Title: Crashing (1?)
Author: ladirambaldi
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Spoilers: S3x03 Informed Consent.
Summary: Cameron felt as if she was lost. But she didn't know that someone was there to find her.
Disclaimer: I do own House. He's tied up in my basement. He's mine to do with what I choose! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay not really. But it's nice to dream!
'Cause you can't jump the track
we're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass glued to the table
no one can find the rewind button, girl
so cradle your head in your hands'
Breathe (2am)
Anna Malick
Cameron sat in the chapel of Princeton Plansboro Teaching Hospital, and cried.
Just sat there and cried.
She took a life. She did it out of compassion. She compromised nearly everything that she stood for, but she still did it. It was out of compassion – she felt sympathy for Ezra. She knew what he was going to go through, and couldn't see it happen again. There was just too much pain. She remembered too much.
Danny. She could only think about the pain Danny was in just before he died. That's why she made the decision at 2.15am to give Ezra an overdose of morphine.
'Thank you… Thank you… Thank you…' was Ezra's refrain as he slowly slipped into oblivion. She thought she would feel happy that he was at peace. He left just the way that he wanted to. But she didn't feel happy. She felt empty. And a huge sense of sadness enveloped her. What had she done?
So when House walked slowly up behind her and said that he was proud of her, she didn't feel happy that he was proud. She felt dirty. She had blood on her hands. But there was some level of comfort. Just from House rubbing her shoulder, trying to console her… it calmed her a bit. She leant into House's hand. She needed someone to just hold her. She knew House would never do that, so this was as close as she was going to get.
After House left, she took a few deep breaths. Tried to compose herself. She still had work to do. Wiping away the few remaining tears, she stood up and walked over to the window and looked out over the horizon. The sky was grey and bleak. Great, she thought to herself. The sky reflected her mood perfectly. The sky should be grey. An important man lost his life the night before. It was as if the earth knew this, rolling in the grey clouds in its sadness.
Determined to break out of her reverie, she turned around and slowly walked over the elevators and went up to the diagnostic level. Get back to work, move onto new cases - that seemed to be a good way to take her mind off this. Noticing the ladies room on her way to the conference room, she decided to try and tidy herself up. Try and make it like she hadn't spent the last hour or so crying her eyes out.
She was about to walk into the conference room when House stopped her by standing in the doorway.
'Where do you think you're going?' he asked. The usual snarky tones gone.
'We've got work to do. So I'm going to do it.' Cameron said with way more confidence than she was feeling. She showed a moment of weakness before. She wasn't going to let the same mistake happen twice.
'No. Not today. You're in no fit state to work today.'
'House, no. I need a distraction. If I go home…' her voice trailed off, new tears springing to her eyes. Dammit! She thought to herself She didn't want anyone to see that this had affected her so badly. It was bad enough House saw her the way she was back in the chapel. So she kept the tears in check and looked House straight in the eye, pleading with him to let her work.
House almost relented.
'You'll be of no use to us here today. Come on. I'm taking you home.'
Cameron just stared as House walked out of the doorway and back into his office. He grabbed his helmet and riding jacket. Seeing that she was still rooted to the spot, he walked over to her desk and grabbed her bag. He handed it to her and looked at her intently.
'Coming? Or are you just going to stand there like a stoned hippie?' Cameron winced at his caustic remark. But she moved. She started to walk behind House towards the elevators. She didn't really want to go home, but she knew in the logical part of her mind that it was probably the right course of action to take.
They both rode the elevator in silence. When they got to the bike, House realized she would be cold with that cotton jacket she had on, so he handed her his riding jacket. She took it gratefully and put it on, as well as House's helmet. After House got on his bike, Cameron soon followed and they both sped out of the hospital car park.
