A/N: Hello! I decided to give yet another try on writing a Touhou fic!
If anyone remembers my previous attempt- (please don't) then you were able to see my horrid way of writing and idiocity!
But hopefully I improved enough for it to be tolerable to read!... and that it isn't a disappointment... again... (the reason why I stopped writing there was because it felt incredibly awkward reading through the mess and I didn't feel proud of it.)
So without further ado! Here goes nothing!
Chapter 1: "Predicament."
"Well... Ain't this a predicament." says an overweight man, sitting on top of a beaten up 4x4 truck (The truck resembles a GAZ-51 truck, though the back was modified to have a cargo container,) "How in the hell did I end up from a village in the middle of the night, to a heavily forested area? I was in a car crash and now I'm just here!" The man exclaims in frustration, gesturing his arms around.
The man is a 40 year-old mechanic. He has a large grey bushy beard covering hus face and the top of his head is balding.
He wears a black cap on his head, a pair blue overalls covered in oil and grease (and tiny bit of blood stains from accidents), a grey shirt under said overalls, a pair of grey socks and brown steel-toed boots. The top-right side of his head is also covered in bandages, which is covering his eye and ear as well.
"This is completely stupid. Is this how I basically enter heaven? No gold gates or anything like that, just a second earth where I will most likely become a corporate slave again?" He ponders, looking around at the scene.
Like he said, he is surrounded by a dense forest. The air smells weird here, and he has no idea why.
He lays down on top of his beat up truck, closes his eyes and recalls what happened for him to get here...
The modified GAZ-51 truck drives down an old road in the middle of the night. A sign says that a village is nearby in just a few kilometers.
Inside is a not-so cautious driver. There is a lot of stuff lying around in the cab, and even a bobblehead on the dashboard.
The man raises his hand to the bobble head and flicks it's head with his finger, "Boom. Headshot." He quotes with an accent.
He pauses, "That's the 32nd time I did the 'Meet the Sniper' joke. I'm incredibly bored..."
"Well, at least I'm nearing a village soon. Maybe there's a gas station available here, so I could buy some snacks and drinks for the road." He mutters to himself, stroking his beard in thought.
He stops and focuses on driving again...
...
"Damn it, this is boring." He complains, moving his right arm to the radio (which replaced the old GAZ-51 Radio,) and fiddling with the knobs on it.
"Any good music to listen to? Come on..." He whines, changing radio stations rapidly. Itchanges from a news station, to all-sorts of music stations.
"Bah. nothing good. Fine, I'll listen to my own music." He finally resigns, pulling out his phone and connecting it to the radio via Bluetooth.
He quickly opens up the phone's built in music app and presses play on a playlist.
(MUSIC: Mills Brothers - Funiculi, Funicula)
"Nice. Was in the mood to listen to a barbershop quartet." He says with a smile forming on his face.
As soon as the singing began, he started humming along to the song, whilst keeping an eye on the road.
The song made the driving more bearable to him.
~ 6 minutes later ~
The truck arrives at the edge of the village. He checks for a nearby gas station and finds one.
He then drives the vehicle to the station and parks the truck near the pump.The man picks up the diesel hose and walks to the fuel tank. He unscrews the lid and sticks the hose into the tank.
The man walks up to the pump, pays with his credit card and presses a button, which begins to fill the tank with diesel fuel...
The man meanwhile enters the gas station, to by himself some snacks.
He looks through the shelves of products available, and silently curses because of the high prices on said products. "2 Euros for a bag of chips? Damn."
He grabs the chips, some sausages, bags of ramen, coffee and a 6 pack of strawberry cider.
He walks up to the cashier with a "hello" and places the contents onto the table.
The cashier checks the items, before stating "That's 19 euros and 54 cents, sir."
The man takes out his wallet and places a 20 euro note onto the table with a "Here you go."
The cashier nods, opens the cash rgister, places the bill and takes out appropriate amount of money. 2 20 cent coin, 5 cent coin and a 1 cent coin. Then they place it onto the table, "And 46 cents back. Would you like a receipt?"
The man shakes his head, "Nah, thank you." and picks up the items, leaving.
He walks back up to his truck, places the snacks onto the passanger seat and checks the fuel.
The pump has filled the tank, so he takes the hose out, places it back onto the pump, screws the fuel tank's lid in place and walks up to the driver seat.
He turns on the truck and drives out of the gas station, onto the main road.
