Leo saw his mate walk to his bedroom, but he knew he couldn't sleep, so he went into the lounge, hoping a movie would distract him from his thoughts. He was thirty minutes into a South African movie called the Gods Must be Crazy, which made him chuckle, when he heard Casey's cheerful voice.

Leo groaned, pressed record on the DVR that Donnie had set up and went to greet Casey.

"Hi, Casey," Leo said. "What's up?"
"Hey. I know it's super late and I'm sorry for dropping in unannounced, but I'm concerned about Raph. How is he?"
Leo tilted to his head towards the kitchen and said, "Let's talk there. More privacy."

They went to the kitchen.

XXXX

Casey was stunned when Leo removed a loose brick in the kitchen, retrieved two bottles of beer from Raphael's secret stash, replaced the brick, handed Casey a bottle, popped his cap, sat down at the table and took a huge gulp of the amber liquid.

Leo coughed, unused to the alcohol and Casey patted him on the back.

"Easy, Leo. Whoa. You don't drink, so things must be really bad," Casey said.
"That's an understatement. Everything I do upsets Raph. It's like we take one step forward and then I fuck up and we're two steps back. All I want to do is protect him, but he doesn't see it that way."
"Explain," Casey, said sitting at the table, then popping his cap and then taking a long sip.
"Well, I asked him to show me how he felt when Shredder, you know…..I was on top of him and I said I just want to understand, so I can help him. He freaked out."
"So you were actually asking to rape him, but you didn't realize at the time, right? Shit, Leo. No wonder he went nuts. Poor guy's been through the wringer and then you, his mate, who's supposed to love him and protect him pulls shit like that."
"I know," Leo said sadly, setting down the bottle on the table and rubbing his face. "Luckily Donnie heard Raph's cries and yanked me off of him. Anyway, me and Raph hashed it out and we were fine. Then Mona called and told me that Mikey attempted suicide, he's not coping and he should come home. I said no, hung up, asked Donnie, who agreed with me, but when I went back to talk to Raph, he didn't believe me when I said no one had been on the phone. He grabbed my phone, saw Mona had called, demanded answers and now is pissed that I made a decision for him and not with him. He thinks I view him as weak and incapable of making decisions. That's not true. I just want to shield Raph from Mikey. It's my job as his mate and now I feel like there's going to be a void between us that we may never bridge. Raph didn't even want to be with me tonight. He went to his own room."
"Leo, Raph overreacted, but you can't blame him."
"I don't."
"He's been through shit and has experienced things he, the macho turtle never thought he would. It's killing him. He doesn't want someone mollycoddling him all the time and wants to be treated like he was before. That's all. Yes, he wants love and cuddles, but he doesn't want someone making him think he can't make decisions, because he can. He's still the same Raph. He's just healing. I don't know if that makes sense. If you want to make the relationship work, you have to try and understand that. You should have consulted him about Mikey, because damn it, Mikey was the one who betrayed him most. You can't hide things from him just because you want to protect him. That's not a relationship, Leo. You share the good and the bad and make decisions together. That's a relationship."
"So how can I fix things?" Leo asked, looking up, tears in his eyes. "I love him, Casey, and just want to make him happy and take care of him."
"You love him, but you don't treat him like he's weak and a baby, Leo. He's not. He's one of the most courageous guys I know. Raph needs to see that you still view him as the same guy he was before and not a victim, because he's not. He's a survivor. Look, this is a crappy and heartrending situation. I've been there, Leo. I had a girlfriend, who was raped. I tried everything I could to help her, but it wasn't enough, because she thought I was babying her, instead of treating her the same as she was before the attack. She'd always had spunk, you know, but she said my efforts didn't help her and I made her feel like she couldn't make decisions. I was too caring, smothering and overprotective. She ended it. Raph doesn't want that, Leo. Do you understand?"
"I think so. Shit, Casey, I'm sorry about the girl."
"It's fine. For the best. Besides, I've met someone else and she's amazing. You'll meet her someday. Anyway, that's what I suggest and you need to do something huge to apologize to Raph."
"We were supposed to see the Knicks play the Lakers the night he was taken, which was one of my birthday gifts for him, but the tickets are null and void now."
Casey did a Google search on his smartphone and said, "They're playing in Cali on November twenty-second. Why don't you buy tickets?"
"Cali's far and we don't have a place to stay."
"Sure you do, bud. My blind aunt stays in Oakland. She wouldn't care if we crash with her for a few days." Casey hit purchase tickets and said, "Bought the tickets. Now you can't back out, Leo. Pay me back when you can."
"I will in the morning. Thanks."
"Raph will cool down. Keep doing things to make him happy and to show you love him, but not like OTT, okay? And no cooking! Raph pretends he doesn't like gifts and sappiness, but he does, especially from you. Write him a poem or something. He'll treasure it forever. Spell his name with Alphabet soup, leave him little love notes everywhere, give him a massage. It's the little things that count most. That's how I won my girl. I have no doubt Raph will forgive you. He could never be furious with you for long. He loves you too much."
"I hope so. I really don't want to lose him. He's the best thing that ever happened to me and I can't and don't want to imagine being without him. Anyway, tell me about your girl."
"She's twenty, so only a couple years older than me. I pestered her for a year to date me. She kept saying no, but I gradually wore her down with my sweet gestures. Then we dated for six months before getting hitched."
"You're married?" Leo said in astonishment. "Does Raph know?"
"Nope. It only happened two days ago. I mean, I'll tell him, but not right now. He's dealing with a lot. Anyway, I'd never considered marriage, but when I met her it made me rethink my views, especially when I learned she's expecting. Two months along. We're ecstatic."
"Casey, you devil! I'm shocked!"
"I know, right? I'm so happy, Leo. She's fantastic. I really think you guys will love her. Anyway, it's late. Mind if I crash on the couch for a few days? She's gone to the farm house for a few days with her brother. They've recently reunited after years apart and want some alone time."
"Sure," Leo said and stood up. "The blankets are in the linen closet. Make yourself at home."
"Hey, Leo? You and Raph will be fine, as long as you take heed of what I said. Love him, but don't smother him. That'll push him away."

