Disclaimer: One day, I will rule the world, and when I do, certain shows will go the way that they need to be, no more bumps, no more fugly dresses, an actual wedding will occur. Until then I only own my hats and my car.
AN: I'm going to keep this short and sweet because of certain circumstance involving what happened to another Author (you know who you are) and I don't want people to tell on me for thanking people for reading my story (godforbid we show manner and express our creative sides, but I would like to say this is what happens when I get bored watching a show. I think hey I can write better than that. This is what came out of it. Thanks to GG1979 because she helped! The title is of a Brandi Carlile song and the chapters are some lyrics, I thought that they fit my story and the feelings I wanted to express. Without further ado I present:
What Can I Say
Chapter 1: Look to the Clock on the Wall
Lorelai walked into the house, yelling something silly and inappropriate to Luke but she didn't hear a response. So, she went upstairs thinking that Luke was up in their room, but instead of Luke, she saw herself standing in front of her mirror wearing the perfect dress; the perfect dress that was found in the snow and set up all the amazing plans for June 3rd. As Lorelai stood in the doorway in stunned silence, the other Lorelai turned around and stared back at her, desperation and sadness etched across her face. Eventually, the other Lorelai turned back toward the mirror and said to Lorelai, "It really is the perfect dress, 3 years later and it still fits perfectly."
"3 years?" Lorelai quietly asked.
"Yeah, still haven't gotten married, the dress still fits though," responds other Lorelai twirling around and around in the dress.
"But-"
"Maybe next year, maybe next year," squealed the other Lorelai twirling and twirling until eventually she disappears and Lorelai is left alone with nothing recognizable around her.
Lorelai woke up with a start, sweating and tangled in her sheets. As she struggled to free herself from the constraints of the sheets she caught sight of the clock on Luke's side of the bed. The bright red numbers read 4:05 AM. With a sigh she finally kicked her legs free and slid stealthily out of bed, trying not to wake Luke who was sleeping soundly next to her. She stood next to the bed silently, staring at his sleeping form, wishing that she could curl up next to him and fall back asleep like she once was able to do. She had tried that earlier and succeeded in nothing but watching the clock numbers change and hold back tears and sobs. Tonight she decided she just would get up and go curl up on the couch, put on some infomercials, and try to fall back asleep for a few short hours until she had to get up. If Luke noticed that she wasn't in bed with him when he woke up at 4:45 AM he may mention it, so she would have to think of an excuse; but then again, he was still processing. Luke tended to block out the rest of the world, even her, when he was processing.
Lorelai walked slowly down the stairs and into the kitchen, where she filled a glass with juice, sipping at it as she shuffled off to the couch in the living room. She curled up in a ball, pulled a blanket over her, and stared at the pictures on the mantle in 'their' house; pictures of the two of them, pictures of her and Rory, pictures of just Rory, and even the few scattered pictures of her parents. Luke recently asked if he could put up some pictures of April and Lorelai didn't even hesitate before saying sure. She was always good at covering up her emotions and managed to keep the fact that it hurt that she has pictures of a kid she hasn't met up on the mantle. Lorelai didn't care that Luke wanted to put up pictures of his kid, she didn't even really care that he had a kid, her problem, the reason that she felt like her world was flipping over and that her heart was breaking, was that Luke didn't care enough to tell her about April when he found out, didn't give her the chance to be there for him and help him, he hasn't had her meet April, and that the wedding meant so little to him that canceling it barely made a dent in his day. Those were the reasons she was up at night. Well, those reasons and that damn dream.
The dream started a week after she told Sookie she and Luke were postponing the wedding. It was always the same. She always woke up at the point where she could feel the coldness and loneliness reach around her and start pulling her down. Remembering the coldness of the dream and the loneliness that she feels now, Lorelai starts to sob quietly, wishing that just maybe the fates of the world wouldn't conspire against her and would let her be happy with Luke. She eventually falls into a restless sleep, hoping that the dream wouldn't visit her again, that maybe it would have a happy ending.
At 4:45 AM Luke's alarm started beeping. Within a minute, Luke had turned it off and was reaching toward Lorelai, as was his morning custom, when he hit nothing but cold bed. Luke sat up quickly and turned toward the clock thinking he had overslept and Lorelai was already up and getting ready for work. It took his alarm clock, Lorelai's furry clock, and his watch to convince him that it was now 4:50 in the morning and that Lorelai wasn't in bed.
Luke leaped out of bed and managed to stop himself from screaming her name. 'Focus,' his practical side was telling him, 'Remember sometimes when he can't sleep, she goes downstairs and watches TV.' Luke's practical side was ignoring his emotional side that was telling him Lorelai realized that he was a bastard for lying to her and ran away from him. He jogged down the stairs, trying to be quiet in case she was actually asleep down on the couch. As he reached the living room his heart rate decreased at the sight of Lorelai on the couch. He sighed and walked over to her and was shocked to see the tear tracks on her face. He brushed them away, feeling the guilt wash over him for causing her pain. He sighed again, lightly kissed her forehead, and gently picked her up. As he started for the stairs, she started stirring in his arms. He paused not wanting her to wake up before starting up to their room. She opened her eyes briefly and closed them again right away. She sighed and burrowed deeper into his chest, mumbling something about not leaving her. Luke felt her fall back asleep and he started up the stairs, all while beating himself up inside for causing that look of absolute misery showing up in her eyes in that brief second that she looked up at him without masking her pain.
