Note: If I missed any of your favourite Anime Characters I am sorry. There are a lot.

Chapter 3: Anime Attack!

(Really dingy bar on the bad side of Tokyo)

GR: Me! I used to be big! Bigs I tells ya! Now Is washed up with all you peoples! You know who all ares? You F--king cockroaches thats whose yous ares.

Bartender: I think you have had one too many Sakei shots sir.

GR: I tell you when I've had enough! (Plops head down on counter)

Bartender: Resorting to drunken 'down on your luck' cliches, this is serious.

GR: I can't have sex without my nose bleeding profusely, what do you think!

Bartender: Anime pufferfish?

GR: Does everyone know about that but me? I mean how incompetent can all the chefs of Tokyo be anyway?

Bartender: They keep mixing up which side of the gills to cut.

GR: Whatever, just drown my sorrows in more of your Asian alcohol.

(Bartender goes back to get more bottles)

Bar hand: Man that guy is wasted.

Bartender: Strange thing is, this stuff isn't real alcohol. I think he just thinks he's drunk.

GR: Stop talking! I'm not wasted enough!

(Door open to reveal Robin in sunglasses and white overcoat. A few seconds later Robin inevitabley starts up a fight and approaches the bar soon afterwards notincing Rage at last)

Robin: Oh you got to be kidding me.

GR: What the f--k? Robin? Is that you? I can't tell, you look gayer then usual.

Robin: I'll have you know I had to beat up a mugger to get these. Besides I think they make me look cool.

GR: If by cool you mean gay then yeah you're right they do.

Robin: What are you doing here anyway?

GR: Having the worst vacation of my life. If you haven't noticed by the fact my lips move in flaps and I have overexaggereated facial expressions.

Robin: How'd that happen?

GR: I ate a bad fish, does it matter! The point is my life has hit rock bottom. The only solace is the fact that I'm seeing you in your present attire. Its so friggin stupid I have to laugh! But I'm afraid to because of what might happen. Ah screw it. (Laugh aloud and his head becomes an over-exaggerated laughing smile that appears all around Robin.)

Robin: That was weird.

GR: Yes it was. Now excuse me I need to wander the streets in shame, that is unless of course you just want to arrest me.

Robin: No time I need to find an evil crinimal mastermind whose framed me.

GR: Like I care (Gets up and stumbles out door and walks around the streets for awhile) What's the point of going back now? I might as well just wait till this accurssed poison crap wears off and then return. Blackie and Pain will probably have already packed up by then. Then I can leave this accursed country and never return.

Voice: No chance of that happening my friend.

(GR turns around to see a large contingent of Anime character behind him)

GR: Oh crap, I hate when this stuff happens.

Vegeta: Hello General Rage, we've been looking for you.

GR: Is this about me having my son kill your stupid friend Ash's mouse thing?

Ash: No but I wish it were.

Speed Racer: You have become an anime character just like us! Oh! E! Now you must join us! Ah! Oh!

GR: Could you slow down there son. You're speaking like one of them Gilmore Girls only faster.

Goku: Basically we want you to join the ever increasing amount of Anime characters.

Agumon: And be our best friend forever.

GR: Pft, as if. I hate this stupid overexaggerated emotional face. Besides its all tempoairly anyway, I'll be back to normal in no time.

Inuyasha: Thats what you think dumbass.

GR: Hey do we need to resort to foul language here.

Kagome: All you need to do is take a larger dose of the Anime Pufferfish and you'll be one of us forever!

Anime Characters: One of us! One of us!

GR: Why the hell would I want to do that?

Gohan: You don't have much of a choice in the matter buddy.

Picalo: Whether you like it or not we're gonna keep you as an anime Character and stuck here in Tokyo with us.

Naruto: Believe it!

GR: Sorry guys, but its just not my thing. Japanese Animation is cool and all, but I prefer to look...I don't know...normal! Besides I have a wife and a kid, how am I suppose to provide for them when I look like this?

Davis: So thats the only thing holding you back?

Tai: We see.

Matt: Well then we know what me must do.

Takato: We sure do, don't we Guilmon

Guilmon: Yep.

Gundam Leader: We must kill his family and leave him no choice but to join our ranks!

GR: WHAT! Are you crazy!

Goku: Its the only way.

GR: Not if I can help it you assholes (Holds fist in dramatic fashion while camera pans up to his face) You want to kill my family and turn me into one of you losers, you'll have to get through me!

