This...is..chapter 3. There's already more chapters here than the original. We've reached a historical marking point. Lo and behold the grandeur of chapter three!

(o.o)Episode One, Chapter three: Miss Whore(o.o)

It took a few minutes for Andrew to coax Bradan to his feet after the blow to his manhood, but they made it to the cafeteria without being seriously late. Only about half an hour. As they barged into the classroom, a horrid voice reached Andrew's ears. A horrid, horrid voice. A voice that made emo/screamo music sound...almost bearable. GASPZOMG!

"Well. It's nice of you to join us, Misters Kaiser and Sharrets. Now that there are...oh..."

As she stopped speaking to look at the clock, Andrew got a good look at her. Yup, it was definitely her. The same woman who kissed/performed CPR on him then beat him to a bloody pulp. Andrew stood there, his feet about a yard apart, his left arm stretched, pointing at the woman while his mouth hung open and his eye twitched. Bradan's eyes were twitching and his mouth was agape too, but he was drooling. And looking a little south of her face, if you catch my drift.

"Y-y-you...you..."

"I would prefer that you call me by my name, Mr. Kaiser. Oh that's right. I suppose you don't know it, considering you MISSED THE ENTIRE CLASS. Students, please inform your tardy classmates what my name is."

All the male students drooled over her. All the female students seemed to despise her. Nonetheless, all of them answered in perfect unison, "Miss Haruhara Haruko!" She appeared behind Andrew almost out of nowhere, whispering into his ear, "But that's Miss Whore to you..." She stepped back to the front of the class. "Kaiser. Sharrets. To your seats before I write you up." They both obeyed, scrambling to their desks which just so happened to be right next to each other. Andrew was unable to close his mouth or stop his eyes from twitching. Bradan took notice of this.

"I know. She's gorgeous, isn't she?"

"Wha-? Oh, yeah...yeah, she's a looker..."

Bradan punched him in the arm just hard enough for him to flinch. Bradan grinned and said, "You'd better stop looking, Andrew. You're gonna make your wife jealous." With that, he pointed across the room at a girl in the back row. Her long, dirty blonde hair would usually hang down, but today she had it up in one of those thingies that keeps hair up, whatever the hell they're called. This showed her face much better. Most people would call her average. She was always beautiful to Andrew. Alexandria wasn't preppy. Although it pained him to say it, she was kind of a nerd like him. But he didn't care. She could have been any stereotype and Andrew would still have been head over heels for her.

"Face it, Andrew. You like her."

"I do n-...ok yeah I do. Is it that obvious?"

"Painfully."

"But she probably doesn't like me. Despite the fact that we're both nerds, she's still higher up than me."

"You're both of equal nerditude. And I think she might like you too. But you'll never know unless you ask..."

Andrew listened to Bradan without really listening to Bradan. He was deep in thought. Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee - gasp - eeeeeeeeeep in thought.

"MR. KAISER! WHERE, HOW, AND WHEN DID THE CIVIL WAR END?"

"Ack! Appomattox Courthouse, 1869! Robert E. Lee, General of the Confederate Army, surrendered to Ulysses S. Grant, General of the Union Army!"

"WHAT IS JAPANESE FOR 'I AM THE JELLY DOUGHNUT!!!'!?!?!"

"...the hell...?"

" WHAT IS ZERO DIVIDED BY EIGHT!"

"What the bloody hell does that have to do with anything?"

"ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

"Uh...uh...uh...infinity?"

Whether that was the correct answer or not, Andrew didn't know. For at that moment, the end of class bell sounded off. Andrew bolted out of the classroom, faster than a speeding bullet...more powerful than a locomotive...able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!...Okay, maybe not the last two. He ran fast. The rest of the day passed with no noticeable signs of abnormality. School ended and Andrew ambled home with one thing on his mind: today was Friday. No school tomorrow.

A whole weekend of sleeping in, staying up late, and pwning some noooooobs.

Andrew managed to walk home without having a makeout session or getting run over by any crazy women. He got home, grabbed a bag of Fiery Habanero Doritos and a Vanilla Coke, plopped down in front of his computer and booted up (insert MMORPG here). About half an hour later, the doorbell rang. This infuriated Andrew beyond all rationality.

"WHO DARES INTERRUPT THE MIGHTY PENGUIN TSAR'S NOOB HUNTING?"

No answer. Dee-dee-dee. He ignored the doorbell and continued clicking away. It rang again. He ignored it. So next they knocked on the door. Nothing doing. Then came a sound that sounded strangely like a door being blown off it's hinges. Andrew poked his head around the corner. Huh. That's because it WAS the sound of a door being blown off it's hinges. Through the smoke and rubble, he could make out two silhouettes. He slowly crept towards them. As he drew nearer, he could vaguely make out the taller silhouette. Andrew's pupils shrank and he gasped.

"YOU! YOU'RE-"

WHAM.

For the third time that day, something slammed into Andrew's forehead. But instead of flying away, he simply crumpled onto the ground face first. The taller silhouette stepped forward and nudged him onto his back with it's foot. It crouched down and studied him for a minute.

"Tch. This one's worse than you, Ta-kun. One good swing and he's out cold."

The other silhouette muttered something and looked away. Silhouette one picked Andrew up by the neck of his shirt, causing his eyes to do that thing where they roll up into your skull, and looked at his forehead. Three small bumps were developing right in the center of his forehead. Silhouette one smirked.

"Jackpot."

Aaaaaand CUT! That's a wrap. Review, and I'll have chapter 4 up as soon as possible.

-Penguin Tsar