Chapter 3: A Troubling Morning with a Troubling Client
"Morning, Loona! We have to start getting ready for work!" Blitzø said as he knocked on Loona's door.
Loona slowly woke up after hearing Blitzø knock. She sat up and stretched her arms. She noticed her head didn't hurt as much this morning. She rubbed her forehead and wondered why she didn't have a hangover like usual. Then she remembered that she hadn't drunk as much as usual due to some asshole wrecking her night.
She answered, "Sure, Blitzø. I'll be right there."
She got her phone from her night stand and turned it on. Once it was on, the phone began chiming with new message bells. She raised an eyebrow and read the screen.
"The fuck?" she said to herself, "483 missed texts? 183 missed calls?"
Loona saw the texts and calls all came from a number she didn't know. She looked through the texts and saw most of them were the same questions. "Are you ok?" or "Do you need help?" or something else like that over and over again. The calls never left a voicemail. She was just about to scroll up to read the first text when her phone rang with the same number.
Loona answered, "Hello?"
Loona cringed in pain as a loud shriek came from the other end of the line. It was Selene.
"Oh, Satan, Loona! Are you okay?! Where are you?! What happened?! Texxie and I looked all over for you?!" She quickly said.
"Selene," Loona said, but Selene kept talking.
She said, " Before he was knocked out, he said some guys were harassing you! Did they hurt you?! Oh, no! Did they kidnap you?!"
"Selene," Loona said, trying to get her to shut up.
"Do they still have you?! Did they rape you?! Oh, God! Oh, Satan, I never wanted my new friend kidnapped and raped! What should I do?! Should I-"
"SELENE!" Loona yelled, "I'm fine."
After a few seconds, Loona continued, "I'm at home right now, safe in my own damned bed. Yeah, those guys were giving me shit, but I had it covered."
Selene sighed in relief, "Oh, that's good, Lulu. Texxie was worried when he came to. He said that one of them hit him with a beer bottle."
Loona felt a little guilty about that. Thinking back, she should have at least gone back to the bar to see if Vortex was okay. She said, "Naw, that was some asshole loser trying to play hero. He thought Vortex was gonna attack me. How is he anyway?"
"Oh, he's fine. The bottle broke over his bad eye. No problem there. We were more worried about you." Selene said, and then she asked with a slight whimper, "Why didn't you come back to the party?"
"Well, after that shit went down I didn't feel like partying anymore," Loona said. She thought for a second about how upset Selene had sounded. She was really worried about Loona. Loona hesitantly added, "S-sorry I didn't text Vortex and let him know I was okay."
Selene giggled and said, "That's all right. I'm just glad you're okay. And next time, we'll have a smaller party for you and work our way up!"
Loona rolled her eyes and said, "Yeah, sure. Listen, I gotta get ready for work. I'll text you later."
"Okay, Lulu! Have a good day!" Selene said.
After hanging up, Loona thought, "How the fuck can someone as perky as her exist in Hell?"
An hour later, Loona and Blitzø were driving to pick up Millie and Moxxie. While they drove, Loona looked through the texts Selen had sent her.
"Hey, Loona! The party's in full swing. Where are you?" the first read.
"I got a boy who wants to meet you! We're on the punk dance floor. Look for me." another said.
Then one read, "I just found Texxie by the bar. He told me what happened. Are you alright?"
After that, Selene's texts became kinda panicked. Loona sighed. As mind numbingly annoying Selene was, she cared about Loona. Selene only met her once and she cared. Why? Vortex couldn't have told her that much about her because he didn't know much himself. He didn't know about her past. Well, it didn't take a genius to see she was adopted, even if Blitzo hadn't shouted it at her on the beach. So, maybe Vortex figured she didn't have many hellhound friends. Selene was one of the few female hellhounds she knew and the only one she'd meet in person. Maybe Selene could tell that she needed friends too? Loona shook her head. No way an airhead like Selene could be that perspective. She glanced at Blitzø as he flipped off another driver for hogging the turning lane.
"Then again," Loona thought, "It's not the first time some oddball liked me right off the bat."
The van jerked to a stop in front of Moxxie and Millie's apartment complex. Blitzø blasted on the horn.
He shouted out the window, "Come on, you two! More time you fuck around here, the less time we're fucking around out there!"
Moxxie opened the door for Millie, who giggled and kissed him. Moxxie laughed as they both walked arm in arm to the van. Millie opened the door for Moxxie this time. He hopped in and quickly pulled her into his lap. Millie laughed and closed the door and then started snuggling with Moxxie in the back seat. Both Loona and Blitzø watched the whole thing, looking very confused. They glanced at each other, then back at Millie and Moxxie.
"Okay, what kinda Disney movie shit is this?" Blitzø asked, "Why are you two in such a good mood?"
Loona gave the air a quick sniff and shrugged, "She's not pregnant, so that's one less thing to worry about."
Blitzø laughed, "HA! Like Moxxie's itty bitty dicky could stay up that long."
