If I owned this, do you think we would be heading in the direction that we are! DO YOU!
Author Notes: First things first, many thanks to everyone that reviewed. I am sorry it took so long to update, but life sucks and then you die. In other words, I had issues and couldn't write. Secondly everyone needs tothankGG1979 for her help with Lorelai, words, conversations, and the turtle. Lord knows I needed it. Everyone go to her fics and review. Theyrockand are worth a read (or multiple reads).Now for a parade: THANK YOU FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE!
I really enjoy this chapter, I think it may be my favorite. I hope everyone likes it and lets me know it. Review if you liked it and even if you didn't. On to the Words.
Chapter 2: Alone is the Last Place I Wanted to Be
Lorelai woke up in her bed several hours later, at first confused as to why she was in bed when she was positive she fell asleep on the couch, but realized that Luke must have found her and carried her back to bed. She turns and looks towards the fuzzy clock on her nightstand and jumps out of bed quickly when she sees it was nearly 10 AM. She was about to throw clothes on and run to work when she remembered that Sookie made her take a day off, telling her that she was running herself ragged trying to get things done that didn't need to be done. Lorelai decided that if any day was a day for a Godfather marathon, today would be the day. She meandered over to her closet to find her Juicy pants and one of Luke's flannel shirts when she saw the perfect dress hanging in the back of the closet, so that Luke wouldn't re-see it.
Lorelai took the dress out of its bag and held it up to her as she looked in the mirror. The horror from her repetitive nightmare took hold of her and all she could think of was the she didn't want to wait 3 more years. She wanted to start their life together, before it got away from them. She wanted their middle, a middle that included Rory, April, and anyone else that came along. She held the dress away from her, tears pouring down her face and just thought of everything that happened since she found it. She knew that it was too good to be true; she knew that there was something wrong with having everything worked out perfectly. With her dreams of a perfect wedding and a perfect life fading away from her, Lorelai balled up the dress and threw it out her opened window, towards the woods in the back of her house. She didn't want to see it and the memories that came with it. The dress wasn't perfect, her life never would be perfect, and, as she fell sobbing to her bed, she believed that she would never get to have that elusive middle with Luke and their kids.
Jess walked to the back of the house, knowing it was the easiest way to enter. He knew Lorelai still hid a key to the back door and he figured that he could enter unseen to check if his uncle was home. If he was, his visit would have to wait; if he wasn't then he could talk to Lorelai and perhaps then they could at least establish an understanding to tolerate each other now and on the rare occasions that he would come to see his uncle. He was glad that his uncle finally worked up the nerve to get together with Lorelai; he knew that they would end up together once both of them woke up. As he used his amazing stealth powers to avoid Babette and sneak to the front door, he was glad to see that Lorelai's jeep was still there but that his uncle's truck was gone. He put the tray of coffee that he brought as a bribe down on the back porch and started looking around for the ugly turtle holding the spare key. As he glanced towards the far end of the porch, his eye caught sight of a pink thing flying in the wind, caught on the branches of the tree next to the house, floating in the slight breeze. After he got the key out of the turtle he walked over to the tree, managing to jump and grab the pink material caught in the lower branches. It appeared to be a dress, a ripped and now muddy dress, but a dress none the less. He stuffed it in his bag, not sure if it was Lorelai's but would mention it if everything between them was solved and he could leave on good terms, otherwise he would just mention it to Rory.
Jess went to unlock the back door, but realized that it was already unlocked. He sighed thinking that Luke would have locked the door after he left, but maybe Lorelai grew on him. He pushed open the back door and poked his head in checking to see if Luke was there and just had walked over. He saw nothing and smelled no coffee percolating. He walked in, put the tray of coffee on the table and tossed his backpack on a chair. With a deep breathe and a quick pep-talk he called Lorelai's name. No answer. He walked into the living room and saw not only her many coats still there, but her cell phone, purse, and keys. She was home, but not answering. This isn't boding well, he thought to himself. He didn't hear water running, so he knew she wasn't in the shower, so he decided to head upstairs and see if she was sleeping.
As he crept up the stairs, he heard a noise coming from her bedroom. Not wanting to see his uncle and future aunt in a compromising position, he called her name one more time, much louder this time and the noise suddenly stopped.