Vegeta: Fair enough.

Inuyasha: Yeah I'm down with that.

Naruto: Lets fight then! Believe it!

Goku: Shut it Naruto no one likes you.

Naruto: Yeah, I know.

Ash: Alright! Robo-Pikachu! I choose you!

(Pikachu with robotic body parts jumps out)

Robo-Pikachu: Pika.

GR: I thought Pain killed it?

Ash: Yes he did...but he got better.

(Robo-Pikachu zap a lighting bolt at GR who jumps out of the way.)

GR: Ha! You'll have to do better then that!

Agumon: Pepper Breath! (Launches fire ball that hits GR and scorches him)

GR: Ow. (Shakes off burnt ash on skin) I guess not all anime cliches are bad.

Goku: Grab him and make him swallow a whole Anime Pufferfish!

Vegeta: Then he'll see the light.

(Inuyasha runs straight at GR with a sword which GR jumps away from. GR then bolts down an alley)

Goku: After him! He's headed back to his family!

Gundam Leader: Gundams! Attack!

(Giant Robot squadron launches after GR who is running away comically through the back alleys as the fire on him)

GR: Great, giant robo-suits. Now what do I do? This accursed country's anti-gun laws screw me over.

(Gundam jumps down in front of GR)

GR: (Overexaggerated scream) AHHH!

Gundam Leader: Surrender!

(GR bolts into a nearby dojo)

GR: I should be safe in here.

(Gundam rips off roof and peers in)

Gundam Leader: Listen its hard to make you surrender if you keep running away.

(GR notices a wooden sword on the ground nearby.)

GR: Ah Ha! (Grabs wooden sword) Back off!

Gundam: You're joking right? That's a sword. A wooden sword! I have a freaking awesome big gun.

GR: True, it is just a useless wooden training sword. But in the hands of an Anime Character like me...(Jumps up in fast paced anime style attack and then two white flashes that look like sword slashes appear on screen. Arms of Gundam suit fall off) Its just as sharp as an ordinary sword. And since they can cut through anything in anime your suit is useless. Victory is mine! (Does anime victory pose)

Gundam: You bastard I'll do you for that! I still have my legs! (Legs fall off and he is now nothing but a torso)

GR: What are you gonna do now? Leak oil on me?

(More gundam suit show up, GR grabs one of the fallen off arms guns and fires at them with it. All of them explode)

Gundam: Damn I hate you.

GR: Bye bye robo-boy! (Runs out of Dojo and into a robo kid with no shirt on) Speaking of robots.

Astro-boy: Prepare to fight General Rage!

GR: Has anyone told you that you need to wear a shirt?

Astro-Boy: Shut up, I'm trying not to look androgenous or anything. If I wear a shirt people will probably not know if I'm a boy or girl. Now prepare to battle

GR: What I would give for one of those overly convienent plot twists that sometimes happen to me.

(Bunch of screaming Japanese school girls come down the alley chasing a familar green bird of some kind. They run over Astro-Boy)

Astro-Boy: Ow.

GR: Sorry kid, better luck next time. Oh and put on a shirt.

Astro-Boy: I hate you.

(GR keeps running down street until he's cut off by Inyuasasha and Kagome)

Kagome: (Arming bow) Hold it!

Inuyasha: Don't make me use my big ass sword.

GR: (Pointing) Look! Its that dead girl that you fell in love with back from the grave!

Inuyasha: Kikyo?

(Kagome get hit in the head with a trash can thrown by Rage while the two are distracted)

GR: Wow, I can't believe that worked.

Inuyasha: I'll make you pay for that!

GR: (Produces tennis ball) Hey boy! Want the ball boy? Go fetch! (Throws ball and Inuyasha chases it and gets hit by a passing bus) What a maroon.

(Ash shows up with Robo-Pikachu)

Ash: Robo-Pikachu! Use Thunder!

Robo-Pikachu: Pika-Chu!

(GR misses it by inches)

GR: Govein! (Notices Kagome's Bow and Arrow on the ground next to her unconcious body and grabs them) Now how do you work this thing? (Accidentaly lets an arrow go that ricochets off a few things until in hits Ash in the head killing him) Whoops.

(Robo-pikachu can't stop crying while GR runs off only to come face to face with the Digidestined of all Four seasons of Digimon!)

GR: Oh mutherfodder!

Tai: Looks like we got you outnumbered.

Greymon: And outsized.

GR: I guess this wouldn't be a good time to ask you how I can get out of this?

