Author's Note: Again, I do not own any of Hirano's work. But enjoy anyway, and please review.

Author's Note: This chapter is rated PG-13 for adult humor, and perverted comments.

Twelve O'clock noon: Conference room.

After his little "talk" with the Director of the Organization, i.e. Integral, Alucard headed to the conference room for the meeting. Oh how boring these meetings were. Staying in a stuffy room (depending on if the air conditioner was on) with a bunch of pompous nobles who had nothing better to do, except judge and complain. He had to figure out a way to get the point across without getting bored or getting annoyed by their crass behavior.

"Let's see, what was she supposed to talk about?" He thought to himself as he looked over the stack of papers he carried in his hand.

"Ah…military artillery, the sudden outbreaks of freaks, hmm- already took care of that." He said with a smirk. " …Sir Winston's nephew's bachelor party?" His smile grew more at the crossed out writing-more like heavily scribbled out writing.

"Hmm…I may have to bring that one up." The blonde fraud said feeling amused. "Maybe this will be an interesting meeting after all."

The members of the Knights of the Round Table greeted him coldly. They tended to ignore him, and continue to talk to one another. He didn't care though; they were only playthings to him. Oh, if he were only normal again. He would just have them all crowded in the corner like frightened fat mice's; this usually brought much joy to him, and Integral… only this time, not so much. This time, he felt like the cornered mouse.

They all stood in front of their chairs as they took notice of his arrival (which only took 3 minutes). And as he sat down, they repeated the same gesture. "Well at least they have some manners." Alucard thought.

"Gentlemen." He started. "Please excuse my tardiness, we had an issue that needed to be taken care of."

"Oh? Well that doesn't explain why you had us standing here waiting for over an hour." One of the knights said. This knight was a portly fellow, wearing an ash-gray suit and matching tie. White hair combed to the side (to cover up his balding), and a nose that seemed to be too big for his face.

"Didn't I already..." Alucard mentally grumbled to himself at that comment. He ignored the stupid remark, and continued on with the meeting.

"Well Sir Integral, what happened to your "monster"?" Another Knight asked while interrupting him.

"…Sleeping." Alucard answered curtly.

"Finally!" The knight commented slyly. A few men laughed at his dry joke.

"…Yeah, right, whatever-now let's get down to business shall we?" Alucard said hating that certain remark given. "No wonder she hates them." He thought to himself. "They're complete idiots."

"First of all, let's skip all of the important crap, and get to the fun stuff." He started with a mischievous smirk.

The other knights looked at each other in confusion. To their knowledge, Sir Integral was not the kind to be "skipping" anything. She was always organized and sternfully structured.

"L-like what?" One of the knights asked. It was none other than Sir Winston.

Alucard knew this man very well, on the count of how many times Integral had ranted to him and Walter about his negative comments towards them and the organization. At one time, his comments and empty threats had gotten so bad, to the point where she was tempted to order Alucard to quietly dispose of him, and make it look like an accident.

"Well for instance your nephew's bachelor party. He is having one isn't he?"

Sir Winston blinked in confusion and embarrassment. What was this woman up to, and most importantly, where did her British accent go?

"Well, y-yes. As a matter of fact, he is-next Friday." Winston answered. "Why?"

A smile crept through, as Alucard thought up the most insane idea he could ever conceive. He knew how much Winston despised Integral's position as a Knight and Director of the Hellsing Organization. As a matter of fact, when her father Sir Arthur died, it was he who suggested that his corrupted brother Richard be leader, instead of the grief-stricken 10-year-old Integral. Alucard was so sick of Winston's sexist and conceded behavior, that he wanted a way to make that man's life a living hell…and now was the time.

"I'm glad you asked, Sir Winston, my dear fellow. Your nephew's wedding is highly important to your noble line is that correct? Alucard asked slyly.

The other knights looked on in confusion, as well as waiting for Winston's answer. "Yes, yes it is." Winston answered feeling somewhat proud.

"And while his beautiful wife –to be is out preparing for the big day, it is traditional and proper for the groom to enjoy his last days of being single. Don't you want to give him the best bachelor party he will never forget?"

"Yes I would. Andrew is my only nephew, whom I am dearly fond of." Winston explained. "But if you don't mind me asking, what are you trying to get at?"

Alucard chuckled to himself, as his plan was starting to come together. He was ready to drop the big one on them; the one thing he knew Sir Integral would either applaud or kill him for. But since he was already dead, he felt there would be no problem.

"Well, I was thinking that in order to save some money for his bachelor party (I realize there isn't a lot in our account)…we might have to improvise with some things. For example, the girl that comes out of the cake. She would cost like, how much? 200£?" He asked.

"No, I think somewhere around 80£." Another Knight interrupted.

"Or 130." A knight snickered. Again, a few men laughed at his (this time) perverted joke.