Moxxie laughed and said, "You two can try all you want, but nothing you say will get to me today."
"Don't challenge me on that, Mox, just tell us what's up," Blitzø said.
Blitzø started to drive while Millie said, "Well, y'all remember our wedding anniversary's coming up in a few months."
Moxxie said, "Millie and I have been saving up for a second honeymoon. I looked over our savings last night and I figured out we only need $5,000 more to afford our trip."
Millie hugged Moxxie tight.
"A guided tour of the Fallen Legion weapons cache, front row seats for three Hoardway shows of our choice, and the best suite at The Burning Floor Towers in the Ring of Lust!" she said, squealing, "Oh, Satan! I can't wait, baby!"
Moxxie kissed her and nuzzled her, "Anything for you, sweetheart."
Loona was impressed. She said, "I gotta admit, that's kinda awesome, guys."
"Yeah, it is," Blitzø said, "you'd think you guys would check and see if it was okay with your boss first."
Moxxie and Millie looked confused at Blitzø. He continued, "Y'know, making sure it was fine to take all that time off for that shit?"
Moxxie's confusion was quickly turning into anger. He said, "Sir, you wouldn't-"
Blitzø waved him off saying, "Naw, I wouldn't, Mox, I was just fucking with ya. I'm an asshole, but not a big enough one to mess with a guy's wedding anniversary."
Moxxie calmed down and smiled at Millie, who smiled back.
"Not without getting paid for it." Blitzø said, "Just bring us some soveneries and we'll be even. Expensive soveneries."
Loona laughed. She enjoyed needling Moxxie as much as Blitzø did. Maybe she could come up with something when they got to work. She turned to Blitzø.
She asked, "Hey Blitzø, isn't that the place they built for Tru-"
"No, no, that place is still being built in the Ring of Greed," Blitzø said, "From what I hear, Mammon himself has got first dibs on that guy. Anyway, Stolas told me all about the Burning Floor Towers. It's the first imp run hotel in Hell and it's owner decided to build it in Lust. Some ballsy imp was inspired by yours truly and got funding from Ozzie himself to build it."
Loona asked, "Wait, doesn't Ozzie own a hotel too?"
Blitzo shook his head. "Naw, when me and Moxxie went, we saw Ozzie's place was more like a giant whore house. No place there you'd really want to sleep."
"When did you and Blitzø go to Ozzie's?" Millie asked, sounding kinda mad.
Blitzø smiled and glanced in the rear view mirror, hoping to see Moxxie sweating his ass off. But instead Moxxie looked calm and cool as a cucumber. Moxxie smiled back at Blitzø in the mirror, then turned to Millie.
"After the Harvest Moon Festival, Blitzø started getting a little protective of Stolas," he said, "So, when Stolas told him he was going to Ozzie's for a business meeting, he dragged me along to try and protect him."
Millie cooed, "Aw, so you were worried about Stolas, boss?"
Blitzø turned red and tried to stammer out an answer, but settled for grumbling to himself. He turned on the radio to a hard rock station, something he knew Moxxie hated. Moxxie and Millie smiled and exchanged knowing looks and went back to cuddling. Loona rolled her eyes and smiled. Blitzø was always so private about his personal life, especially his love life. She knew he was fucking Prince Stolas due to their current "business arrangement", but who he was actually dating was a complete mystery. Maybe Millie and Moxxie had it right and he really was dating Stolas. She imagined Blitzø and Stolas sitting in a restaurant, having a romantic evening together. She scoffed at the thought.
"Yeah, right," she thought, "Dad wouldn't date that asshole unless there was money involved. He's only-"
Loona suddenly realized she called Blitzø her dad again. It was starting to get weird. Almost like a switch had been flipped in her head and she couldn't turn it off. She'd called Blitzø by his name since she met him. What had changed between then and now to make her see him as her dad? She frowned and looked at her phone again. She didn't want to think about this complicated shit. When Blitzø turned into their prized parking space, Loona looked to see if Verosika Mayday's Cadillac was in one of the other spaces. It wasn't.
"Damn," Loona thought, "I wanted to say sorry to Vortex in person. Oh, well."
It was kinda weird. After what happened during spring break, the thought they'd never see Verosika again. But lately, she had started coming by to work with the succubi in the building more often. The I.M.P. crew wondered what was up, but Blitzø was sure it was to piss him off. They all got out of the van and headed into the building. Blitzø as usual pushed Moxxie away so he could go inside first. Moxxie frowned slightly, but a quick look at Millie had him smiling again. M & M giggled as they ran past Blitzø and Loona in the lobby and waited for them at the elevator. Blitzø groaned and ran his hand over his face.
"Okay, that's it. I don't care what it takes, insult or injury, but if we don't knock those two off cloud 9 soon, I'm gonna puke," he said.
Loona said, "Well, we could always stuff Moxxie in the ammo locker again."
