Grudge Match Part 3: Memory

We all were sitting in the common room of the treehouse, just sitting around with somber looks. I was eating some the food that was left from their dinner. Rough and coarse but edible. "Did you do what you set out to do?" Darius asks with an upset tone. He's angry at me, understandable. I look at him and everyone else, they hold my gaze, curious to see what my answer is. "No...I had a moment where I had the chance to do it but I couldn't bring myself to finish it." I say as Darius sighs in relief and everyone else relaxes. "What happened?" Ben asks. "I had her hurt. She was suffering with pain in her foot and ribs. I had used fire to give myself an edge over her. When I had her down, all I could think about was the hate that I had...those thoughts stopped when I looked into her eyes." I reply back to Ben. "What about her eyes?" Sammy than questions confusingly. "I saw fear in her eyes. She was afraid...like I was. I hated her but I pitted her...so I let her live." I say finalizing my explanation.

I get up and walk to the topmost part of the treehouse for some privacy. The burdens on the night are weighing. Why did I leave her alive. These thoughts are making me question everything that I believe in myself. My determination, my will, my hope of seeing home again. I hear someone coming and look to see Yaz walking up and sitting beside me. We say nothing as we gaze out into the jungle or look above to the stars. The awkward silence continues, it's becoming really uncomfortable. "Is there a reason your up here?" I question, breaking the silence. "Does there have to be a reason?" She instantly replies back. "Well...no...it's just-." I begin to say but Yaz cuts me off. "Just don't think about too much." I nod and just sit, fiddling with my fingers. "You left us here." She says with an angry tone. "I did." I reply, dreading the argument that I feel coming. "You cared more about your own vengeance than you did the rest of us...you abandoned here...did you even know if you were coming back?" She questions angrily. I stay quiet, answering her question without even speaking. "That's what I thought." She gets up and begins to leave. I go to reply but nothing I say will change her mind. I fucked up and now it's coming back to bite me in the ass. Lets sleep on it and we'll talk in the morning.

Next Morning:

I had a rough sleep. Thoughts of Yaz last night lingering on my mind. I need to explain to her why. As everyone gets up, does their morning routines, I see Yaz but she glares at before walking away, giving me the cold shoulder. This is going to be harder than I thought. I go about the usual patrol with Ben and Bumpy. The camp is locked within a dense forest. A lot of herbivores make their home here, and with that comes a lot of predators. The east River is towards the eastern mountains so the remaining Baryonyxs will probably stakes out over there. Ceratosaurus and Carnotaurus stalk these trees. "Something wrong?" I hear Ben ask, breaking me from my thoughts. "No...just something that Yaz said last night." Ben stands beside. "What did she say?" I look at him, Ben has never really showed this side of him. What the heck. "She said that I abandoned you guys, which, while harsh, is sort of true...I cared more about my anger and hate for Allison that I left you guys behind, not knowing if I'm coming back or not. Yaz has made me see what I did wrong and I want to apologize and explain but she doesn't even want to be near me." I explain to Ben as he begins to ponder. "While she is right, you did leave, I don't know what you were feeling and maybe you thought you had to leave and correct those feelings. Maybe just explain to her everything." Ben offers but I'm...scared, I don't know how to tell people about what happened or how it affected me. I say nothing as we finish our patrol of the camp.

It was around midday now and everyone was doing their own thing. Darius was writing in his field guide. Brooklynn was drawing on the board, thinking of a plan. Kenji was playing with his butter knife. Ben was with Bumpy and Sammy was sleeping on her bed. I look over and see Yaz drawing. Come on Ryan don't be wuss and just walk over. I get and head over to Yaz who sees me and glares. She goes back to her drawing. "Can we talk?" I ask. "No, now go away." She angrily replies back as she continues to draw. I'm not going to beat around the bush. I snatch her book away. "Hey, give it back!" She yells as she stands up. "You will when we talk." I say without a care in the world about her anger. She reluctantly nodded as we sat down. "What do you want?" She says crossing her arms in the process. "To explain myself." I say quietly, which she scoffs at.

"I had nightmares." I say as she looks back at me. "Bad ones. After that day when my dad died, I had severe nightmares and night terrors. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. Everyday, I would remember each and every moment of the incident. I would hear Allison's roar. The spine of my dad breaking. It all built up. I had people to go too but I didn't know how to approach the subject so I bottled it all in." I say as tears well in my eyes. Yaz looks at me with a sad expression. "For six months, every night, would be something about that day or it was Allison mocking me or my dad's last words repeated back to me. When we stumbled upon the cave, all of those feelings of pain, guilt and shame came back. I was angry, foolish. I thought that the nightmares would go away if Allison did." I say while crying. "Why didn't tell any of us? We would have helped you." Yaz says trying to understand. "None of you could have felt my pain. None of you could have imagined the thought of having your father die in your arms and have the memory of him and his killer etched into your dreams. How could any of you have helped me?" I say with gritted teeth. "I'm sorry...I know I shouldn't have left like I did. I just wanted a good night's sleep but I guess we don't always get what we want. I know that I left you here, and I'm sorry...truely I am."

I get up and leave Yaz alone. I hate what I've done. Especially to her. No one deserved what I did to them. While everyone has forgiven me, it was Yaz's feelings that I was most afraid of hurting and I miserably failed.

Next Day:

A new day and everyone is standing out below. Whats going on? I slide down the slide and everyone turns towards me. "What's going on guys?" I say but they part, giving me room as I look down at a plank of wood sticking out of the ground with rocks in front, it's shaped like a grave. The plank says:

In Loving Memory

Stephen Johnson

A Fighter, A Protector, A Father...A Friend

Tears are just pouring out now. I kneel down and push my hand against one of the rocks. I feel two hands on my shoulder. I look and see Yaz and Kenji smiling down with tears themselves. I stand up and bring both together in a hug. They wrap their arms around as I continue sobbing. "Thank you." I say quietly. "It's alright." "Don't worry about it." Yaz and Kenji say and I tighten my hug as the others join in even Bumpy presses her head against us. We break apart and I rub my eyes free of the tears. "There is nothing I could do that could repay what you guys have done. Thank you for this." I say quietly. "You needed this closure and besides

, Kenji thought you needed this." Yaz says she points to Kenji who scratches his head in embarrassment. "It was nothing." I pull him into a hug. "Thank you Kenji." He pats me on the back. "We will give a moment to yourself." He says as the others move away. Yaz gives me a happy smile. I nod back with a smile.

Everyone has left me to my myself. I turn back to the 'grave'. "Hey Dad...I just want to say that I love you and...SNIFF.....I miss you. I wish you were here...and you are...you said you would always be with me and you are. I hope that wherever you are, it's very peaceful...you deserve that at least." I cry silently. "I love you." I wipe my eyes and turn around and see Yaz standing not far from me. She approaches and brings me into a tender hug. "He would be very proud you." She said and I hug her closer. "I hope so...I sure hope so." I say. "I know he would...I might not have known him but I know you and trust me...he would be very proud of the man you've become." I cry silently at that. Thank you Yaz. Thank you so much.