A/N: Merry Christmas everyone! I'm so glad I could get this up before the holiday to hopefully give you a little Christmas cheer. :)
Italics are flashbacks. There is a little bit of non-graphic violence in the second flashback section.
To the guest reviewer who asked about Jan Di and the F4: They will appear briefly in a later chapter but are not very involved in this story. Also, I'm glad you are enjoying my little experiment :)
"Now remember what I told you. Rang? What did I tell you?"
"No claws, no teeth, no eyes," nine-year-old Rang recited as his mother fiddled with his blue hanbok, making certain he looked presentable for his first day at the village school, where he would be learning to read and write hanja characters. He could tell his mother didn't want him to go to the newly established school—she didn't want him out of her sight—but she was sending him anyway. She said that all the neighboring boys were going to the school, so he must go. He must not draw attention to himself. For Rang's part, he was glad to be going. He hoped one day he could attend the civil service examinations and give his mother a better life.
Again, his mother asked him what he was supposed to remember, and he replied tiredly, "No claws, no teeth, no eyes. I know, Omma."
His mother didn't look convinced that he did know, but she didn't say anything else about it.
"Hurry, hurry then." She ushered him out the door. "Don't make the teacher wait for you."
"Yes, Omma." Rang stepped outside and quickly made his way towards the school in the center of the village. He slowed down when he reached a group of boys slightly older than him and lingered behind them, chanting quietly to himself, "No claws, no teeth, no eyes. No claws, no teeth, no eyes."
Rang had been staring at his reflection in his full-length bedroom mirror the entire morning, and he hadn't come any closer to figuring out what to wear to his meeting with Ga Eul. He needed a wardrobe choice that was the opposite of a bad fox, but what should it be, exactly? He'd thought about wearing the disguise he'd adopted to meet with Nam Ji Ah originally. The glasses were overkill, but the rest of the outfit was safely bland and un-intimidating. Unfortunately, it was also too casual a look for such an occasion. Even if he couldn't wear his signature color—black—he should still look presentable. He needed something more formal but the same level of...plain-ness. Rang blinked, and the clothing in the mirror instantly transformed. Now he wore a solid gray turtleneck and black dress pants.
Rang frowned.
He looked like a law student. A boring one.
He blinked again.
All-black suit. Feathered hair swept to the side. Copper highlights.
Ambitious CEO?
Rang frowned again.
A corrupt one, probably.
He blinked once more.
A CEO wouldn't work, but maybe...an everyday businessman? A medical student? Whoever this was supposed to be, this image he'd conjured of himself in a slim navy blue suit with a light blue shirt and red tie. He'd styled his hair in yet another way; this time he'd kept the bangs from the law student idea, but he'd left them in a messy fashion and added auburn highlights.
He hated it. He hated all of it. This was a hopeless endeavor.
Rang blinked a final time, leaving himself in the studded black denim jacket he'd grown attached to. He shrugged the jacket off, then took off the black dress shirt underneath it. Nothing was working, and if Rang had to act...not like himself, then he needed to look...not like himself.
What would Ga Eul like? he wondered. What would she approve of?
Rang sat down on his bed and let his eyes roam over the pile of clothes he'd thrown on top of his twisted bedsheets. He'd had trouble sleeping during the night.
What would Ga Eul like?
He reached for the phone on his nightstand, suddenly having an idea.
So Yi Jeong, he typed into the search bar.
An assortment of articles popped up, half of them having to do with the potter's artistic activities overseas and the other half gossiping about his extracurricular activities. Namely, those activities involving the multiple females hanging off of his arm. Never the same female twice. Rang had searched him up before, of course, the night he'd found out Ga Eul had harbored such a crush on him for years. So Yi Jeong was every inch the playboy and had been since he was a teenager.
"Bastard," Rang muttered.
Still, he couldn't deny that the potter had a decent sense of style. Well, he could afford it, given his privileged upbringing.
Rang scrolled through several photos of So Yi Jeong in three piece suits, a diamond earring accenting his left ear. Ga Eul really did have a thing for bad boys. Rang had been glad of her obsession before, but it wasn't in her best interest, was it? He'd told Ga Eul she only liked being scared of things that wouldn't actually hurt her, and she hadn't believed him.
Well, he was right.
On second thought, maybe Rang shouldn't wear anything that would remind Ga Eul of that philandering idiot. How would bringing up the last guy that broke her heart make her want to forgive Rang? He sighed heavily and tugged on his hair, messing it up.
How was he supposed to deliver an effective apology if he couldn't even get the clothes right? It was always the clothes that screwed him over. Always the damn clothes.
The timer on Rang's phone went off, reminding him that he was supposed to pick up flowers before he went over to Shin-joo and Yu Ri's. The magazines—and, annoyingly, Shin-joo—said that he should bring a gift with his apology, so that's what he was doing. Flowers and what was in the box tucked inside his black winter coat pocket.
