Splinter studied his eldest son and said, "Leonardo, while I gave my blessing to you and Raphael, I find it most peculiar that your desires have shifted towards him, a male, when you've always liked females and when you're engaged to Lotus. I can only assume something tremendous has happened, like guilt, to trigger such a change."
Leo nodded and said, "You're right, Sensei. I feel responsible for what happened to him and that's why I'm with him. If I hadn't left him…"Leo's voice trailed off, his eyes misting over.
Splinter gently placed a paw on his shoulder and said, "That wasn't your fault, Leonardo. You have to stop blaming yourself and you have to be honest with Lotus and Raphael."
"I broke up with Lotus. I didn't specify why. Just that it was over. She accused me of being unfaithful. I never have been. Never. I always loved and respected her."
"So she's gone, but you're lying to Raphael. Do you not think that is wrong, my son?"
"Not if it makes Raph feel better. Look at him, Sensei. He's smiling, so happy and I'm the cause of it."
"That's altruistic, Leonardo, yes, but you aren't happy and do you really think Raphael won't eventually realize that and question it? He is smart."
"I can learn to be happy and love him more than a brother."
"Learn? My son, love isn't something you learn. You either feel it or you don't. You should end this charade right now before Raphael's hurt further."
"I can't do that," Leo said, dragging his hands down his face. "Raph's excited about our future together. I've never seen him so animated about anything else before. And he's already been betrayed by Donnie, who cheated on him and dumped him when he learned that Raph was intersex. I can't do that to Raph. It'd crush him. Sensei, I just can't. It's such a mess, I know, but my only option is to be with Raph, to learn to love him and to be his mate. I can fake it if I have to. I've faked things before…"
"But it's unfair on Raphael and yourself, Leonardo. You don't have to be a martyr. Be honest with Raphael."
Leo stubbornly shook his head and said, "I can't do that, Sensei. I failed him by not being there for him on the roof top and leaving him and I can't do that now. I have to do this for Raph, as much as it pains me. The thing I'm most dreading is sex with him. I mean, I know how males have sex. I had sex with Mikey once, but this was never on the cards for me now. And I'm going to be sharing a bed with him. We did as kids, but it's going to be different, because Raphael will expect sex and kisses and cuddles, like he deserves and….I'm not turned on by it. His hands touching me in places where they shouldn't be! But I have no choice. Do you understand?"
"You had sex with Michelangelo?" Splinter said in surprise, his eyes wide.
"It was a drunken mistake, Sensei," Leo said, his cheeks red. "Both of us regretted it."
"I see. That's why you should never imbibe alcohol and it's why I forbid it. Alcohol dulls the senses and leads to actions that shouldn't happen! Guilt is never a good basis for a relationship and lies aren't either. I can tell Raphael and send you away to Japan, so you won't face his wrath. It'll sting, but in time, he'll forgive you."
"No."
"I can retract the blessing and forbid your union or I can give you a specified time limit. If you haven't fallen in love with Raphael for real in six weeks, I'll retract the blessing and I'll expect you to tell Raphael the truth. I cannot allow the farce to continue for all eternity, Leonardo. For yours and Raphael's sakes. Do I make myself clear?"
"Hai, Sensei. That seems reasonable and what if I don't fall in love with him, will you send me away? I couldn't bear his animosity."
"Yes. To Japan and you can try and rekindle your relationship with Lotus. You are dismissed."
"Sensei, it's Raph's birthday tomorrow. I'd like to do something really special for him. Is it possible that we can have the lair to ourselves?"
"You plan on seducing your brother?" Splinter asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No! Of course not," Leo said in horror. "It's just... Fine. I want to cook for him and just have a special meal with only us present. If I have to go into this romance thing, I have to get to know him better and he's more susceptible to opening up if we have privacy."
"I don't see why not, but Donatello has to be within earshot in the lab in case of a medical crisis. That's my only condition. I'm sure Michelangelo and I can spend the evening at April's place."
"Thank you, Sensei."
"Leonardo, you can't cook."
"I know, but I'm going to try. "
XXX
Leonardo returned to Raphael, who was staring up at the ceiling, a bored expression on his face. "Hey, hon," Leo said, trying not to recoil, as he leaned down and pecked Raphael's cheek.
"Hon?" Raphael said and smirked, his eyes lighting up when he saw Leo. "Gonna take a while ta adjust that."
"Snugglebunny," Leo teased, lacing his fingers between Raph's and forcing himself to be cheery and sappy, when all he wanted to do was really run, but he'd vowed to do this for Raphael and he would. Maybe he really would fall in love with him before six weeks was up and if not, well, he'd be in Japan with his Lotus and Raph, feeling more confident and loved, would meet someone else and would forgive him someday.
"I love yer eyes, Leo. They're like shinin' jewels that could light up the darkest room. And yer smile. It warms my heart and I feel butterflies whenever yer 'round. I feel safe with ya and loved, like I've never been before. Yer my wish come true, ya know that?"
"Been reading too much poetry, huh?" Leo said and flushed, stunned that his brother was so open with his feelings. He never was, keeping them bottled up, until he exploded.
