A miserable Mikey had spent a good part of the time aboard the spaceship thinking about all he'd done to Raphael, who hadn't deserved it. He didn't blame Raphael for wanting him banished or if Raphael never forgave him. He was scum. No. He was pondscum, the lowest of the lowest, who didn't deserve any kindness. He only deserved hate, distrust and punishment. Then there was Leo, his crush. The way Leo had spoken and looked at him had cut him to the core. He knew that Leo despised him and that hurt more than Raphael. He didn't think Leo would ever forgive him. He was doomed to live out his days on a foreign planet and he only had himself to blame. How could he have betrayed his brother, his family that way with Shredder of all people? And now Raphael might have babies-Shredder's babies. What a mindfuck and it was all Mikey's fault. Even gentle Donnie hated him. Donnie, who didn't hate anyone. In some ways seppuku would have been preferable to banishment. At least he wouldn't have had to think about his actions and his shame, which constantly plagued him. He knew that's what his life would be like forever. And how could Raphael have shown him mercy by banishment? He didn't deserve that, because he certainly hadn't shown Raphael any mercy, any thought, any love when he'd made that deal with Shreáder. That showed that Raphael still had some love for him, so maybe he would be forgiven someday? And if he was, could he really go back and look Raphael in the eye? He didn't know.
Tears slid down Mikey's cheeks and he felt arms snake around his waist and draw him close, Mona's breath tickling his neck, as she hugged him. He melted into the embrace, grateful for some comfort, that someone didn't loathe him.
"Sh. It's going to be all right," Mona said. "I promise, Michelangelo."
"How can it be?" Mikey asked, pulling away and turning around. "I've done so much damage. Don't you get that? Things will never be okay again, Mona."
"Raphael is a gentle soul beneath his rage and gruffness. He will forgive you someday. I know it."
"Why? I don't deserve it."
"We all make mistakes…."
"This wasn't just a mistake, Mona. I was jealous of Raph, because he had Leo. I've loved Leo my entire life and I let my jealousy get the better of me and make a deal with our nemesis, which caused Raph immense agony. I betrayed my brother, my family in the cruelest way. Don't you see? How can things ever be okay and what if Raph has Shredder's babies? Do you grasp how damaging and terrifying that is to Raph and our family? They all would have to look at the face of a monster they detest and be reminded of everything on a daily basis."
"I understand that, but…."
"There is no but. I fucked up and I'm paying for it," Mikey said sadly and blinking back tears. "Deservedly so. Raph didn't deserve what happened to him and I didn't deserve mercy from him. I wish it'd been sepukku. It'd have been preferable to dealing with knowing I'm hated by Raph and everyone I love, especially Leo. I've always admired and idolized Leo and been close to him. That bond is severed now. My bonds with my brothers are severed and there is nothing I can do. I have no one. All I have are my thoughts for the rest of my life and I have no one to blame but myself. That's the reality and it won't change. Even if it did I don't think I could look Raph or anyone in the eye again. I couldn't bear it."
"That's not true," Mona said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You have me, Michelangelo. I'll be your umbrella and help you all I can. I'll try to help you heal and be your oasis."
"I don't even deserve you, Mona. Why would you want to help me after all I've done?"
"You remind me of myself. I've messed up, caused harm to my family, betrayed people and lived with the anguish and devastation I've caused. It cuts like a knife, but I was eventually forgiven and I learned to forgive myself too. You have to forgive yourself when you're ready. It's the one of the steps to healing."
"I keep picturing Raph writhing underneath Shredder and screaming in agony and then I see him looking disgustedly at a human baby. His baby too, but he doesn't want anything to do with it. A soul, who also doesn't deserve any scorn or any resentment, but which Raph feels. And I caused that, Mona."
"I still believe Raphael and your family will forgive you someday. Yes, much damage has been done, but there is always hope and family bonds are often not severed forever. You Hamato's have weathered so much, had numerous fights, but your bonds have always been intact, right?"
