Chapter Four: Onto Every Play
"I don't think I would have married you if you couldn't do this."
"Dance?"
"Waltz," Lorelia purred.
"You say that like you're picturing me naked," Luke said, with a laugh.
"And you know me too well," she told him with a wink.
Lorelai looked around the room at all her friends…her family and she smiled. She had waited so long for this…for Luke…for them. She really couldn't believe it had happened. Everything was perfect.
Well, almost perfect, she supposed.
She saw Rory talking with Lane and Zach and she saw how happy her daughter looked as she showed Lane her engagement ring. Lorelai wished she could muster some of that same happiness. There was nothing she wanted more than for Rory to be happy and it bothered Lorelai that she just couldn't believe that she was. She knew Logan wasn't entirely the devil she thought him to be. She was aware that he had matured and wasn't nearly as spontaneous and prone to nights in jail as he had been when they first met. However, Lorelai hadn't forgotten what those first several months had been like with them. She'd be the first to admit that she hadn't met a grudge yet that she hadn't become friends with. She had seen Rory too heartbroken one day and too arrested the next to forgive that easily. Or forget, for that matter. She knew she should. She should be the adult and just bite the bullet and make things right again.
Lorelai knew that it would make everything easier if she just said she was wrong and that she wanted Rory to live her own life on her own terms. But she couldn't. She just couldn't gather the fake enthusiasm to do it. And if she couldn't sell it, Rory wouldn't buy it. For 23 years, all she wanted was for Rory to be happy and now that she was, Lorelai couldn't accept it. Was she being petty? Did she not accept it because it wasn't what she wanted Rory to do with her life? She knew the answer to those questions and she wasn't exactly proud. Maybe Rory was right the night before when she had told Lorelai that she was putting her own wants for Rory first and not accepting anything other than that.
And in the process of acting this way, she lost her daughter.
She had somehow turned into Emily.
"What's wrong?" Luke asked, his voice quiet. She smiled tightly and shook her head but he didn't believe her. "You know, you have to tell me now. It's in the contract."
"The contract?"
"To always tell each other everything. Remember?"
She nodded and sighed heavily. "I think I've made everything a mess."
"What are you talking about? Did something happen with Rory?"
"Last night…in the kitchen. We had another one of our mother-daughter heart to hearts but with the new, more modern twist that we've become accustomed to. You know, with the sarcasm and the tears and the slamming of doors."
"I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do for the both of you but, Lorelai, you didn't do this."
"I did. You don't know."
"Oh, so maybe I missed all the drama over the last two years we've been together. I'm not stupid and I know what's been going on."
"I'm not saying that you're –"
"I know, I know. I may not say a lot but I see what's happening between you two and I'm telling you that it isn't your fault."
"And I'm telling you that it is. Why can't you just agree with me like you always do?"
"I don't always agree with you."
"You do once I beat you into submission and you have no other choice but to agree with me."
"You're right."
"See?" She laughed and it felt good.
"All I'm saying is that you've been blaming yourself for this when it isn't just you." Luke stopped dancing and led her off the dance floor. "It's the two of you who have made it a mess. Don't put this all on yourself."
"I'm the mother. I should be the adult here and just –"
"You're both adults now…well, on most days." Lorelai playfully hit him in the arm. "I don't know what you two fought about last night but I can take a pretty good guess and I'm going to say this and then I'll stay out of it, unless you want me to get involved. What you want for her isn't wrong, Lorelai. And what she wants for herself isn't wrong, either, but the two of you need to find a way to come to terms with this."
"I know this, Luke," she said in an aggravated tone.
He held up his hands in surrender and said, "I don't want to fight with you. I just want you two to work it out and for you to be happy again. Today should be happy. At least, that's what everyone keeps telling me."
"It is. The happiest of the happy days, I promise. No more sad face." She pointed to her face and smiled. "This is all you'll see for the rest of the day. I swear on my mother's grave."
"Lorelai…"
"That was a bit crass, wasn't it?"
"A bit."
"I love you."
"It's because I'm the only one who has learned to put up with you for so long."
Lorelai thought about that for a minute and smirked. "That and you make kick ass chili cheese fries."
"The first thing I'm doing as your husband –"
"Ooh, I like the sound of that!"
"Is teaching you how to eat properly."
"I don't like the sound of that."
"I'm afraid you have no choice."
"Then this is a shorter marriage than Britney and Jason!"
"Who?"
"Oh, Luke." She shook her head in shame. "The first thing we're doing is making sure you are a pop culture aficionado. People know me. I have a reputation to uphold."
"As the town looney?"
"Ignoring you. I am the go-to gal for witty sometimes obscure pop culture references. You need to step up. That one comment about that show Outside the Limits does not count."