"Who's there?" called Lorelai in a strained voice.
Jess opening up the door cautiously, surprised to see her sitting on the bed, wiping away tears, wide eyed at being discovered. She obviously was taken off guard and Jess was equally unnerved by seeing Lorelai appear so upset Jess swallowed hard and gently whispered, "Umm, it's Jess, I just wanted to talk to you," he said walking into the room, trying to get remove the shock from the sight of her from his voice.
"Oh… well Luke didn't tell me you were… coming to town," Lorelai perking up and smiling warmly, though there were still tear streaks on her face. Jess had never received such a friendly greeting from Lorelai; sure she had always seemed uneasy and uncertain when he was around, but for the first time Jess knew he wasn't the cause.
"Yeah, umm I came to talk to Luke…" Still testing the waters, unsure of what he walked in on, Jess asked, "Um, so how's the wedding prep?"
Lorelai seemed to stiffen up, like she was trying to hide something, "Great, just great… we did have to push back the date… you know because of April…" her tone turned curious, "Umm have you met April yet?"
Jess was just being honest, "Umm no… but you know…Luke talks about her…"
"Really? He talks about her with you," Lorelai seemed to catch how that sounded. "Well of course he talks about her…I mean she is his daughter…I mean she spends time with him at the diner… and … well she's his daughter…Umm, maybe if you went to the diner… you could catch her while she's there and finally meet her. You know… that would be nice… to meet her…"
It seemed like it was taking everything in Lorelai not to start crying again in front of him, so Jess asked, genuinely concerned for his future aunt, "Is everything okay?"
"What? Everything's great…I mean… I have a daughter and Luke has a daughter…and we are gonna get married… someday…" and her last word told Jess that she almost didn't believe it anymore; it told him that maybe Rory was right to send him here.
"Lorelai…"
"What do you want? If you want Luke, he's not here. He's never here," she says more to herself.
"Well I thought we could talk… you know catch up…" he said, unsure if Rory told Lorelai he had published a book.
"About what Jess? Rory? You want to get her back after crushing her heart? Want me to smooth things over? Is it Luke? Need me to 'pave the way' for him to listen to you? I can't help you there. Go talk to April. Apparently, that is all he needs right now," cried Lorelai bitterly, her face in her pillow.
"Lorelai-"
"Not that I have actually met her to verify myself, but Lane says she is great at board games and Patty tells me that she loves hanging out with her dad."
"You heard-?"
"Oh yeah, Luke doesn't want me to meet her, or at least he hasn't said anything about me forming a relationship with my future step-daughter. He doesn't want to get married because he needs time to process everything, so we just keep waiting and waiting. I don't know what you want Jess, but could you please go. I'm trying to sleep or at least attempt to forget that my fiancé doesn't want to marry me."
"Ummm, okay. I guess we can talk later. I got some coffee down in the kitchen if you want it."
"I'm fine, just leave, please," whispered Lorelai, attempting to keep the tears at bay.
Jess walked out the bedroom door and paused before closing it, calling her name one more time. "Lorelai?"
Lorelai lifted up her head, rolled her eyes as if to say 'what now'.
"He loves you, you know that, right?"
Unable to keep them at bay, the tears now spilled down Lorelai's face, tracing the previous streaks on her cheek, "I know and I love him more than I can even express, but sometimes love just isn't enough" she finished weakly. "He is blocking me out of our life and I can't do anything about it. It's like he's leading two lives, one with me a few nights a week and a separate one with April and her mom. I might lose him forever and would never know, because he's still in his head, thinking and processing. He doesn't ever see that he is killing me by keeping me out, so I just wait. Could you just please go, leave the coffee, but go before I completely lose whatever respect you may have for me." With that she turns her face to the wall and covers her head with her blankets, muffling the crying that Jess knows is happening.
Jess quietly shut the door and walked slowly down the stairs. When he got to the kitchen he opened his backpack and took out the dress. It's her wedding dress, he thought to himself. He put the dress back in his bag, walked out the house, re-hid the key, and headed towards the diner at a rapid NYC pace. He needed to talk to Luke, before his uncle lost the one thing that Jess knew he cared about more than anything. Things weren't looking good here in Stars Hollow, not looking good at all.