From the clothing pile on the bed, Rang picked up the tan sport coat he'd been wearing the night he'd met Ga Eul at the coffee shop and decided to wear it with his white dress shirt and dark jeans. Maybe if he wore the same exact outfit it would bring back happy memories?
Honestly, Rang had no idea what he was doing, but in any case he was out of time, and the ensemble he'd chosen would have to do.
The boys ahead of Rang were slowing down, forcing Rang to walk even slower unless he wanted to pass by them. They were whispering among themselves, and every so often, one of them would glance back at Rang with a gleam in his eyes that Rang didn't like. Rang's mother didn't let him play with the other children, and as a consequence, he knew very little of them and they of him, but he was hoping that now, since he was going to school, he might make some friends. He could see, though, when suddenly the three boys halted altogether and turned to face him, that they most definitely didn't want to be friends with him. Still, Rang bowed and greeted them, as his mother had instructed.
'Don't cause trouble. Be quiet. Keep your head down,' she'd said. 'No claws, no teeth, no eyes.'
"Where's your father?" one of the boys asked, not bothering to give Rang his name though Rang had introduced himself and provided his age.
"He's dead," Rang answered uneasily.
"That's not what I heard. I heard he left you because you're not really his son."
"He died before I was born," Rang repeated. "He was killed by...a wild animal." He tried to move ahead, but the boy who'd spoken to him—he seemed to be the leader of the pack—took a step closer, and Rang stopped.
"Do you know where he's buried then?" The boy moved directly in front of Rang, his friends hanging back but watching with interest. Waiting to see what Rang would do.
'No claws, no teeth, no eyes.'
"No, but...would you please let me pass?" Rang asked, as politely as he could muster. "We're going to be late." He took a step forward, but the other boy also stepped forward, pushing him back.
"Do you know what my father says?" the boy asked.
Rang gritted his teeth but answered nonetheless, "No."
"My father says your mother is a 'cheonmin,' and you shouldn't be allowed to go to school."
"No, she's not. You can't say that about my mother."
"He says you don't look anything like your father." The boy closed in on Rang, crowding him until he stumbled, and suddenly his friends were there too. Rang was surrounded.
"Shut up," he managed to spit out.
"He says your mother shouldn't continue to live," the boy announced, a mean glint in his eyes. "He says she should kill herself and you too."
Rang stood up as straight and as tall as he could and clenched his fists.
"Take that back. Take it back right now," he demanded.
"Who's gonna stop me? You? You and your mother are both dirt," the boy goaded, and it worked.
Rang slapped him across the face, and he knew as soon as his hand made contact that it was a horrible mistake, but he didn't care. Rang's mother was always telling him that he was too hot-headed and impulsive for his own good, that he had no manners and no sense of self-preservation, that underneath his human skin he was a wild animal, and he needed to keep that part of himself suppressed. But Rang wasn't good at listening to her. He didn't care that the boy he'd slapped was a year older than him or that his two friends looked just as mean as him. No one was allowed to insult Rang's mother. She'd always taken care of him even though she had no husband and no family to support her, not like those boys did.
"Take it back." Rang's words were venomous but ultimately carried no weight. He was swiftly knocked to the ground and pinned down by two of the boys while the boy he'd slapped kicked him in the ribs, and, unfortunately, Rang was small for his age and knew nothing of fighting. He didn't have a father or uncle or brother to teach him, and his mother had always told him to run if anyone bothered him.
'Run,' she'd said. 'Don't speak. Don't lash out. Run and disappear.'
But the only way Rang could run was if he could free himself, and he had a feeling he could get free if he summoned his extra strength, the only thing he liked about being a half-fox.
Technically, it wasn't claws or teeth or eyes, and he'd tried using it when his mother needed something heavy lifted.
Maybe if he just used a little bit of his strength, it wouldn't seem odd…
His ribs were healing pretty quickly from each blow, but they still hurt.
Pushing aside his discomfort, Rang channelled all his energy into wriggling free from the boys who held down his legs and arms. Suddenly, the weight of their bodies were no match for him, and he cast off the arms trapping his wrists like he was swatting away flies. He rolled away and scrambled to his feet. Two of the boys were now on the ground, having been knocked off balance by Rang's effort to get away. The third boy that had been kicking him stared at Rang like he wasn't sure what had just occurred.
'Run,' the voice of his mother said, echoing in his ears. 'Run and disappear.'
But Rang didn't have time to run because suddenly the lead boy rushed at him, knocking him flat on his back. Rang didn't think this time. He retaliated immediately, his right hand swinging at the boy's stomach with a mind of its own.
It took a moment for Rang to register the sound of fabric ribbing—his breaths were pounding in his ears—but when he did the boy above him was already leaping back, his eyes wide with terror.
Terror? Why?
