Title: It's An Acquired Taste II
Summary: It is Reborn and Fon's first Christmas with the little ghoul children. None of the man-eating tots have ever encountered Santa before, so when they find a man in bright red who has broken into their happy home…
Background: Tokyo Ghoul + Christmas AU
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"How long does it take them to wake up?" Reborn grumbles, kicking the brick wall of the fireplace gently enough that it doesn't break but loud enough that the kids upstairs should hear it and come down. They'll see Santa, be forced to enjoy the magic, and then they can all go back to sleep.
"Give them some time," Fon says patiently, sitting on the couch with a cup of lavender tea.
Reborn sighs heavily and steps back from the fireplace so he can adjust the Santa costume. The red velvet and white fur are too hot to be worn at the same time, especially since the air conditioner is set to warm the house. The beard is so itchy as well.
"You're being Santa next year," Reborn complains.
"You wanted to dress up for Christmas," Fon reminds the hitman. He gestures to the giant tree with far too many presents, even for a house with seven kids – which is Reborn's fault entirely. "I said just put the presents under the tree, but no, you always have to go the extra mile-"
"Are you saying you don't like it when I dress up?" Reborn scoffs, stalking towards the martial artist. "Because there's a nurse costume in the closet, but if you don't want me to then fine, we'll just skip that Christmas tradition."
"I actually wanted the maid cosplay," Fon jokes, leaning back on the couch and placing his tea on a side table so Reborn can straddle his lap.
"You son of a bitch," Reborn chuckles, wrapping his hands around the other man's throat. "Say that again, you ungrateful ass."
"Could you not hear me the first time?" The martial artists smirks as his hands slide up Santa's jacket. "Come closer. I won't bite."
"That's pathetic and I hate you so much-"
"Dad?" Tsuna cries, worried.
Reborn and Fon freeze and turn to the doorway where a little huddle of ghouls gape up at them. How do they always have the worst timing? Reborn scrambles off Fon's lap and gets ready to tell them all his Santa speech and bring them the magic of Christmas-
"What were you doing to dad?" Kyouya growls out, already in his full-on ghoul shift.
"I was giving him a present," Reborn tries and can't help the wink he throws at Fon.
"Likely story," Mukuro sneers. "Only daddy is allowed to eat him."
"Just use my name," Reborn sighs. "I mean – nice to meet you kids." He leans forward, hands braced on his knees to try and get closer to their height. He even offers up a kind smile. "My name is Santa. Have you heard of me?"
Of course they've heard of Santa, Reborn has been indoctrinating them into enjoying the holiday despite it being completely illogical and none of them wanting to join in.
Verde's eyes go wide and they snap to black on red. "The fat man that breaks into houses!"
"I've actually gone on a diet this year," Reborn informs the child.
Xanxus points an accusing finger. "You were attacking dad because he's on the naughty list, weren't you?"
"You're here to spy on us for the Doves," Skull cries in fear.
"I…" Reborn trails off, straightening up and raising an eyebrow. "I see where you're coming from, so I'm giving you creativity points."
"Those presents are corpses," Chrome murmurs, half hidden behind Mukuro but close enough that she can smell the meat in the gift-wrapped ice boxes. "Where did you get the bodies from?"
The hitman kills a lot more people around Christmas, so what else is he going to do with them? Besides, he's gifting them unique corpses – none of the kids have eaten an Australian before, right? (Do they taste different? Reborn probably should have asked Fon first.) Plus it's not all corpses, there are some actual presents…
Reborn purses his lips and frowns at Chrome. "I think that's a little hypocritical of you to question why I have dead bodies."
All of the children look different mixes of scared and angry.
Well, the whole night is ruined anyway.
Reborn smiles with a whole lot of teeth peeking through the white beard and takes a threatening step forward. "But I'm glad you asked, little girl. Do you know why naughty children get coal? So I can roast them over their own fireplace and gift them to the good kiddies."
Fon's sigh is audible from across the room.
"Your precious dad over there?" Reborn cackles disturbingly. "He's going to be a present under your tree next Christmas!"
The children cry out in shock, none of them old enough to understand the concept of meat spoiling. Reborn briefly considers how long Fon's body would last in the Arctic and rethinks that. Maybe Fon could last an entire year. If not, the reindeer could always use some food.
"How dare you!" Skull bellows and charges forward in his adorable tottering run, pudgy kagune wiggling behind him.
"You think you can defeat me?" Reborn mocks, stepping out of the way of the charge and then grabbing the boy's collar, hefting him up. "I can circle the globe in a night, child. I can break into any house if I so wish." He narrows his eyes. "So tell me; what makes you think you can defeat me?"
Skull scowls right back. "Don't ask me, I'm just the distraction."
A little war cry rings out as Kyouya launches himself from the Christmas tree, clutching the golden star that was on top as a weapon. Reborn manoeuvres himself so he catches Kyouya and places him on a shoulder before trying to stabilise the falling tree.