Blitzø chuckled and whispered, "Yeah, good idea Loonie. Hey! I'll see if I can wrangle up some roaches to toss in with him."
Loona laughed as they got on the elevator. While the doors were closing, someone else stepped into the lobby. The sinner demon was smiling and humming to himself. He glanced around the room to see if there was anyone to ask where he could find this I.M.P. he had heard about. He shrugged and stepped towards the elevator. He was about to press the call button when the second elevator began to open. Inside were three succubi, Kiki, Milky, and Coco, who were chatting to themselves and waiting for the door to open. Once it did, they looked at the sinner demon and froze in fear. They quickly moved to the back of the elevator, too afraid to try and go by… him.
"Good morning, my dear ladies," he said, his voice a staticy mix of charming and venomous, "I was hoping you could help me. I'm looking for the offices of I.M.P. Would you be so kind as to point me in the right direction?"
Kiki shakingly pointed up and said, "F-f-fifth floor. Their n-n-names on the d-door."
With a wide smile, the sinner demon said, "Thank you very much," and stepped out of their way.
They all bolted out of the elevator and out into the street. The sinner demon adjusted his monocle and stepped in. He pushed the button for the fifth floor. He continued to hum to himself, "You're never fully dressed without a smile…"
Meanwhile, Millie, Moxxie, and Loona were waiting in the hallway while Blitzø finished his weekly "Fuck-you-drunk-bitch" dance. Blitzø was wrapping up his improvised version of the Macarena. Once he was finished, he crouched down low.
"And now," he said, "The triple flip flip-off!"
Blitzø did three standing backflips, each time he landed he flipped the bird towards Verosika's door. On the third flip, he landed on his tail which was coiled like a spring. He spun on his tail for a moment and he sprung on his tail, barely touching the ceiling, and landed on his feet and struck a pose with his hands high in the air. Millie started clapping excitedly, but Moxxie and Loona clapped with less enthusiasm.
"Now, that you're done, sir, can we go inside?" Moxxie asked.
Blitzø was disappointed with the lukewarm applause, but turned around and unlocked the doors to the I.M.P. office. He flipped on the light and they all walked inside. Loona got behind her desk and did her usual check for any messages. She turned on the computer as she looked at the answering machine to see it didn't have any messages. Once the computer was booted up, she checked the emails and saw they had two. One was another bill collector and the other was a client.
Loona said, "Got a message, Blitzø. They said they have a target for us, but they're asking if we know how to get to Sesame Street."
Blitzø groaned, "God fucking damnit. Okay, gang, looks like it's gonna be another slow day. Let's get the petty shit done then. Millie, go check the weapons and see what needs what. Moxxie, start on the paperwork and when you're done help Millie. Loona, I'll start working on my 'project' in my office."
Blitzø went into his office with a smile on his face. Moxxie scowled at Loona.
"You two are planning some horrid prank for me, aren't you?" he asked.
"Get over yourself, fat boy. Not everything's about you," Loona said, not looking up from the computer.
Moxxie rolled his eyes and walked to the file cabinet when a strange knock slowly came from the other side. Loona looked at the door, her eyebrow raised in confusion.
"The fuck kinda knock was that?" she asked.
Moxxie said, "That was 'Shave and a Haircut.'"
"It was what, honey?" Millie asked.
Moxxie turned to Millie and said, "It's an old joke tune from the Human World. You've never heard of it?"
Millie shrugged and Loona just went back to the computer. Moxxie shook his head.
He said as he opened the door, "Well, if this client knows it, he must have some-"
Moxxie's blood ran cold as he looked up at the sinner demon who was at their door. The sinner wore a neat red suit with a red shirt and black bowtie. A large yellow smile glowed across the demon's face. His piercing gaze glowed as well, seemingly intensified on the right side due to the monocle he wore over that eye. His deer-like horns poked through his fiery red and black hair. His hands were resting in front of him as he held a cane that resembled a microphone. There was no denying who this sinner demon was. It was Alastor, the Radio Demon
"Class." Moxxie slowly finished.
Alastor's smile grew. He said, "Hel-"
Moxxie quickly moved to slam the door, only for it to stop half way. Moxxie looked to see the Radio Demon had stopped the door with his cane.
"-lo." he finished.
Moxxie stepped back as the door opened and Alastor walked in. Millie and Loona looked shocked at their visitor. Millie jumped towards her husband and pulled him back. Loona was scared, but her hackles were up. She stood up and moved behind her chair. All the while, Alastor smiled. Suddenly, Blitzø came out of his office holding a glass jar.
"Okay, Loonie, I climbed down the fire escape and looked in the dumpster. I found five rouches, a slug, and what I think is a scorpion. Has Moxxie gone to…" Blitzø said, finally looking up to see Alastor, "...oooh, shit."
Alastor turned to Blitzø and asked, "Terribly sorry for barging in like this, but am I correct in assuming that you're this Blitzo I've heard so much about?"
Blitzø set the jar on the coffee table and stepped forward.