Only then did Rang notice the boy's hanbok. The front of it had been slashed down the middle, slit completely open. Rang didn't have to look at his hands to know what he'd find there—those hideous fox claws. There was no blood, of course—Rang hadn't been consciously trying to cut the other boy, and so his aim was off—but the boy looked at his torn clothes and immediately started screaming. The other two boys soon began shouting as well. Then all three of them took off as fast as their feet could carry them.
'Monster! Monster!' they shouted. 'He tried to kill me!'
Rang arrived early to his meeting with Ga Eul and settled himself on the couch in Shin-joo and Yu Ri's living room, where he waited for Ga Eul to arrive. Yu Ri had taken Soo-oh shopping for a new winter coat, so that left Rang with Shin-joo, who bustled about in the kitchen until the doorbell chimed. Rang stood and picked up the flowers he'd laid on the coffee table: purple hyacinths, signifying regret, wrapped in light tan paper and tied with white ribbon. He'd also brought an enormous pink gift bag filled with all the office supplies he'd bought for Ga Eul. In addition, he had the item in his pocket, perhaps the most important thing he could offer her. Rang thought the item would show Ga Eul how serious he was about being sorry, and it had only taken a little persuading to get Shin-joo to help him with it, though Shin-joo had his doubts about how Ga Eul would react to such a gift.
At present, Ga Eul tiptoed into the room wearing her bright purple coat. She exchanged a demure greeting with Shin-joo, and then her nervous gaze fell on Rang as Shin-joo left the room. Rang heard a bedroom door close. That was his cue.
Rang bowed at the waist, forming a perfect ninety degree angle, and held the hyacinths out to Ga Eul with both hands like he'd rehearsed.
"Jagiya," Rang began, chewing over the words in his mouth before he said them. Even having rehearsed them, he felt odd actually saying them to someone. "I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I made...several mistakes. What happened the other night was...all my fault. I shouldn't have insulted your job or...tried to make you leave it or...tried to keep you from going when you wanted to go. Also, I'm sorry if that cat thing scared you. And the...um...anything else that upset you. I'm sorry." Rang bowed more deeply. "I'm sorry. Please accept these flowers."
He held the flowers above his head and waited...and waited...and waited. Right when he thought Ga Eul wouldn't take them and made to lift his head, he felt two hands enclose around the bouquet, and then the hyacinths slid from his fingers.
"I accept your apology," Ga Eul said, gently bowing to him in return.
Rang straightened up and smiled excitedly. He hadn't been sure his apology would work, especially given that he'd never done such a thing before, but now that it had he felt a great weight lifting off of him.
Ga Eul, however, did not return his smile. She suggested that they sit down, and Rang obliged her. Unfortunately, she sat on the opposite end of the couch from him, and he wanted desperately to give her a hug. She looked tired—and wary of him despite his apology and her agreement to meet him there.
"I brought this for you," Rang said, offering up the gift bag of office supplies with another cheerful smile. Ga Eul took it from him gingerly, not letting their hands touch, and peered inside.
"Oh. It's…" Her brow furrowed.
"It's the stuff I bought for your…" Rang broke off; on second thought, maybe he shouldn't mention his failed attempt at offering her a room. "I mean, I thought you could use those for school since you're going back next week."
"Oh, um...Thank you...That was thoughtful," Ga Eul said, placing the bag on the coffee table. She gave him the tiniest of smiles but barely met his eyes.
"I brought you something else too," he continued, hoping his last present might elicit a better response. He pulled out the plain black box he'd tucked inside his coat pocket and held it out to her. When she hesitated to take the box, he set it on the couch and pushed it towards her. She stared at it for a moment before picking it up and carefully removing the lid.
Ga Eul frowned, scrunching her eyebrows in confusion.
"It's…medicine?"
"It's a tranquilizer. For foxes," he explained. "Not that you should have to use it, but I thought maybe it would make you feel safer. If you ever feel scared again—not that I'm going to scare you again—but if you did feel scared, for any reason, it will knock me out for a few hours. You'll be more powerful than a nine-tailed fox, and you don't have to be trapped anywhere."
Ga Eul's confusion gave way to another kind of frown when Rang had finished explaining. She slowly closed the lid over the box and offered it back to Rang.
"I don't want to tranquilize you," she said, not looking at him. "I just want you to not do that again."
Rang didn't take the box, and after a moment, she glanced up at him.
"You're too kind for your own good," he scolded. "If someone bites you, you should bite them back, not stand around holding out your arm so they can bite you again. I won't use my strength against you from now on, but since you're willing to forgive me, at least take the box." To be honest, he was kind of annoyed with her for forgiving him so easily. He bet this was how she'd ended up waiting four years for someone who'd probably never intended to come back to her in the first place, if So Yi Jeong's tabloid pictures were to be believed.
"Take it," he urged, pushing the box in Ga Eul's direction when she merely stared at him. "Quit caring so much about other people's feelings. I won't be offended if you have it, and even if I was, you shouldn't care about that either. I'm the one who messed up." He gestured irritatedly, and Ga Eul looked like she might protest again, but instead she slowly withdrew her hand.