The other kids rush out and start biting at his legs. They don't get past the fur and velvet thankfully, because if they tasted Reborn then they'd know who he was since they nibble on him sometimes.
"No," Reborn wails dramatically, staggering about. "How…are you…so strong?"
They're actually very strong. They may be kids but they're ghouls as well so Reborn is going to have some bruises in the morning.
Kyouya keeps trying to jam the plastic and very blunt star into Reborn's neck, while Skull flails in the air. Xanxus pulls on Reborn's clothes and tries to scale the adult as the rest attempt to bite him. Tsuna swiftly gives up on that and instead wraps himself around a leg and clings with a fiercely determined little scrunched up face.
Fon will put a stop to this...right after he finishes his tea.
Reborn lets out a suitably pained scream when Verde's stubby needle tail pokes him in the side. He gently drops Kyouya and Skull onto the ground, plus detaches Xanxus from his back, then curls up over his 'injury'.
"You brats are going on the naughty list," Reborn snarls.
He grabs Tsuna and wiggles him around until he lets go of Reborn's leg, then drops the boy onto Mukuro so the kids are distracted with their fallen comrades.
"Just you wait," Reborn hisses, backing away while clutching his supposedly wounded side. "I'll be back next Christmas and I'll eat your dad for dinner!"
Reborn whirls around and easily slips up the chimney – modified just for this event. He creeps over the rooftop and then swings down into his bedroom where he does a split-second wardrobe change and rushes downstairs.
He bursts back into the room in pyjamas, hair mussed like he just woke up and with a concerned expression plastered onto his face. "What's wrong?"
The adrenalin drains out of the children quickly and their determined expressions melt away before most of them then burst into tears. Reborn crouches down and gathers as many as he can into a hug. Fon swiftly sets his tea down again when they start crying and hurries over for cuddles as well.
"Hey, it's okay," Reborn murmurs. "Calm down, I'm here now. No one is going to hurt you. Tell me what happened."
The children do their best and manage to sob out a story about Santa breaking in and trying to hurt Fon. Reborn looks up at Fon with worry but he's also trying really hard not to laugh. He should not be so amused while his children are crying but this is quite frankly hilarious.
Fon does not look like he agrees with Reborn's assessment.
Dino gapes along with the rest of the children gathered around the playground's sandbox.
"And then I stabbed him!" Kyouya snarls, making a violent stabbing motion downwards with an invisible star.
Takeshi laughs. "Wow, that's a pretty scary nightmare."
"It wasn't a nightmare," Xanxus snaps. "We fought off Santa."
"Santa doesn't hurt kids," Byakuran scoffs. "Everyone knows that."
"He doesn't hurt good kids," Mukuro corrects.
Bermuda hums, voice muffled by the thick scarf covering his entire head. "It is questionable that this Santa fellow is the only authority on who is or isn't nice."
"P-plus he breaks into your ho-home and watches you wh-while you sleep," Tsuna stutters, shaking badly as his eyes dart around, watching out for any suspicious sleighs.
"Um," Fuuta says in a soft voice, glancing at his parents Lambo and I-pin, who are off chatting with the other adults. "On Christmas, I-I saw mummy kissing Santa."
Skull grabs the other boy's shoulders, deadly serious. "Santa is going to eat your mummy."
Fuuta starts screaming, which sets off Tsuna and Chrome, and quickly spreads to the other kids.
The adults jolt and immediately rush over to comfort their children. Fon sighs as Reborn tips over and muffles his laughter into the martial artist's shoulder.
"Reborn," Fon starts. "I love you, but you are not a good parent. You're barely a good person."
"That's why I have you," Reborn coos and snuggles into Fon, trying to act cute.
"Daddy!" Tsuna shrieks, launching himself into Reborn's stomach.
Then the others join in and he gets tackled down thanks to Fon sticking out a foot and tripping the hitman.
"Okay," Reborn hushes, trying to gently coax the children off of his body. "No need to panic. Santa won't be coming again."
"No," Verde announces, eyes narrowed behind his glasses. "Let him come. We'll get him next year."
Reborn gives Fon a smug look.
See, the children are clearly enjoying themselves.
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Other story lines within this one:
1. This becomes a tradition.
2. Fon switches out with Reborn once the kids get strong enough that seven of them against one human becomes not such a great idea. At least not if Fon wants the children to come out unhurt.
3. Reborn also becomes the Tooth Fairy at one point.
4. It's actually a really good way to check how well the children can defend themselves.
5. They learn to set traps by the time the oldest hits eleven years old.
6. They eventually realise that it's just Fon or Reborn dressing up, but that makes them even more adamant on showing that they can defend their little family.
7. Reborn is genuinely so proud of them. (Proud that they're so enthusiastic about murdering someone.)
8. They have some weird family Christmas pictures.
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A/N: I keep typing 'Satan' instead of Santa XD. Anyway, merry Christmas – though it might be a bit late for some time zones.
