Translation by Jessinthedungeons.
Chapter 6 - When a Lioness Fights
Those two days were so intense that at that night I decided to go to the Room of Requirement to ask it for a special bathroom for me, the same one I always asked for when I was too exhausted and wanted to be pampered by the castle. It was an opulent room — one that projected itself into the side of the tower, with a bed full of luxurious sheets and pillows, and with a lowered open-air bath pool, whose water dripped and seemed to spill over the edge, but I knew this was the effect of the magic of the room.
Steam spiraled over the surface of the water, inviting and scented with verbena, and I immediately took off my clothes and entered it very slowly, grimacing when the water brought a pressure of pain in my back. The sun had set and the sky was in shades of purple as my fingers went to my hair, and I ran my hands through the embarrassing soaked mess of it. Sighing, I slid further into the water, rubbing my scalp. When I emerged, I picked up the shampoo bottle and threw a handful into my hands, my nose filled with the smell of mint and rosemary and I purred as my own fingers rubbed my hair, letting the inebriating smell take away my tension, while I lathered my heavy locks. When I finished, I allowed myself to observe the view again as I reflected on the events of the last days.
I needed to set an appointment with Hannah Abbott to talk about her family, and write to Viktor about other possible family tree books that exist in Durmstrang. I wondered if this would ever end, this need to research blood heritage and lost magical traits to try to seek a "cure" for people who, for the most part, were ungrateful and prejudiced.
Sometimes I thought the war of nearly five years ago was never over. And in a way, it really wasn't. The effects of its "end" still affected the entire magical population and, for many, as I was one of the "benefited" people, I should put all my effort and dedication into finding the solution for this problem. On days like that, when I was exhausted, I wondered if it wouldn't have been better if I had disappeared in the midst of the Battle of Hogwarts and abandoned the wizarding world forever.
Often, I longed to become something that didn't need air to breathe, something that didn't understand hate, love, prejudice, fear, or grief. Living in a constant lack of sensation and feeling very distant from everything. I always wonder if this emptiness can be something so seductive, liberating and beautiful.
I plunged again into the warm water, trying to empty my mind, as in the Occlumency classes I had with Lupin, before he left for Brazil. I could almost touch the "nothingness" inside my head, as emptiness poured out through the corners of it.
Silent footsteps sounded behind me and I was surprised that someone managed to get into the Room of Requirement when it was fixed in my "mental landscape". I went down below the surface, thanking the gods that my hair was long enough to cover my breasts, and with my voice nervous of embarrassment, I decided to show that there was already someone here.
— Hello?
The person was still covered in the shadows, but it was possible to see that he was carrying a tray of food in his hand, and stopped suddenly when he saw the pool. My nerves bristled as his form finally stepped on the bright area of the room and Severus Snape's eyes shot up to where I was. I could swear he almost dropped the tray on the floor.
— I... — He uttered, before swallowing the words back.
My embarrassment did not stop me from realizing how surprised and embarrassed he himself was to have seen me in such an intimate situation. Snape cleared his throat.
— I ... no ... I will... leave it there. — He indicated with his chin the table next to the bed and I followed him with my gaze as he went completely tense there and left the tray. — Alright. — He cleared his throat again as he headed for the exit.
Seeing him so red quickened my heart and stifled any anger I felt from him for our discussions of the last days, immediately resurrecting the girl who idolized this man for a good part of her life.
— I can get out. — I said, while a need to touch him and to feel his warmth and strength echoed through me. I swam towards the steps of the pool and saw him get stiff as soon as he put his hand on the door handle, but still with his gaze turned to me. — I'm done.
I would wonder, later, who was that brave woman who stepped up one of the steps, which caused her own abdomen to be exposed to the impassive professor standing at the entrance to the room and smiled as his gaze descended to every piece of her that was revealed. If she took another step up it would show her own intimacy to him as well. She couldn't be me.
Bright eyes stared at me as the man at the door used every drop of concentration and willpower to raise his gaze back to mine.
— Stay. — I whispered.
His eyes burned, and I smiled when I saw a predatory desire to shine in those irises. Snape released the handle and came to me, stopping inches from the edge with the steps where I was.
— If I stay, it will be just sex. — He growled his words, his eyes never deviating from mine.
His words seemed to further ignite the desire between my legs, and I am sure I did not hide the need I had for him when I nodded. My co-supervisor's jaw contracted as I climbed another step. Snape seemed to wage some internal battle before speaking, somberly, as he leaned forward but still not touching my body and whispered against my ear:
— And I'll take you as I please.