"This is different, Mona. It's not like me pranking Raph with cockroaches or something."
"Michelangelo, it is not, but you are still family and Raphael and the others know that. Family ultimately forgives family, although they may never forget, because family is everything. I know you do not believe it, but it is true. In the meantime you have to learn to forgive yourself and focus on your own healing. I will help you and you will be part of my family. I will not tell anyone what transpired on earth. That is for you to tell if you wish. My people are forgiving and understanding souls, who have seen the ramifications of war, betrayal, devastation. Just like your brothers. I have no doubt you will settle in well and if I'm not to your liking, perhaps you will meet someone who is."
"You're such an optimist, but that's not….."
"There is always hope and you have to hang on to it. I don't think you're a bad person. You've made a horrendous decision, yes, but I don't believe you should be condemned forever and I don't believe your brothers will think so too. There'll come a time when they, especially Raphael, will feel ready to forgive you and they'll contact you. You're still their brother and nothing can change that."
"What if you're wrong, Mona, and they never forgive me?"
"We'll cross that bridge when and if it happens and I'll be there for you, but I know your brothers and their hearts. They won't be hard and frozen forever. They'll contact you and your bonds will be just as strong as ever. You'll see," Mona said and smiled.
I don't think so, Mikey thought, as the spaceship landed. This is my life forever. Banishment, persecution, hatred. Oh, guys, I'm so sorry. I wish I could undo everything. Raph, please don't fall gravid. Please don't. I don't want you to endure that nightmare as well. Bad enough everything else, but Shredder's babies too? No. Please be merciful, Lord, and don't let that happen.
Mona patted his shoulder and said, "We've landed. Are you coming, Michelangelo?"
"Yeah. I was just thinking about Raph's possible babies again and what a nightmare it'll be for him."
Mona's intergalactic phone rang. "Yeah, Mom. I'll be there now," Mona said and then hung up. "That was my mom, Michelangelo. She's waiting at home. She doesn't go out much, with the new baby and all."
"Baby?" Mikey said in amazement.
"Yeah. I have a new brother named Ryan. He's two weeks old. I haven't met him yet and I can't wait. Come along and don't worry. Everyone will love you."
"And your dad?"
"He was killed by Triceratons last week. I'd rather not talk about it. Hurts too much. We were so close and I…" Her words trailed off, as she blinked back tears.
"I'm so sorry. There aren't enough words," Mikey said, his heart going out to her.
"Thanks. It isn't far to the house. Let's get going."
They disembarked and began the trek to Mona's place.
XXXX
Along the way, they met several people Mona knew, who remembered Mikey from when he'd been there with his brothers. They greeted him warmly and asked him about his brothers. Mona had saved him from revealing his shame by declaring that they had to be home immediately and didn't have time to chat, but they would meet up another time.
Mikey thanked her inwardly, as they continued their journey.
XXXX
They finally arrived at Mona's place and went inside, immediately surrounded by many of Mona's relatives, all eager to learn about her adventures on earth. Mona embraced them .
At the center was Mona's mom, Lauren, who smiled warmly at her and then raised an eyebrow at Mikey. She hadn't met him or his brothers and was curious about him.
Mona disentangled herself from one of her nieces, hugged her mom and said, "Hey, Mom, I brought a pal. Is that okay?"
Lauren pulled away and said, "Who is he?"
"His name is Michelangelo and he's a good friend of mine. Do you remember I told you about the Turtles, who helped save our planet?"
"Yes."
"Well, he's one of them. He's been under tremendous strain at home and I thought a visit on our planet would recharge his batteries and….."
"Sounds like code for butting heads with his family and he's not wanted," Mona's nephew, Thad said.
"Um, it's not like that," Mona said quickly. "Don't be so quick to judge, Jerry!"
"It is like that," Mikey said. "I did something really bad and my family cast me out."
"What?" Thad demanded, earning a scowl from Mona.
"I betrayed my family. I gave my brother to our enemy, because I was jealous of what he had with another brother."