(Minutes later on the set of a Iron Chef competition)

Announcer: How much crappy food can our competitors make!

(Greymon comes crashing through door with GR on his head)

GR: Stop the dinosaur! I wanna get off!

Flamedramon: I'll get him!

(GR jumps off at the last minute and Greymon and Flamedramon crash into each other)

GR: Dino-dorks. Showed them.

Iron Chef: This is a closed Set-oo!

GR: Hey I didn't have much of a choice you saw the giant dino

Iron Chef: You aren't competitor-oo! Get out-oo!

GR: I'd love to, which way is the Exit-oo!

Iron Chef: Don't Patronize me. I mean, don't patronize me-oo!

(Davis jumps up)

Davis: I'm gonna break every bone in your body.

GR: Hey is that TK and Kari making out?

Davis: Where? (Gets hit with frying pan and falls over)

GR: (Holding frying pan) I'm not too surprised that worked actually.

(Takato and the other Digmon Tamers show up)

Takato: Come on team, lets get this guy!

Wargrowlmon: We'll smash him good.

GR: No fair! You jerks get all the awesome monsters! What do I get?

Kari: Maybe if you were a nicer and kinder person you'd have one.

GR: Oh can it you sap! I can't believe I use to watch your show and found you attractive. Although you still are and Mimi has a nice set of gams on her.

Mimi: That is Lewd! (Takes a handful of food and throws it at GR who ducks and it hits Rika in the face)

Rika: You pink loving freak! (Throws handful of food that hits Tai in the face)

Tai: My eyes!

(Food hits Matt)

Matt: My hair!

(GR grabs TK's hat in the confusion and puts it on Takuya, and he notices it)

TK: My hat! (Tackles Takuya)

(Digidestined begin fighting each other for no reason whatsoever in huge Japanese food fight)

GR: Time to get out of here! (Grabs Katana off Head Iron Chef and cut out of studio cause thats how sharp Katannas are in Anime. GR runs off)

Iron Chef: That cost eight-thousand dollar-oo!

GR: (In distance) Sorry! Can't give it back!

Iron Chef: Damn-oo!

(Later outside)

GR: (Panting) God...I have to start...exercising more...I think I'll buy a gym membership...next year.

(Naruto jumps down from roof)

Naruto: I'm Naruto Uzamaki! And I'm gonna be Okagi! Beleive it!

(Edit: It should be spelled "Hokage", sorry)

GR: Is that your catchphrase?

Naruto: Yes.

GR: It sucks, at least Robin's makes sense. Yours is just dumb.

Naruto: It is not, now prepare to battle! Believe it! (Splits into several Narutos)

GR: Oh skittles!

Narutos: Naruto Uzamaki Barrage!

(Nartutos all rush GR but he ducks at the last second and they all hit each other and fall over in a heap of idiocy)

GR: Whoa...that had to hurt. Believe it!

(Distant moan of car engine heard in background)

GR: What's that? (Looks through binoculars and sees the speed Racer coming at him)

Speed: Once I capture General Rage I'll win that super dangerous race and save the world from some idiotic cult of bad guys! Oh! E! Ah! Uh! Ga!

GR: Oh great its the speedy freak dude. (Rumages around in pockets) Luckily I always carry some C4 just in case. (Throws C4 onto nearby bridge and walks away pressing the detonator)

(Meanwhile in a chopper above Tracey and that stupid monkey with the dumb hat call Speed)

Tracey: Speed this is Tracey!

Speed: What is it Tracey I'm trying to capture General Rage!

Tracey: But Speed the bridge is out!

Speed: The bridge is out! Oh no!

Tracey: Don't worry Speed I got good news!

Speed: What is it Tracey?

Tracey: I just saved 15 percent on my car insurance by switching to Geico!

(Stupid monkey nods and Speed looks confused)

Speed: (Short pause) Well I'm gonna die.

(Falls off destroyed bridge and crashes into a wall in a firely explosion)

Speed: AHHH! This is what happens when you remove your breaks to reach optumum speed levels and can't stop taking drugs that make you talk super fast! (Dies)

(GR looks on at fireball)

GR: See what happens when you live life in the fast lane. You die slow and painfully.

(Megaman flys in on his robo-dog)

Megaman: I'm here to capture you General Rage!

GR: Didn't I fight someone like you before? He wasn't wearing a shirt...Astro-Boy.

Megaman: No, I'm Megaman.