He then started driving down the slightly lit village, on the main road that leads to a bridge.
"Well, the prices are getting higher, again... But at least I managed to afford it this time." He mutters, continuing to drive towards the bridge.
But suddenly, something caught his eye. It was in the middle of the road, a figure... A small child.
"Oh, bollocks!" The man shouts, doing a rough stop and a turn to avoid the child, though the action was too late...
The side of the truck hit the child with a mighty bang, possibly killing them, as the truck itself flipped onto the bridge, it blew right through it.
"Shit! Fuck! Shit! Piss! Oh, Fucking dog-" He was knocked out from hitting his head to the roof.
~ Unknown amount of time later ~
The man opens his eyes slowly, "Ugh... damn... Head hurts..." He mutters, slowly getting up.
He notices the truck is somehow oriented the correct way still. He sees that the dash board is covered in blood, the roof as well and one of the windshields broke. And also, it's daytime already.
"Shit..." He mutters, opening the door and climbing out of the beaten up truck. "First, memory check. Name is William, Chenged my name to that. I'm 43 years old. I live in the truck and most of my needed equipment resides in it... Think that covers the bases.
"He then remembered, "SHIT! I MIGHT BE BLEEDINNG STILL!" he yelled to himself, rushing to the back of his truck and opening up the contauner to reveal a svery filled space.
He quickly searched through the shelves on the walls and finds a first aid kit, which he started using immediately.
William opened up the kit, revealing the typical contents of a lightly used kit.
He grabs a roll bandages and disinfectant. He applies the disinfectant on his head and part of his face."
"Agh! Stings like a bastard!" He hisses, whilst still applying the disinfectant.
After doing so, he washed his head, dried it and covered it with bandages.
After this long event (Took about 10 minutes), He places the leftover back into the kit and places it back where he found it.
He exits the container, closes it behind him and climbs up onto the top of the truck. He looks around for a minute and says "Well... Ain't this a pickle?..."
"Oh, yeah... Now I remember..." He says with a sigh, his head hanging low.
Then William looks around at the surroundings again, this time more thoroughly. He spots unusual mushrooms under the shadows of the trees, and the air in the forest is overall hard to breathe.
He coughs once, twice, three times and more. Soon after, he mutters "Damn, it's hard to breathe. I should drive to a safer place."
He gets off the top of the container and jumps off the truck, then moving to the truck's cab and opening it.
He climbs in, closes the door and starts trying to ignite the engine...
...
"Come on, you grummy thing. don't start failing me now." He mutters, turning the key again and again, but the engine wouldn't turn on.
"Crap." He finally mutters, and gets out of the cab to take a look at the engine.
He walks to the front, opens the hood and begins fiddling with the engine.
He tries his best, and after multiple failures, the engine comes back to life. "Ha! Did it!" He exclaims, before getting a foreboading feeling.
He quickly closes the hood and quickly gets into he cabin. He steps on the gas and the vehicle jolts forward.
William sighed in relief for a moment, as the truck began to move forwards through the forest, driving over weird mushrooms.
"Jeesus..." he mutters, spotting giant floating spores in the air. "Where in the world am I?" He wonders, before gaining another coughing fit.
Soon after, he focuses on driving out of the forest, the truck moving at the steady speed of about 5 km/h.
He spots a group of- "What the fuck?" He utters, checking he wasn't seeing illusions, "Are those fairies? Am I in a coma right now?" He says to himself, continuing to drive.
Sadly, it seems one of the fairies spotted his moving truck and alerted the others. Soon after, a large pattern of (from his angle) glowing balls being launched at William's truck.
"Oh, piss!" He curses, as he steps on the gas, changes gears, and drives faster, dodging the wave of "bullets".
"What kind of place is this?!" Wilson yells, manouvering the truck between the trees.
He noticed that one of the sides got hit, but... it did nothing to the truck. And soon realizing this, a large and malicious grin appeared on his face.
He expertly drifted the truck with a U-turn, almost making it topple to the side, "Well, you want to attack me? FINE! This will be considered as self defense." He says with hidden excitement.
William presses the pedal to the metal, the truck doing a... relatively decent roar and lurched forward with speed.
"We got 10 tons of steel between you and me, AND I'M THE DAMN DRIVER!" The man roars out. Driving the truck at about 20 km/h.
The truck reached the offending fairies quickly, catching them by surprise. Soon after their surprise, they presumably felt pain, because they got hit by the frontal blow of the truck...