"Um...okay," she answered, setting the box on the coffee table next to the gift bag. "Thank you...I guess."
"So...what have you been doing this week?" Rang asked, hoping to shift the conversation to a lighter topic.
"Don't you think we should talk about what happened first?" she asked, cocking her head in his direction.
"Didn't I already do that?" Rang furrowed his brow.
"No. You stated what happened. I think we should discuss it," she insisted. "Together."
Rang didn't want to discuss anything. He wanted to scoop Ga Eul up in his arms and kiss the top of her head. She looked so forlorn. But Yu Ri's nagging voice reminded him to do whatever she wanted. To be patient. Rang hated being patient.
"Sure," he conceded. "Whatever you want."
"I thought maybe," Ga Eul began carefully, "we could start from the beginning of the evening and work our way to the end, so...first I'd like to know why it was so important for me to move in with you right now. I mean, why was it so urgent?"
"I told you. It's so I could...so we could spend time together."
"Okay, but…" Ga Eul squinted, like she was trying to make sense of her own thoughts. "Why didn't you ask me if I wanted to move in then?"
Rang chose his words carefully.
"It was supposed to be a surprise."
"Right. You said that before. Um, do you understand why I didn't like the surprise? I mean, I liked the room. The room was lovely, but...I kind of felt like you were pushing it on me. Like, 'Ga Eul, if you want to date me, you have to live here.' Like it was a demand."
Well, when she put it like that, it didn't sound nice at all, but Rang hadn't meant it that way. At least, it hadn't sounded that way in his head when he'd been putting it together. It was more like a...a...persuasive measure...to get her to want to move in...of her own free will...
"I wouldn't have stopped dating you if you didn't take the room," Rang replied.
"But you got mad at me." Ga Eul dropped her voice. She wasn't making eye contact with him much, instead choosing to stare down at the flowers he'd bought for her—they were resting in her lap—and rub their petals. Rang's voice rose in pitch. She was missing the point entirely.
"Because you didn't even think about it. You didn't even go into the room and try to like it. How can you react that way when a nine-tailed fox gives you a present?"
"Oh, excuse me," Ga Eul said, her normal voice returning. When she looked up, there were tears in her eyes. "I didn't think a nine-tailed fox was giving me anything. I thought my boyfriend was. In that case, let me pay you back for these flowers. A favor for a favor, is that it? You give me a room, and then I live there just because you went through the trouble of fixing it up for me?" She stood and shook her head. "You're not sorry. You're just trying to buy me back with this." She tossed the flowers down on the coffee table, and Rang could see that she was about to leave. He jumped up and leapt in front of her.
"Jagiya—"
"Mister Lee Rang, get out of my way," she said, and Rang wanted to reach for her. To stroke her hair and kiss her forehead and tell her that wasn't what he was trying to do. He was sorry, just not about the right things, apparently.
But he'd already made a mess by preventing her from leaving the last time; if he tried that again, he knew she'd stop speaking to him altogether. Rang stepped to the side, showing her that she could go.
"Is everything okay out here?" Shin-joo poked his head out of his and Yu Ri's bedroom. Ga Eul looked in his direction, swallowing hard, but she gave him a false, tentative smile.
"Everything's fine."
Shin-joo didn't look convinced, but he nodded and shut the door to the bedroom anyway.
Rang and Ga Eul stared at each other for a tense moment; he could sense that Ga Eul wanted him to say something, but as he had no idea what, he kept his mouth shut. He was truly awful at apologies.
"I'll be leaving first," Ga Eul finally said, a tear running down her cheek. She picked up her purse and bowed, then swiped the tear off with her fingers as she headed for the door.
Rang listened to her putting on her shoes, tears of irritation pricking his eyes.
What the hell did she want him to say?
The truth. Ga Eul liked the truth.
Before he could think about it, Rang popped up right next to the front door, where Ga Eul's hand was already on the door handle.
"You're right. I'm not sorry for offering you the room," he blurted out, leaning against the wall. It worked. Ga Eul halted. "I'm only sorry for everything that happened after that. I like seeing you every day. You're warm and bright and special, like the sun, and you only have so long to live, so I didn't see the point in not living with you. Maybe, to you, you've only been alive twenty-six years waiting to meet someone. You feel like you still have time left, right?" Rang scoffed. "Well, I've been alive six hundred years, and I didn't think I would ever meet anyone...because in six hundred years, I hadn't." He paused, letting that statement sink in. "But if you don't like to do that, it's okay. You don't have to do anything you don't like to do. I don't like people rejecting my presents, but I'll get over it. If you don't want me to give you anything big like that again, I won't. Everyone...everyone owes me, but not you. Your presents aren't favors. They're just presents. I promise. I...was just being an asshole the other night."
