Disclaimer: If only, if only…

Author Notes: I am not going to be mean, nor am I going to say anything rude. I just have a few things to say. In regards to the departure of the Sherpas from the show, I only have a few words. Karma ladies and gents is a good thing. We, as 'crazy fans' had been given certain promises this season by ASP and were they kept- No, they were not. You want a two year contract and oddly you didn't get it. That's fine. If the next year is going to be like this one, then I don't need you to write it or have anything to do with it. Go smoke your crack with Whitney and take your bad juju with you!

That felt good and I kept it PG! Here is the next installment. I was having issues because I wasn't inspired but oddly enough I got a burst of inspiration this week. Huh, imagine that. I know I said an earlier chapter was my favorite, but now this one is. I love it. Thanks to GG1979 for being my sounding board and for ranting with me and all that jazz. Her words ladies and gents when she read this were, and I quote "it's making me all misty and wistful. DAMN THAT ASP, I hate her!"

So onto the words, review and tell me what you think.

Chapter 5: Sometimes It Feels Like the Walls Closing In

If anyone had walked or driven down Lorelai's street they would have laughed at the sight of Luke walking down the steps only to turn around, run back up them, stop at the door, and walk back down. Luckily, the street was empty and Babette's house dark, so there was no one to witness Luke doing his odd Rocky impersonation.

After his 5th rotation down the steps, he walked to the streets, apparently giving up. He was torn; he needed Lorelai, he didn't want things to end, especially this way, but yet he was angry that Lorelai, once again, refused to give him time. Time he thought he needed to get to know his daughter, to prove to himself, Ana, and Lorelai that he would be a good father, that he wouldn't fail April like he failed Jess. He wanted time and the chances that Lorelai repeatedly gave Christopher over and over again, while now she couldn't even give him a few months. The old anger that he felt about Christopher boiled over and merged with the anger that he felt towards Lorelai, boiling around inside him until he started to run down the street as all he was feeling quickly became too much.

Rather than going back to the diner to deal with the dinner rush, he decided to avoid the prying eyes of the town and go to the lake where he could think in solitude and try and find a solution to this problem. Once he reached the lake and his secret hidden spot from childhood behind a weeping willow, he sat on the old tree stump and pondered. He thought about what Jess said to him, what Lorelai screamed at him. He thought about his actions towards Lorelai since finding out about April and how, he admitted reluctantly, he shut her out. As darkness fell and the stars in the hollow came out, Luke remained sitting in the thinker pose, struggling with his own stubbornness and his inability to find a solution.


Lorelai woke up on the couch a few hours after arguing with Luke. She was disoriented and confused, but the memories of the fight soon made their way to front of her mind. She looked around the room, the room that she and Luke had remodeled and decorated and she felt the tears well up in her eyes again.

'No, I won't cry again. We just…I won't cry again. I am not that girl.' With that thought repeating in her head, she leapt off the couch and hurried upstairs to her room, hoping the change in scenery would make her feel better.

Once she got to her room, she remembered that it wasn't her room anymore; it was their room, with furniture that they picked out together, painted a color that they picked together. The whole house was their house, decorated with the two of them in mind; the entire house was a Luke box and she couldn't just pack it away and put it in the closet. In a fit of angry tears, Lorelai picked up the nearest object and threw it as hard as she could towards the wall. It being a pillow, it didn't go very far, but the attempt helped Lorelai clear her mind enough to do what she needed to do. Tears still streaming down her face, she walked to the closet and pulled out her suitcase, setting it open on her bed. She needed to make a Luke Box somehow and she only had one way to do it.


"Mom?" called Rory, cautiously entering her mother's house. After Jess left she had a feeling that maybe she should go check on her mom; that something wasn't right. During the drive to Stars Hollow the feeling grew stronger but she still was hoping that the Parent Trap she and Jess set up worked and Luke and her mom were talking. As she entered the foyer, she was shocked to see Lorelai's engagement ring on the mirrored table. Slightly panicked, Rory picked up the ring, and frantically called her mother again. "MOM!"

"What!" called back a frustrated, angry voice, the tears and crying evident in the timbre of her voice.

Rory ran upstairs; the ring still clutched in her hand, and came to a halt at the entrance to her mother's bedroom. "Mom?" she asked, scared at the sight before. Clothes were strewn about everywhere, an empty suitcase on the bed, and her mom was clutching a blue flannel shirt sitting among the mess. Rory walked over to her, joining her on the ground. "What are you doing?"

"Leaving, or at least trying to."

"Mom…"

"What, Rory! I can't be here. Everywhere I go in this house, he is there. I can't even pack because he has seen me in everything. He doesn't want me; he doesn't want to marry me or let me meet his daughter or let me in his life. I look around this room, this house and all I see is him and it is killing me. I need to leave, to go somewhere where I won't see him…" Lorelai stopped as she started to cry again, wishing that maybe the tears would dry up and she would stop hurting.

"Mom, you need to talk to him," Rory said while hugging her mother, wishing that life would stop throwing bumps on their road and let them finally have some smooth sailing.

"I tried Rory, he doesn't want to listen. He thinks I hate April, that I hate him," she said face buried in the flannel shirt that smelt like Luke reminding her of what she needed to do. "I need to leave."

"Mom..."

"What can I tell him, Rory, that I haven't already?" cried Lorelai, standing up, flannel shirt still in her hand. "I am at a loss at how to fix this, so if you, almighty Ivy League student, have any ideas, please enlighten me as to how exactly you get a man to want to marry you!"

Rory stood up, looked her mother in the eye, and said softly, "You tell him you love him."

Lorelai stood in awe at her daughter's words. Rory walked over to her mother, took her hand, and put the ring in it. "He still wants you Mom. He wouldn't have left this here if he didn't. He wants you to know that he still loves you. If he didn't, he would have taken it with him and sold it back to Kirk. Both of you are so stubborn that you don't listen to each other. Did you ask why he hasn't had you meet April? Did he actually say he didn't want to marry you?"

Too stunned for words, Lorelai just shook her head.

"Go find him Mom and talk, not yelling, not screaming, not obscure pop culture references that he won't understand, but talk from your heart. You love him, right?"

Still in shock, all Lorelai could do was smile that soft smile that she gets when she thinks of how much she loves Luke and nod at her daughter.

"Go tell him that. Tell him your feelings and listen to what he says, really listen. I know you both can work it out."

"Okay," Lorelai said softly. With the flannel shirt still in one hand and the ring in the other, she kissed Rory on the cheek and walked out the bedroom door. She stopped briefly and turned towards her daughter and smiled. "All that you did right there; totally worth all those Friday Night Dinners."

"I told you it would be worth it. Go get yourself a husband."

With another smile and the sparkle almost back in her eyes, Lorelai ran down the stairs, put some shoes on and started walking towards the lake. She knew Luke would be at his secret thinking spot, as he once called it. It was the perfect place to be alone and it would serve to be the perfect place for them to talk. They were going to work this out, so help her God; or she didn't know what she would do.

AN2: Hopefully, I will update faster for ya'll. I feel a burst of inspiration coming. Review and tell me your thoughts on my ramblings, my writing, the season (join the resistance people! SEIZE THE DAY), or anything else you fancy.