Hiya. Err...I got nothing. Here's chapter 16.
(o.o)Episode Three, Chapter 16: Couldn't Think of a Chapter Title(o.o)
Andrew coughed. -This is awkward...- Andrew reluctantly pulled himself away from Haruko and scooted a few feet away.
"Uhh...hi Naota...eh..." Andrew muttered. One of his bunny ears twitched.
Naota didn't look too happy. "What the hell is going on? Haruko, why are you nearly naked? Why is Andrew's face in your boobs?"
Haruko turned around. "Yeah, Drew-kun, just what the hell were you doing to me?"
"DON'T YOU ACT ALL INNOCENT, WOMAN! YOU STARTED IT! YOU EXPLAIN!"
Haruko sighed and patted Naota on the head. "You see, Ta-kun, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they-"
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" Andrew clamped his hand over Haruko's mouth. Naota stood there with his mouth hanging open, anime-style. Haruko continued to speak even though her voice was muffled.
"Mmmph frmrm mrrrrrrph phephepf...MMRPH!" She kicked Andrew in the shin. He released his grip and reached down to rub his leg.
"-babies." She finished and stood there with a huge grin on her face.
"That's a load of bull! What is wrong with you, Haruko?" Andrew said. He was now standing next to Naota for no reason whatsoever.
"Why are you standing there...?"
"Because the author typed so."
"You know you want me." Haruko said as she bent over. "Come on..."
Andrew and Naota simultaneously developed nosebleeds. Someone else walked through the door. It was Cory.
"Hey Andrew, I came to borrow some of your anime- WHOAAAAAAAH!" Cory said as he got a nosebleed, too.
"...Hey!" Naota yelled. "Stop looking!"
Andrew stuck his tongue out at Naota. "I'll look if I wanna look. So nyah."
"Dammit Andrew. Why don't you wear shorter robes?" Cory complained through his nosebleed.
"BECAUSE I'M NOT QUEER, THAT'S WHY!"
"Your momma's queer!" Naota said. An eerie silence filled the room. Andrew turned around slowly and faced Naota. His eyes were...scary.
"Oh no you didn't."
"Wha?"
Cory whispered to Naota. "Andrew is the undisputed lord of momma jokes. Insulting his momma is like challenging him...and you're gonna lose. Whaddya want on your headstone?"
Andrew took a deep breath and spoke. "You momma's so fat, when she hauls ass she has to make two trips." Naota flinched.
"YOUR MOMMA'S SO BLACK SHE WENT TO NIGHT SCHOOL AND THEY COUNTED HER ABSENT!"
"YOUR MOMMA'S SO FAT SHE WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET, GOT HIT BY A BUS, AND SAID 'WHO THREW THAT ROCK?'!"
The string of momma jokes hit Naota like a punch to the gut. He bent over and wheezed. "I give, I give!"
"PWN'D, NOOBLET!"
Naota retorted "Sh-shut up! Haruko liked me first!"
"Bull! What is there to like about you?"
"Plenty!"
"Oh please. You're short, scrawny, annoying, and your voice hasn't developed yet. Therefore, you sound like a cartoon character."
"And what's so damn great about you?"
Andrew laughed. "For starters, I look and sound better that you. I have a deep, rich voice that girls adore. I'm five foot seven, with medium length dark brown hair that is uber soft."
"Get over yourself, you ass."
Andrew suddenly took on a redneck accent so thick that no one could understand a word he said.
"-unintelligible-!"
"...wha?"
"I said you're a whore!"
Cory and Haruko began chanting "Jer-ry! Jer-ry! JER-RY!" Andrew cracked Naota in the back of the head with a chair, causing him to slump onto the ground.
"Uh...oops?"
"Why the hell did you do that? Retard!" Cory asked.
"I, uh...I thought the chair would be nailed down...heh..."
"Riiight. Well, fun as this has been, it's..." Cory stopped talking and looked at his watch. "Seven twenty-three. I gotta get home."
"OH SNAP!" Andrew began to bounce up and down uncontrollably.
"WTF? Is this because of the rabbit ears, or you just have to take a leak?"
"Nooo...it's almost seven thirty...I'm supposed to be at the movie theater with Alexandria...I'M SCREWED!"
"You've still got three minutes...well, two now..."
"AHA! I'LL TAKE THE VESPA!"
Haruko spoke, having returned from her mysterious absence. "Not if you like having balls, you won't. Which way's the theater?"
Andrew pointed. "Thattaway. But why-"
Andrew was cut short as Haruko baseball bat swung her guitar into the back of Andrew's head, sending him flying towards the theater. Cory was left standing next to Haruko, looking nervous.
"Uh...I'm just gonna grab that anime..."
"BEGONE, NATIVE BOY!"