He said, "Uh, yes, sir. I'm Blitzø. The 'O' is silent."
With a laugh, Alastor quickly walked over to Blitzø and started to shake his hand.
"Such a charming little shoppe you have here, Blitzø!" he said, excitedly, "Alastor's my name, but by your terrified expressions, I can tell you knew that already."
Before Blitzø could move, Alastor turned and walked towards Moxxie and Millie. Moxxie stepped in front of his wife to try and protect her from any kind of attack. Alastor stuck out his hand to Moxxie.
"And what do they call you, my funny little fellow?" he asked.
Moxxie slowly took Alastor's hand and shook it once. He said, "My name is Moxxie, sir. Uh, sorry about-"
"The door? Oh, don't worry about it, my good man. It happens all the time." Alastor said, and then turned to Millie.
"And who is this charming young thing?" he asked.
Moxxie said, "This is my wife, Millie."
Alastor laughed, "Ha! Moxxie and Millie! It's almost nostalgic! I like it!."
He moved to Millie and took her hand and gave her knuckles a quick kiss.
"Enchanté, mon cher," he said.
Millie didn't say anything. In fact, she looked too scared to move. Moxxie quickly pulled his wife away from Alastor, who didn't seem to mind. He began to hum again and looked around the room. Blitzø slowly made his way over to Moxxie.
Moxxie whispered to him, "Sir, what do we-"
"My hellphone's in my office," Blitzø whispered back, "It's on the right side of the desk. Code's 8819, got it?"
Moxxie nodded. He knew exactly what to do. Stolas had warned them if any truly powerful demons or an Overlord came calling, it would be highly likely that had come for the grimoire. If that happened, they were to contact Stolas immediately for help. Moxxie glanced at Alastor who was still looking around the room. Moxxie slowly moved towards Blitzø's office.
"So, Moxxie?" Alastor said. Moxxie stopped and turned to face him, "How long have you and Millie here been married?"
Moxxie gulped and said, "C-close to five years now. Our wedding anniversary is coming up."
Alastor smiled and said, "Really?! Congratulations! Ah, marriage. It's nice to see that even in Hell, such institutions never change."
Alastor turned to Blitzø and asked, "By the way, you wouldn't happen to have a place where we could all have a seat and chat?"
Blitzø said, smiling back nervously, "W-well, you and I could go talk in my office."
"Oh, no, that won't do," Alastor said, shaking his head, "What I have to say interests the whole group! Besides, we're all just starting to be friends. It would be a shame to separate us from one another. Do you have anywhere else?"
Blitzø stopped smiling and gulped. He glanced around at the scared faces of the others. He looked at Alastor, who didn't seem to be moving, but he made everyone feel like he could be everywhere
"Yeah, there's a conference room in the back," he said.
Alastor appeared next to Blitzø and slapped his shoulder and put his arm around him.
"Wonderful!" Alastor said, "Lead the way, my friend."
Blitzø started walking towards the conference room with Alastor beside him. When their backs were to them, Blitzø tried to wave the others off trying to get them to run or at least try to contact Stolas. Moxxie and the others followed slowly. Moxxie knew he could slip into Blitzø's office before Alastor knew he was gone. As they drew nearer to the office, Moxxie slowed down his walking. He was planning to step inside as the others went into the conference room. He glanced at Millie, who bit her lip and nodded, knowing what her husband was planning.
However, the second Moxxie reached for the door, Alastor said, "Now, now, my dear Moxxie."
Moxxie froze and looked up to Alastor. He said, "I'd hate to think of you missing out on the meeting. I assure you, it'll be worth every minute. I'm sure dear Millie would also miss you."
Moxxie quickly moved away from the door and back next to Millie. Millie took Moxxie's hand and refused to let go. Blitzø groaned at seeing his friends in danger, but what could he do?! He opened the door to the conference room and stepped inside with Alastor close behind. Alastor took a quick look around the room. He turned back to look at the posters on the walls. He looked at Blitzø and said, "You're a circus imp, Blitzø?"
Blitzø snapped to attention and said, "What? Oh, uh, yeah. My whole family was in the circus."
Alastor walked over to Blitzø and slapped him on the shoulder again, "I always enjoy a good circus! Nothing beats the fine smell of sawdust, popcorn, and cotton candy. By the look of you, I'd say you were a tightrope walker."
"Trapeze, actually" Blitzø said, "My twin sister and I were trapeze artists."
"Ah, I see!" Alastor said, "An acrobatic act like no other! Well, you certainly changed to a much more dangerous sort of work. An imp assassin is nothing new, but to be able to go to the human world! Ha ha! Now, that's something of note! I'm sure your family is quite impressed."
Blitzø tensed up. He didn't want to answer, but he knew he had to say something.
"I wouldn't know," he said, "I havn't heard from them in a few years."
Alastor frowned, "I'm sorry to hear that. One's family is very important."
He turned to the others and smiled, "Well, we may as well get started. Have a seat, everyone."