"Oh, my word. This sounds like a Jerry Springer show," Thad said and snickered. "That's sick, dude! Brothers screwing brothers!"
"They aren't related," Mona snapped, her eyes blazing. "They were just raised as brothers!"
"Still gross," Thad said and wrinkled his nose in disgust.
"He's right," Mikey said, his cheeks reddened in shame. "It's still not right, but we had no other choices. There were only four of our kind and it wasn't likely anyone would be attracted to us, looking the way we do, so we just um….."
"Fucked," Thad broke in, his own mom scowling at him for his crassness.
"Yeah. Leo and I had a one-night stand. We agreed it was just that, but I didn't actually feel that way and secretly loved Leo. I think Raph had something with Donnie, but it didn't last and then Raph and Leo got together. I was so jealous I wanted revenge on Raph, because Leo's mine and only I should have him. I wanted to get rid of Raph, thinking if he was out of the picture that Leo would want me. I drugged my brothers and took Raph to our enemy, who then violated Raph in the most beastly way. He was eventually released by one of our enemy's henchmen, who wanted to turn a new leaf. He told Raph and the family what I'd done and I was cast out by Raph and everyone. Now Raph may have our enemy's babies, because he's intersex. I would never have done what I did if I'd known Raph could have babies. I'm a worthless sack of shit and I don't deserve mercy or kindness or anything. Mona learned of my plight and said I could stay here, but I understand if I can't, because I….." Tears fell down Mikey's face and he blubbered, as he fell to his knees, "I don't deserve anything but harshness and disdain and much more."
Everyone's jaws gaped in amazement at Mikey's announcement and the tension was thick as oatmeal. No one said a word.
Thad broke the silence and said, "Wow, Aunt Mona, how could you bring that slimeball here? Why would you think he'd be welcome if even his own brothers don't want him? No. He's trash. I vote we kick him out. He can stay in the wasteland with other dipshits."
Lauren nodded curtly and said, "I agree. Mona, your generosity is a lot to be admired, but not in this case. This creature doesn't deserve it."
"Yes, he does," Mona said fiercely. "He made a mistake, but he's sorry."
"Sorry doesn't cut it," Mona's brother, Jed, said bitterly, his eyes flashing. "There are just some things you can't forgive. I don't blame his family for banishing him and if you persist on…." Jed's words trailed off, everyone understanding what he was about to say.
"I get it," Mona said furiously. "I have to leave if I want to help him, because none of you will accept him. So be it. Come on, Michelangelo. We're out of here. I am truly sorry none of you can show him the graciousness so many others have shown us when we've fucked up. You're all also a bunch of hypocrites. Preaching forgiveness, but when it comes down to it you can't show any to Michelangelo, who has nowhere to go and who needs it so desperately. I will miss you all, but I will not abandon Michelangelo. Not now. Not ever. I believe in him and I know he is truly sorry. He loves his brothers. All of them and he is genuinely contrite for the trauma and heartache he's caused."
Mona stalked out of the house, followed by Mikey.
XXXXX
Mona and Mikey wended their way back to the spaceship. There was silence for a long while.
Mikey broke the silence and said, "You didn't have to do that, Mona. I'll be fine on my own. Go back. Your family…."
"From now on you're my family, Michelangelo," Mona said and grabbed his hand. "I meant what I said. "I believe in you and I'll never abandon you. We'll go to Planet T. It's a lovely place and the people are hospitable. We'll be okay. I promise."
"Thank you. I'm so grateful, but I'm sad about….."
"My family? Yes, that was unexpected, but it can't be helped. We must look forward. Come on."
They continued to the spaceship in silence.
What a life, Mikey thought despondently. My family hates me, Mona's won't take me in and now we're going to another planet. What if we're unwanted there? Yes, sepukku would have been preferable to this crappy game of life. I'm going to end it the first opportunity I get. I can't carry on anymore.
A/N Next up is Alopex and Mona makes a call to the brothers. How will her call be received?