GR: Really? The Video Game character that has more games, spin-offs and sequels then he has cool original titles.

Megaman: Its called brand expansion

GR: More like Franchise suicide.

(Suddenly X shows up)

X: I'm here to capture you General Rage.

GR: Okay, whose he?

Megaman: AH! Paradox!

X: Our different incarnations can't exist in two places at once! AH!

(Both dissapeer from existance)

GR: Well that was easy.

(The One Piece Pirate gang jumps on him)

Lupe: Hey there! Want to die horribly?

GR: I'd rather not.

Solo: I got three big ass swords, feel my wrath.

GR: Oh good, then you won't mind holding two more then. (Throws Solo his wooden and real kataana)

(Solos stumbles with them for awhile then loses his balance and fighting stance and falls over)

Solo: Ow!

Nani: You're a big jerk Rage.

GR: Whatever lady, least I don't have an annoying voice.

(Lupe swings a rubber punch at him but GR didges it and grabs the arm, then he swings it back at his pirate crew consisting of the cook, Nani, the slingshot guy and that raindeer thing, we don't really care about their names. Finnaly he bonks Lupe's fist on his head)

GR: Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself! God I'm so juvenile!

(Lupe falls over from the pain)

GR: Did I win yet?

(Suddenly one of Tachikoma from Ghost in a Shell shows up)

Tachikoma: Wow, so you're the guy they sent me to catch! Cool!

GR: What the hell? Are you one of those child like AIs that are underdeveloped and think war is a game?

Tachikoma: Sure am!

GR: Great. I'm trapped in a magma comic now. Wonder where those Trigun fellas are?

(Scene shift)

Vash: We're on holiday actually

(Scene shift back to GR)

GR: Whatever I don't care.

(Faye Valentine jumps into from behind GR)

Faye: You're surrounded Rage, give it up.

GR: Oh great, I'm gonna die at the hands of a psychotic robot child and a hot chick. I always imagined my death would be more glamourous. Like the final bullet of a great war or perhaps a crushed pelvis from a night of the hottest sex of my life.

(Faye and the Tachikoma fire at the same time and GR jumps up with amazing strength out of the path of both projectiles. Both hit Faye and the Tachikoma are respectively and they slump over in pain. GR lands back on the ground)

GR: Whoa...did I just do that?

(Edward and Alphonse show up from nowhere)

Edward: Alphonse! He's mastering his super anime abilities! The poison must be working its way to the final stage if he can do that!

Alphonse: Then we best get that new dose in him soon

GR: Dude why does that robot have a little kid's voice?

Alphonse: I'm a suit of armour and my soul is bound to it.

GR: So why are you wearing an Loincloth?

Alphonse: Its an Apron! (Charges at GR)

(Zatch Bell A doll who wears a dress for those who don't know runs out of alley way and starts punching GR's leg)

Zatch: Gonna kill you!

GR: Who the hell are you suppose to be little girl?

Zatch: I'm a boy!

GR: (Sweatdrops) You're friggin kidding me. (Picks up gender confusing doll and chucks it at Alphose knocking them both to the ground)

Edward: You're gonna pay for that! (Turns a Lightpost into a machine gun)

GR: Oh come on! That's completely unfair!

(Edward fires upon GR several times. GR runs for cover behind a car)

GR: Come on Rage think! Think! If I have Anime Super Powers what can I do that could help me? (Idea!) Thats it! (Kicks car and it begins to roll at a high speed and straight intot he machine gun post that explodes on impact sending Edward flying.)

Edward: Damn youuuuuuuu! (Splat)

GR: Old fashioned super strength and highly explosive stuff, works all the time

(GR keeps heading towards the hotel when he run into the Sailor Scouts)

Sailor Moon: Okay girls, time to be overly sexual and kick this guy's ass.

GR: Girls, girls, can't we all just get along.

Sailor Mars: Actually I'm a guy. (Everyone looks at her) Sailor "Mars" people, woman don't exactly come from that planet. Where did you think I got it from?

The Talking cat: Go get him girls...and guy.

GR: A cat! Thats perfect! Suck on catnip Sailor Smucks! (Pulls out box of extreme stress catnip and throws it at the Scouts. The talking cat goes crazy and tries to kill them all. A laser goes off and launches GR into the air but he grabs onto a passing flying girl on a staff)

GR: Whoa, that was close. (Notices Sakura) Oh crap.

Sakura: Get off my staff.