Alastor walked around the room while everyone else sat down. Everyone but Loona. Alastor glanced at Loona and started walking towards her. Loona began to growl and she prepared to pounce, ready to take out as big a chunk as she could from his neck. Alastor's smile thinned and the air around him began to darken.
"Down, doggie," he said, threateningly.
Suddenly, there was the click of several guns behind him. Alastor glanced over his shoulder and saw that Blitzø, Moxxie, and Millie stood up and were all pointing guns at him. Moxxie had a 12 gauge shotgun. Millie had two semi-automatic handguns. Blitzø had his flintlock and a scowl set deep on his face.
"I don't care who the fuck you are or how powerful you are," he said, "But if you threaten my daughter again and I'll fucking kill you."
Alastor laughed, "My dear Blitzø. I'm starting to like you more and more."
Alastor snapped his fingers and all their guns vanished. Then, black tendrils rose from the floor and lifted them all into the air. The tendrils wrapped all around them, even covered their mouths. They struggled against their binds as they heard Alastor laugh.
"So, this is the useful little tome, eh?" Alastor said.
Blitzø looked and was shocked. Alastor had the book! How?! He hadn't even gone into his office! Alastor casually flipped through it and looked at Blitzø.
"I was wondering how a group of imps could make it to the Human World," he said, "Well, now that that little curiosity has been settled…"
Alastor's eyes began to glow and he raised his hand. Blitzø growled. He looked at Moxxie, Millie, and Loona. Millie was crying while looking at Moxxie, who looked desperate to get free and save his wife. Loona looked at Blitzø, but didn't look afraid. She looked… regretful.
"Fuck," Blitzø thought, "we're dead. I'm sorry guys. I just wish I told Stolas-"
His thoughts were interrupted by Alastor's snap, which seemed to echo around the room. They all braced for the tendrils to crush them. And then… they were all set back safely down to the floor. They were stunned. They all looked at each other with shocked looks. Suddenly, the grimoire was tossed back at Blitzø, who fumbled with it, but caught it.
"...we can get down to business," Alastor finished, his back turned on the others.
Blitzø was the first to find the strength to speak.
"Huh?" he asked.
Alastor said, "I said, we can-"
Blitzø cut him off, "No no no, not that shit… just huh?!"
Moxxie spoke up, "You don't want the book?"
This time Alastor laughed, "My good man, why would I want that little trifle?"
"Fucking… what… huh?" Blitzø asked.
Moxxie said, slowly, "So you could go back to the Human World and-"
Alastor appeared next to Moxxie and pulled him into a side hug. He said, "Ha! The Human World? My dear Moxxie, you forget I came from there! Nothing much up there to interest me anymore. No, no, no. Hell is far more entertaining."
"What… shit… I don't… fucking…" Blitzø continued to babble.
Loona shook herself out of her shock. She said, "If you don't want the book, then why show up and threaten us all?"
"A test, my dear girl!" Alastor said, turning to Loona, who cringed, "If I'm going to do business with someone, I need to know if they're men and women of integrity. "
"A… test?" Blitzø said, finally coming to his senses, "So, you never planned to kill us?"
Alastor said, "My good imp, if I had intended to kill any of you, I wouldn't have bothered knocking."
Alastor walked around them, saying, "You four surprised me. No begging, no betrayal, and you even all jumped to the aid of your lovely young hellhound friend here. And on that subject."
Alastor looked at Blitzø and asked, "Did I hear you call her your daughter?"
Blitzø continued to sputter, but he nodded.
At that, Alastor appeared beside Loona and took her paw and said, "I humbly apologize for the threat, my dear girl. I don't like threatening family members if I can help it. But if I may, Loonie, wasn't it? A young girl working as a secretary should dress appropriately. So, as a further apology..."
With a wave of his hand, Alastor turned Loona's clothes and hair style to look like a dress a secretary would wear in the 1920s, complete with her hair styled in a curly cut. She looked at herself, then back at Alastor.
"There you are, my dear," he said, "A smart dress for a smart lass."
In fact, all their clothes had been changed. Millie was suddenly dressed as a flapper in a red dress and flower in her hair with it done up to match. Moxxie and Blitzø were wearing neat pinstriped suits, Blitzø's black while Moxxie's was gray. Matching black fedora hats were set on their heads. Blitzø put the book under his arm and looked at himself.
"Okay, not gonna lie, but the suit is pretty bitchin'," he said, then he turned to Alastor, "So, if you don't want the book, then what the fuck do you want with us?"
"Well, why else would a fellow look for the services of a hitman," Alastor said, his eyes glowing, "There's someone I need you to kill."
After calming down a little bit more, everyone sat back down. Alastor stood at the edge of the table, looking over the whiteboard. Blitzø's whiteboard had several different drawings still on it from yesterday's hit. Alastor looked over the crude drawings of a person walking into a spike pit, someone being stabbed by a Millie and sniped by Moxxie, and a few horses of different shapes and sizes. He chuckled and picked up a marker himself and began to draw. As he drew, Moxxie quietly tried to get Blitzø's attention.