Ga Eul had gone completely still, even letting tears run down her face without interference, but when she didn't turn back to him, Rang continued, "I'm not an asshole to you because I enjoy being mean to you, and I'm not trying to punish you either. It's just a reflex. I don't know if I can get rid of it, but I can work on it."
Ga Eul said nothing. She remained motionless.
"I like making humans afraid," Rang confessed quietly, picturing any number of his terrified victims in his mind's eye. "I like how it starts in their faces. You can see it there even if they're trying to hide it." Rang's fingers twitched, and his breaths quickened as he remembered how good it felt to have someone cornered. "Their eyes wander," he described. "Their muscles tense. Then they curl into themselves. They can't get away fast enough. And no one's ever fast enough to get away from me." Rang smiled. "I like that. I like watching the effect I have on people. I like being in control, and I like it when I can see them realizing that I'm in control, that they have no power," he finished, tingling with pleasure at the thought. He glanced up at Ga Eul's tear-streaked face and came back to himself, to the present moment. His smile dropped. "But I...hate scaring you," he said. "When I see you looking like that because of me, I get no pleasure at all. It feels like I'm stabbing myself. I hate scaring you, and I hate making you cry, and I hate hurting you in any way, and I am sorry. Because, when I'm with you, I like that you're not scared of me. I like...the way you see me."
A whimper escaped Ga Eul's mouth, and Rang prodded, "Jagiya?"
Slapping a hand over her mouth, Ga Eul started crying earnestly, but she didn't make any more motions to leave, and Rang took that as a sign that he was getting through to her.
"Jagiya, can I give you a hug?" he asked.
Ga Eul didn't say anything, but after a moment, she nodded, and Rang wrapped his arms around her from behind and pulled her into his chest. Her hands were covering her face, so he kissed the top of her head and rocked her gently.
"I'm sorry," he repeated, then mumbled into her hair, "If we sit back down, you can talk, and I'll try not to argue with you, okay?"
Ga Eul continued crying.
"And since you know how to teach people things, maybe you can teach me how to be a good boyfriend," he suggested.
A fresh wave of sobs tore from Ga Eul's throat at that pronouncement, but she twisted her body around, letting her purse drop to the floor, and buried her face in Rang's chest. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and he was glad that, at least, she was seeking comfort in him, even if he was the reason for her tears. He squeezed her tightly and even smiled a bit despite the situation. He hated listening to humans cry, and Ga Eul was the worst of all besides Soo-oh, but he did like it when he felt her slump against him as her sobs subsided. He liked it when she dabbed her face with his shirt, even though her makeup stained the white fabric. He liked it when she took a step back, and he was able to wipe away her tears with his thumb and kiss her forehead, and she let him. She was still sniffling, but her breaths had evened out. Rang gently tilted her chin up until she looked up at him; when she did, he gave her a soft smile.
"Silly human, I told you that you only like being scared of things that can't actually hurt you. Was a bad fox mean to you? Don't worry. Your pet fox is here now," he said softly, tucking her hair behind her ear. "So what do you want him to do?"
Ga Eul sniffled. Her gaze fell to the floor, and she toyed with the untucked hem of his shirt as she often did, twisting and releasing the fabric. Eventually, she stopped and took a deep breath.
"I want to"—sniff—"go sit"—sniff—"on the couch," Ga Eul said.
"Okay," Rang agreed. "Let's go." He touched his hand to her back and guided her inside the living room from the small hallway where the shoes were kept. They sat down on the couch once more, next to one another this time, and now that Ga Eul had taken her coat off, he saw that she wore the first outfit he'd seen her in: white blouse, pink cardigan, pink skirt, and pearl earrings. Her long hair fell gracefully around her shoulders, and Rang remembered thinking upon their first meeting that she looked like a collectible doll, too perfect to be real. Rang was acutely aware that Shin-joo had probably heard his whole embarrassing spiel indicating how absurdly devoted to Ga Eul he'd become, but there was nothing to do about it now, except to confirm, in the most obnoxious way possible, that he still didn't care one bit about irritating Shin-joo to death. Ga Eul was an exception.
An exception that was now crawling onto his lap and curling her legs inward so that her feet touched his leg. She arranged herself so that she could comfortably rest the side of her head on his chest, then grabbed one of his hands and started playing his fingers. She turned his hand over and over, and he let her do whatever she wanted since manipulating this part of him seemed to calm her. Rang draped his other arm over her waist and laid his hand on her upper leg but didn't bother her otherwise. He supposed she was thinking of what she wanted to say, and as long as he wasn't talking, he couldn't say anything insensitive or that she would interpret incorrectly. He kept his mouth shut.
"So," she began after a little while, "if I don't think of you as a nine-tailed fox who only likes to manipulate people, will you not think of me as an insignificant human?"
"Ah, but I...I didn't mean that. You're not insignificant at all. Why would I want to date someone insignificant? My half-brother used to be a mountain god, so you must be impressive for me to want to stay with you," Rang assured her.