Leo nodded, left the room and headed to his bedroom, praying Raphael would forgive him.

XXXX

Raphael punched his pillow in his room, as tears rained down his face and thought, damn Leo for makin' me feel like I can't do nothin'. I know he loves me and wants ta protect me, but he went 'bout it the wrong way. He shoulda talked ta me first 'bout Mikey. Couples make decisions together! Fuck. I just wanna be treated like I was before things happened. I don't wanna be treated differently, like I'm a pathetic sack of shit, who can't do nothin' and think for himself. I ain't that. I don't wanna talk ta Mikey, but I will ta make a point that I don't need Leo ta make decisions for me!

Raphael dialed Mona's number and said, "Hi, Mona. Is Mikey there?"
"I thought you didn't want to talk to him and didn't want him home," Mona said icily. "Leo said that was the case."
"That's crap. Leo decided for me, Mona. I wasn't consulted."
"So you do want Mikey home?" Mona asked hopefully.
"I didn't say that and that's between me and my brother. Put him on the line."
"I don't care for your attitude, Raphael," Mona said coldly. "I'm not the enemy here."
"My attitude?" Raphael growled. "Hey, lady, ya try bein' paralyzed, then raped by yer nemesis and then given ta yer nemeis by yer jealous brother and go through the same shit again! Ya would have an attitude too. How can ya even think I want him ta come home so fast after all that? Could ya forgive that so quickly? I wanna talk ta him 'bout his attempted suicide. Damn it!"

The next voice Raphael heard was Mikey's.