When Blitzø looked his way, Moxxie whispered, "Sir, what do we do?"
Blitzø shrugged and whispered back, "We seem to be out of the shit now, but still we should try to get him out of here quick. Until then..."
Then he put a finger to his lips to shush Moxxie. Moxxie nodded and looked at Millie. She still looked scared as she tugged at the hem of her new dress. Moxxie reached over and took her hand and gave it a squeeze. Millie looked at him, gave a small smile and a squeeze back. Blitzø looked around at them and then at Loona. She still looked apprehensive, but at least she wasn't scared anymore. She looked at Blitzø and he smiled at her. She smiled back. Honestly, she was glad they were all okay. For now, anyway. Having reassured himself that they were safe, Blitzø decided to speak up.
He said, "So, uh, Al. You've been out of the game upstairs for decades. Now, I don't normally pry into other people's business-"
Blitzø couldn't help but notice the eye rolls of the others.
He continued, "-but who could want us to bump off? I mean, their grandparents were probably kids when you were around."
Alastor continued to draw and said, "Oh, I have nothing against the man myself. Seems like a nice enough fellow to me."
Blitzø clapped his hands, "Okay, so random violence is the game today. Works for me!"
"Ah, ah, ah," Alastor said, turning away from his drawing and wagging his finger at Blitzø, "Nothing random about this. I need the man dead for a reason."
Moxxie asked, "And what reason is that?"
Finishing his drawing, Alastor turned back to everyone and asked, "Do any of you know what this is?"
Blitzø and the others looked at Alastor's drawing. It was of a round amulet with symbols of what looked like pitchforks pointing in all directions. Loona shrugged. Blitzø shook his head. Moxxie asked, "I'm sorry, sir, but no. What is it?"
"Uh, I know what it is," Millie said, quietly.
Everyone turned to her and she said, "My Grandma knew a little about human magic. I-It's a, um, voodoo protection charm. It wards off evil spirits and lesser demons… like us."
Alastor said, "Quite right, my dear. The young man in question has found this little trinket in my old stomping grounds of New Orleans, Louisiana. I need you to collect it for me."
"Wait, back the fuck up," Blitzø said, "I thought you wanted us to kill someone, not steal something."
"Oh, this will require you to do both," Alastor said. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a photo. It was of a young man in his twenties with sandy brown hair and glasses. He was smiling and wearing a hiking backpack and clothes.
Alastor said, "This enterprising young man is an amatur treasure hunter. He found the amulet a few days ago on one of his little treks into the New Orleans bayou."
Moxxie asked, "What's so special about the amulet? Was it yours whe-"
"Yes!" Alastor said, cutting Moxxie off, "It was. But there's another good reason. There's more to this amulet than just the strong protections it provides. It has magical properties that can be very… troublesome in the wrong hands. I want you to retrieve the amulet and bring it back to me."
Alastor took out another photo of a hotel with a room number written on it.
He said, "He resides at this hotel for the time being."
Blitzø said, "No problem! Quick snipe and search and we'll be done!"
Alastor said, "It's a bit more complicated than that. The amulet's protection is very powerful. Any demonic attack will be countered, and that includes demonic weaponry. What you'll need is someone who knows magic to dispel the amulet's protection charms to allow you to make your move."
Blitzø asked, "And do you have any idea where we can find someone to do that?"
Alastor laughed, "Dear Blitzø, there are plenty of demons who know the mystic arts. Surely there's one that's willing to work with you. If not, I'm sure your fine feathered boyfriend will be able to help you."
Blitzø blushed and said, "Well, he's not my… uh… it's a… we have an under… we're ha… it's steady… he's not..."
Alastor laughed and said, "No need to explain, dear friend! I have an associate who is dealing with the same thing."
Then Alastor reached into his jacket and pulled out a long thin black box.
He said, "In any case, once our young treasure hunter has been taken care of, merely slip the amulet off his neck and place it inside this."
He set the box down and Blitzø quickly snatched it up. He turned it over in his hands. Then he opened it and looked all over inside. He closed it and looked at Alastor.
"Okay, so we weaken the magic amulet, kill the SOB, steal said magic amulet, slap it in this case and hand it off to you. Easy peasy!" he said, tucking the box in his jacket pocket, "Not the most complex job we've had."
"But it's up there, sir," Moxxie said. Then he turned to Alastor and said, "With all due respect, I don't think you're telling us everything."
"Oh, of course I'm not, Moxxie," Alastor said with a laugh, "As I said, the amulets' protection is quite strong. I think just getting within 50 feet of it would be lethal to you all. And as the owner of the amulet, the young man has already taken some of that protection onto himself. The only way to dispel passive magic such as that is to do so when it's close to its original source. So… "
Blitzø said, "So what?"
"So, we can only weaken the amulet's magic while he's wearing it," Millie said.