I didn't remember closing my eyes, but I let out a groan as my body throbbed in desire to hear that hoarse voice being whispered so close to me. As soon as I opened my eyes to command him that he could do whatever he wanted with me, I came across the view of Hogwarts grounds already covered in the mantle of night darkness.
The water was still warm thanks to the magic of the building itself, but I was alone and still immersed in the heat of the verbena bath. The frustration hit me with the same force that Snape's voice in my dream had hit me, but this time I could only let out a frustrated moan.
I stared at the stars splashing across Scotland's night sky as I felt frustrated and confused. Was this dream a punishment? Was my unconscious screaming at me that I didn't have enough control over my own desires? I was absolutely sure that I had overcome him after the episodes of argument and his threat against me. I did not want anything with such a brute, ungrateful, and impassive man. Did I?
I reflected for several minutes on everything Snape has done since reappearing in my life. Nothing in him made me desire him, at least not after he opened his mouth and his "dog" temper towards me proved to be even worse than in the past. No, I do not desire him.
The image of the girl inside me seemed to emerge in front of me and smile sarcastically as she uttered it out loud:
— We're beyond lies now, Hermione.
— Granger, will that sexy ass of your ex come to our show?
I put out my tongue and faked some effort not to vomit, earning a laugh from Dean, who knew how strange I thought of any of the girls imagining dirty things with Ron. Finally, I smiled at the one who asked me and denied it with my head.
— No, he's not coming. But the Potters are, they will be here today.
— Oh, really?
I confirmed with my head as I smiled, genuine joy invading my chest, I loved the Potter family as if it was my own, and in a way, they were. Harry and I have already stated a hundred times to each other that we are brothers. And he lived up to that "title". While some members of half-blood wizarding families, or entire pure-blood families, resented me for keeping my magic and did not bother to come to attend any of the open magical exhibition sessions the Ministry promoted, Harry drove for three hours, with his wife and children, and stayed the rest of the day just to dine with me, after my hours in the hospital.
I know I'm lucky, and I'm grateful. Even Ron, who we all knew how much it still hurts for him to have had his magical gifts ripped off, but who sometimes, also showed up. He was sulking all the time and distracting himself with his cell phone, but anyway, he was there, even after we had argued that he had put horrible ideas in Molly's head about how much I felt superior for still being a witch, while they were almost "muggles". It's not that Molly treated me badly after that, but she sometimes looked at me with sadness, as if when she saw me, she remembered what the war cost her.
Today was our display back from the summer recess. It was a gesture that the Ministry of Magic made to the wizarding community, our friends and family, to show that even though Magic is now restricted to a few wizards, there is still hope. We performed spells, demonstrated Transfiguration, there was a mini Quidditch match, and we also handed out potions made by ourselves, such as Dreamless Sleep, and even precious drops of Felix Felicis.
After the exhibition we took pictures with the children and even borrowed wands so that they pretended to duel with us for a while.
― Yes, I do not know if Ron will be able to come this season, he embarked for Romania last week. ― I confirmed.
Which, secretly, I thought was great, because I can easily imagine him pissed off at Snape. Ron never forgave him, even with the memories shown by Harry.
— Let me know in advance to put on some makeup in case he manages to come. — The girl laughed.
I laughed back and nodded. I stood and looked at the hundreds of people who stood in the bleachers of the Quidditch pitch. After just a few minutes, I spotted Harry's mess of black hair, Ginny's bright red hair color, and two tiny heads that were covered in hats. Throwing both hands in the air, I waved to my friends I regarded as my family and smiled. Instantly, Harry and Ginny waved back.
— Come on guys, if everyone is ready, let's get started. — Minerva called our attention.
The next two hours passed without a trace of the awkwardness that had been controlling the team since Snape decided to take his bastard attitude to the next level. We all seem to block this from our head, for now, at least. I looked at every corner of the bleaches. I think the fact that I lost my biological family made me an adult who liked to have friends around. I always felt better when they were in the bleaches, and I took all the work we did here at Hogwarts even more seriously. Those people who came to watch us had their hopes placed in us.
The sun seemed even warmer, and my sciatica was bothering me a little, but overall, the display was great. Except that every time I looked at Harry's direction, he was busy looking at Snape with total admiration. I laughed at this fact, because while Harry's fascination is with Snape's person ― not romantically speaking ― apparently, we both have a terrible taste for men.
