WARNING: ATTEMPTED SUICIDE IN THIS CHAPTER.

Tiger Claw's heart hammered, as he waited for Alopex to arrive at 8 p.m. on the 17 November. He hadn't seen her in such a long time and he wondered how he'd be received. Sure, she'd agreed to see him, but that didn't mean she was ready to forgive him for all he'd done.

He suddenly sensed a presence and looked up to see his sister with her arms folded, her face and eyes impassive.

"You came, Alopex," Tiger Claw said. "It's so good to see you."
"What is it you want?"
"You were right about the Shredder. It's taken me some time to realize, but I have and I've left the Foot. I want to go straight."
"Really? Why the change of heart?" Alopex asked, narrowing her eyes.
"Let's just say my humanity was restored. The Shredder violated a kid and I couldn't let that slide, so I freed him and left the Foot. I'm a wanted man now, but that's fine. I couldn't have lived with myself if the kid had remained in Shredder's clutches."
"So you need my help, huh?"
"I don't deserve it, but yeah. Me and Karai need a place to hide out and you have contacts."

"You're with Shredder's daughter?" Alopex said in disbelief and raised a brow.
"Yep and it's true love. Please, Alopex. I know I've been an awful brother, but I have no one else to turn to," Tiger Claw begged.
"You're really serious about going straight, brother?"
"I am. I'm done with the Foot for good."
"Then you'll come with me and we can try to mend bridges. Can Karai be trusted?"
"Yes. She left the Foot too and wants to turn over a new life."
"Wait here. I'll be back in an hour. I have to sort some things out."

Alopex jumped off the roof and headed into the darkness.

XXXX

"And?" Casey, asked, as his wife climbed into the truck. "How'd the reunion go?"
"He said he wants to change," Alopex said. "I believe him, but I wanted to run it past you first, after all you're my husband and the decision doesn't affect only me, but us and our unborn babies. He said he had a change of heart when Shredder violated a kid, whom he freed. Now he's a wanted man and has no place to go. Karai too. They're a couple."
"That damn vixen. I wouldn't trust her cooking my dinner. She's poison," Casey spat, his eyes blazing. "But I think your brother's sincere. The kid, who he released is my best friend, Raph, who is just the most amazing guy. You'll meet him and his brothers someday."
"Apparently, they're in love and she's left the Foot too. I was skeptical, but I do know love can change people. Look at me for example. I was cold, unfeeling and my humanity was slipping away. Then we met. You gave me love, a place in the world, a home. I'm nothing without you, Casey, and I would have continued to be a walking zombie if we'd never met. So, yeah, I believe that people can change if they want to that badly. In that case, I agree he's sincere and we'll meet him and Karai and go to the farmhouse."
"No. You guys will go on without me. I want to be spend some time with Raph, who isn't the same person anymore," Casey said thickly, a lump in his throat, as tears sprang to his eyes. "I want to help him."
"Oh, my love, I'm sorry," Alopex said and hugged him. "Take all the time you need. We're just a call away. We'd better go. It's a long drive for me."

Casey started the engine and he and Alopex drove to where Tiger Claw was.

They then picked up Karai from an abandoned warehouse she and Tiger Claw had lived in and headed to the farm house.

Casey then made his way to the lair.

XXXX

A downcast Mikey and Mona arrived on Planet T two hours later. It was 6:15 p.m on November 18.

"Come with me to town to get a few things, Mikey. You'll love it. There are so many wonderful shops," Mona said.
"No, thanks. I think I'll get some Z's. Been a long day."
"All right. I'll see you soon," Mona said and left the spaceship.

Now's as good a time as any, Mikey thought despondently. I'd better hurry before she comes back. I can't take the pain and heartache I've caused any more. I can't stand knowing my brothers will never forgive me.

Mikey grabbed some rope and went to Mona's study.

XXXX

Mikey tied one end of the rope to the ceiling and the rest around his throat. Then he stepped off the chair, waiting for darkness to surround him, so he could finally be at peace.

XXXX

Mona remembered shortly after leaving that she'd forgotten something in her study. She headed there and was startled to find Mikey, whose lips were now turning blue.

"Mikey, no!" Mona screamed. "Don't die on me. Mikey, no! Mikey!"

The Salamandrian found a knife and cut Mikey down, removing the rope around his neck and then gently laying him down on the ground.

His eyes were closed and she touched his pulse, fearing the worst, but thankfully he still had one, so she'd found him in time.

"Mikey!" she said. "Mikey, wake up! Please wake up!"
The sea green turtle opened his eyes and said wretchedly, "Why didn't you leave me, Mona? I can't handle things anymore. I miss my brothers too much and the pain's unbearable."

Mona cradled Mikey with one hand and yanked out her intergalactic phone from her obi with the other. Then she dialed a number. Screw the Turtles. They needed to know what Mikey had done and to allow him to come home. He needed them.

XXXXX

Leo and Raphael had spent November 17 snuggled in bed and watching movies. The leader had further proved his love by moving Raphael's stuff into his bedroom and he'd also taken down the painting Raphael loathed so much. The painting had been left in the spare room for April to discard.