But to William's surprise, they simply went poof. They disappeared after being hit...
He refocuses on driving, setting his speed back to 5 km/h and turning to his original heading, to hopefully leave the forest for good.
He drove carefully, moving between yhe trees, whilst noticing unusual plant live around him... Mainly the fungal kind. "I'm gonna have to board up the glass or fix up the windshield after this." He mutters, taking worried glances at the passanger-side windshield.
After about 5 minutes more of driving, he stumbled upon a dirt road, "Finally! If there's a road, there's possible civilization at the end of said road!" He exclaims in relief, and begins driving on the road at 30 km/h. And in another 5 minutes, he reached a settlement.
He sees a pair of closed gates on the road that leads to the village. He stops at the gate and was greeted by the guards... who spoke in a different language to him.
"... What?" William ask in confusion, "Do you speak English?"
The answer was some glances, some words he didn't understand and overall confusion.
William decides to try other language, "ty angliski?"...
Weird looks...
"Nope, they didn't understand Russian..." William mutters, before coughing and saying "Sa räägid Inglise keelt?"...
Again, weird looks... One of them was actually agitated.
"Okay, why did I think they would understand Estonian?" He silently facepalms to himself, not believing his own stupidity.
It seems that one of the guards had enough and began to act agressively towards William, pointing a spear at him.
William instinctively lifts both his arms up and also his feet, letting the engine die out.
The agressive guard (1*) began barking orders at William, but due to the language barrier, he understood nothing.
Suddenly, the guard (1) was stopped by a female voice, which interrupted his supposed ordering.
It was a lady with a weird blue hat and a blue dress...
"I think that's the stupidest hat I've ever seen... Though, considering the hats I remember seeing on TV... It ain't that bad." William thinks, staring at the lady in confusion.
She seems to be angry and started scolding the guard (1)... or atleast that's what's implied by the body movements and tone of voice.
William slowly lowered his hands and takes a can of strawberry cider to drink, then steps out of the vehicle.
He looks at the other guard (2*), who is looking between him, the lady and the guard being scolded by her.
William shrugs his shoulders, grabs another can from the truck and closes it. He opens up the two cans and hands one over to the other guard (2) who is awkwardly staring at the scene of the lady scolding the guard.
The guard (2) who was handed a drink, looked at William in confusion. William's response was to only nod and take a sip from his own can, prompting the guard ) to do the same.
William then continued watching the lady scold the poor guard (1) with the other guard (2) taking cautious sips whilst watching the scene.
"A nice lady who gets pissed off is much scarier than a constantly angry woman... Actually, it's stupidly terrifying." William mutters out quietly.
Though, eventually the woman stopped... but began glaring at William and at the other guard (2).
William already seemingly knew what was gonna happen, so he drank all the cider in one gulp, stuffed it into his pocket. Then he took the other guards' (2) drink and drank all of that too. Then he simply looked at the other guard (2) with a look of sympathy, which told the guard (2) to run.
And that is what the guard (2) did, leaving a trail of dust behind him. William only looked on in worry, before turning his head towards the lady, who looks really peeved.
"Oh, she's gonna scold me too, isn't she?" William thought, paling from the face at the scary aura she has right now.
But she then notices the bandages wrapped around William's head and the bloodstains on his overalls, and her aura turned from scary to scary but caring.
She begins walking up to William, and seems to have asked a question. But William is too terrified and didn't even understand what she has said.
She took one step closer and William snapped out of it, causing him to jump backwards and exclaim with fear, "AAAAH! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU JUST SAID BUT DON'T HURT ME!"
She stops on the spot, looking at William in confusion. Her head began piecing things together and seems like she came to a revelation, "You are an Outsider! An Outsider not from Japan!" She says in english, a slight accent present.
William calms down, but then asks "Wait, this is Japan?"
"Yes." She says with a nod, "Gensokyo resides in the country of Japan. It was sealed off from the rest of the world, but sometimes-" She suddenly stops and looks at William dead in the eye, "Have you seen a blonde woman with a dress?" She asks.
William looks at her confusingly, "Um... no. I haven't seen someone like that..." He answers with confusion, before pointing out something "Also, we forgot to introduce ourselves."
Her cheeks slightly blush at the awkwardness, but she recomposses herself, "Right. My name is Keine Kamishirasawa. I'm the protector of the Human village and I am a local school teacher." She says with a bow.