"It was The Outer Limits."
"It doesn't matter. We're going to have sit down with a few issues of Entertainment Weekly and get you all popped up."
"Why don't we go on the honeymoon first so we have a little bit of marital bliss before I want to kill you?"
"Speaking of the honeymoon –"
"The one we can barely afford?"
"Au contraire mon frear. I got an envelope." Lorelai rolled her eyes when she saw his look of confusion. "From my father."
"And?"
"And we could go on about seven honeymoons."
"We can't take that kind of money."
"Oh, yes, we can and we are." When Luke began to protest again, Lorelai cut him off, "Luke, he gave it to us as a wedding present. Do you know what an insult it would be to give it back to him? He said some things…and it was a really nice moment between us that I don't think we've ever had and we're not talking about this anymore. I just wanted to let you know. The contract, right?"
Luke conceded. "Yeah, yeah, the contract."
"You love being married to me. Admit it."
Luke just looked at her like she was crazy.
"C'mon, Luke! Admit it."
Nothing.
"Well, you wait until cake, sweet cheeks. You just wait."
She noticed Luke staring at something behind her and turned around. She her brow creased at what she saw.
"That can't be good," Luke said. "Right? Those two? Talking?"
Lorelai shook her head. "You're right. That really could get ugly."
"Wait," Luke began with a smile. "Did you just say that I was right?"
"Uh, no! You must be hearing things!"
"Wow, I'm…right. It's funny. This feeling of being right."
"I agreed, Luke. That's different than being right. I just want to point that out."
"Don't ruin it."
"Okay, okay. Today you can be right."
Jess waited for Logan to continue. He didn't ask Logan to come over so Jess felt that he didn't have to initiate any kind of conversation. Why did he come over? He didn't seem to want to talk to Jess yesterday at the rehearsal dinner. Did Rory tell him that they used to date? Why would she do that? Did Logan, maybe, ask because he saw something there between them?
Jess sighed and shook his head. He needed to get out of Stars Hollow. The place was having a negative effect on him.
"So, Jess, what do you do?"
Great.
"Well, Logan, I install phone service in the Manhattan area."
"That sounds interesting."
"Does it?"
"I love Manhattan. I think it would be great to work in that area."
"Sure, if I worked for one your dad's papers, than, yes, working in Manhattan would be great. However, working in Manhattan and then going home to your apartment in Brooklyn, well, isn't."
"Sure, sure, I get that."
"Do you?"
"You know who my father is?" Logan asked, ignoring Jess's loaded question.
"Is there anyone who doesn't?"
"Do you ever just answer a question?"
"Do you?"
"Did you used to dream of being a reporter?" Logan asked with a tight smile. "Because you have a real knack for it."
"Nah, Rory had the reporter bug. I just wanted to be lazy."
"Yeah, Rory's an excellent writer. Have you read any of her stuff from the paper?"
"I have."
"Really? You got a Yale newspaper in Brooklyn?"
"Actually, Logan, a buddy of mine went to school there. He still gets it. Apparently it's a privilege of being an alumnus."
"Rory quit the paper a couple of years ago so…"
"Why don't you just ask what you want to ask," Jess suggested.
"No, I don't want to ask anything. I just find it…interesting that you read Rory's stuff from a couple of years ago."
"Reading's good for the soul."
Logan chuckled softly. "I suppose it is. But to me, her fiancé, it seems a little odd that a man who dated her quite a few years ago still kept tabs on her."
"Maybe I just like to read."
"There's that or you still –"
"I still what?" Jess interrupted. "Look, you don't know me. You don't know what my relationship with Rory was or is so like I said if you have something to ask, ask it because I'm getting a little tired of the Marlowe routine."
"Are you still in love with her?"
Jess swallowed hard and hoped Logan didn't notice. He expected him to ask something but he really didn't expect him to come out swinging full force. Maybe this guy wasn't as bad as Jess was led to believe. He was only doing what Jess would do in the same situation. If he were the fiancé, he'd have to ask these questions, he'd have to needle the old boyfriend.
Jess shook his head and offered Logan a fraction of a smile. "I understand what you're doing. I get it, believe me, I get it. So this whole thing? Let's just forget it and go back to the wedding. It was nice to meet you."
"Nice attempt at not answering that question."
Jess shrugged and walked away because he really didn't think there was anything else to say to that.
Rory stood outside, getting some fresh air and trying not to think of the blood bath that could be going on inside. She had seen them talking when she exited the bathroom and quickly made her way outside. She realized it wasn't the most mature decision she's ever made but at that moment, it seemed like the only decision she could make.