They were watching the Fast and Furious at 9 p.m, which they'd already watched like a zillion times, but never tired of.

Raphael's tail was down, a visible sign that he was relaxed.

Leo couldn't resist stroking the cute appendage, which Raphael rarely ever showed.

"Knock it off, babe," Raphael warned. "Ya know I'm very sensitive there and it arouses me."

Leo ignored him and continued stroking it, watching as Raphael's tail now thumped on the mattress in appreciation, the hothead's breath hitching, as his arousal grew.

"Leo, enough!" Raphael said crossly, trying to swat Leo's hands away.

The leader climbed astride his brother, his attention now focused on Raphael's slit. He brushed a hand across it and was rewarded by a rumble rolling up an embarrassed Raphael's throat.

"Like it, huh?" Leo said and smiled. "That's my Raphie."
"Leo, I really think we should stop now, okay? Please. I ain't ready for more."

The leader continued stroking Raphael's slit and was thrilled when his purple semi-erect and precum covered cock dropped down.

Leo's own erection pressed against Raphael's legs.

"Leo, back off now, man," Raphael shouted, his green eyes widening in terror. "Stop."

But Leo ignored him and shoved him down, his dick lined up at Raphael's entrance.

"Tell me what happened and show me," Leo said, as his dick pressed against Raphael's hole. "I want to understand. I need to, so I can help you."

Memories of what had happened on the rooftop hit Raphael like a freight train. Never had he felt so exposed and vulnerable, as he'd done then when Shredder had treated him like filth. Now his lover was doing the same thing. His lover, who'd sworn to protect and love him. How could Leo degrade him like this and make him relive what had happened? He sort of understood what Leo was asking. Maybe he didn't realize it himself, but it was sick nonetheless. He was asking if he could rape Raphael, so he could understand what he'd been through. Raphael never wanted to experience it again and he certainly never wanted anyone else to, especially his Leo.

"GET OFFA ME, LEO!" Raphael screamed, trying to push his brother off of him. "I ain't ready!"

Donnie had heard the yelling and now entered the room, his eyes flashing. He wrenched Leo off of a now bawling Raphael and immediately stood in front of Raphael, shielding him from their big brother.

"LEO, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Donnie roared. "You know what he's been through. He's not ready for that! Are you fucking crazy?"

Realization of what he'd almost done hit Leo like a ton of bricks. How could he have been so unthinking?

"I just wanted to understand what he was going through. I didn't mean to frighten him," Leo said despondently. "I would never do anything to harm Raph. Raphie, look at me. You know that."

A sniveling and trembling Raphael ducked his head, unable to look Leo in the face.

"Get out, Leo. He'll talk to you when and if he's ready," Donnie hissed and pointed at the door.
A dejected Leo said, "I love you, Raph. I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

Leo left the room.

"Are you okay, Raph?" Donnie asked.
"I can't believe he did that, Donnie," Raphael said, raising his tear-stained face. "I know he wants ta help and ta understand, but askin' that was like askin' if he could rape me. I would never wanna go through that again I wouldn't want no one else ta neither, especially Leo. I kept tellin' him ta stop and memories of what Shredder did came floodin' back. I wasn't ready. Why did he do that? Just when everythin' was goin' so well with us."
"I understand what you mean and when you're ready you can explain to it Leo. Look, Raph, what happened was PTSD. It can be triggered anytime."
"But why? I should be able ta trust Leo."
"Yes and no, Raph. What you went through was horrific and you don't heal overnight. It sometimes takes years to build back trust."
"Will I ever heal? I wanna be able ta have sex again someday. I don't wanna keep freezin' and cryin' like a baby when my lover tries ta make love ta me."
"Yes, but don't be mad at yourself if even in a year's time you tense up. It's normal after such a traumatic event. I think we should have counselling and you should come back to me to talk. It helps a lot. I also really think you should consider terminating any babies. It could trigger more PTSD and it's a lasting reminder of your ordeal, especially if they look like Shredder. I'm not saying you have to. I just want you to know there are options if you don't want them. I want the best for you, Raph."
"Yeah. Thanks, Donnie. I'll think 'bout things. I hate sobbin' like a baby, Donnie. It ain't me. I hate how weak I was. I can hear Shredder's laughter in my head sometimes when he…." Raphael said and shivered.
"Listen, you're going to heal and will soon be the strong Raph we know. He didn't break you forever, Raph. Not you. You're tough, a Hamato, our brave warrior and it wasn't your fault. Shredder's the monster. Not you. Someday he'll pay big time. Anyway, how about a bath? That always relaxes you. Then I'll make you a snack and I also want to check how your injuries are healing."
"A bath sounds great."
"Awesome. Can you stand?"
"Yeah."
"Excellent," Donnie said and hugged him. "You're going to beat this, Raph. I have every confidence in you."
Raphael pulled away and said, "I hope so. I'm tired of bein' scared of my shadow and of freakin' out 'bout everythin'. I just wanna be happy again and my old self."