"Okay... I'm William. I am a mechanic. And the truck there is where I live at." William introduces himself, pointing at the truck. He then sheepishly adds "Sorry about my manners, I'm not really inept in Japanese culture."
"I was able to tell from your way of speaking... But if you don't mind me asking, where are you from?" Keine asks.
"Well, Keine-. Can I call you just Keine?" A nod was given as the answer, "Okay, good. Anyway, I am from a small country that lies north-east, but mainly east of Europe. That small country is named Estonia."
"Oh?" She raises an eyebrow, "I rarely ever hear about the country. Most just list off the countries from Europe. We also had outsiders who were from Europe and mentioned "Baltic States", but none really gave info about it." She says with slight sadness.
"Well... the Baltic States is a group of countries." William begins to explain, "It consists of Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania. The capitals are Tallinn, Riia and..." He stops to think for a moment, but then let's out a sheepish grin, "Forgot the last one, sorry."
Keine smiles, "Don't worry about it, William." she says reassuringly, but then a confused look came on her face, "But why is your name only William? Don't you have a sir name?"
"Actually, I changed my name to be something different." He says, causing her to raise an inquisitive eyebrow.
"Oh? And what would be the reason?" She asks, looking at William's face for any signs of lies.
"Hmm... Just felt like it mainly." William shrugs out.
She squints her eyes, judging William's answer...
...
"And what is your surname-?" She asks, but gets cut off by the sound of a trombone (3*).
...
"That glare she's giving me can destroy a battleship! Holy shit! I only played the trombone sound from my phone!" William thought, shrinking back slightly at Keine's glare.
After about a full minute of intense glaring capable of destroying fleets, she sighs and drops the subject, "You were talking about your home country?"
That snapped William out of his fear, "Oh, right! The country of Estonia! Well, it's a relatively speaking pretty new country, it only being just over 100 years old and-"
So William talked about his home country.
He went on and on about it, with Keine listening to the country's history.
The chat went for about an hour, when finally William decided it was enough for today...
"So, yeah. The country ain't really in the best position, considering it's sandwiched between Russia and the rest of Europe." William says with a shrug and soon after yawns, "Man, I'm tired. I'll park my truck near the gate, if that's okay?"
Keine nods, "Of course, You can have it be right over there." She says, pointing over to a clear area. She then turns back to look at William and ask "But why are you tired? It is in the middle of the day."
"I'm tired because I didn't really sleep for several days now, at most I had power naps. I drank unhealthy amounts of coffee to stay awake and driving." He says with a shrug, "So now I might as well head to sleep and get some rest."
Keine nods, "Indeed. Rests are needed in life."
"Yep," William agrees, walking back to his truck, "We'll see eachother later! Have a nice day!" He exclaims, before climbing into the cabin and igniting the engine.
He slowly drove backwards, away from the gate, then turned towards his heading and parked at the grassy open spot.
He applied the park brake, stopped the engine and got out of it. He locked the cabin door and walked to the back of the truck, opening up the back.
He was greeted by the sight of a mess of tools and equipment lying around from crashing in the night.
On the walls, there are many shelves meant to hold tools and materials.
At the corner of the room was heavier equipment and equipment capable of melting iron and steel, albeit inefficiently.
Near the back was a bed, a worn work table, a mini-fridge and a computer set-up.
"Ah, damn it." William cursed with a sigh, "My tools are everywhere..."
He crouches down to pick up the tools and places them to their respective shelves...
About 10 minutes in, he suddenly stopped. A thought came to his mind...
"Did she mean that literally this land was cut off from the rest of the world?..." William thought, looking outside. Then he turned a shade of pale, "Shit. My house will be taken away. And my access to heavy equipment will be gone..." He says to himself, dropping the tools currently in his hand.
...
"OH~, SHIT!"
"Note to self, don't scream so loudly in here." William mutters, groaning from the pain in his ears, "Voices echo too well here."
He then stared at the now-clean room, "But atleast I managed to clean up the tools..." He says, then quietly adds "Ears still ring though."He's currently admiring his work on cleaning the entire container, "Perfectly organized and ready for use!" He says happily to himself.
"But for now," He begins, raising a finger, "I will go to sleep!" He finishes. "But first, I need to lock the doors and arm the alarm." He adds, walking to the door.
He closes the steel door and locks it. He turns to a nearby keypad that was lazily mounted on the wall and inputs a code, arming the alarms. "All set and done," He muttered with a yawn.