(Minor tussle proceeds, but GR just kicks Sakura off and onto a nearby building)

Sakura: Jackass!

GR: (In distance) Don't care!

(Later when GR finds his hotel)

GR: There it is, now I just have to land. How do I do that? (Wiggles staff around until it breaks) Oh shoot. (Begins to plummet from sky and lands with a mouth full of dirt which he quickly spits out.) Well at least I'm alive.

(The Dragonball Z gang shows up)

Goku: So you defeated all the other Anime characters

Gohan: But how will you defeat us?

Picalo: Our combined strength alone will destroy you.

Vegeta: How you like them apples.

GR: Do your worst losers.

Dragonball Z Gang: KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

(GR files nails)

Dragonball Z gang: MEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-

(GR reads a magazine)

Dragonball Z gang: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH-

(GR eats some ticktacks)

Dragonball Z gang: MEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-

(GR stretches a little)

Dragonball Z gang: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Giant combined super laser ball is launched, but GR just pulls out a mirror and it reflects off it and they all get blasted into oblivion)

Goku: CURSE YOU! NOW WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THAT PLACE WITH THE ANGEL HALOS!

Gohan: THAT PLACE SUCKS!

(All dissapear in flash of light)

GR: Adios Muchachos.

(Blackfire and Sergeant Pain exit hotel)

Blackfire: What was all that screaming honey?

GR: Oh nothing just a bunch of nutso Japanese anime characters who were trying to make me one of them and kill you. But with an amazing amount of luck and a little help from anime cliches I survived them and made it here to save you from them...which doesn't matter now since most of them are dead.

Blackfire: Oh honey, you did all that to save us?

GR: Well duh, who else would have me.

Pain: I'm surprised you gave up all those possible hot anime chicks.

GR: I don't care, your mom is all the hot chick action I need.

Blackfire: Oh come here you!

(Blackfire and GR makeout)

Pain: (Disgusted) Please! Stop! I'm a child!

(Blackfire and GR stop making out and a ringing phone is heard)

GR: What's that?

Pain: Oh, that just my video cellphone.

GR: You bought a cellphone.

Pain: Well yeah...actually I kinda sorta stole it from a shopping boutique

GR: Well who the hell would be calling you?

Pain: I gave the number to the doctor actually, thought it would be cool to see how it worked.

(GR grabs video cellphone and clicks the 'Talk' button. The Doctor's face appears on the little screen)

Doctor: Hello General Rage-San. I am happy to tell you that the effects of the Poison are wearing off. You'll be back to normal soon.

GR: How do you know?

Doctor: I stuck a little monitoring probe inside your bloodstream to see how you were coping to the posion. According to its latest report the posion has almost left your body.

GR: Alright! (Victory dance)

Doctor: However there may be some slight side-effects.

GR: (Stops dancing) Say wha?

Doctor: Well let me first ask, have you ever been exposed to radiation?

GR: Uh yeah, I was once. Why?

Doctor: (Nervous look on face) Oh...well...ah...got to go! (Turns off)

Blackfire: Well that can't be a good sign.

GR: Oh screw it guys. (Throws phone away) I don't care! Everything is back to normal and we can finally leave this crack addicted country and get back to our normal non-anime lives back home. Everything has worked out for the best.

Pain: Uh dad when did you get a lizard tail?

GR: What the hell are you...(Notices he has a lizard tail) Well that can't be good.

(GR suddenly clutches head and grows into fifty foot tall giant lizard! Japanese people run away from it!)

Citizen: AH! Ragezilla!

Japanese Bussinessman: Hm, monster is early today?

Japanese Stockbroker: Yes, shall we commence in the running away together?

Japanese Bussinessman: I would be honoured.

(Both run away screaming as Ragezilla stomps down street)

Ragezilla: RRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHOOOOOORRRRRRRR!

(Sergeant Pain and Blackfire look on).

Blackfire: My husband just turned into a giant lizard monster of destruction and is now pounding Tokyo into fine powder.

Pain: Well I didn't see that coming. Lets hit the Sushi bar.

Blackfire: (Grabs Pain) Come on!

Pain: What? He'll be fine! If Godzilla movies have taught me anything its that the military are a bunch of incompetent morons with sucky weapons! He'll smash around town for a few days, kill a few thousand people, head back to monster island, the credits will play a chessy theme song and he'll disapear until the inevitable sequel. Thats the formula!

Blackfire: Just come on!

Pain: Okay, but you're messing up a good formula.