XXXXX

Twenty minutes later, Raphael was soaking in the bath, which soothed his body, but not his mind. He couldn't stop thinking about Leo and what had almost transpired. His Leo, the person he adored most in the galaxy had almost violated him, like their nemesis. How was he supposed to look Leo in the face now when he was petrified of him?

The door opened.

Raphael glanced up and saw Leo, shame coloring his cheeks.

"I don't know if you'll speak to me, but here goes," Leo said. "Donnie's in the kitchen and I snuck in here, because I want to apologize. I'm so sorry for what I did. I didn't realize what was I asking at the time, Raph. I did, as soon as Donnie pulled me off of you. I am deeply sorry. I would never hurt you, especially not the way….I hope you can forgive me someday. I understand if you can't be my mate anymore. I know I scared you and I'm a shit. Anyway….. I'll go."
"No. Sit down on the floor."

Leo did and waited for Raphael to speak.

"Leo, I don't think I was afraid of makin' love ta ya," Raphael said. "I know it'll be dynamite when I'm ready and it happens. I was frightened, because ya were askin' ta do what he did ta me and ya didn't even realize it. I would never wanna experience that again or have anyone else ta, especially ya, the man I adore so much. It was hell, Leo. I know ya desperately wanna understand what it was like, but I don't want ya ta ever. No one should ever have ta suffer. All I want from ya is love, understandin' and space. That's all. I need yer strength, because I'm still gonna crack sometimes. I need yer laughter, yer warmth, yer hugs. That's what I need. I don't need ya ta endure what I did ta get me through this."
"Are you still saying we're together?" Leo said in amazement.
"Yeah, but don't ever pull a stunt like that again and don't touch me unless I say it's okay. Always remember it ain't because I don't want the touchin' and don't love ya. I just ain't ready."
"Oh, Raph. Thank you," Leo said gratefully, his eyes shining with tears.

"HEY! What the heck are you doing in here, Leo?" Donnie demanded, as he entered the bathroom.
"It's okay, Donnie," Raphael said and grabbed Leo's hand. "We talked. He understands and we still love one another. Can ya make us a snack? I'm thinkin' toasted cheese."
"All right and then bed. It's been a long day. Raph, remember what I said," Donnie said and left the room.

"What did he say, Raph?" Leo asked.
"Just if I didn't want the baby I got options."
"You do and whatever happens I'll be here for you."
"Ditto, Fearless," Raphael said and gently kissed his mate. "Yer stuck with me."

Leo eagerly returned the kiss.

"Wanna join me, Fearless?" Raphael asked, as he ran more hot water into the tub. "There's plenty of room."
"You sure?"

Leo's phone suddenly rang.

"Um, Raph, I'll be right back," Leo said.
"Can't it wait?"
"No," Leo said and left the room.

He returned ten minutes later and said, "It was nothing, Raph."
"Ten minutes of nothin'?"
"Yep."
"Bullshit!" Raphael snapped and grabbed Leo's phone. He scrolled through Leo's calls and said, "Why the fuck was Mona callin' ya?"
"I took care of it. Let's just…."
"Ya took care of what, Fearless?" Raphael demanded, his eyes flashing. "Don't hold back."
"Mikey tried to kill himself and she wants us to allow him to come home. Said he's drowning and desperately unhappy. I said no."
"SO YA WENT AND MADE THE DECISION WITHOUT CONSULTIN' ME!" Raphael roared, his green eyes blazing. "Leo, this relationship and family ain't just 'bout ya!"
"I thought you wouldn't want him back after what he did. I was just trying to protect you!"

Raphael climbed out of the bath, grabbed his mate by the throat and shoved him up against the wall.

"YA DON'T FUCKIN' MAKE DECISIONS WITHOUT ME, LEO. Maybe ya made the right one, but it wasn't solely yers ta make! Ya shoulda talked ta me and Donnie. Did ya talk ta him?"
"Yep. He agreed with me."
"YER BOTH ASSHOLES! I'm tired of bein' treated like a baby, who can't think for himself."
"Raph, let me go! We're only looking out for you!"
"I know. Look, I don't want him home. He deserves all the shit he gets, but what I don't like is that ya didn't talk ta me, Leo. That's what hurts. We're supposed ta be equals, mates, who share things and make decisions together."
"We are."
"No. Ya see me as a weaklin' and fuckin' trash, who can't think for himself. That's how ya view me," Raphael said removing his hand, tears pricking his eyes.
"Raph, that's not true. I was honestly…"
"I love ya so much, baby, but if ya really want this relationship ta work, ya need ta make decisions with me and not for me. Do ya get it?"
"Raph, yes. I'm sorry."
"I can't look at ya right now. Gonna sleep in my old room tonight," Raphael said and left the bathroom, his shoulders slumped.

Leo watched him and thought sadly, that's not true. I was just trying to protect him. That's my job as a mate. I don't think he is weak and incapable of making decisions. I think he's strong, brave and a warrior.

A/N Whoa. So much angst.

Next up, Mikey tries to heal. Leo tries to make up for upsetting Raphael. And Splinter talks to the Ancient one. He must

be going through the wringer too worrying about his sons.

Thank you for all the wonderful feedback and kudos. You guys are fantastic :)