William then walked to the bed (which was all the way on the otherside of the room, relative to the door), Stripped down to his underwear and shirt, placed the clothes on a near-by chair and then layed down oh his bed.
"Computer. Play Southern Front Porch Whistler from The Neverhood soundtrack. On repeat." William's voice was muffled, but still hearable."Understood. Playing Southern Front Porch Whistler by Terry Scott Taylor." An automated voice answered back, the speakers turned on and began playing the tune.
(MUSIC: Southern Front Porch Whistler - Terry Scott Taylor)
And with that, William closed his eyes and began drifting off to sleep with a snore...
~ 3 Hours Later ~
*Snore* *Whistle*...*Snore* *Whistle*...
*cli-cli-CLICK* *Crea~k*
A person, has picked the lock and opened the door.The person who managed to open the door, was a woman with blonde hair.
She is wearing a stupidly large witch's hat with a white bow. She is also wearing a black skirt and vest, white waist apron and undershirt.
She looks around and mutters something, staring at the rack of tools on the shelves.
The blone woman notices the sleeping William in his bed, who is snoring loudly.
She grins and begins quietly stepping forward, finding something interesting on the otherside of the room.
One step. Two steps. Three steps. She arrived at the half-way point, when suddenly-.
"INTRUDER ALERT! *STATIC* SPY AT THE BASE!" A voice sounds out the entire room, as the door behind *SLAMS* closed. The woman jumped around to look.
"Intruder at the base!?" William suddenly shots up from the bed. He quickly grabs a nearby tool, this case being a round rubber mallet used for flattening metal sheets, and quickly ran at the woman with a warcry.
The woman turns around again and was met with a hammer to the side of the face, knocking her out.
*THUD*...
William stared at the blonde for a while, until he finally released a shaky breath, "Holy shit..." He muttered, staring at the unconcious woman...
...
"Fuck! EXECUTE PLAN 713!" William suddenly yells, as he goes on emptying the woman's pockets, then placing said items onto the table.
He quickly pulled out the chair from under the table, picked up the woman and placed her on the chair.
William paused for a moment, "Do I have rope?..." he questioned, seemingly in deep thought...
...
"Yeah, I have rope." He finally decides, and goes to one of his shelves to look for said rope.
"Nope. Not here... Not there... That's a box of M6 bolts... That's M12 bolts... Oh! There's the rope!"
William moves some boxes away and pulls out a pile of rope from the shelf.
He grins menacingly and says "Time to see how rusty my skills are." As he stepped toward the unconcious woman...
~ 20 minutes later ~
"U-uh..."
The woman mutters, slowly waking up, "Huh?" She notices she's still in the truck.
The woman says something in a foreign tongue, but William didn't understand... Though he did see the woman begin to panic.
He picks up a metal rod and places it at the back of her head, "Tell me, who the fuck are you. If you don't, I'll blow your brains out with gunpowder, light your body on fire with gasoline, then nail you to the side of damn truck with wooden stakes." William says in an icy-cold voie, making the woman shiver.
The woman says something in foreign language again-, "Japanese, William. It's Japanese." William corrected himself in his mind.
"Speak English, not Japanese. Or I will just have to knock you out again and drop you off in a random place." William threatens.
Finally, the woman speaks in English, albeit slightly broken, "Who... are... you?..." She asks, not daring to look behind.
"I'm the owner of this damn truck, now tell me who the fuck you are, or I will ram this musket up your arse." William answered, and pushed her head slightly with the metal rod.
He then notices a grin on the woman's face, "You know, I could easily brake free from here." The woman says cockily.
William deadpans, "I know. Which is why I also tied your fingers forcefully shut."
She blinks, then tries to move her arms, but fails, she slightly stutters then "W-well, I can always-"
"I also made it so that you can't use your legs or even move your toes. I specifically made plates just to keep your legs unmovable." William interjects, pointing at the steel plates at the end of her foots from behind her.
"W-Well..." The woman tries to think up of a quick solution to her situation, "I can just-!"
"If you try to rock the chair, the noose around your neck will tighten and you'd hang yourself." William adds non-challantly, causing the woman to stutter in fright.
"... Anymore suggestions? Because I came more prepared." William says, placing away the metal rod and finally coming out from behind her, letting her see him (in his clothed state)."Now would you kindly tell me who are you?" William says, with a hint of a murderous voice.