"That's enough, Sir Vernon." Winston warned. "Well even if it costs 80 or 200 for the girl's services, we wouldn't be able to afford it. So far, we've spent more than 200,000£ in our operation alone. Getting military ammunition, paying for the damages, and bribes to keep the media quiet."

"Which leads me to my point Sir Winston." Alucard said finally having the floor. " In order to save money, we will just have to make due with what we have."

The Knights go to thinking, which didn't' take them very long.

"Well, I own a brewery shop down on Abbey's Street, I can supply all the ale." One of the Knights said.

"Okay, good." Alucard nodded in approval.

"And I can get my wife's brother to do the decorations…I'm totally clueless when it comes to designing things." Another said.

"I think Andrew's friends are going to provide the food." Winston added in.

"Great." Alucard said. His plan was coming into play very well.

"Now, what about the girl and the cake?" Winston asked. "Who could we get to do that?"

It was Alucard's turn to step in. He was waiting for it; target locked, and commenced to fire at will. He told the men who the surprise girl would be…and each man's jaw dropped to the floor. The room had fallen into a sudden hush. Sir Winston felt as if he were suffering from a heart attack.

"…Did I hear you correctly?" He painfully asked.

"Yes you did." The fraud Director answered with a proud smile. (FIRE)

"Oh…but why?"

"Will it would save you money, and for a fact I'm sure it would work." Alucard explained.

"Well think about it Charles. Your nephew is fond of her, always has been…." The knight in the ash-gray suit said next to him. Then he leaned in and whispered, "…even though she refuses to recognize his existence."

"Ah, yes that is true." Winston agreed.

"And just think how sexy she'd look in black." The man in the suit added, with a sly smile. Suddenly Winston had a perverted thought of seeing "her" sporting around in a black lacy negligee. The thought made him blush…

After a few moments of thought, he finally came to his decision. Alucard only sat there smiling, mentally congratulating himself for terrifying the poor man….or so he thought.

"So, Winston…do we have a deal?" The blonde asked.

" Well integral, you've convinced me. I think it would be safe to say so." Winston answered, trying to cover up his blush.

(MISSED) Alucard mentally hit his forehead. Oh what could have gone wrong? Was there another step to take in his calculations? He wasn't sure about that, but what he was sure about, was he was going to pay dearly.

"…Okay…good. Now for the boring stuff." Alucard said shuffling the files.

Hours later, when the knights were long gone, the platinum blonde headed back down to the basement to give the report to Sir Integral (who was still trying to get some shut-eye). He lifted open the lid again, and watched his master toss and turn uncomfortably in the large black box.

"Integral."

"…mmmnnnn-cant' sleep." She moaned in return. She got up and stared lazily at Alucard who stood in front of her with a worried smile. She shook herself out of her tired state, and stared back at him with seriousness.

"What happened? How was the meeting? …Did you screw it up?" She asked sternly.

Alucard backed an inch away, so she wouldn't kill herself instantly. He gave her the report.

"Oh it went rather well Master. We had a lot to talk about…everything on ...the list."

"Oh really? …Wait-everything? What to you mean everything? Alucard, what did you do? She asked gravely about to lose her cool. She knew he was up to something, but what?

"Oh nothing really…uh, but you may have to wear black next Friday." He said.

"Why? Funeral?" She asked.

"Mmmmno, but" Integral grabbed him by the tie; she pulled out the Casull from his red coat pocket, and aimed it at the bottom of his chin.

"It may be someone's I know?." He said jokingly.

"Shut up! What did you do? What did you say? Why the bloody hell do I have to wear black?" Integral said as she cocked the Casull.

"…You're going to be the main attraction at Sir Winston's nephew's bachelor party next Friday." He said feeling every word he said, drawing him closer to his demise.

"WHAT!"

"Alucard, you'd better get what you have done, UNDONE, and get us back to normal, or else it will be you're funeral. Do I make myself clear?" She threatened.

Alucard sighed, slightly getting annoyed with this song and dance. "For the last time Master, you can't…"

"Oh really? Well get this. My body is mortal. If I were to shoot you, you would die. Kapeish?"

Alucard thought this one over for a moment, and realized that she was right. "Okay fine! I'll call Winston and call it off. And as for the antidote, I'll go check the weather to see if there's a full moon tonight."

Integral's eyes grew wide. "You mean to tell me that in order for us to get back to normal, it has to be a full moon? You IDIOT, why didn't you say so?"

"I just found out this afternoon."

"Oh…well don't just stand there, get going!" Integral ordered.

Almost forgetting her strength, she pushed her body away from her. Lucky for Alucard, he kept his feet planted to the ground for traction, so he wouldn't tumble across the floor. As Alucard left her alone in the dark once again, this time, for her to ponder. She finally got out of the coffin, and made her way to the grand chair and sat down. She rested her chin on her gloved hand, and breathed a depressing sigh.

"Oh father why did you send me this "thing"?