Ga Eul shrugged and tugged on his fingers.
"I'm just a schoolteacher."
Rang tugged back on Ga Eul's fingers.
"You're not just anything." He thought back to how he'd insulted her job the previous Saturday. "And I think if you care about all of your students the way you care about Soo-oh, some of them must turn out really good, even if they are humans. In fact, maybe the only humans who do anything significant will come out of your class."
Ga Eul smiled, and Rang decided to continue with that line of flattery.
"So I guess you better keep teaching until you're ninety. That way, this country won't fall into a total state of disrepair."
"Rang."
"It's true." Rang sighed like a truer statement had never been spoken. "All the adult humans I've met are idiots. Except for you. You need to train the next generation better. Hurry, hurry."
Ga Eul laughed—a small laugh, but a laugh nonetheless—and Rang beamed.
He'd made her laugh. He hoped that meant they were getting back to normal.
"Does that mean you're okay with me going back to work now?" Ga Eul asked, regaining her serious composure.
Rang nodded. He still didn't like the thought of not seeing her for that many hours a day, but if that was what she wanted to do with her time, he wouldn't stop her. He wouldn't put her in a cage like the one Yu Ri had been locked in. He did, however, have a few recommendations for her.
"Can I pick you up from work and drive you home every day?" he asked, remembering that Yeon had done that for Ji Ah before she'd gotten pregnant and stopped working. It seemed like a reasonable enough request—everyone did it in the dramas, and Ji Ah had liked it—but Ga Eul got very still and quiet when he mentioned it, and he knew what the answer would be before the words left her mouth.
"Um, actually"—she began twisting his fingers again—"I was thinking it might be better if we took a break from seeing each other every day."
"A break?" he asked. "What do you mean?"
"Well"—she dropped his hand—"I thought for a little while, maybe we could only have dates on Saturdays. It's just that I think it would be nice if you found other things you like to do...besides being with me. It would make me feel better while I'm at school...and maybe you wouldn't feel so panicked about me being gone."
Rang nearly scoffed. He didn't know that he would describe himself as panicked, and he had no idea how finding something to entertain himself with would make her feel better when it would seem that the idea was to make him feel better. And not seeing her would not make him feel better.
"I'm also going to be really busy the first few weeks of school," she continued, and Rang felt his throat closing up, "so I'm not sure how much time I'll realistically have to spend with you outside of school anyway. It's not that I don't want to spend time with you, but I need to know that you're okay not being with me because you really freaked me out with, you know, the way you followed me around. I just...I also need to know that you're not going to do that anymore. Like, I don't want you showing up at my school as one of my students." She gave him a meaningful look, and Rang might have been offended by her assumption, but he'd be lying if he said the thought hadn't crossed his mind to show up as one of her students. Just for a day. Just to see what it was like being in her class.
"And you think the easiest way to ensure I don't spy on you is to not let me see you at all?" Rang scoffed.
"Um, well, I was hoping you would simply agree to not do any more shapeshifting without telling me."
Rang laughed automatically—how ridiculous to assume he would ever agree to such a blatant restriction on one of his favorite powers—but his laugh quickly died out when he saw Ga Eul's expression growing hurt and withdrawn again.
"You don't want me to shapeshift because it scares you?" he clarified.
"Well, no, it doesn't scare me. It's just...It feels...uncomfortable having you watch me all the time."
"Why uncomfortable? It's only me."
"But I don't know that it's you. That's the point. It feels like you're trying to trick me."
Trick her? Well, sure, on the surface maybe it seemed like that. The general purpose of shapeshifting was to trick people, but...He just wanted to see her and make sure she was okay...Also, he just wanted to see her.
"Okay, okay. I have an idea," Rang said brightly. "Why don't we play a game? I get to shapeshift once a week, and when we see each other on Saturdays, I'll let you guess who I was that week. I'll tell you if you get it right. I believe humans call this 'compromise.'"
Please, please, please. I can't go a whole week without seeing you. I can't do it. I'll break by the middle of the week. I'll show up as a bird outside your classroom window.
Ga Eul shook her head.
"This isn't something I want to compromise on. I don't like not knowing things like that. Do you understand?" Ga Eul asked, and as she looked like she was about to cry, Rang had no choice but to swallow the other suggestion that had formed in his head.
Fuck.
"I can try," he conceded glumly, "but no promises."
"Why no promises? Do you really need to spy on me that much?"
Yes.
"No, but...I like spying on you, so when I'm bored, that's what I do." She didn't need to know that it wasn't just when he was bored. That seeing her was the first thing he thought about when he woke up and the last thing he thought about before he went to sleep.
"You mean that's your hobby?" Ga Eul clarified.
"I guess you could call it that." Rang grinned. "See? You're interesting. Not insignificant at all."
He winked at her, but she merely raised her eyebrows.
