Konnichiwa, bitches. Welcome back to AK: R! It has become apparent to me that I caused some confusion. THIS CHAPTER IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER. I have the last chapter written and ready to go, and it's gonna be a while before you see it. Again, this is not the last chapter. Sorry about that.
(o.o)Episode two, Chapter nine: Peeping Toms and Freaky 'Brows(o.o)
4:42 AM.
-Four in the freaking morning.-
Andrew yawned and rolled over. He was dead tired, because, y'know, having a pearlescent-orange Rickenbacker 4003 bass guitar ripped out of your forehead really took it out of you. Plus it was, after all, four in the freaking morning. He yawned again and reached across the bed for a stuffed penguin. He grabbed something fuzzy and wrapped his arm around it. The material felt funny, though. He poked it. The penguin twitched. -Okaaaaay...- He moved his hand and poked again. The penguin had skin. Soft skin. He moved his hand around a bit more. Poke poke. The penguin...seemed to have gotten implants? Andrew smelled the air in front of him. Chocolate. Oranges. Lilacs. -Oh Shi'ite!...what have I done?...WHAT HAVE I DOOOOOONE?- If you haven't pieced it together by now - how stupid are you? - Andrew was in the same bed as Haruhara Haruko. That's a double-edged sword, right there. Andrew moved as gently as possible and tried to remove his arm out from under Haruko. But apparently she had rolled over and their faces were now mere inches apart. -Okay. Don't panic. Doooon't panic. DontpanicdontpanicdontpanicAAAAAAAARGH!-
It took every ounce of Andrew's willpower to keep from doing something stupid. Slowly...slooooooowlyyyyyyyy...he pulled his arm out from under the sleeping woman. Now for step two. Getting up. This was more difficult than it sounded because Andrew slept on a waterbed. So, if he moved, Haruko moved. As he began to slide away from her, Haruko began dream mumbling. You know, where you're asleep and you start talking and about half of it makes sense? Yeah. Haruko's was mostly babble, though. "Atomsk" and "Interstellar Immigration". Nonsense words. Andrew was nearly off the bed and only half listening when he heard his name. He turned his head to listen.
"-mumblemumble-...Andrew...nooooooooooo...-moan-mumblemumble-...it feels so gooooooooooood...uhhhh...-long moan-faaaaster! Uh-uh-uh-uh..."
Andrew was off the bed and downstairs faster than you could say syzygy, because A). He was a little creeped out and flattered at the same time, and B). He had blackmail material and it needed to be documented somewhere. He walked into the living room - dressed. Did I forget to mention that?- and flipped a switch next to the fireplace. Up popped about 7 screens, each showing a different room in the house. -Doesn't every 15 year old keep their house monitored? No? Only me? Weirdos. -
He pressed a few keys and pulled up the audio tape for his room. He rewound it and saved 2 extra copies. Andrew was about to walk away when he noticed that the bathroom was steamy. Someone was taking a shower. He shot a quick look behind him. Canti was sweeping the kitchen and Naota was eating a bowl of cereal. Andrew's cereal. -Blasphemy! He will rue the day he ate my Cap'n Crunch!.- That left only one person who could be showering...
Andrew quickly typed a long string of commands as the screen showed a different angle. The camera was now pointing into the shower, but...-Blasphemy still! The lens is foggy!- Andrew pressed the 'clean lens' button and a small windshield wiper pushed the steam off of the camera. Andrew was just about to press zoom, when...
"What are you doing?"
Andrew slammed his fist on the panic button and spun around. It was Naota.
"Nothing. Er...go away."
Naota looked at Andrew for a second then turned his head slightly. "That button didn't do anything. All the screens are still up."
"They're MY screens. Go monitor hot naked women in your own house."
"Hot naked women...?" Naota looked confused. Then it dawned on him. "...YOU'RE LOOKING AT HARUKO NAKED?"
"Well, at the moment she's in the shower and..." He turned his head back to look at the screen "The lens is fogged up again. And..."
The doorbell rang.
"Oh crap...watch the screens for danger, Scottie."
Andrew walked to and opened the door. Standing there was a man in a black business suit, wearing large sunglasses, dyed-red hair and...
"OH MY GAWD! DON'T MOVE!"
"Wha-?"
Andrew dashed into the kitched and returned with a can of Raid and a baseball bat.
"YOU HAVE ROACHES ON YOUR EYEBROWS! STAND ABSOLUTELY STILL!"
"They aren't roaches, they're-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGH!" The man screamed in pain as Andrew began unloading the can of Raid onto the roaches. Maaaaaaybe a tiny bit went into his eyes. Just a little, though. When Andrew noticed that the roaches refused to be defeated by Raid, he bagan hitting the man in the face with the bat.
"Disgusting little vermin! You may be able to survive a thermonuclear war, but I doubt you can stand before the might of tempered aluminum! DIEEEEEE!!!!!"
Andrew chased the man all the way to his car, repeatedly spraying him with Raid and hitting him with the bat. The man got into his car and sped away.
"You're welcome, you ungrateful bastard." Andrew yelled down the street as he trod back to the house. He trod because he was standing in 4 feet of snow. Freak October blizzard. No school today. He opened the door and strolled to the monitors.
"So, Naota, how's our little shower babe doi-" He stopped. Haruko was standing next to the monitors with Naota unconscious on the floor behind her.
"...O...o...o...ooh."
-This will all end in tears, I know it...-
Andrew knew it was coming. He also knew it was pointless to try and move. Haruko swung her guitar at him out of nowhere, ramming it into Andrew's forehead. He felt the impact of the blow, but it didn't really hurt. -Oh great. My body is now used to being hit in the forehead with musical instruments.- Andrew made a mad dash for the front door. On his way, he saw a guitar leaning against the wall. It was the one Haruko had pulled out of his forehead yesterday! Seeing as how it was rightfully his, he grabbed it before leaping out the door and sliding through the snow on his belly down the street.
Like a penguin! Yaay!
-Okay, a crazy woman is after me with a guitar. I need somewhere I can hide. Somewhere with weapons...-
-...Bradan.-
And so he slid down the street towards Bradan's house, unaware of the new something-or-other forming on his forehead.
And there's chapter nine for you. Chapter 10 - also not the last chapter! - is coming soon. Later.
-Penguin Tsar
