Hello and welcome to the latest installment in the awesomeness that is AK:R! We're not even halfway done with this one and I've already got ideas for a sequel in my head...but back to the task at hand. Here's chapter 17. Enjoy.
(o.o)Episode Three, Chapter 17: Towels(o.o)
"I can't see a goddammed thing." Andrew mumbled to no one in particular. It was pitch dark and he was standing at the entrance to Alexandria's neighborhood.
Haruko leaned down from her perch on Andrew's head and spoke. "Well that's what you get for rushing in blindly and trying to be heroic."
"...What the hell are you talking about? I just wanna find Alexandria's house and apologise for your pervertedness...and will you get off my head?"
"But my legs are tiiiiiired."
"You should have brought your freaking Vespa with you, then. Off!"
"Fine." Haruko whined as she slid off Andrew's head. They wandered about the neighborhood, looking for Alexandria's house.
"Drew-kun...do you even know where she lives?"
"No idea."
"Do you know the general area...?"
"Nope."
"What was your plan, then?"
"Didn't have one." Andrew said as they aimlessly wandered into someone's backyard. "I had no pre-planning whatsoever. Just though I'd run in and knock on people's doors until- GET OFF OF MY HEAD!"
Haruko stuck her tongue out at him and jumped off, kicking Andrew in the face in the process. He clutched his face in pain.
"Dabbit, you kicked be right in da nose...oh, cwap." Andrew had apparently triggered an alarm when he staggered back from the kick to the face.
Haruko pointed to some shrubs in the corner of the yard. "Quick! In the bushes!" They both dove into the shrubbery and waited. A fat man in a bathrobe lumbered out of the house and shone a flashlight around the yard. He turned around and went back inside, but not before saying some rather rude things about squirrels.
"Well dis isn't her house..."
"How can you tell?"
"I just cad. Like a sixth sedse."
"I can't understand a word you're saying, Drew-kun."
"Shaddap. Help me ober the fedse."
"Come again?"
Andrew sighed and climbed up the fence. He as he reached the top and started to climb down the other side, he misplaced his foot and lost his balance, tumbling to the ground and landing in a large mass of what he hoped was mud. Haruko walked through the door three feet to the left. Andrew pushed himself out of the hopefully-mud and stood up. Haruko shoved a towel into his hands.
"Where de hell did you get dis?"
"Always know where your towel is, Drew-kun." She said, smiling.
"...pheh." Andrew made a noise and wiped his face off.
And so they went on with their routine. Some way or another, they would alarm the inhabitants of the house and hide until Andrew's 'sixth sense' kicked in. They continued into the wee hours of the morning.
"Dear Guthix," Andrew said, his voice now back to normal. "just how freaking big is this neighborhood?"
"Drew-kuuun...we've been walking for hours...I wanna go home..."
"BLASPHEMY! YOU STAY WITH ME UNTIL YOU HAVE APOLOGISED TO ALEXANDRIA!...DAMMIT!" Andrew's yelling had set off another alarm. But not just any alarm. An uber alarm. Ten foot electrified barbed wire fences sprung up around the regular fences. Flashing lights and klaxons went off. Enormous searchlights flooded the yard. Andrew looked to the house and saw shadows behind the windows.
"Crap...craaaaaap...if they see us just standing here they'll think we were gonna break in...WHAT DO WE DO? WHAT DO WE DOOOOOOOO! WE'RE SCREWED! I DUN WANNA GO TO PRISON! I'LL GET ANAL RAPED! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" And so on and so forth. Andrew scuttled around in circles, panicking and yelling like an idiot. He stopped abruptly and massaged his temples with his index fingers. -Calm down, calm down. What to do, what to do...C'mon, think...I need something...anything...AHA!...no...I dun wanna do that either.-
The sirens grew louder and Andrew could hear the barking of dogs and the pounding of feet inside the house. Haruko was perfectly calm...and picking her nose.
-It's your only hope, you have to!-
-NO!-
-YES!-
-NO!-
-GODDAMMIT!-
The footsteps grew louder, and Andrew saw a silhouette through the window on the back door.
-DO IT!-
"OKAY, FINE! YOU WIN!"
"Did you say someth-" Haruko was cut off as Andrew tackled her to the ground.
"What the hell are you doing? Get off of me!"
"Sh-shut up..." Andrew stuttered. -Now or never, here goes...- Andrew leaned forward and pressed his lips into Haruko's. He could see her eyes widen in shock.
Andrew pulled away slightly and whispered frantically "Come on, you gotta at least try and make this look real!"
"Heheheh...okay, but you asked for it, Drew-kun." Haruko said slyly. She slid her arms around him and pulled him in for another kiss. -Okay, Andrew, you've seen this done before. Now do it yourself! What the hell...?- Something was off. Haruko was making small moaning noises in the back of her throat. She was either an excellent actor or...Haruko pulled away, took a breath, and smiled sexily. -OHMAHGAHD! SHE'S ENJOYING THIS? I can't decide whether I'm flattered or disturbed...-
"ANDREW! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"
Andrew winced and slowly turned around. Alexandria was standing on the back porch, looking mad. Really mad. Really reeeeeeally really really seriously on-her-period uber pissed.
"OH, COME ON! CAN'T JUST ONE FREAKING THING GO RIGHT TODAY?"
"Oh, look, Drew-kun. It's the bimbo." Haruko pointed out.
Andrew groaned. "Alexandria, wait..." but it was useless. She turned around without saying anything and stomped back into her house, slamming the door.
Haruko patted Andrew on the shoulder. "It's okay, Drew-kun. You're too good for her."
Andrew slid to the ground and sighed. Then he remembered. His eyes widened and his pupils shrank.
"AAAAARGH! ALTOIDS! MENTOS! LISTERINE! I REQUIRE MOUTH CLEANSER! I MUST HAVE MINTY FRESHNESS!" Andrew bellowed. He magically pulled two tins of Altoids and a bottle of Listerine out of his pocket. He emptied both tins into his mouth, then chugged the Listerine. The mouthwash and Altoids swished around in is mouth for a few minutes, then he swallowed and took a deep breath.
"Er, I don't think you're supposed to swallow that stuff..."
"You...YOU! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO?"
"You know you enjoyed it. And besides, you said make it look real..." Haruko said innocently. Andrew hissed at her and began to walk home.
Hmmm, I wonder If i'm pushing the Andrew x Haruko stuff...O.o' Naaah. Chapter 18 coming soon. Reviews please!
-Penguin Tsar