"Raph?" Mikey said. "Is that you?"
"Yep."
"Can I come home? Please."
"Nope."
"Not ever? Please. I can't take any more. I'm sorry for all I did," Mikey wept.
"That may be true, but it ain't gonna happen now, Mike. What ya did was despicable and forgiveness takes time. Sometimes it even takes years, but that's yer cross ta bear. Ya gotta suck it up. I had ta with Shredder," Raphael said bitterly. "Do ya know what that was like? All the things he did?"
"I know…."
"NO. Ya don't know. Don't even pretend ya do, Mike, and I hope ya never do. I wouldn't wish that on no one, even ya. Tryin' ta commit suicide really? Ya think that'll make me forgive ya? That only makes me think yer a weaklin', who can't man up and face all he's done. It makes me lose respect for ya more. Is that what ya are? A coward? Ya've never been one, Mike, and ya ain't now. Ya gotta stick it out, like I had ta."
"For how long?"
"Crud. I don't know, Mike. I can't give ya a timeframe. I just can't. It ain't like puttin' bugs in my cereal. Ya gave me ta Shredder, who fucked me up good and proper. Ya betrayed yer brother. Maybe I ain't always been the best brother, but I didn't deserve that. No one does."
"Do you hate me, Raph?"
"Yeah, but I also love ya. That's why I chose banishment, instead of seppuku. Look, I will get ta a point someday when I can forgive ya and maybe see ya, but I can't tell ya when that is. In the meantime ya gotta move on with yer life and forge yer own path."
"Will Leo ever forgive me?"
"I can't speak for him. Listen, it's been a long day. I need sleep. My brain's fried and I…Look after yerself, Mike. Don't do nothin' else stupid."
"Do you and Leo really love another?"
"Yep and it's a beautiful and pure love. My whole life I ain't never felt I belonged nowhere, ya know, but now I do. With Leo. He makes me happy on so many levels. We complement one another in every way. He chases away my demons and I make him less of a tightass and so much more. I was never happy, Mike. I was always miserable and never thought I'd be loved. Now I am. I can't stop smilin'. There'll be obstacles, but I got no doubt we'll get through them with our love."
"Then I hope you guys work out. Raph, you were never a horrible brother. I didn't think that. I was just so blinded by my jealousy. I truly hope you'll forgive me some day."
"I gotta go. Be safe, Mike," Raphael said and ended the call.

Raphael had wanted to lambast his brother and tell him he was never going to come home. The bastard probably deserved that, but he couldn't do that, as he listened to Mikey and the wretchedness in his voice. He couldn't turn his back on Mikey and never forgive him, because despite all that had happened they were still family and you didn't do that to family. Not in his opinion anyway. Family was everything and always would be. He couldn't forgive Mikey now and maybe not even in a year's time, but he would get there. He'd try anyway. Well, he didn't have to think about that right now. Hopefully Mikey would take heart from it and would pull himself together. He had to, like Raphael had to.

The hothead didn't want to think anymore right now. He just wanted to sleep. It'd been such an exhausting day.

Raphael crawled into bed, threw the blankets over himself and thought, it's weird bein' without Leo. I miss him. I really hope we can get past all the shit. I don't wanna lose him. I love him so much.

He closed his eyes and soon drifted off to sleep.

But his sleep was restless, because Shredder invaded his dreams, the villain's lips curled up in a sneer, his eyes cold, as he savagely took what he wanted from Raphael, the turtle paralyzed and as helpless as a hatchling.

"NO!" Raphael screamed, as sweat beaded on his forehead, his heart racing, tears streaming down his face, as he kicked the blankets off of himself. "FUCKIN' STOP IT. I DON'T WANT IT. GET OFFA ME. I AIN'T YER BITCH!"

He woke and nervously glanced around the room, searching for the goon, but not seeing him, he sighed in relief. It had just been a nightmare. Damn it. It had been so surreal.

Raphael looked next to him, looking for comfort, but Leo wasn't there. Of course he wasn't there. He was in his room and probably hadn't heard his mate.

I need him, Raphael thought, getting up. I need ta hug him. Only he can chase away the nightmares and the demons. I don't care if we fought. I just need his strength right now. I don't wanna be alone.

Raphael padded to Leo's bedroom and went inside.

XXXX

The leader was sitting up in bed and reading a war book. He looked up when Raphael entered the room, concern in his blue eyes when he saw Raphael's panic-stricken face.

