinks his big eyes up at the hitman. "I don't get hugs until I'm clean because Armani is more important than I am."
"Exactly-"
"No," Fon says over the top of Reborn. "You get hugs whenever you want." To prove this, Fon crouches down and scoops up the blood-soaked child before straightening up with the boy on his hip. "What's your name?"
The boy hums. "Skull, but Dad calls me 'it'."
Fon turns to Reborn.
"What?" Reborn scoffs. "I bought it from the traffickers this morning. I haven't had time to name it yet."
Fon sighs.
"You eat people," Reborn deadpans, incredulous. "You literally eat people and for some reason I'm the bad guy because I haven't found a name for my pet?"
Fon shakes his head. "I'm going to give Skull a bath. You can stay here and think about what's wrong with the sentence you just said."
"So," Reborn begins, leaning against the doorway of their house, the door only cracked open a small bit. "You know how I'm really good at giving head? I would be up for that…"
"What have you done?" Fon asks with a blank smile on his face.
"Just hear me out," Reborn tries. "This one is far less of a messy eater and it knows how to read so that's done, it doesn't need school anymore."
Fon forces the door open, simply leaving his luggage outside, only to find a large blue plastic sheet spread out on the living room floor. Large chunks of meat are scattered on the plastic and five little ghoul children are munching away.
One is a green haired boy maybe nine, there are two pineapple haired siblings around seven, a five year old boy with feathers in his hair, and finally a three year old brunet boy who looks Japanese.
Skull darts down the stairs, slams into Fon's knees for a hug, and then the little boy runs off to join the others.
"Six now?" Fon asks. "Reborn, I already eat most of your corpses. You don't need one, much less six."
"I'm not keeping them all," Reborn explains. "It's like a little interview, you know? I'll just return the ones I don't want. They're refundable, don't worry."
"That's not – Reborn, that's not the problem," Fon says. "Please, stop buying children. I don't think we can handle this many. I can barely handle you."
"But we're not keeping them."
"We have to," Fon sighs. "I can't, in good conscience, return them to a human trafficking ring, and nor can I give them to an orphanage when they're too young to have control over their ghoul side."
"There's no use for six children," Reborn points out. "I only need one for when you're out of the country or if you're already full."
"Children don't have 'uses'," Fon argues. "That's not what they're meant for."
"Then what's the point?" Reborn wonders.
Fon purses his lips. "No more, Reborn. I'm serious this time."
"No promises," Reborn says.
Colonnello stares at Fon across the café table while Lal sighs heavily in exasperation. Reborn is ordering his second espresso at the counter with six little kids running around his knees.
Skull is being chased by Xanxus while Mukuro tries to trip both of them up and Chrome watches with wide eyes. Verde is clinging to one of Reborn's legs with Leon blending into his green hair and Tsuna is sitting up in the hitman's arms, little hands wrapped around Reborn's neck as Tsuna smushes his face into the adult's cheek.
"Why do you let him do these things?" Lal asks.
"I don't let him do anything," Fon argues. "Every time I visit China. Every time. Something always happens."
"Then stop leaving," Colonnello suggests. "Lal and I are going to have to babysit those little brats now."
"You don't have to," Fon protests. "But that… would be nice, yes."
A horrified shriek comes from a few tables away, the mass of teen girls staring in horror. Fon follows their line of sight and spots Verde with his little pudgy needle tail hanging out. The child tries to hide between Reborn and the counter but he's so young and his control is bad so the kagune just gets even sharper defensively.
Reborn finishes listing his order despite the staff backing away slowly in terror, and then the hitman leans down to pat Verde on the head a few times. He's unconcerned about the fuss because the kids often sprout their ghoul parts spontaneously, so he's not surprised.
Fon just drinks his tea and ignores how the small café is quickly abandoned. Lal and Colonnello say goodbye because if they don't have to get involved then they would rather not.
Fon kind of wants to wait here and deal with anyone who comes for the kids because it would be a great stress reliever. Plus, post-murder sex with Reborn is the best kind of sex.
However, it might not be the best idea concerning the children. Mukuro has retreated under a table with Chrome bundled in his arms while Skull has dived under Fon's long tunic to hide.
Tsuna is shaking like a leaf in Reborn's arms and Verde has slipped into a cupboard off to the side that holds napkins and straws. Xanxus is baring his teeth at people who gape into the café through the floor to ceiling display windows at the front, but he also has a fist full of Reborn's slacks.
"Reborn," Fon calls out. "Come on, we should go before the children get mentally scarred."
From Reborn and Fon murdering all the Doves, that is.
"If I must," Reborn complains theatrically. "Let's go tiny cleaners." He wiggles his fingers next to him and they all slowly emerge to swarm his knees again.
"They have names," Fon reminds the hitman, standing from the table and scooping up Skull when the purple boy charges him for a hug. He then follows Reborn out of the café and down the street that leads back to their house.
"I have a name too but none of them want to use it," Reborn points out, perhaps a bit too entertained at how people give them a wide berth since Verde still has his needle tail out.
"Dad?" Chrome asks softly. "I'm tired."
"See?" Reborn says. "They've renamed me as well." He shifts Tsuna over a bit and then hauls up Chrome onto his other hip. Mukuro immediately grabs onto Reborn's belt to not lose his sister.
"I…" Fon trails off. "Okay, I understand your argument, I really do, but there's a big difference because one is affectionate and one is dehumanising."
"They're not human – left."
Fon's head snaps to the left and he lights a fist in blood red flames before reaching out, the bullet disintegrating before it gets anywhere close to hitting his palm. The Doves, hidden behind a police barricade, open fire. Fon drops Skull down and his kagune bursts through the back of his shirt to unfurl like scaled dragon wings as he darts into the fray.
Reborn attempts to juggle two kids and a gun but gives up and just passes the weapon down to Xanxus. "Slide the little button… yeah, now aim at those people over there and pull the curved piece of metal back."
Xanxus gets a headshot.
"Good boy," Reborn praises.
"So," Fon hums, standing once more at the door of their home.
"So," Reborn echoes in amusement. He glances down at the tiny Fon clone, barely bigger than Fon's carry-on luggage.
"There was an incident," Fon tries. "And I know we didn't talk about this, but does one more really make such a difference?"
Reborn steps back and opens the door wider.
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Other story lines within this one:
1. Skull is not quite sure how he got to this point, and he doesn't really know what's happening half the time, but he loves his new family with all of his adorable little human eating heart.
2. The children have a bad habit of nibbling on Reborn if they're too sleepy.
3. Sometimes Reborn is too lazy to go shopping for normal food so he just cooks human meat and eats that instead.
4. The kids all branch out as they get older and eventually take over several mafia famiglias while Kyouya rules over the Doves and Lal gives Chrome COMSUBIN.
5. This means that Reborn technically owns most of Italy because he owns the people ruling it.
6. Kyouya does eventually find his way to Namimori.
7. Somehow, despite all of Reborn's hard work, most of the children turn out to be well-adjusted adults.
8. Except for the whole mafia and eating people thing, but really they could be a whole lot worse.
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A/N: I know nothing of Tokyo Ghoul but tiny flesh eating toddlers sounded exactly like something Reborn would be up for. I mean if I was a hitman I'd want easy body disposal.