"I think you need to find something to occupy yourself with," Ga Eul said knowledgeably, "so that you're not bored enough to show up at my office disguised as a cat. Which proves my point." She crossed her arms and gave him a pointed look as she leaned in towards him so that her face was inches from his own. "I'm giving you a homework assignment," she announced, and the stern way she was looking at him made him want to kiss her senseless. He'd like to see her order him around in bed—what?
Rang blinked, startled by his own thoughts.
"Homework? What?" he asked feebly.
"Several assignments, actually." Ga Eul reached over to the foot of the couch where she'd stashed her purse. Digging through it, she soon produced a folded piece of floral stationary, on which she'd written a short list of items. The top of the memo read Lee Rang's To-Do List.
"What's this?" Rang mumbled, scanning the list.
Lee Rang's To-Do List
1) Visit your brother.
2) Visit Soo-oh.
3) Find a hobby that doesn't involve manipulating people.
4) Do something good for someone you've hurt (not me, and not so they owe you a favor).
5) Tell me one (true) thing about you that I don't know.
"These are...favors you want me to grant you?" Rang asked.
"They're not favors. They're...These are things I would like for you to do in order for me to feel comfortable going out with you. I'd like you to do at least one of these things every week." She held up one finger in front of his face. "More if possible."
"You need me to visit my brother in order for you to feel comfortable being with me?"
"I know it sounds strange, but humor me, please," Ga Eul said. "You can write it off as me being human and weird if you want, but I'd like you to do it. For me."
Rang glanced back down at the list, then at her, then at the list again. He frowned.
"You do realize I can just keep visiting Soo-oh over and over again, right? That would technically fill my quota."
"Well, I didn't want to make the list like a punishment. That's why I put some easy things on there. If you want to do the easy ones for awhile, it's okay. I just want to see that you're trying."
"Trying to be a good person and not a selfish ass?" Rang asked doubtfully. "You'll be dead before I get to that point."
"You said a moment ago that I could teach you how to be a good boyfriend. You don't have to be a good person to be a good boyfriend. You just have to care enough. I want to know you care enough about me to do those things."
"And if I don't do them, you'll break up with me?" Rang asked, a suspicion nagging at him. He hadn't thought much about the teaching comment when he'd made it, except that she was a teacher and he wanted her to stop crying. But now he remembered what she'd said during their meeting at the café; she'd mentioned that she thought he could change. Was she really expecting him to change that much? Was that her whole angle? To make him into the person she wanted him to be? Was this the price of forgiveness? His question lingered in the air.
And if I don't do them, you'll break up with me?
"No, but…It would make me really happy if you did them," Ga Eul explained.
"So if I don't do them, you'll be sad?" Rang prodded. "Which means you'll be sad being with me. You do know that people only change in the movies, right?"
Ga Eul frowned.
"What does that mean?"
"It means…" Rang brushed her hair over her shoulders, running his fingers through it. "I can try not to hurt you, but I can't be a genuinely good person. Either you want to be with the version of me you've made up in your head, or you want to be with me. You can't have both. In order for this list of yours to not be something I have to do, you have to be okay with me not doing any of it. Would you be okay with that?" Rang knew he was treading on dangerous ground, but he needed to know her answer. Before, during their dates, he'd been trying to convince her that he was better than he was, but now it seemed pointless, and even dangerous, to keep up that act. If she said 'no' to this question, then he really shouldn't keep going out with her no matter how badly he wanted to, no matter how much he'd intended to make her stay with him when he'd arrived at Shin-joo and Yu Ri's apartment. Some little-used part of his brain was warring with his normal selfish instincts, telling him he needed to protect her at all costs, even from himself. He couldn't even promise her that he wouldn't stalk her again, and that seemed to be the minimum that she was expecting.
Ga Eul bit her lip, and he could tell by the way her eyes roamed over his face, then dropped to her lap, that she hadn't thought of her request that way.
"I don't know," she finally answered.
"If you don't know, then the answer's 'no.'"
"No, no! The answer's not 'no.' I just...I don't know," Ga Eul repeated. "Does this mean you really won't do anything?"
"No. I can visit Soo-oh. I can even visit my brother if you want me to."
"Then why does it matter what I say?"
"Because the problem with always seeing good in people is that you see it even when it isn't there. You can only be disappointed that way. I only have this much goodness in my heart." Rang held up his thumb and forefinger to indicate a small portion of goodness. "You've just happened to receive all of it lately. It doesn't make my entire heart good because I've been good to you. I'm still a selfish bastard most of the time. Even the nice things I do for you...It's not because I'm a nice person. I just try to think of what you would like, and I do that because I want you to stay." He dropped his voice. "I can be your pet fox, but I can't be a good fox. Either you can live with that—either you can live with me wanting to stalk you even if I don't—or you can't. If you can't, you should find someone else. So, what do you say?" Rang asked with more confidence than he felt. Surely all of her preconceived notions of redeeming him had been shattered by now. Surely she would see her error in forgiving him in the first place. Surely...