As soon as the team captained by Dean picked up the Golden Snitch and won the Quidditch match, one of the school's House Elves led the spectators from the bleachers to the field.
It had been more than two months since I last saw the Potters, and I missed them. I saw Harry looking around the field for the only person who really mattered to him at that point and I knew it wasn't me.
— Ginny! ― I extended my arm to her who quickly looked at my dirty workout robes, shrugged and swapping little Albus to the hip, hugged me anyway.
— Mione. — She greeted, as she hugged me tight.
Then I bent down to James's height and hugged him as he screamed.
— No, auntie! You're all dirty!
I hugged him even harder, feeling his chubby little hands hit me on the back, as Ginny smiled.
— I missed you, James. ― I said, splashing kisses all over his sulky face, as he tried to pull away.
When I finally let him go, I looked at Harry's direction. He was with his back to us and was busy looking around the field.
— Hey, Harry? Give me a hug before you ever want to wash your hand again.
With a frightened jump, he turned around and flashed a toothy smile at me. He had grown a short beard and his green eyes, inherited from Lily, were bright.
― I was looking for you! — He said as he opened his arms.
— Oh, what a liar you have become, Harry Potter. — I replied smiling, and hugged him.
Then Harry went off to ask about the spells we had done, made some other comments about the Transfigurations and laughed about the fact that I still hate flying.
— I'm so proud of you. — He said, hugging me again. — You get better every time I see you.
― In fact, I think it is your vision that may be getting worse. ― I joked.
He denied it with his head and finally broke the embrace, keeping his hands on my shoulders.
— You know it is not. You're my personal healer. — Harry replied.
I smiled fondly at him, before noticing a knock next to my leg and when I looked down, I found a little girl, with little James there, the two of them had wands in their hand and looked at me with hopeful eyes. I apologized to my best friend and pretended to duel with the children for a while, then I posed with them for photos. Immediately after them, three other sets of families, most of them girls with their mothers, came and we did the same.
Between the photographs, questions and hugs, I felt incredibly happy. I hated talking to the press because I was nervous and uncomfortable, but these people made me feel genuinely excited, especially when the kids were here too.
I lost track of where the Potters were, but I didn't worry too much; Harry and Ginny knew almost everyone here. Harry was the hero of them all, and he was being as requested as I was.
It must have been thirty minutes later, once I ended up autographing several issues of the Witch Weekly I came out on the cover of; I looked around, trying to find my friends. I saw Harry and Ginny talking to Minerva and Justin and, as I approached them I threw an arm around Harry's shoulders and smiled at him. But what stared at me was a faintly sad smile, which he tried his best to disguise, but which immediately put me on alert.
— What happened? ― I whispered.
— I'm fine. — He whispered back, kissing my cheek. But he didn't seem fine to me. — Minerva was telling us how good all level nine wizards are.
I watched his face carefully, his green eyes had lost all the brightness I saw as soon as I found him on the Quidditch pitch. I knew there was something bothering him. He was just being stubborn because I had noticed. But if he didn't want to say anything at that moment, I wasn't going to force him. I cleared my throat and tried to catch Ginny's gaze, but she looked fine.
— I hope so. As for us, we look great, right Justin?
Justin smiled happily back. Quite the opposite of the look on his face from when he had been scolded by Snape for the idea of a happy hour.
― Definitely.
When Minerva and Justin left and it was just the three of us ― the two children were with Neville and Hannah, ahead of us, trying to catch a golden snitch flying a few inches off the ground ― I nudged Harry's arm and asked:
— What's wrong? Really.
He shook his head, as I knew he would.
— I'm fine, Hermione. How are you? Does your back still hurt? — He asked me. Diverting a conversation was Harry's natural talent.
— What happened? — I insisted, because obstinacy was another trait that he and I had in common.
― Nothing.
Hell of a man! I shook him a few times.
— Will you tell me later? Please?
With two pats on the top of my head, he shook his head once more.
— It's alright. I'm happy to see you, and I'm happy that Minerva let us watch the joint presentation with Castelobruxo in a few weeks.
He wouldn't tell me. That stubborn man! It was useless to argue with him, so I let it be. A few minutes later, the Potter family left and promised to meet me for dinner.
There were still some relatives around, but I had to be in Saint Mungus in half an hour for my duty. So, I collected my backpack and had just uncapped my bottle for a sip of water, when Cho came to meet me and gave me a serious look. Two in a day seemed too much.