"Raph," Leo said, opening his arms. "What's wrong?"
Raphael climbed into bed, melted into his mate's arms and said brokenly, "Nightmare. Can I stay here?"
"This is your room, Raph. You don't have to ask," Leo said and hugged Raphael tighter, his comforting musk filling Raphael's nostrils and making him relax. "Want to talk about it?"
Raphael didn't break the hug and said, "Shredder. He won't go away. I want him ta go away. I'm tired of the nightmares. I know Donnie said it'll take time, but I can't handle it."
"I understand. Just know I'm always here for you and we'll get through everything together."
"I know. Listen, Leo, 'bout earlier, I overreacted. It's just I wanna still be treated the same as I was before it all, ya know. I think I explained earlier. I don't wanna be treated like a baby and like I'm weak. I ain't never been weak. I don't like bein' left out and decisions made for me. We gotta make them together. That's a relationship, Leo."
"You were right and you didn't overreact. I probably would have done the same thing if you'd treated me that way."
Raphael raised his head and said, "Really?"
"I had a long talk with Casey earlier. Guy isn't as dense as everyone thought he was. He told me about a relationship he had. He smothered her and she felt like she was drowning, so she ended it. I'm terrified of you dumping me, Raph. I get that's what you felt I was doing. I want to protect you, shield you from everything, punish anyone, who tries to hurt you. I want to make you feel loved and whole again. I want to do that and I feel like I'm a failure when I don't."
"Hey, hey. Ya do make me feel loved and I'm healin', Leo, but it's the smotherin' I don't want. Casey's right. I don't want us ta ever end neither. We won't if we're always real with each other, make decisions together, communicate, respect and love one another, but don't ever smother one another."
"Do you forgive me?"
"Maybe. What's in it for me if I do?" Leo's face fell. "Of course I do. I was kiddin'. I could never be angry at ya forever."
"But I still have to make up for what I did, huh?"
"This talk is doin' that. We're on the same page now. Ya don't gotta prove yer sorry. I know ya are and that ya understand things now. We're cool."
"But I feel like I have to do something to make it right. I was a dick, Raphie. I hurt you."
"Damn it. I've forgiven ya, babe. Just love me, okay? But don't suffocate me and always be real and treat me as an equal. That's it. Can we move on now?"
"That all, so you're not interested in going away for a few days to Cali, as part of my apology present?"
"Cali? Why would I wanna go there?" Raphael asked, raising an eye ridge.
"Oh, I don't know. To eat oranges and maybe go to the beach?" Leo said and smiled mysteriously.
"Leo, tell me!"
"Nope. We leave November twenty-first. Don't worry about housing. We got that covered."
"Oh, right, we can just walk into a motel lookin' the way we do," Raphael said sardonically.
"Do you trust me?"
"Of course."
"Then let it be a surprise. I know you'll love it."
"Fine. It better not be tickets ta ballet or ta watch a musical. Is it?"
"I'm not saying anything."
"Tease. Hey, Leo, don't be mad, but I spoke ta Mikey. I told him I'd forgive him some day. I didn't know when, but I could. I know ya'll be mad I did that, but…."
"I'm not mad. If you feel that's the right decision, then I respect it. After all, he betrayed you most and you went through it all. We just are protective of you."
"Yeah. So are ya gonna tell me why we're goin' ta Cali?"
"Nope."
"Not a hint?"
"I want to see Jake Gyllenhaal," Leo said and laughed. "Let's get some rest. Been a long day."

They lay down, arms wrapped around one another, Raphael's head tucked underneath Leo's chin.

"What's that actor got that I don't, Leo?" Raphael asked.
"Nothing. I'm messing with you. I don't want to tell you what it is, because I don't want to ruin it, but I do know that it'll make you happy."
"As happy as I am in this moment, now we've reconciled?"
"Perhaps."
"I doubt it. Nothin' and no one could make me as happy as ya do. I love ya, Leo. I'm so glad yer mine and I will always love ya," Raphael said and leaned up and kissed Leo's mouth.
"I love you too. Goodnight, babe."

Raphael lay down, his head tucked underneath Leo's chin again, closed his eyes and thought, yeah, we're gonna make it just fine, but I wish Fearless would give me a hint 'bout what he's plannin'. I hate bein' kept in the dark.

A/N I know Splinter was supposed to be in the chapter, but the others just took over and wrote the chapter :)

Mikey is next. How did the call affect him?

Thank you so much for all the awesome reviews. I'm so grateful.