"Kinda. I've been mentally composin' somethin' for ya, while I lie here. When I get my notebooks, I'll jot it down. I write poetry and stories, which help me relax and vent, but I ain't been inspired in weeks, so I ain't written much. That's changed now I have ya. Yer my muse, Leo."
"Me?" Leo said in surprise.
"Yeah. Not just yer physical attributes, but yer personality too. Everythin' 'bout ya Leo screams passion, honor, valor, dedication and love. I could go on 'bout ya forever and never tire. Did you know when yer 'round, my heart can't slow down and I have ta catch my breath? I know that's sappy, but it's true. Yeah. I stole those lines from a song, but it sums up how I feel 'bout ya. The lines are from a song called 'Catch my breath' by Westlife. Okay. They're a bit cheesy and sappy, but I kinda love their songs. Don't tell the others, because they'd mock me."
"Never, Raph. I feel the same way about you. You're really sweet."
"Only with ya," Raphael said and blushed. "I feel like I can show that side of me and ya won't laugh. I like bein' soft with ya and lettin' ya see that there are more layers ta me. That I ain't just a temperamental brute, who likes ta punch things. That I am capable of lovin', feelin' and of bein' a good mate."
"I always knew you had a softer side, Raph, but you never showed it often."
"True, because I was scared of bein' mocked, but ya don't make me feel that way, Leo. I'm comfortable with ya and I trust ya. I know ya will never do anythin' ta hurt me and I feel that we could work out. Have our own happy love story, like in the novels and movies. I'm writin' one and it's gonna feature characters based on us."
Leo's heart sank. Raphael thought he was the pinnacle of valor and integrity. Well, he wasn't. He was a liar and a scumbag, but that could change in six weeks, right? He could love Raphael for real and be proud that he was his lover and mate. Raphael had wonderful attributes. He was intelligent, caring, loyal, brave, dedicated, passionate, but he wasn't Lotus. He didn't have her raven hair, her almond shaped eyes, smell like her or have her curves. He hadn't ever bedded Lotus, but he'd seen her naked, had touched her boobs, traced his hands along the curves and admired them.
Lotus. He had to stop thinking of her. Raphael was now his life. He'd grow to love everything about him.
"Ya look distant?" Raphael said, interrupting his thoughts. "Ya okay, Leo? Did I say somethin' wrong? I know I sound like a lovesick puppy and that's probably turnin' ya off."
"No, baby," Leo said quickly, gazing into his emerald eyes. "You did nothing wrong. Nothing. I'm touched that you think so highly of me and that you're so open with me. I've never had anyone write anything to me before and I'm looking forward to seeing it."
"That's what couples do. They're open and honest and share everythin'," Raphael said huskily, sending a shiver down Leo's spine.
Sex? Of course, that's what Raphael meant. It was inevitable they'd fuck when Raphael had recovered, but how was he going to pretend he liked if he didn't? Women did and they sometimes got away with it. Could he do the same or would Raphael suspect it and call him out on it?
"What the heck are ya thinkin' bout?" Raphael asked. "Yer far away. If I didn't know better, I'd say ya wish ya were at least ten thousand miles from here."
"All right. You got me. I was thinking about sex."
"Ya worried 'bout it?"
"Truthfully, yes."
"Why? Ya fucked Mikey. Ya know how gay sex works."
"I don't remember much about it, apart from him telling me the next morning that his ass and tail hurt. We were intoxicated. I don't remember kissing or touching or who made the first move. And I remember that my room smelled of heavy musk and sex. That's all. I was top obviously. Mikey and I both regretted it."
"Won't be like that with us, Leo. Yer gonna remember every detail, but ya don't gotta worry. I won't be rough. I'll be sweet and tender, unless ya want me ta be otherwise. It'll hurt at first. I remember when Donnie fucked me and when tincan did, but the pain passes after a while and all ya feel is bliss. The most intense pleasure and it's sweeter when it's with someone ya love. I love ya, Leo," Raphael said and nuzzled his beak against Leo's. "So it's gonna be okay when we get ta that point, but that's a ways off, because all I really want right now is ta know ya as my lover and ta spend more time with ya."
"Okay."
"I will make ya feel good, Leo. Not just sexually, but emotionally too and in all the ways that matter, so ya don't gotta worry 'bout me hurtin' ya or messin' with feelings. That ain't me. What ya see is what ya get and if I promise somethin', I mean it and I'll honor my vow until I die, okay? I will never stop honorin' and lovin' ya, so relax, Leo, and bask in our love. I am, because I trust ya completely and I always will."
"All right," Leo said, even as he mentally called himself an asshole. Raphael was so gentle, understanding and sweet and he didn't deserve to be on such a high pedestal that Raphael had placed him on. He deserved to be hit and yelled at for…
Raphael lifted Leo's face to his, nuzzled his beak against Leo's and kissed him passionately. Leo let himself go; forcing himself to return the kiss, but his heart still ached for Lotus. Raphael really didn't turn him on and he had a sinking feeling that he never would be able to be love Raphael, like he deserved.
A/N Thanks to all reading and reviewing.
Leo really is in deep now. And Raph's so adorable. How could anyone not fall in love with him? Next up: Mikey causes some trouble and says something harsh to Raphael.