Cory scuttled out the door.
-MEANWHILE-
-Hmm...maybe Haruko's not so bad after all...- Andrew thought as he flew through the air.
And flew.
And flew.
And flew.
Across the theater parking lot.
Through the glass doors.
And right.
Into.
Alexandria.
-Scratch that last part, Haruko's still a bitch.-
Andrew crashed into Alexandria with a mighty headbutt. Strangely, though, neither of them fell unconscious, or were hurt for that matter. Andrew sat up and rubbed his head, then turned and saw Alexandria doing the same.
"Huh. My ears must have cushioned the blow..." Andrew muttered to himself.
Since the date itself has no plot importance whatsoever and I really had nothing funny planned to happen, let's just fast forward to after the movie.
-AFTER THE MOVIE- I just said that...jeez...
The movie ended and the viewers flooded out of the screening room. The large window/door that Andrew had flown through had been quickly replaced.
"...That was a damn good movie...er...pardon my language..." Andrew said.
Alexandria smiled. "No, you're right. It was a damn good movie.
-Ok, this worked out fine. I say good night, I leave, no problem.-
Just as Andrew was about to say good night, he saw a flash of yellow out of the corner of his eye. He shot a glance behind him. Nothing. He was just being paranoid. He sighed in relief and turned back to Alexandria...whose face was now only a mere two inches from Andrew's.
"I had a really nice time with you tonight, Andrew." She whispered. Andrew felt heat in his face and he gulped.
"I...uh...uh...uh..." Andrew stuttered. Was she coming closer? No...wait...yes! No...yeah she was...nope...yes!...no...she was! Andrew closed his eyes and waited. But nothing came except for the sound of glass shattering and the screech of brakes. He cracked his eyes open, and there was Haruko. Andrew dropped to his knees and bellowed into the heavens.
"WHY, GUTHIX? WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME SO? I AM A DRUID, ONE OF YOUR DEVOUT FOLLOWERS!"
A voice sounded from above him. "SHADDAP!"
Andrew's arms fell limply to his side and he looked extremely confused. "Guthix?"
"No! I'm the manager of the freakin theater. And I'm telling you to shut up because I have a goddamn headache and having my new glass wall broken by a dame with freakin pink hair doesn't help me! Nor does your stupid wailing, dammit. SO SHADDAP!"
"Oh...okay...sorry..."
"Drew-kuuuuunn..." Haruko, who apparently had her maid outfit on again, hugged him from behind.
"Gah...Haruko...blocking...windpipe...crushing...ribs...ack..."
"I was so worried! You were gone longer than you said you'd be, sweetie!"
"Never...said...how...long...be...gone..."
"Um, who are you?" Someone said. Andrew recognized it as Alexandria's voice.
"I could ask you the same thing!" Haruko said as she released Andrew from her vice grip. "Are you the bimbo my little Drew-kun has been cavorting about with? You've most likely poisoned his sweet little mind with your perverted ways..."
"EX-CUSE ME! Who're you calling a perverted bimbo? YOU'RE the one in the scanty maid outfit." Alexandria snapped.
"Yesss, but that's because I'm Drew-kun's loving maid."
Andrew took several deep breaths and spoke. "Haruko...get lost...she's my friend..."
Haruko turned on him. "Now, now, stop being mean to me or I won't sleep with you anymore."
"WHAT!?" Alexandria was getting pissed.
Andrew covered Haruko's mouth with his hand again. "Haruko, shut uuuuuuuup..."
"What is she talking about Andrew?"
"Er, nothing. She's mentally impaired. She doesn't know what she's saying half the time. It's best to just ignore it...euuugh!"
Andrew quickly pulled away from Haruko and wiped his hand on his pants. "Why'd you lick my hand?...ewww..."
"Why are you here with another girl, Drew-kun? I thought you loved me!"
"Haruko, GO HOME. Will you just leave me alone for once?"
"Ohh, are you being nice to her so she'll come home with you for some menage a trois?"
"GO HOME!"
"Forget it, Andrew. I'm going home." Alexandria said softly.
"No! Alexandria wait!" But he was too late. Alexandria was already halfway across the parking lot.
"Hmm? Drew-kun, where are your bunny ears?"
"Wha-?" Andrew rubbed his head. Sure enough, the ears were gone. Andrew wondered where the went. He looked back across the parking lot. Alexandria passed under a street light- which revealed that she had fuzzy bunny ears.
"Oh, crap..." Andrew said as he looked around frantically. He then grabbed Haruko by the arm and pulled her towards the shattered door.
"Ooh, Drew-kun...you're being rough. I like it."
"Shut up. We're going after Alexandria."
End of chapter 16.
Yup. There you go. Review, please.
-Penguin Tsar