— What's going on? — I asked when I saw her expression.
Her lower jaw contracted a little, before she answered me.
― I didn't say anything, because I know you would want to do the honors.
— About what didn't you say anything, Cho? — I asked, alarmed.
Cho put her hands behind her back, a trace of irritation further aggravating her expression. This was a facial feature of hers that I was familiar with. She was trying to control her explosive temper.
— Didn't Harry say anything to you?
I blinked, confused.
― No. About what?
Cho cleared her throat, another sign that something had made her angry.
— I think he went to Snape. — She cleared her throat once again. — I don't know for sure, Hermione, but all I know is that Harry came back from there and his expression seemed as if he had been punched in the stomach.
Patience, Hermione. I took a deep breath.
― You think... — I interrupted myself, so that I would not burst a vein in my eye of so tense that I felt inside. — Was he mean to Harry?
— I think he was. — Cho answered slowly. — I've never seen Harry like that. Which means a lot, in the face of so much he's been through in his life. Especially since earlier Harry was with a look as if Christmas had been anticipated, and then no more.
Patience. Stay calm. Count to ten.
I tried to relieve the tension in my jaw but couldn't, when I noticed, my arms were shaking as I remembered the look on Harry's face. Oh, fuck it! I really tried to calm down, but there were very few times that I got so angry so quickly. I am usually calm and methodical, because I understand that there is always a time and a place, most of the time, to be angry. But now it was not one of them. I took a step forward.
— I can't...
As a good friend, Cho understood that she had no chance to get me out of the precipice of hatred that I had placed myself on. She herself was protective and knew that one should not hurt a person's loved ones, so she just let me go. Later, I would remember that she had said that she preferred to let me do the honors, despite the fact that she had felt like defending Harry's pride as well.
— Just don't hit him in front of everyone! — Cho ordered me as I marched towards... Well, I didn't know where exactly. All I knew was that my fate was where the hell that greasy asshole was.
During the time it took me to find him and the speed of the walk, I calmed down enough to reassert to myself that I couldn't punch him. I also could not and should not call him a coward, because he, in fact, was not one. My goal was just to tear that brute apart. Fuck that son of a bitch.
With my arms still shaking and the beating of my heart teasing me, I found him. He was there, taking care of his own life, looking at some words on a scroll. Loud and solemn and completely oblivious to the fact that he had done harm to one of the most important men in my life. I didn't have to look around me, to see that a potential audience was gathering to watch, because I didn't give a damn. Neither to the public nor to who this man is, or who he had been. He was just an idiot with an attitude problem who had done the unthinkable. It was one thing to be a jerk to me or my team. But he wouldn't hurt Harry's feelings.
— Hey! — I said it loud, the minute I was close enough.
He didn't look at me.
— Hey, you, you idiot.
When the idiot in question looked up, I figured it out that I actually said it out loud. Well, I guess I could have said something much worse, and I wasn't at all sorry at that point.
— Are you talking to me, Granger? — He asked.
I focused on the anger that had inflamed life in my chest, and let the words come out of me.
— Yes, I'm talking to you. Maybe you don't give a damn about helping the team and you want to stay impassive, and that's okay, I accept. If you want to talk shit to us when you know you're not in a position to say anything about people drinking? ― I shot a look that said I wish he remembered what exactly I had done for him, this great hypocrite. — We'll take it too. We'll get over you being rude to us, trust me. We will not lose sleep because of you, but do not treat our friends and family like garbage here. I don't know how it was for you to go back to where it all happened, but here, we are grateful and treat everyone kindly. It doesn't matter if they have lost their powers or not, we will treat them with respect. And especially, it's not allowed to be an idiot with Harry. He thinks you're the best among all of us, he is one of your biggest admirers, and still will you be rude to him? Fuck Merlin! Everyone knows you were nasty to everyone, but I didn't think you were going to be bad to the person who proved to everyone that you were a Dumbledore man to the end! — I sucked a deep breath when I noticed how panting I was. ― All he wanted to do was know how you are and, I don't know, maybe take a picture. He's the best man I know, and he's been talking about seeing you for weeks. Now, Harry left here upset and probably disappointed, thank you for that. I hope that the next time someone approaches you, you may think that two minutes of your time could make a person's whole year.
You fucking brute! I didn't say that, but it was close. I also thought about shaking him with both hands, but I didn't do that either. My fingers flexed on their own on my wand and my molars began to grind together, as we looked at each other in silence.