The woman sighs in defeat and says, "I'm Marisa Kirisame, The ordinary-" but gets interrupted by William again.
"I asked for a damn name, not titles. Now tell me: Why the fuck did you brake into my damn truck?" William asks, glaring at her.
"Well, because this thing appeared out of no where, it was never here in the first place so it's BOUND to get attention!" She explains, as if it's obvious.
"That..." William stops, thinking about what she said, "... Is a very good point. I can see the reason being that, but you could have atleast fucking knocked!"
"I didn't even know that someone lived in this thing!" She angrily yells back.
"Again, good point." William relented on that front, "But I know that's not only it!"
"Well, yes! I was planning to borrow your stuff!" She says it in away as if it was obvious... again.
"..." William said nothing, but simply took steps closer to her. He lowered his face to her level and glared and her at such close proximity. His eyes acting as if it's staring into her soul.
...
"You're horrid at lying. But do me a favor and never brake into my living space or future living spaces ever again and don't try to take my stuff, or I will skin you alive with a rusty pocket knife and cover you in molten steel. Then I'd re-melt the molten steel, including you in it, and use it to make a tiny figurine of you, defenseless and alone." William says with a straight face.
She nods quickly, agreeing not to mess with William.
"Good," William smiled, patting her shoulder, "Sorry for the ol' scare, but I know your types. I dealt with them before."
"Yes, Okay. Could you cut the rope now so I could leave and-" Marisa began saying, but gets interrupted by William.
"You don't cut damn ROPE! It's fucking expensive! The damn amount of time needed to create a single meter of rope is a shitload!" William yells, apparently outraged by such a suggestion (4*)
He calmed down and began untying Marisa, satisfied about teaching her a lesson...
~ 5 minutes later ~
"And..." William says, untying the last knot, "Done!"
Marisa exclaims something in Japanese (William can only guess that it's something similar to saying "Finally"), and jumped up to her feet, before yelling "Where's my stuff?!"
"On the desk." William says, pointing to said stuff he took out of her pockets.
Marisa quickly takes her stuff and says, "Now that I have my mini-hakk-"
"WILL YOU JUST PISS OFF ALREADY!" William yells in barely controlable anger, "I haven't slept for SEVERAL GOD DAMN DAYS, because I was so focused on my work! I finally can get some sleep but YOU decided to interrupt my damn SLEEP!"
Marisa raises up her hands defensively and backs away to the door, before turning around and leaving.
William groans in annoyance, "At least clise the door." He muttered, walking up to the door and closing it. He locks the door, re-arms the alarm and goes to bed for a well deserved rest...
...
"Shit, I don't have a house." He muttered... Before turning in his bed, "Ah, I'll do it tomorrow."
~ E N D ~
(1) - I marked the guards to help distinguish better.
(2) - I marked the guards to help distinguish better.
(3) - I hope you got the joke... Well, reference.
(4) - Rope used to be expensive to create. There's an excellent video explaining it by a youtuber named Lindybeige! (That good chap!)
A/N: You reached the end! Yay!...
I hope you enjoyed it, but I also hope to get criticism as well!
I'm basing off the info mainly from the Touhou Wiki, but not everything will be accurate (obviously), So I take slight creative liberty and just... add on... Like I added on to the Human village. (I'm not certain about the fact of it having walls surrounding the entire village, alright?)
Anyway, That's it for me, the next few stuff that I wrote after the notes are just jokes I thought about during writing this!
This has been me, ddomster19 (Harks), signing off!
Joke 1:
We see a little child running across the road, being late to get home, when out of the darkness, a GAZ-51 truck came barreling down the road, hitting the kid with a SPLAT!
The child, just registered what happened, and began to cry. "M-mommy... Pa-Pappa... B-Big bro..." The kid murmured, being splayed across the floor, "I-I hope I can see e-everyone again..." The kid murmured, their life fading from the eyes...
This... Would've been an Isekai start for the kid, if it weren't for the fact that they got hit by a soviet truck, instead of a regular truck.
The child opens their eyes, to find a... large cartoonish (As in, soviet cartoonish) man.
"Hello, Little child. I am Mikhail. You have died because of being killed by Soviet truck. You were summoned here to be reincarnated-" The man says.
"NOOOOOOOO-!"
Joke 2:
"So..." Keine begins, "What is your name, sir?"
William stands there, a slow grin forming on his face, as he knows what do to.
"Me Willy! Me Willy Trombone!" He says with a weird voice.
END.
