Confusion

The Ultimate Sacrifice, Or Not?

In a whirl of lilac and cerulean butterflies, Emily found herself in the pitch black of the middle of the day; nothing but darkness. Only able to see by the light of a sole street light candle. She heard a faint breathing sound from on the ground; a bit of crying for sure.

"Victor?" she asked gently, just able to see his outline. She reached out her hand to touch him. "Don't," he said stopping her in mid motion. "But, Victor, why?" she asked him naively. Hadn't he just been crying because he wanted to see her?

"Victoria…you don't understand…" he trailed away. "Victoria?" she asked in confusion, laughing slightly; even a bit nervously. "I'm not Victoria, Victor. I believe you wanted to see me?" she asked now doubting slightly that that had been what he wanted.

Victor turned around slightly, just his head, peaking between his arms so he was just able to see her feet. His eyes then ventured up her body until they got to her face. "Emily?" he asked unsure if he should believe, in the way he had acted when he had first reacquainted with Scraps. "Emily!"

She smiled nonchalantly. "Oh, Emily!" he said happily this time. He stood up to hug her and she returned it. "Victor, I missed you too," she said a little bit mournfully remembering what Elder Gutknecht had told her. Victor froze noticing the dejection in her voice. He let go of her, holding her out by the shoulders.

"Emily, what's wrong?" he asked. Emily knew she wouldn't be able to tell him now; all she could return was a sigh. "Emily?" he asked again. "You can tell me; I give my word I'll take it as best I can no matter how unexpected...I should be able to after what we were through before." (Imagine this bit in this voice he talks to Victoria in while trying to explain the situation with Emily)

Emily looked down to the side in shame. "Victor…" she began, "I know this might be hard for you to understand and…I want you to know you don't have to but…" she said trying not to have to finish; she felt guilty for even coming by now; this was the part she had been dreading the entire time. "Emily…just tell me," Victor said looking her in the eyes, now a little urgently. "Victor, you know that if we were to…be married, you would have to, well…die. And I guess it seems like it would work for you just to live in the Land of the Dead until you died but…that won't work."

Victor looked at her, confused. "Emily…why?" he asked. "Because," she began again, wishing she didn't have to say. "Because…if you want to return to the Land of the Dead during your life…well, you can't…it's impossible. You may only visit the Land of the Dead once during life. But in order to return…you would have to…you would have to…make the ultimate sacrifice…" Emily finished lowering her voice and looking toward the ground.

For a moment, Victor's eyes searched her face helplessly. "I'm sorry, Victor," Emily said beginning to draw back. "I'm sorry…I shouldn't've come at all…" she said losing ground ready to return to the Land of the Dead, opening her mouth to return to her own dark corner (though compared to this place it was a corner of blinding light).

"Emily, no!" Victor cried out to her silently, reaching for her. "It's not that I don't want to be with you…I…I just didn't suppose…" he trailed away. "But you're not going to do it are you?" she asked bitterly; she was somewhat livid with herself and him; she was feeling relatively indecisive lately.

"Well…actually…I don't know…" Victor replied. Emily let out an acid laugh. "I knew things would never go my way again after I was murdered. Too many things went right in the course of my life…and now I get to know what everyone else felt like before, only even more horrifically…and for so much longer."

She broke down and began to cry, crouching down on the misty, leaf strewn earth. She knew it was foolish and nonsensical; he hadn't even answered her yet, but she felt so emotional recently and still hadn't a clue why.

"No…Emily," Victor said feeling guilty, though he wasn't quite sure why; he hadn't really done anything wrong. "You don't understand…" he tried to finished but found he couldn't. "What then?" she asked cynically. "Well…I haven't made up my mind yet…it doesn't mean no…but then again…it doesn't mean yes either…"

"Victor," Emily almost whispered still feeling bitter and showing it. He looked down at her to indicate he was listening; he was afraid whatever he said would be interpreted erroneously.

"You should know, you put me through a very restless sleep and brought me up here. You broke me down emotionally twice; you can't tell me you aren't interested now that you've put me through all of this! But if you say yes just because now you know what I feel like and what you've put me through…that won't make me any happier; knowing you're just there because you feel like you need to be and not because you love me. So make your decision based on what you feel and who you love so we can get on with our lives and deaths." (I can really hear her saying this in the voice she said "Well you should have thought about that before you asked me to marry you.")

Victor stood stunned, surprised at what she had said. He had never thought he (or anyone for that matter) would hear such cold-blooded words from her normally gentle mouth, but still he knew she had been through a lot and there was virtuous anger there…but he also knew he had to not be prevaricating…

"Emily…" Victor began. "Victor," Emily replied, "that's all you've been saying since I got here…please just answer!" (I can hear this one in that voice during her little speech thing too) "Why can't you understand I'm trying to tell you now!" Victor burst out and then gasped, surprised at himself. Both of them sat there in shock for a moment, neither of them expecting such an outbreak.

"I'm…sorry," Victor fumbled. Emily smiled tenderly. "It's all right, Victor," she said calming herself down in the process. She wished she could be as mild-mannered as Victor…or at least push away harsh manners as fast as he could…but then again, anyone could push those kinds of people around though the good would win in the end.

Emily stood up and then, after some reconsideration, sat down on a tree that has been tipped over during a thunder storm at some point.

"Emily…I came here because…I felt guilty," Victor began. Emily grimaced and rested her chin on a curled fist. She hoped that was not the only reason he had come here and called her; causing her so much trouble. "I called you because I…I wanted to…apologize. And I guess that's what I'm doing now…" Emily raised her head as he said this, regretful that she's been so harsh on him…she hadn't even known what he was going to say. She should have waited until she had heard to criticize if she were to at all.

Victor noticed Emily's expression; almost dazed (the expression she wore when the maggot started talking to her in the woods saying he was her conscience). "Are…you okay?" he asked concerned. "I'm…I'm fine…I just didn't know that…" she tried to respond. "Okay," Victor tried to respond without laughing; that sudden change of emotion was just so…so different. "I'll…just go on then…" he said recovering. (I know that wasn't very in-character, but oh well)

"You made me realize…there shouldn't be a border between anyone…if you love someone you love them and that's all…dead or alive. Although…you're more lively then this whole town put together and…" Emily began to giggle as he said this. "I…w…What's so funny?" Victor asked her innocently, only making her laugh a little harder. "Oh, nothing…it's just you Victor…I can't help but laugh at what I love about you…" she answered continuing to giggle, the way she had at that sapphire butterfly the night they had first met.

"I guess…in conclusion Emily," Victor finished recovering from his slight case of confusion, "I love you and Victoria in different ways…I love Victoria as a sister…and I love you as…you. What I mean to say is, Emily…I'll do it…"

Sorry if the beginning isn't as depressing as I aimed for, but I was feeling really good while I was trying to write this. Just imagine it in the scene from Behind These Hazel Eyes where she's with the band (although slightly modified in my mind) for the misty leaf strewn ground; that's the scene. REVIEW! Tell me if you like it or not because I used a feature that I didn't know was there before…the thesaurus on the computer! I just though my writing was a little bland before, so tell me if you had to use the ff dictionary too much!

Lydia Deetz