I thought I was done, but when he winked the surprise in those black eyes, I felt my seventeen-year-old inner self come to life: the girl who had put this man on a pedestal and thought the world was his. I smashed this girl along with any memory of the previous night's dream in a split second, because the adult version of me understood that people changed over the years and now I was not giving a damn if Severus Snape was unique.
He had not been the one who lost the magic and yet sat with me at the magic exhibitions and Triwizard tournaments, nor had he cared for my injuries after the Battle of Hogwarts and teased me about me being grumpy when I was recovering, it was Harry who did it.
I had a list of people I loved and respected, people who had made their way to my heart and deserved my loyalty. And Severus Snape was no one special in what really mattered. He had been my inspiration a long time ago, but he didn't help me to be who I am.
― I recognize that you were one of the pillars that made us win that war more than four years ago, Sir. ― I said 'Sir' as sarcastically as I could. — But for me, Harry is the greatest of all, he is my brother. And the people whose feelings you hurt by not caring to greet them, is someone's best friend or brother, or mother or sister or daughter or son. So, think about it.
Fortunately, I wasn't expecting him to respond, and in the end, it was probably a good thing he didn't. I just withdrew from the field, stomping hard and left him behind.
Nobody stopped me when I left. Minerva stood there as I walked past her with what I recognized to be an impressed look on her face. So that was it, at least I couldn't be kicked out of the Hogwarts team if Minerva herself seemed satisfied with what I had said. But even if she was not satisfied, I could not regret what I had done. If I cannot stand up for what I believe, then I am not the person I have strived to be.
Hours later, when I walked the streets of Hogsmeade and my sciatica hurt so much that I wanted to cry, I still felt agitated, irritated. I sat down at the Three Broomsticks and listened to the three voicemails I had in my mailbox while waiting for Harry and Ginny.
The first was from Dean: "Hermione, I still can't believe you said those things to Snape, but they were the most beautiful things I've ever heard come out of someone's mouth. I'm proud of you, and I love you even more after that."
The second was from one of the girls I wasn't particularly close to, she was one of those who was involved in the episode happy hour episode, and laughed so hard that it looked like she was dying before saying the phrase: "You're really the golden girl."
The third was from Cho: "I always knew you have steel ovaries in your body, but damn it, I almost cried. Let me know when you want to go out to celebrate that you ate Snape's ass out."
The messages served to cheer me up more, and almost forget the pain that bothered me. I didn't say anything to Harry that night when he arrived at the pub, and I gave him two strong hugs that, as usual, made him gasp.
And, if I was worried about whether the staff would be upset about what I had said the day before, it was a waste of mental and emotional effort. Some of the new members gave me discreet pats when I showed up, but it was the hug Minerva gave me that finally relaxed me. Nothing would come from her.
I raised my head high and didn't put any extra effort into pretending Snape existed. The only time our glances met, I let my eyes linger for a second longer in his, before looking elsewhere. People say not to make eye contact with dangerous animals, so they don't see you as a threat, but I just turned on the "fuck it"; I wasn't anyone's bitch, especially not Snape's. I wasn't going to stand by and let this bastard make my brother feel discouraged. Harry had acted normal when we went out to dinner, but my gut knew his feelings had been hurt.
When I happened to fall to the ground during a fierce duel with Dean, right at Snape's feet, I stood up, cleaned my robes, and stared him eye to eye, before returning to what I was doing.
Thinking about Harry made me make sure I did the right thing. And although Justin and I never talked about the episode of the happy hour, the look he gave me after that fateful day had convinced me that he had said something to defend the girls Snape had treated poorly. And when I stood up for Harry and also, in some way, for every person he mistreated, Justin knew we were in this together. Not that we were going to abandon training or demand Snape's departure, but the point was that no one deserves this kind of treatment.
And there was so much to be done. I needed to go back to my research on the family trees and their missing members. And yet I needed to meet with Hannah to investigate her family, I had to keep my thoughts about finding the solution to the genealogical puzzle in front of me and not about the man full of dark nuances and shitty temper, who was my advisor.
I had to forget him.
Final Notes
Well, I hope no one kills me for making Hermione throw more truths at his face. What can we do? This woman is a lioness!
And who liked the dream?
Any mistake in this chapter is entirely my responsibility, okay? But to meet the deadline with you, I decided to post, even without review. Forgive me. Cheers!
Translation by Jessinthedungeons.