Blitzø bolted up in his chair, knocking it over, "WHAT?!"
He turned to Alastor and shouted, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! You're telling me we have to watch the fucker and wait until he just decides to wear it?!"
"Yes," Alastor said, calmly.
Blitzø banged his hands on the table, "Do you have any idea how many potential clients we'd lose babysitting your hit?!"
"Blitzø, don't," Millie fearfully said.
Moxxie said, "Not to mention the fact that we'll be exposed during all that time. We're imps. We don't have human disguises."
"I do," Loona said, "But I don't know any other magic."
Blitzø quickly cut in, "Besides that, I'm not letting my daughter anywhere near that thing!"
Loona turned to Blitzø and yelled, "I can handle myself, Blitzø!"
Blitzø shouted back, "Not against magic that could turn us all into steamed shit!"
"Guys, calm down!" Millie yelled, tension straining her voice.
Moxxie said, "The same goes for Millie and me! This is too dangerous as it is. I won't risk my wife getting hurt or worse."
Blitzø walked over to Alastor, who was still standing and smiling calmly, "Well Al, we're all sorry we can't help you get back your little doodad, but this job's too dicey for us."
"Now, hold on, my dear Blitzø," Alastor said, smoothly, "I understand that my little request would take up much of your time and efforts. Did you honestly think I wouldn't provide suitable… compensation?"
Then Alastor made two suitcases appear on the table. Everyone looked at them, then back at Alastor. He smiled wide and snapped his fingers. The suitcases popped open to reveal stacks of crisp new $100 bills. Blitzø's jaw dropped and stars appeared in his eyes. Loona nearly fell over. She had never seen that much money in her life! Moxxie and Millie were stunned. Despite himself, Moxxie began to imagine everything that he could buy with this much money. He could finally buy a house for himself and Millie. They'd never need anything again! They could even… start a family.
Alastor said, "This is a small sample of what I'd pay for the completion of this little task of mine. I'll be giving eight more cases full when you give me the amulet. So, what do you say, chums?"
Moxxie snapped out of his fantasy first. He scowled and said, "I say-"
"We'll do it!" Millie shouted, pulling Moxxie close.
"Millie?!" Moxxie exclaimed. He was surprised to see Millie jump at the chance for money like that.
But that thought changed when he looked at her and saw the fear in her eyes. Moxxie was stunned. Millie was always so upbeat, bubbly, and brave. He'd never seen his wife look so timid.
"Moxxie, please, " she whispered.
Moxxie knew what he had to do. He turned to Alastor and said, "Okay. We're in."
"Excellent!" Alastor said and he turned to Loona.
She nodded. This wasn't what she had in mind when she was going to ask Blitzø if she could go on an assignment again, but she'd take what she could get.
Alastor nodded back and turned to Blitzø. Blitzø was still entranced by the money and was slowly moving his hand towards the suitcase to grab the money. Once his hand was in reach, Alastor slammed the lid shut on Blitzø's fingers. Blitzø yowled in pain and pulled his fingers free. He rubbed his sore fingers and growled at Alastor who simply smiled back.
"I take it that you're on board as well, Blitzø?" Alastor asked, closing the other suitcase.
Blitzø groaned, "Yeah, yeah. I'm fucking in too."
"Fantastic!" Alastor said, appearing next to Blitzø and wrapping his arm around his shoulders again. He began to lead Blitzø back into the front and everyone followed, "Now as I've said, take your time Blitzø. Goodness knows it takes time to kill someone. I do however hope this will be taken care of quickly. As the saying goes, 'Time is money!'"
Once they reached the front, Alastor let Blitzø good and turned to the others.
He said, "It was a pleasure to meet you all. Moxxie, Millie, congratulations on your wedding anniversary! I hope you have many more years together. Loonie dear, be mindful of your father. He knows what's best for you."
Alastor turned back to Blitzø and put out his hand for him to shake. He said, "And it was interesting to meet you, Blitzø. I think that this will be the start of a grand friendship."
Blitzø looked at Alastor's hand and decided to take it. As he shook it, he smiled and said, "Sure thing, Al. And don't worry about us. We'll take care of everything."
"Oh, I"m sure you will," Alastor said and as he turned to leave he said, "Good day, all! I"ll be checking in."
And with that, the Radio Demon left. When he did, all their clothes changed back. Loona gave a half smile and said, "Good. If my clothes had stayed like that, I'd have been pissed."
Then, a loud poof sound came from the coffee table. Everyone looked and saw the guns they'd pointed at Alastor were back. Blitzø quickly reached for his flintlock. He examined it and breathed a sigh of relief it wasn't damaged as far as he could tell. He laid back on the couch and closed his eyes.
"Unholy shit! That was close," he said.
"No shit," Loona said and sat behind the computer and ran her hand over her face. Then she started searching for available magic users.
Moxxie walked Millie to the chair beside the couch and asked her, "Are you okay, honey?"
