News of Nothing's Call – Chapter One – The First Issue
by Allexandra Radcliffe
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Hihi, everyone! School has begun again, and as such, I've started writing again! Actually, I've been thinking about this for a few weeks now, but didn't get around to it until Pre-Cal.
The idea came from Yoshimi Takahashi's fic, Weyard Weekly, so I hope you don't see this and decide to kill me, Yoshimi! It just sort of popped out…like, "What would it be like if Organization XIII had a newspaper? And what if Demyx and Xigbar were in charge of it?" And it kinda grew from there.
I think I might write a companion fic to this, about what's happening while the newspaper is being written. That'll probably be later this week or so. And it'll probably involve AkuRoku, AkuDemy, and possibly AkuDemyRoku…but maybe not.
Anyways, disclaimer time. I don't own Kingdom Hearts. It belongs to Squeenix, those awesome peoples who gave KH2 one of the most yaoi-ful endings I've ever seen.
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NEWS OF NOTHING'S CALL
BRINGING YOU THE EVENTS OF ORGANIZATION XIII
Editor-in-Chief: Demyx
Editor and Photographer: Xigbar
About This Paper
Hi, everyone! It's me, the great Editor-in-Chief, Demyx! The reason this paper exists is because I got bored playing my sitar all day. (And Lexaeus threatened to break it.) So I asked Xigbar to help me, and here we are! We're going to uncover every random thing that happens, because there really is nothing to do around here.
- The Melodious Nocturne, Demyx
Underneath the Coat: A Look Into Number Eight's Underwear Drawer, by Demyx
Last night, everyone's favorite pyromancer was observed making a late-night refrigerator raid. While this in itself isn't unusual (see the article on mysterious food disappearances), what was strange was Axel's choice of clothing.
Forsaking the coat, pants, and boots we all wear, Axel was in the kitchen in his boxers. And not just any boxers – boxers patterned with winged hearts. As our exclusive, upside-down picture reveals, the Flurry of Dancing Flames wasn't too happy about being found out. When asked to comment, he told us, "If you tell anyone, I'll incinerate you!"
Needless to say, the staff of this paper may be laying low for a few days.
Our New Member! by Xigbar
We are happy to report that Organization XIII has its thirteenth member – the Key of Destiny, Roxas! Immediately after his arrival, we were all witness to Larxene's test…luckily, he survived. So now we are Organization XIII, which is good because it sounds a lot better than Organization XII.
Mysterious Food Disappearances Solved, by Demyx
In our discovery of Axel's choice of underwear, we also solved another mystery. For several weeks now, food including Vexen's Popsicles, Luxord's bacon, and Larxene's Gummi Worms have been gone in the morning. We found Axel at two in the morning, frying the last of the bacon and eating a hot dog that belonged to the Superior. Oddly enough, though this eating spree has gone on for two weeks, Axel hasn't gained a pound and is still as freakishly skinny as before.
Horoscopes by Saïx, the Luna Diviner
After a few hours of being forced to listen to Demyx playing 'Old MacDonald Had A Farm', Saïx agreed to do horoscopes for everyone. Here's what he and the stars have to say.
Xemnas: You will be reunited with your long lost pet, but another has claimed it for himself. Your plans may be on hold for now, but they'll be back on track soon. Tonight: Revenge.
Xigbar: Watch out, especially when it seems like nothing's there. Also look out for fire signs; they will not respond well to…anything. Tonight: Lay low.
Xaldin: Enjoy your peace while you can. There are insane things in your future. Tonight: Have fun.
Vexen: Revenge is sweet, but it's not worth the pain you'll receive. Just continue whatever experiment you're doing and you'll be fine. Tonight: Experimenting might be deadly. Proceed with caution.
Lexaeus: … Tonight: …
Zexion: If your evil scheming partner is distracted, don't go and scheme against him. One day, it'll all come back to haunt you… Tonight: Go to sleep. You'll need it.
Saïx: Hah! As if I'd tell you my horoscope.
Axel: Tonight is not good for seeking revenge. Try to make a new friend instead – it should work out well. Tonight: Take refuge with a friend and lock the door.
Demyx: Playing mournful songs won't help you against someone who really wants to hurt you. Tonight: Beware of fire.
Luxord: Now is an opportune time to gamble, place bets, or fight other angry Organization members. Taking sides in a conflict could be deadly. Tonight: Relax, do some stargazing.
Marluxia: Now is a good time to get people to help you in what you want. Find someone that shares the same interests as you. Tonight: Read a good story.
Larxene: Guard your secrets carefully. And watch out for the new guy – there are bad things in your future concerning him. Tonight: Be nice, lend Marluxia a book.
Roxas: Some people may try to attack you; others may just act weird. The weird ones want to be your friends, the others just want to kill or humiliate you. Tonight: Go to bed early.
And that does it for the first chapter! If the end seemed a bit off, I'm sorry…it's hard writing after being squished during grappling training in taekwondo. Also, if I seem to be murdering Marluxia's character in later chapters…well, it took me a while to beat him in Chain of Memories. I'm still a little mad about that.
Read and review, please!
- Allexandra