"I think I just want to go out on Saturdays for now," Ga Eul said in a small voice, laying her head back down on his chest. She picked up his hand again and stroked his fingers. Her touch was so gentle and kind that Rang wondered if he was in a dream. Maybe this day hadn't even happened yet, and soon he would wake up and—
"Rang?" Ga Eul asked, looking up at his face with her warm eyes. "Is that okay?"
Rang found himself nodding.
He cleared his throat.
"Saturdays are fine. I'll try not to transform into a cat until then, and I will visit Soo-oh. I promised to take him ice skating before he goes back to school anyway."
"Oh?" Ga Eul smiled softly. "That was nice of you."
"Not really," he admitted. "I wanted to go with you, but you weren't available. Soo-oh was my second choice." Rang shrugged, but Ga Eul's smile widened.
"Still, it was nice," she assured him, "and Soo-oh won't know the difference. Sometimes just doing something nice is enough, even if your motivations aren't the purest."
"I'll tell that to the underworld gods when I die and find myself in judgment...Anyway, would you like to go ice skating next Saturday? I was kind of surprised you never suggested it. Isn't that a popular couple activity?"
"Um, yes. It is…" Ga Eul trailed off, a strange expression coming over her face. Her eyes dropped to his throat. Then suddenly whatever she was thinking dissipated, and she suggested brightly, "I actually thought we could meet at our coffee shop. It will probably be a long week, and I might be tired."
Our coffee shop. That was what she had taken to calling the coffee shop where they'd had their first sort-of date, and even though Rang had been hoping to go ice skating with her—he'd wanted to see if she'd let him pull her around really fast—he liked the sound of them having a place that was theirs.
"Okay," he agreed. "Fine with me. But we're ordering two pieces of cake this time."
Ga Eul chuckled.
"Okay. Two. I promise…By the way, what's with all the jagiya's today? You never say that."
"Isn't that what the young people are saying now? I thought it would help my case. But if you don't like it, I can stop. Or I can call you yeobo instead."
"Uh, n-no. It's okay...I like it...But why do you always want me to call you by your first name? I don't think people did that six hundred years ago, and even today, it would make more sense for me to call you by a nickname."
Ga Eul had tried, unsuccessfully, to continue calling him 'Mister Lee Rang' in the beginning, but Rang had fussed at her until she slowly started calling him by his first name unprompted. Even then, she'd used his name sparingly until that night in his apartment when, he guessed, she'd gotten too worked up to care about propriety.
She'd also tried calling him 'Oppa' once or twice, but he'd given her a 'hell, no' look, and that had been the end of that.
What could he tell her? He should say that he liked the way his name sounded when she said it, which was the truth but only partially. He should say that he figured since they were soulmates and therefore the closest that any two people could possibly be, from a modern perspective, it would only make sense that they could call each other by their first names. But that wasn't it either. Rang could care less about the modern perspective on anything. He'd lived through one 'modern' time after another until he realized that all time periods were pretty much the same—destined to be the past. No, the truth was that he liked thinking of himself as her pet and of her as his owner, and pets were always called by their name.
This did not seem like a good time for him to inform her of that fact, however, given how she'd reacted when he'd literally turned into a pet.
"Why do you want to forgive me so badly?" he deflected. "Because I'm your soulmate?"
Ga Eul shook her head.
"Then why? We've only been going out for a month."
"You wanted me to move in with you after a month," she pointed out.
"Yeah, but...I'm an insane half-fox with self-serving tendencies. What's your excuse?"
Ga Eul laughed.
"Maybe if we stay together long enough, one day I'll tell you."
"Then, maybe if we stay together long enough"—Rang circled his arms around her and held her tight—"one day I'll tell you why I want you to call me 'Rang.'"
Historical Commentary: In case you missed it from two chapters ago, in this story, Rang's father killed his mother's human husband (because he owed the fox a debt, which he didn't pay); then the fox pretended to be her husband (via shapeshifting) for a short period, during which Rang was conceived. I believe in the drama Rang and his mother were members of the sangmin social caste in the Joseon period, which would be regular commoners (poor, mainly working in agriculture, but considered 'clean'). The cheonmin were also commoners but were considered 'unclean' and 'immoral.' They were outcasts that were only above slaves and a lower class of 'untouchables' (baekjeong). From what I've researched, women who were found guilty of adultery (as Rang's mother would have been if Rang was not her husband's child) would typically be beaten with clubs, have their social status degraded, or be forced into hard labor. Hence the mean boy's comment about Rang's mother being a cheonmin.
Corrected Note: 'Jagiya' is a common Korean term of endearment that means 'honey,' 'baby,' 'darling,' etc. 'Yeobo' essentially means the same thing, but someone has pointed out to me that it's actually only for married couples. 💍 Eh, let's just assume Rang is teasing Ga Eul with that comment. Sorry for any incorrect information earlier; I'm not Korean, so I'm just learning as I go.