Millie still looked very scared, but she nodded. Moxxie sighed and rubbed her hand. Loona groaned as her online search revealed no leads. She asked, "So, where do we start looking for magic users?"
Blitzø said, "After I catch my breath, I'll call up Stolas. He can help with this."
"Do you think he'll help us after he hears that the Radio Demon knows about the book?" Moxie asked.
"I don't know Moxxie," Blitzø said, "Hell, I don't even know how he got his hands on the damn thing."
Blitzø looked at Millie and saw she was still shaking. He sat up and asked, "You gonna be okay, Mils?"
Millie looked up at Blitzø and nodded. Moxxie brought his hand to her cheek and caressed it.
"You can sit this assignment out if you want, Millie." he said, "We can take care of it."
"Oh, no Mox," Blitzø quickly said, "Sorry, but we need all hands on deck for this one."
Loona asked, "So, does that mean I can help?"
Blitzø said, "No way!"
"Aw, come on, Blitzø!" Loona shouted, slamming her fist down.
"No, and that's final!" Blitzø said, "I'm not putting you in this kind of danger."
"Oh, so you're fine with putting my wife in danger, is that it?" Moxxie sneered.
Blitzø said, "We need our heavy hitter for this one!"
"And someone who can get really close to the target," Loona cut in, "I can do that!"
"Or I could watch him with my sniper rifle and we'd never even need to go near him!" Moxxie yelled.
"We'd still need someone to grab the amulet," Blitzø said, "If someone else grabs it off the corpse we'll be back at square one! Millie is the fastest on her feet."
"Actually, Loona is." Moxxie said.
"Thank you, Moxxie!" Loona said.
"She's not doing it!" Blitzø shouted, "Millie's our best bet to get this done quick."
Moxxie said, "Sir, look at her! She's so scared she can barely move. This whole thing scares her too much and I don't blame her."
"Millie's tougher than that and you know it!" Blitzø said, "She can handle it."
Loona stood up and said, "So can I, Blitzø! Hell, I could even lure the guy into position. I've done that before."
"I said no!" Blitzø shouted.
"And I said Millie's not going!" Moxxie shouted.
On and on Blitzø, Moxxie, and Loona shouted at each other. While they shouted, Millie began to look angrier and angrier. Finally, she shouted, "ALL OF YOU, SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Blitzø jumped and Loona's hackles went up again. Even Moxxie took a step away from his wife.
Moxxie said, "Millie, I-"
Millie raised her hand up to stop Moxxie from talking. She took a few deep breaths and said, "I'm fine, sweetie."
Blitzø asked, "Are you sure? You've been a mess since Alastor came in. Though, I'm one to talk. I think I shit myself."
After a moment, Loona sniffed the air and said, "Nope, but I think Moxxie pissed himself."
Everyone gave a quick laugh, thankful that the tension was finally going down. Moxxie turned to his wife and asked, "You're determined to do this, aren't you, Millie?"
After taking another deep breath, Millie said, "You're damned right I am."
Moxxie almost whined. He said, "But it's too dange-"
"We're assassin's, Moxxie." Millie said, "Danger's a part of the job. I'll be fine. I guess… I guess I was more scared that Grandpa was right."
"Right about what?" Blitzø asked.
Millie said, "He always warned us growing up that there's things out there you flat out don't want to cross. "You feel it in your bones,' he'd say, 'Down to the depths of your soul. And if you ever meet anything, demon, devil, or hellbeast, that makes you feel that, then you best get outta its way or give it what it wants.'"
She looked around at the others, "And that's what I felt the second that monster walked in. I don't know why he wants us to do this, but it doesn't matter. What matters is that if we don't… well, next time he comes by he won't bother knocking...And Satan help me, I don't want that to happen."
Millie began to cry softly. Moxxie wrapped his arms around Millie in a comforting hug. Blitzø and Loona exchanged looks of concern.
Blitzø rubbed the back of his head and said, "Ya know Millie, maybe Moxxie's right. Maybe you should sit this one out."
Millie let go of Moxxie and wipped away her tears. "No," she said, "It's like you said. We need all hands on deck. Including Loona."
"What?!" Blitzø said, "But she-"
Moxxie turned to Blitzø, "She's right, sir. We need all the help we can get if we're going to do this."
Blitzø tried to think of some kind of argument against it. He looked at Loona, who looked pleadingly at him. He growled and plopped back into the couch.
"Fine, you can come," Blitzø said defeated, but quickly added, "But the moment things get too much, I'm opening a portal back here myself and tossing you in, young lady!"
Loona smiled, "Thanks, Blitzø. I won't let you down."
She turned to Millie, "Thank, Millie."
Millie smiled, "Don't mention it."
Moxxie said, "Well, about that help we need. Are you going to call Stolas?"
"Yeah," Blitzø said, "Let me go get my phone. You all rest here. Fuck, I don't even know where to start!"
Blitzø stood and walked toward his office. He knew that Stolas could help them. He just wished he knew how.
End of Chapter 3.