She couldn't be surprised. Jess told her he was going to talk to Logan. To see for himself if what he had heard was correct. She was confident that he would see that Logan was an upstanding man, that he loved her, that he only wanted what was right for her. He had to see it. He just had to because if he didn't…
She shook her head. She didn't want to think about that. She didn't want to care what Jess thought of her relationship. And she didn't. She didn't. She had been over Jess for years now and she was perfectly happy with Logan. And if he couldn't see that, well, that certainly wasn't her problem.
"Hiding?"
She rolled her eyes and turned to look at him. Her eyes went to his feet and she smiled. "Nice sneakers."
"Hey, I did the uncomfortable shoe bit for a lot longer than I intended."
"As long as Lorelai got her picture, it should be fine."
"You're calling your mom 'Lorelai' now? Huh."
"I don't…it was just…"
"You're trying to be more of a badass than you are? I get it." Jess chuckled. "It reminds me of when your mom used to call her mom by her first name. That I got…from what I'd heard about them but this? I don't get this."
"Do you ever get anything, Jess?" Rory asked, her voice cold.
"Ooh, ouch." He held up his hands. "Nice showing of teeth there, Cujo."
"Just saying," she answered with a shrug of indifference. "So…um, you met Logan."
"I met Logan last night."
"You know what I mean. Why do you have to be so annoying and such a pain in my ass?"
"Rory Gilmore says ass now? Call the Post!"
She let one side of her mouth rise a little and quickly stopped herself but he saw it and he ducked his head to hide his own smile of victory.
"He seems…okay." He looked at her and the minute he saw her eyes light up, he wished that he hadn't.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I mean, he's not so bad and who am I to judge anyone on what they've done in their lives? I'm the king screw-up, right? People grow up."
"Exactly!" Rory agreed with excitement. "Now go tell my mother that."
He shook his head and laughed. "You are on your own there, my friend."
"What if I pout?"
"Not gonna happen."
"What if I give you my withering stare? It's taken down many a men…and women, too. It's not like my stare is only directed at men because that would be silly! Plenty of women are deserving of it, also..."
She trailed off as she realized she was just babbling away and smiled at him. He returned it, half-heartedly, and before he looked away, Rory saw something in his eyes that made her own smile falter. What did she say that could make him go emo on her? She didn't know, couldn't figure it. Asking him to talk to Lorelai? No big deal. She had seen him talking to her a few times now so that bridge was as mended as it could be. Because of Logan? The pout?
Her breath caught in her chest as she realized. Of course, he still remembered. She did.
When I was getting a locker for my backpack at the bus stop, there was this guy and he was just standing there staring at me and instead of ignoring him I just fixed him with a really withering stare.
That I've got to see.
No.
Oh, come on, let me see your withering stare.
It's dangerous. I could hurt you.
I've been hurt before.
No.
I'm disappointed.
Her hand reached out to him but she quickly put it back to her side. Her heart was pounding and she felt awkward just standing here, not saying anything, her mind thinking too much about what he was thinking about and she made a decision. She had to get away.
"Well, I'm glad you liked him."
"Rory," Jess began but she cut him off with a small shake of her head. His brow furrowed as he looked her, trying to get a read on her; trying to understand her the way he used to.
Or maybe he never did.
She took a deep breath and smiled, the smile that had been bothering him since he saw her the night before. It was too fake. Too not Rory. And he would rather her not smile than pretend to.
"I'll see you," she mumbled and walked past him.
Before he knew what he was doing, his hand reached out and grabbed her arm. Her head turned toward him but her body stayed facing away from him. If she turned fully, she didn't know what would happen. She didn't know if she would be able to keep this up.
He hesitated before he blurted out, "Can I call you?"
He hated the little bit of desperation that slipped into his voice.
"I'm with – "
"Logan. I know, Rory. It's not about that. I want to get to know you again."
"You do?" She didn't hide her surprise.
He nodded, hoping that would do it. The less he said, the better he could convince her that it were true. That he had no ulterior motive.
"Why?"
He grinned. Now that was Rory. Always questioning; always wondering.
"What are you smiling about?" she asked, turning her body just a little. A little was safe.
"You. Always asking questions."
"I'm a reporter," she said with a smile.
"Were," Jess reminded her and immediately kicked himself when her face closed off. "Sorry. I just meant –"
"I know what you meant," she told him so quietly that he had to strain to hear her. "What are you doing?"
"We used to be friends, Rory. And I thought about what you said last night…about you not being the same girl you used to be."
"I don't know…"
"No, pressure." He handed her a piece of paper which she took. "Call me, if you want. If you don't feel comfortable with me calling you…"
"We'll see."
"It's all I can ask for," he said and let go of her arm.
She was gone before he could say or do anything else.
